As some of you may already know from reading some of my other posts, my wife and I, along with our four children have reverted to Islam. My sons are 15, 13, 10 and 6. My eldest two sons chose to revert, whereas the younger two, because of their age, are now being raised as Muslims and did not make the choice themselves. That said, neither of the youngest two have voiced any real opposition to Islam or the changes in our lives anyway. I thought I'd just make that clear.
My question concerns the wearing of topees (I think that is the correct spelling?). My eldest two boys (through choice) and my youngest son (due to us telling him) wear a topi to school, around the house, when out with friends, and of course during prayer. However, my 10 year old son refuses to wear one at all except during prayer when he knows he must. I know it is optional to wear one at other times, but I think it sets a good example (that's my opinion, I know some may disagree, which is fine).
Naturally, I do not want to force him as that may produce resentment. So, I'd like to ask what people here think I should do? Any advice is welcome.
Thanks for taking the time to help me.
Asalaamu Alaikum, Mashallah congratulations my brother that is so beautiful that you and your whole family has reverted. Thank Allah abundantley.
My brother it is a wonderful thing that you want your children to wear the topi in order for them to be indentified as Muslims wherever they go. But since this is such a big change for the family it is more difficult for some to adjust to change than others. Therefore you should continue to encourage your family and children in a gentle manner using wisdom and tact.
The following are 10 tips for you:
1. Take your wife and children to Islamic talks and lectures as much as is possible. If not then you can get Islamic lectures off of the internet or DVD or even on Islamic channels on Sky which you can watch together even if for a short while everyday.
2. Everyday even if its for a short while get a good and reliable book like
"Riyad us Saaliheen" by Imam Nawawi (RA) and read a page or on a particular topic each day even for 15- 20 mins. Doing something small often is better than doing something big sometimes.
3. Take your children to the Masjid for Fard prayers as much as is possible. If the Masjid is too far then at least take them as much as you can. If not you can pray at home with you leading your family in Jamaat (Congregation). For this you should do Adhaan at home so your family would know it is prayer time so they can make wudu and pray with you.
4. Establish firm rules for praying Salaah especially with children as the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) encouraged parents to be firm on children by the time they are 7 to pray their Salaah. So talk about the importance of Salaah to your family quite often.
5. Try to get your children to attend Qur'an classes so that they may learn to recite Qur'an., The younger they are the easier it will be for them to learn. Encourage them to do hifdh (Memorize Qur'an) as it is easier at an earlier age and is a great blessing in this world and the hereafter.
6. Encourage your children to learn about Islam. Like pick a topic to talk about once weekly like on weekends. Talk about it and then test your children on it by devising a simple test on papaer and then mark it and reward them at the end.
7. Play fun games with your children where they can have fun and learn about Islam at the same time. Be innovative!
8. Talk to your children as much as possible about the life of the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and about stories and examples from his life, his character, mercy and what an amazing human being he really was.
9. Once your children have developed an awe and love for him then make them want to follow his example as much as possible. Make them realise that he is our role model to follow in life and not these fake celebrities and rap stars on the media.
Encourage your children to follow the examples and Sunnah's of our Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) as much as is possible. Encourage them to have deep love for our Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and to want to emulate him in every aspect of his life. This will be a good way to encourage your 10 year old to follow the examples, dress and behaviour of our Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) so that he may eventually wear the topi out of his own accord.
10. Also make much dua for your family and children as Allah certainly listens to the dua of the father for his children. But remember you can only do your best as a parent and however your children turn out in the future you must never them get in the way of you worshipping and pleasing your creator.
May Allah give you and your wife and children the best of this world and the hereafter. Ameen
Hope these tips helped. Thought i would also include a fatwa about the legal status of wearing a topi in Islam:
In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Wearing a hat (Qalansuwa in Arabic) is the Sunnah of our blessed Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), Sahaba (Allah be pleased with them all) and the great scholars and pious predecessors of this Ummah.
There are many evidences which support this. Just to mention a few:
1) Abdullah Ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) used to wear a white hat
(Recorded by Tabrani).
2)
Hasan al-Basri (Allah be pleased with him) says: “The people (Sahaba-Allah be pleased with them all) used to perform Sajdah (prostration) upon their turbans and hats (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1/151).
3)
Rukanah (Allah be pleased with him) says, I heard the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) say: “The difference between us and the polytheists is, wearing the turban over the hat” (Sunan Abu Dawud, 4075 & Sunan Tirmizi, 3919).
4) In the
‘Musannaf’ of Ibn Abi Shaybah, the wearing of a hat is reported from Ali ibn al-Husain, Abdullah ibn Zubair, Dahhak and Abu Musa (Allah be pleased with them all).
It is clear from the above that wearing a hat is a Sunnah. It has been the practise of the Ummah throughout history, and has become one of the symbols of Islam.
