"What if everything you've ever been told is wrong?" (I'll come back to this in the end)
Well, I am back and I have to say that it was an enlightening experience. I was REALLY nervous at first, almost to the point of puking when I first got there. I went in the bathroom first thing and literally almost threw up right there, I was so nervous, but I perservered. I've been given a lot to think about over the next few days. I haven't taken the shahada yet but I feel like I am closer to that than ever. I still want to learn a bit more and make an informed choice instead of just jumping into something ignorantly and then deciding that I really don't want to do it.
Anyway, I met the brother and we ended up talking for about two hours. I told him why I was there and what I was looking for; pretty much my whole life story and why I am looking at Islam as a solution. He gave me a lot to think about, in particular one thing he said resonated with me. I was talking about how I don't have any idea as to what my purpose in life is and why I am here, and he said that we are all created by Allah solely to worship Him. Now I have never even thought about that being my purpose in life, but maybe I've been looking at this whole thing all wrong. I've been trying to find something tangible, something I can look at and say "yeah, this is me; this is who I am." But maybe I can't do that. Maybe I'm not supposed to do that. I have to admit that that one thing right there really makes a lot of sense to me right now as I type this.
I'll admit that I'm still a little scared, but not so much of Islam anymore. I'm more worried now about what my family and friends are going to think when I tell them I've converted (which I admit that I am pretty close to doing now). But, I figure I can worry about that later. For now I want to keep educating myself and learning all that I can about this way of life. I told the brother that if I do this, I want to do it right, and do it for real, and not just half commit and then back out. He gave me a lot of stuff to read and gave me his card and said I could call him if I had any questions. He even invited me to a few events they are having this weekend, so I might go check those out. I want to surround myself with the Islamic lifestyle and really see how much of a difference it can make in someone's life.
I feel more at peace now than I did before I went in there. It's like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. No, I am not a Muslim yet, but my eyes are open and my ears are listening. I appreciate all the prayers and support from those who offered it. I think I've taken a big step into a larger world. I think that finally the darkness is fading, but I'm not there yet. Maybe everything I have been told my whole life IS wrong. This is something I have to digest, and I admit it may take a little while...
Tonight I will pray to Allah and ask Him to guide me closer to Him...
TL-DR - Met with the brother at the masjid and gained a lot more understanding. Not a Muslim yet, but will probably be one soon.
I expect that you shall get a good reception most brothers at the Masjid will be glad to help in any way possible! Let us know how it goes!
So , read Quran , ask God to help u.