Help needed.... Being blackmailed

[Maryan0]

muwaaaa

I know I felt terrible that she killed herself.. she lost everything sob7an Allah..



the one who proposed to me after a series of turn downs especially after her death actually ended up marrying a pretty nice girl and I think he sincerely repented too.. I don't know though why in my heart I can't forgive what became of that other girl especially that she was 17 and he was 23.. much too young and I know she couldn't think of a way out..

sob7an Allah

I don't blame you I don't think I would be able to forgive either. I wouldnt be able to forgive myself if I were him.
Salam

 

[Milad10]

Her family asked for my hand in marriage...

 

[جوري]

Her family asked for my hand in marriage...

I think you need to sit down with yourself and assess the situation.. it is in your hand solely .. you could potentially ruin two people's lives here.. one who loves you and one who trusts you.. of the two I think the one who trusts you at least deserves your complete honesty.. and the one who loves deserves that you reciprocate and do the right thing!


And Allah swt knows best

 

[Ghazalah]

If you want to go through with this new arranged marriage, you need to tell her and see if she's still willing to go through with it.

Hmmm, if Allah is concealing our sins then shouldn't we also? :hmm: I do understand the idea that you should tell her as there should be no deception when entering a marriage, however say for example the first girl does leave you alone, you have moved on with your life, telling the wife of your past will only build insecurities, no? Or am I just seeing this in a whole different way? :mmokay:

 

[جوري]

Hmmm, if Allah is concealing our sins then shouldn't we also? :hmm: I do understand the idea that you should tell her as there should be no deception when entering a marriage, however say for example the first girl does leave you alone, you have moved on with your life, telling the wife of your past will only build insecurities, no? Or am I just seeing this in a whole different way? :mmokay:

you're seeing it in the form that we should conceal our sins and I agree.. except in this case there is a whole other being that we're not considering.. Maybe he moved on with his life but she clearly hasn't .. doesn't every repentant life deserve a chance? If he doesn't want her, he should at least secure as he has for himself that she has moved on found someone and is able to marry.. but the reality is he can potentially walk away from this untainted whereas she will be for life, the mere fact that she wants to expose such a sin knowing full well it will be known to the world denotes that she really feels she doesn't have much to lose at this stage..

and Allah swt knows best

 

[Ansariyah]

:wa:

I wouldn't really advice marrying her, especially if she hasn't repented and she's not a good girl.

Wat does that make him? Just as Bad! Open ur eyes, stop laying the blame only on the girl!

As far as she's concerned she has repented - She wants to turn something haraam into halal.

So? Wat is wrong with that? That requires courage, but u trying to sneak away now u had ur fun makes u a messed up Coward!

 

[aadil77]

I am willing to go so far to say our OP is from Egypt.. the story almost repeats itself daily..Why these girls think they can land themselves a guy by doing this is beyond me, but what is even more disgusting is that I haven't come across one not a single one that has done the honorable thing after committing such a sin!

I'm pretty sure his origins are pakistani, his wife to be is probably from pakistan, everything is probably arranged and the girl probably doesn't have much of a choice but to accept her parents wishes. Sad, but this is how it goes with a lot of pakistani families in this country

 

[Maryan0]

^ Coward is kind of harsh. I'm really feeling bad for the brother he's being berated quite harshly on this topic.
Salam

 

[Milad10]

We are of both south asian desent, both UK.

 

[جوري]

I agree that I am harsh too.. I just feel really bad for the other girl, especially that she's not here to give us her side of things and as I said once I was in a situation where I learned the other party killed herself.. She is a human being too who's being tossed aside like garbage.. and I feel that even if he did the right thing and married her he'd treat her badly on several accounts.
1- he's already professed he neither has love nor respect for her
2- she has threatened a tender thing that is blossoming no one wants to leave the concept of perfection for something tainted even if they have contributed to it
3- something between them is obviously broken..

but in the end where does all this leave the other girl? and the what of the girl who is about to be deceived that her chastity is met with the same?

