Marriage

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He says I should look for deen like our prophet taught us not money so I'm wrong. But I don't want money I just want to be stable which y I waited two years for him to save and he didn't save a penny but got into more debt. I mashallah saved a bit and brought a car which he doesn't have, so we can see my family when I like as well as performed umrah. I've said before that we get our own place and I will work and we save the money I earn and eventually buy a house in full. His sister husband doesn't earn much but is able to pay all bills and mortgage and so can I if he let me budget his money 4 him. I have money saved and after marriage I wanted to clear his credit card so that he doesn't pay harmful interest. Maybe it's me I put a lot of pressure on him 2 save.

No he wants to live with inlaws as he loves his mum too much - but with his younger brothr who will marry soon and his sister who comes round everyday with her two children i feel is too much i need my space -which why i agreed to live with his aunty who is disbaled but its better than living with his family.

he says im too concerned about money which is not true i just want to be stable for a future i also want a decent husband who has deen and where i can become a better muslim.

when looking for a partner should we also look at financial stability or is deen enough?

i will perform isitkhara next week inshallah
 
Sister, in light of your last couple of posts, I would be inclined to say don't marry him. That is just my opinion.

It's not against Islam to want stability. A person who spends his own friend's money when he is asked to save it, is foolish and selfish (not to mention acting against Islam). Honestly? I'd say that is a red flag.
 
1/4 goes towards loans and credit cards - so debt basically
1/4 goes for househould billls and phone bills etc.
he also gives around £50 to islamic charity. rest he just spends on take away food or buys his little neice something just useless things.
 
he spent his friends money before he became religious. i would like to say he didnt steal it but just spent some here and there with the intention to obviously put it back, but it got out of control how much he spent. in no way is he a theif. he then had to borrow money from family members and is still paying them back. again i would like to state it was more of a foolish silly mistake rather then him stealing as he would never do that.
 
In that case he is sort of constrained in terms of saving anyway? 1/2 on bills and debt repayment which is understandable. Charity is good.

Hmm. Do make plenty of dua this month to guide you to the best decision in terms of deen and dunya.
 
anonymous said:
he spent his friends money before he became religious. i would like to say he didnt steal it but just spent some here and there with the intention to obviously put it back, but it got out of control how much he spent. in no way is he a theif. he then had to borrow money from family members and is still paying them back. again i would like to state it was more of a foolish silly mistake rather then him stealing as he would never do that.
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Stealing, no. Breaking trust, yes. However, as you said, that was his past.
 
putting debt a side and bills - he can still save 400-500 easily and still have money to spend on bits n bobs n general things.
 
i save majority of my salary and still give saqa each month. im even willin to work so we both have enough finances to get by and im educated and mashallah can get a well paid job. i dont earn much more than him and after marriage i have the intention to clear his credit card in one go.
 
putting debt a side and bills - he can still save 400-500 easily and still have money to spend on bits n bobs n general things.
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Salaam
It seems that money is also and issue you might be facing; Sis there really is no way to get you out of this except by praying istikhara, If he isn't financially stable and you are happy then May Allah bless your marriage but if not you don;t want to have children and end this marriage with a Divorce that not only you have to carry the burden on but also kids * if you do marry him*

I honestly think you know what you have to do; you have to discuss these issues with him because a one-sided negotation isn't really going to work. Both of you must sit down discuss these issue come up with plans and put an agreement.
Pray Salat alIstikharah

May Allah make it easy for both of you

Salaam
 
anonymous said:
i save majority of my salary and still give saqa each month. im even willin to work so we both have enough finances to get by and im educated and mashallah can get a well paid job. i dont earn much more than him and after marriage i have the intention to clear his credit card in one go.
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I think you already know what you want to do but are looking for some sort of validation in your decision? If you're having so many second thoughts and you're not even married to the brother than perhaps you should part ways. Marriage wont make you see eye to eye.
Salam
 
well i just want to feel loved and special but i dont feel tht way. i just want to marry be happy and spend most of my time with my husband whislt looking after both parents. is that a bad thing?

if i do istikhara and it is positve should i go with it even tho we have difference such as financials? will istikhra consider all that (if that makes sensse)
 
anonymous said:
well i just want to feel loved and special but i dont feel tht way. i just want to marry be happy and spend most of my time with my husband whislt looking after both parents. is that a bad thing?

if i do istikhara and it is positve should i go with it even tho we have difference such as financials? will istikhra consider all that (if that makes sensse)
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No it isnt. You don't see eye to eye financially. You don't agree on accommodation, you don't agree with him spending most of his time with his friends.
I do think you should do Istikhara but I don't see what it'll tell you that isnt already plain to see. It's your decison sister.
Salam
 
istikhara came out positive for him so i now need to try.
but with all the differences you pointed out @ maryan which are 100% spot on....if i i do istikhara n its a positive does that mean we will en dup seeing eye to eye once married? does istikhara take all this into account?
 
anonymous said:
istikhara came out positive for him so i now need to try.
but with all the differences you pointed out @ maryan which are 100% spot on....if i i do istikhara n its a positive does that mean we will en dup seeing eye to eye once married? does istikhara take all this into account?
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I have no idea what to make of the Istikhara coming out positive but your interactions on the future negative. I think someone more knowledgeable will have to answer your question. :hmm:
Salam
 
anonymous said:
There is a brother I kno who wants to marry. He prays 5 times a day and had good knowledge. Only problem is he doesn't have much money as he just spends his money. he can't seem to save. He cannot afford a place of his own to rent but can offer me live with his aunty until he is stable. We are not married but he refuses to give me his money to look after or even his family members. Before becoming pious he took a loan which he is still paying off.
He gives a lot of dawah and helps people come towards Islam.

But he told me he would like to go see his parents everyday and he plays a lot of sport and goes Islamic classes. Even on weekend he wants to see his family in evenings. I think this is excessive as it seems he can't support me nor make the time I want from a husband. Shall I decline this proposal or an I demanding?
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Asalaamu Alaikum, unfortunately nowadays there are many Muslims who use the deen as an excuse to do what they want. There is no doubt that a man must fulfill the rights of his wife and it is clear sister that you have been given his answer before marriage. Just because a person prays and does religious acts it does not make them pious or someone who will be the best towards their partner.

Some people are hard to change as they are set in their ways. They think the deen will justify their actions and so they can continue doing what they are doing even if it means that the rights of certain people are not fulfilled.

So sister have a serious think about this. I think you know deep down what the answer is. If he is telling you now what the reality will be during marriage then will you not save yourself from such a miserable life?

I have come across a few of such cases and the actions of such people towards their partners is a cause of great misery. At least your lucky enough to know the reality of what it may be like during marriage now. Most others were unfortunate enough to find out after marriage when it was too late.

Ask of Allah sincerely espexcially in the latter part of the night and trust in his decree. He will do what is best for you inshallah. Do not let this or anything else deter you from making the best of this precious month. Put your FULL trust, faith and reliance in Allah and whatever happens will be the best for you.

And Allah knows best in all matters
 
anonymous said:
So am I being unreasonable in thinking seeing his parents everyday is excessive
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I don't think anyone can give you one straight answer, it's what you are able to handle as an individual, some women would be able to handle that other women wouldn't. I think it's excessive if he expects you to travel down there every day with him but if he plans on going on his own then I don't see the problem. But thats my opinion and what matters most is how you feel and what you can cope with.

If you think you wouldn't be able to cope with that then don't get involved in the first place just walk away.
 

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