Marriage query

[anonymous]

salaam

I was reading the post Started by nshah about love and marriage

I am also in the process of getting to know wa person to marry - Now i read By Brother hamza that talking to the person on the phone is allowed but how are you supposed to get to know a person and whether he is right for you -

I have never met him on my own and dont intend too but sometimes its hard to ask questions face to face with a third person there cos you feel shy so its better to do it on the phone - I just want to know what kind of a person he is - what he likes , what he wants for a wife - what his parents are like - etc etc , i give him sinarioes of what he would do in a particular situation and vice versa -
is this not right??

there family cant always come to our house also becaause he works quite late sometimes and sometimes he dosest have time - and they wants a decision quite quickly -

 

[tigerkhan]

sorry i am not cleared about what actually u want to ask.
if u are saying that u want to know about a person , who had send proposal for u. so there are many ways, i dont know ur cultural values but u can call him, and if u feel its difficult then u may seek help from some common person btw u and him. and if u are feeling bit reluctant whether its right or not, i strongly blv it would be better that u should have cleared all the things in ur mind b4 marriage, there is nothing bad in it.

 

[Muhaba]

what a person thinks he/she will do in any particular situation is not necessariy what he/she will actually do, so asking him what he will do won't really tell you much about him, imo, except to know what he aspires to do. it might be better to ask him what he did in a certain situation. that might tell youmore about what he is like. you canhave a mahram ask these questions. basically, when a mahram talks to the prospective, the prospective is more serious and doesn't play games. men tend to play games with women as they think we are weaker and they can do it. if the guy is just a player, he will only break your heart if he talks to ou directly. if he talks to your mahram then if he is serious about marrying, he will do it the right way. otherwise, he'll get scared off and leave. which is better in the long run.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

salaam

I was reading the post Started by nshah about love and marriage

I am also in the process of getting to know wa person to marry - Now i read By Brother hamza that talking to the person on the phone is allowed but how are you supposed to get to know a person and whether he is right for you -

I have never met him on my own and dont intend too but sometimes its hard to ask questions face to face with a third person there cos you feel shy so its better to do it on the phone - I just want to know what kind of a person he is - what he likes , what he wants for a wife - what his parents are like - etc etc , i give him sinarioes of what he would do in a particular situation and vice versa -
is this not right??

there family cant always come to our house also becaause he works quite late sometimes and sometimes he dosest have time - and they wants a decision quite quickly -

Asalaamu Alaikum, My sister whatever Allah has ordained on us is the best for us. The majority of relationships that begin usually do so by both couples talking together alone. Therefore in order to avoid such a situation from ever occuring a non married couple cannot talk to each other whilst they are alone because shaythan is always third party with them in their conversation:

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam) forbade men and women from being alone together. He said: “Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them.”

Therefore it is not permissable for any non married couple to talk with each other whilst they are alone whether that be on the phone or in person. Even by e mail your mahram should be CC'd so that he is in the middle of your conversations. There is no need to be shy about asking relevant questions infront of your family or mahram.

You should have contentment and peace in your heart that you are going about marriage in the way which is pleasing to Allah. Surely it is Allah who will find you your right partner so do you think he will not be happy if you are going about marriage in a way that is pleasing to him?

So my sister do not let shaythan fool you into thinking that you need to be alone when talking to a potential. He is only telling you to do so because he wants to be the third person in your conversations. Surely it is better for your mahram to be third person in your conversations than shaythan.

And Allah knows best in all matters