 

[Milad10]

Believe me, I know

Wat does that make him? Just as Bad! Open ur eyes, stop laying the blame only on the girl!



So? Wat is wrong with that? That requires courage, but u trying to sneak away now u had ur fun makes u a messed up Coward!

 

[Tyrion]

^ Coward is kind of harsh. I'm really feeling bad for the brother he's being berated quite harshly on this topic.

Yeah, I think you have a point. He understands that he did something wrong, so maybe we should focus on giving him advice without making him feel worse...

 

[Cabdullahi]

A tale of two frogs


A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them
fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit
was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The
two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit
with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop,
that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took
heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down
and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again,
the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He
jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the
other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to
them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the
entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:

1. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it
through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes
to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your
path. The power of words... it is sometimes hard to understand
that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak
words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in
difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time
to encourage another.

Author Unknown

 

[Ansariyah]

Believe me, I know

As my brother in Islam, I owe you truth. I am not trying to kick you when your down. I am trying to help!

Allah can forgive you both if you sincerely repent. InshaAllah continue sincerely repenting. Allah is most mercyfull Most forgiving.

I'm not saying you have to marry her. That choice is entirely upto you. But is it a good way to start marriage with another girl when one has bad feelings for you in her heart?
You need to try and resolve these issues. So that watever you do with your life, you wont have someone somewhere out there who wishes you unhappiness.

 

[جوري]

A tale of two frogs


A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them
fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit
was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The
two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit
with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop,
that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took
heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down
and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again,
the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He
jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the
other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to
them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the
entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:

1. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it
through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes
to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your
path. The power of words... it is sometimes hard to understand
that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak
words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in
difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time
to encourage another.

Author Unknown

I really liked this story Jazaka Allah khyran..

 

[Asiyah3]

Wat does that make him? Just as Bad! Open ur eyes, stop laying the blame only on the girl!

I said I can't advice marrying her if she hasn't repented and if she isn't a good girl. At this time we didn't know yet that the girl had repented. Then, the brother informed us she had.

Since she has repented and wants to make things halal, I agree with you the brother should definitely take responsibility for his deed and marry the girl he was with.

 

[Abu Zainab]

Brother Milad10 I can tell from your posts and the way you handled all the thrashing you got on this thread that you are a good guy with a good heart.

In my humble opinion there are two scenarios to this situation:

1. From one of your post it could be understood that you were just being a friend to this girl and she practically lured you into committing this sin in order to blackmail you (which really seems to be a far-fetched assumption). If this is true, we all know what your future actions should be.

2. But if what happened between you two happened because of carelessness and being alone (which is haram in itself) then you should really sit down and think with a cool mind. Would you really want to destroy this girl's life? I mean you liked her enough to be with her for so long so what's wrong with her now.

And if you two DO get married, treat her fairly and start a new pious life as if nothing has happened.

 

[nature]

you've been given good advice, up2 you, what you do with it. I think you should at least tell the potential wife, in confidence. Its up2 her then isnt it ? she mite still wana go ahead, if shes knows you've repented every1 makes mistakes. if you stay quite what if this other girl comes and spoil things after the wedding ?? think how hurt your wife/family would be ?? its a massive thing 4 a girl to be decieved, & you dont really wana start your marriage off in a bad way. Its easy for guys to move on, but not 4 girls. Rather than announce it to the whole world, you can fix this.

what are your inclinations ?? what do you wana do ?? who do you wana marry ? is there chance with the first one ?? shes obviously hurting, so nip that in the bud, if there isnt.

Just dont expect to sit back and do nothing and everything to be ok, cos it wont.

:wa:

 

[ghost]

My understanding is that in regards to marriage, one is not allowed to ask the other about their past - marriage is supposed to be a new start, a new life for the couple. The replies in this thread are based on their own personal feelings and not from Quran and sunnah.

