Compromising deen for marriage

[nature]

Jazakhallah for the input. Wen i put the thread up, i was just forward thinking, cos i knew the probability was a cultural person.

I know of a man who was not religious at all, he wasn't a bad man, he was a decent human being, but did not practise Islam properly. He got married and everything changed.

Im sure all of us have been there, where weve not practised. I have. but the thing is it takes a strong woman, esp in their imaan to guide someone else, especially a man. and no offense, but its harder for a woman to teach a man and put up with his tantrums.

See if that person can change before u marry them so u want be in a pickle or marry someone who has strong faith someone who you would want to be a great example in life for your children to take after and someone who can help you to become stronger in faith and bring you closer to Allah.

Your right, ive seen marriages fail where women think they can change their husbands. I think wen the person doesnt have deen instilled within them, then they get a wife whos forcing him to pray etc, then it makes the person resentful of religion and it shouldnt be like that.

In the situation described in the original post, I would not marry someone in the hope that they would change their ways. I would recommend waiting to find a nice practicing brother with the help of your wali, and then get married. If it takes a little longer than you would like then be patient insha'allah, but it is better to wait until a poius brother comes along then to marry someone in the hope that you can change them.

I actually did get a proposal few weeks back, I refused straightaway, hes not practising. Wats even more disgusting, is wen the family found out that this was an important thing to me, all of a sudden he does pray and fasts ? Some people will lie, & are not bothered about the truth or even have fear of allah, wen lying about something so important. This guy would have potentially ruined my life, cos they were being false over something so important to me. It really disgusts me that nowadays, people treat marriage as a joke.

Sister, You would be taking a huge risk in marrying someone who is not particularly faithful to the deen. It's a common misconception that you can change another person. He will only change if he wants to change himself. It could be difficult for him to make all of those re-adjustments in his life to fit it in the way that is proper. It's a similar story told here in the U.S. culture. A lot of women like to like to date "bad guys" in hopes that they can change them into a good guy and it usually doesn't work out. I have an aunt who was in a situation like this and it ended badly for her. I think that it's good if you want to help him try and rediscover his faith but it could take a while and may not be the best use of your time within a marriage. I believe if you wait a little bit longer and keep it in your prayers, you will find a pious man who will and follow the deen, inshallah.

Im all for helping people, but deen needs to be there in the first place. from wat ive seen cultural people dont really care for religion. & thinking back i dont think anyone wants to be lectured, that person should want to follow islam cos they believe and want to not be forced too. Sorry to hear of what your aunt went through, sadly it happens, i know a lot of young girls that have been through the same. Anyway no1 could see why it was such a big deal that he doesnt do salah or anything,but allah is the best of planners, and im sure he has a plan for us all.

would you take a bit of hell? strange question but thats how i view compromise all unislamic matters make life a living hell and then we die, guess what happns next?

Straight to the point! Ive made a mental note of this, and im gona use it as my answer, next time some1 tells me religion doesnt matter-jazakhallah.

:wa:

 

[innocent]

Salam sister. I would not compromise on deen. I am actually married but if I wasnt married I would definitely try and find someone who was practising. I know how difficult it is living with a spouse that does not practice the deen and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that. Its not nice especially for the children.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Hmm... tough one. What about a person who is religious but their aqeedah is dodgy... like they believe staunchly in celebrating mawlid un nabi and other issues like that.

 

[nature]

Salam sister. I would not compromise on deen. I am actually married but if I wasnt married I would definitely try and find someone who was practising. I know how difficult it is living with a spouse that does not practice the deen and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that. Its not nice especially for the children.

Your right, a cultural marriage wud kill me, every1 else cant see the big deal, but if hes not committed to fajr then how is he goin 2 be committed to me ? if there is no deen, there is no fear of allah, so i'd ratha just leave it.

Hmm... tough one. What about a person who is religious but their aqeedah is dodgy... like they believe staunchly in celebrating mawlid un nabi and other issues like that.

if they were religious, and followed the quran/sunnah, then they wud know such practises are forbidden right ? I got in2 a discussion with an auntie about this, and i got called a wahabi, cos i called these practises biddah, if i sed that to a husband, I dont think he wud take it well, being lectured on religious issues.

:wa:

 

[malaka]

I would say do not do it. Prior to me reverting to Islam I was Christian and married to non-Christian/non-Muslim (non-believer). He allowed me to go to church and practice my religion, but had no interest in my religion whatsoever. Actually at times would make fun of it. We had children, who went to church with me until they were preteen in which at that time, they said dad does not go to church, dad does not pray, dad does not read the Bible, dad does not believe in God and they quit going to church. Dad did not make them go to church and his views and beliefs rubbed off on them. They believe in no religion at all not, Christianity and not Islam or even the Jewish religion. Rather they are now unbelievers too.

Your children if you have boys and perhaps even girls will see what their father does and may imitate that. Can you afford to bring children into this kind of environment. It is up to Allah to guide us, but Allah also tells us in the Quran not to marry non-blievers and for the Muslim woman not to marry a non-Muslim. There must be a reason for this (Allah knows best).

I am now a Muslim and I am deeply saddened that I have a spouse that is non-Mulsim and non-believer and that my children are non-believers as well. All I can do is pray for them that Allah will have mercy on them and guide them, only Allah knows if they will ever embrace Islam and again all I can do is pray for them now. It is a very sad thing to be a mom to children who do not beleive in Allah and it is very hard for me to live with, but it is to Allah I belong and to Allah that I shall return to. This is true for all of us, we will all answer to Allah in the end.

Do yourself a favor and find a good Muslim husband to have your children with. Not only will this benefit you, but it will benefit your spouse and your offspring, insha'Allah. Allah knows best.

 

[Little_Lion]

I too am married to a non-Muslim. I reverted after marriage, and Allah in His wisdom at least gave me a husband who is very, VERY supportive of my conversion, as he is a good Christian. He is nothing but respectful toward Islam, the Qur'an, the Prophets (saw), and other Muslims. This is not to say it is not easy, however. To make my reversion easier on the household I have been introducing Allah's ways gradually (my prayer rug and qibla compass should arive tomorrow, insha'Allah, YAY! ), but it's the little things you don't think about that can give a non-practicing husband pause. Nope, sorry hon, I need a plain pizza because the meat-lovers has pork! I know it's the weekend, but my first prayer is at 6 AM, s yes, I must set the alarm. I know it's very nice out today, but yes, I must cover my head. Things like that.

One who has the option should always marry a good, practicing Muslim, IMHO. I definitely will not divorce mine, as I truly believe Allah brought us together . . . if it was not for him, I may not have come to the Truth at all, as circumstances occurred! But I make da'wah to him every day and show him by example how beautiful an Islamic life is, and insha'Allah someday he may come to the Truth as well.