The great Hanafi jurist, Mullah Ali al-Qari (Allah have mercy on him) states that the wearing of the hat has become one of the salient symbols of Islam.
(Mirqat al-Masabih, vol.8 pg.246).
Due to the above, the scholars mention that even though, not wearing a hat can not be classed as unlawful (haram), as it is a Sunnah, but due to the fact that it has become one of the signs of Islam, it is generally undesirable to keep the head exposed. One should try to keep the head covered whenever reasonably possible.
And Allah knows best
Sheikh Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester, UK
Source: http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/topi.htm
Here are some free Islamic resources for kids
http://www.ad-duha.org/freezone/index.html
Islamic Books for children:
http://www.ad-duha.org/html/book_store.html
http://www.iqra.org/index/items.asp?Cc=CHIL&Bc=
Bringing up Children In Islam: (
http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=167)
Ideal Mother: (
http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=571)
The Ideal Father: (
http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=1427)
A wonderful E book for New Muslims and children:
Islam: Beliefs and teachings
http://www.islamicbulletin.org/free_downloads/kids/islam_children.pdf
I have also provided various links of Islamic resources for you:
1.
Essential Islamic Knowledge Author: By Qadi Thanaullah Panipati
ISBN: 1-872531-34-2 Islamic Foundation – Lecister:
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=37
OR
The Absolute Essentials of Islam (9780972835848) by Shaikh Faraz Rabbani
Used for new Muslims in the Sunnipath Online course
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=684
One of the two books listed in red above is a must for new Muslims before any other book.
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3.
The Compendium Of Knowledge And Wisdom by Ibn Rajab Hanbali (RAH), Commentery of Imam Nawawis 40+ hadith, Turath Publishing:
http://www.onlineislamicstore.com/b9411.html
4.
Ash Shifa (Muhammad: Messenger of Allah) by Qadi 'Iyad, translated by Aisha Bewley
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?manufacturers_id=31&products_id=76
and
Muhammad His Life based on the Earliest Sources by Martin Lings
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=280
5.
Manners In Islam (Al-Adabal-Mufrad) (11-HAD0017) by Imam Bukhari (RAH)
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=556
6.
Hisnul Muslim: Fortress of the Muslim
Compiled and referenced by: Sa'eed Ibn Wahf Al-Qahtaani.
Pocket size Dua book for all occasions. Contains the basic duas that every Muslim should know.
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=1154
Other additonal books one may like to refer to are as follows in order to develop ones understanding of deen:
1.
Aqaid at Tahawhiyaa - The Creed Of Imam Al-Tahawi,
Translated by Shaikh Hamza Yusuf, Zaytuna Institute
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=1821
2.
Prayers For Forgiveness by Hasan Al Basri (PB)(9780972835817)
Small Classical compilation of supplication, translated by Mufti Abdur Rahman Ibn Yusuf
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=762
3.
Differences of Imams
Codification of fiqh in simple terms and its relation to the hadith.
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=517
4.
Bidah & The Salaf's Worship
authored by Maulana Abu al-Hasanat Abd al-Hayy Lucknawi (RH) and edited by
Shaikh Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddah (RH)
http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/product_info.php?products_id=397
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If you are in London and want to learn more, Try this institute and attend part time studies
http://www.ebrahimcollege.org.uk
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In absence of qualified scholars to learn from, try the online base courses
The online courses are designed for the New Muslim in mind.
In the absence of a suitable venue, learned teacher or facility to utilise the following internet based learning method which combines traditional methodolgy with modern technology can be used:
http://seekersguidance.org/
http://www.shariahprogram.ca/
http://blog.sunnipath.com/2008/01/27...r-new-muslims/
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Try the following links for future Q&A if you have no access to a qualified scholar:
1.
www.daruliftaa.com
2.
http://seekersguidance.org
3.
www.sunnipath.com
4.
www.askimam.org
These articles wil help you to maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday so you can get closer to Allah inshallah:
10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html (10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith))
30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...eir-lives.html (30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!)
Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...vy-scales.html (Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!)
My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html (My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!)
10 steps to getting closer to Allah
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ser-allah.html (10 steps to getting closer to Allah)
Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!)
VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)
How much we will regret the precious seconds we wasted in this world!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners...-regret-precious-seconds-we-wasted-world.html
Wasting Time is worse than Death!
http://www.islamicboard.com/general/134303410-wasting-time-worse-than-death.html
The Effects of Good deeds will remain forever!!!
http://www.islamicboard.com/general/134303409-effects-good-deeds-will-remain-forever.html
Want to see the REAL appearance of Almighty Allah everyday?
http://www.islamicboard.com/general/134303154-want-see-real-appearance-almighty-allah-everyday.html
Here are some very beneficial lectures to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:
AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc
Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ
Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA
HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc
Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE
Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo
How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg
If you need further advice or any help at all then please do not hesitate to ask. Please also mention me in your dua's.
And Allah knows best in all matters