If the guy has repented then it is for Allah, and Allah alone to judge him, not you lot. Similarly if the woman in question has repented then it is for Allah to judge her and Allah alone. The very fact that you all are judging him and telling him what to do proves that you lot think best. Marriage is a blessing and if Allah Wills that a man who has committed zina 1000 times is to marry the most pious woman on the planet then so be it.

Thirdly, the woman in this scenario is not innocent. Just because the guy may appear to be more in wrong does not exonerate the woman from sin. It takes two to commit zina and she was a willing participant. It speaks to her character that she is willing to destroy the guy's relationship with his family in order to get what she wants. Sure he should take some responsibility for his actions but so should she! They both need to accept what they've done is wrong and repent to Allah - and that is what they both have (apparently) done. Don't you see that this is the most important thing?

This life is a test, and a temporary one at that. These two have failed a test and have committed zina. Similarly us lot who are looking in from the outside are being tested on how we react to such news. You're all feeling sorry for the wife-to-be, have I missed something? Do you all suddenly possess the power to see the future? This guy may turn out to be the best possibly husband for this woman, who are you to deny that? Allah knows best, not you. Also just because she wears a piece of cloth over her head doesn't make her Miss Religious. And if it turns out that she is pious then she would know about Isthikaar (oh and by the way, what is Isthikaar, ah yes, asking Allah for guidance).

The act of zina is haraam, it is a great sin no doubt. The act of repentance however is a greater good and Allah loves those who repent - this isn't an excuse to sin but rather one who sins then repents is doing so due to fear of Allah. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying what the guy should or shouldn't do, he should seek someone knowledgable in Islam to answer that, someone who can guide him using examples from the Quran and sunnah, not some personal feelings from angry elitist women (and for some reason, guys) on an internet forum.

My Islamic advice to you - guy - is to perform Isthikaar and to tell your wife-to-be to do the same. Seek a Sheikh or a Scholar in Islam regarding your initial query.

 

[aadil77]

My understanding is that in regards to marriage, one is not allowed to ask the other about their past - marriage is supposed to be a new start, a new life for the couple. The replies in this thread (which are mostly from women surprise, surprise), are based on their own personal feelings and not from Quran and sunnah. How does it feel sitting on your high horses, kicking a guy when he is down? Especially since he is (apparently) repenting for the sin he committed.

Your understanding is wrong. There are two scholarly opinions on this subject based upon the following Qur'an verse:

The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers. 24:3

Some scholars say that the fornicator should tell the spouse-to-be that he is unchaste in order to prevent future problems in the marriage if he has any decency in him. For all we know the guy could go and marry a woman with a 'newstart', deceive her into thinking he was a good chaste boy, a couple years down the line the woman he slept with may decide to come a ruin his life, this does happen only for the marriage to fall apart, you can read a few cases on this forum.

This life is a test, and a temporary one at that. These two have failed a test and have committed zina. Similarly us lot who are looking in from the outside are being tested on how we react to such news. You're all feeling sorry for the wife-to-be, have I missed something? Do you all suddenly possess the power to see the future? This guy may turn out to be the best possibly husband for this woman, who are you to deny that? Allah knows best, not you. Also just because she wears a piece of cloth over her head doesn't make her Religious. And if it turns out that she is pious then she would know about Isthikaar (oh and by the way, what is Isthikaar, ah yes, asking Allah for guidance).

Yeh and if by some chance the woman finds out his past and her life becomes ruined are you going to come running to save their marriage? She has to live with a man who slept with other women for the rest of her life.

The act of zina is haraam, it is a great sin no doubt. The act of repentance however is a greater good and Allah loves those who repent - this isn't an excuse to sin but rather one who sins then repents is doing so due to fear of Allah. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying what the guy should or shouldn't do, he should seek someone knowledgable in Islam to answer that, someone who can guide him using examples from the Quran and sunnah, not some personal feelings from angry elitist women (and for some reason, guys) on an internet forum.

Zina is no ordinary sin like taking drugs etc, this is the one of the few sins that cause permanent damage - losing your chastity. Repenting or not he can never gain his chastity back.