Would You marry a muslimah such as.....

[kingkong]

Please if you don't have anything else to say than nothing should be said anymore... You obviously don't understand what I have said... Number one I am a virgin! So by you saying "

Are you trying to say that I only deserve a man who has a far worse background?

The virgin talk was disgressing from the original topic it was in response to thisoldman, not you. So stop thinking I'm talking about you.

You deserve whatever you deserve. Who am I to say what you can and cannot have.

 

[ardianto]

**Please no more replies to what was said before! For the sake of Allah- those hurt me!

You can make a request to moderator to close this thread, and let those who want to discuss about virginity to make a new thread.

 

[Who Am I?]

I'm going to share a little personal information. I hope you don't mind (well too bad because I'm sharing it anyway).

I was a virgin for a long time. All through my teens and my 20's in fact. Finally I turned 30 and was still a virgin, and I couldn't stand it anymore. As a man in Western culture, people think you're gay if you don't have a girlfriend in your 20's and 30's, and to be a virgin in that kind of society is social suicide.

So I called a girl I had been talking to online. I have since been with two other women besides. I am not a virgin anymore, but I don't feel any better or worse about myself. I'm still the same guy that I was before (well you know, except for the whole Muslim part).

I am no longer a White Knight. More like a Grey Knight now. My armor is tarnished and stained with blood and dirt from my many battles and sins. Honestly, I don't even feel worthy of anyone right now. I have my issues with myself and with marriage in general.

I am trying to work on that, but it will not be an easy fight.

Sister flowergarden, keep the faith. I would still marry a muslimah like you if I thought I could.

 

[ardianto]

I am no longer a White Knight. More like a Grey Knight now. My armor is tarnished and stained with blood and dirt from my many battles and sins. Honestly, I don't even feel worthy of anyone right now. I have my issues with myself and with marriage in general.

I hope my story did not make you feel 'small'. But if that happened, I am really sorry. Please forgive me.

 

[Who Am I?]

I hope my story did not make you feel 'small'. But if that happened, I am really sorry. Please forgive me.

Not at all, brother. If anything, your story is an inspiration to me. No, my own past is just that: mine. It has nothing to do with anyone else here. This is not your fault or anyone else's but my own.

 

[Futuwwa]

The virgin talk was disgressing from the original topic it was in response to thisoldman, not you. So stop thinking I'm talking about you.

You deserve whatever you deserve. Who am I to say what you can and cannot have.

You are hurting a sister who is in need of help, comfort and understanding. It's irrelevant that your argument is with someone else than her. It's even irrelevant whether you're right or wrong. You're hurting, and can't bring yourself to stop even after the first reply after which she said so directly. Get lost.

If this thread was in real life, the white, grey, red and black knights here would already have cut you to tiny bits.

 

[flowergarden]

You are hurting a sister who is in need of help, comfort and understanding. It's irrelevant that your argument is with someone else than her. It's even irrelevant whether you're right or wrong. You're hurting, and can't bring yourself to stop even after the first reply after which she said so directly. Get lost.

If this thread was in real life, the white, grey, red and black knights here would already have cut you to tiny bits.

Thank you Brother Futuwwa for standing up for me. It means a lot.

I didn't want any fights or heated discussion, I just want some healing. And Alhamullah the brothers and sisters like you have helped me. It will take time but I am on my way!

Thank you again. Allah bless you, and Eid Mubarak

 

[Futuwwa]

Allah bless you too sister.

I think the best possible healer is your husband-to-be. If he is a good husband, your sorrows will drown in marital bliss :statisfie

 

[Abdul-Raouf]

SALAM ALAIKKUM
PEOPLE asks me what do I prepare for my husband for dinner etc, I said when I was single 'I wasnt cooking for myself, why would I cook now? Isnt it one of the reason why I marry is for my husband to arrange my food on daily basis?' lol

I do wish to cook for him but I am not gifted, but bear in mind, whatever i cook (hmm once a month?), my husband would finished them, yay!

Off-topic : He did his best... with the attitude : Its just once a month.. lets not disappoint.. (jus take the humour alone pls )

 

[Abdul-Raouf]

I feel its better to tell him.. before marriage.
A good knowledgeable muslim would accept you... if he is capable enough to take his own decision.

But when he is dependent on others i.e. family.. his decision might differ.

Now..atlast...If this guy.. gos aways from you after you had told.
Accept it.. and just move on.Not All marriages happen as we wish... Decisions are with ALLAH.
Sister, Join your local..nearest islamic council...try to be in a deen environment..it will make ur eeman strong.......do dua..repent...and dont worry much.. ALLAH will give you a Good life partner.

Though we have right intentions before we start an action... there is a chance that our actions my differ. ALLAH sees our intention..and HE understands us very well.... but for human only actions are visible...Never ever loose hope... BE POSITIVE(FAITH in ALLAH) ..ALWAYS.. watever happens involuntarily.

... ALLAH tests a muslim more with islam.. cos HE likes that muslim more.

 

[flowergarden]

Allah bless you too sister.

I think the best possible healer is your husband-to-be. If he is a good husband, your sorrows will drown in marital bliss

I believe the same thing, I feel once I find that person, who ever he may be. I will heal completely, some I just don't know if I should let him know of my past? I don't want to risk anything. But Allah knows best, and I feel when everyone says leave your sins between yourself and Allah is best!?!

 

[flowergarden]

I feel its better to tell him.. before marriage.
A good knowledgeable muslim would accept you... if he is capable enough to take his own decision.

But when he is dependent on others i.e. family.. his decision might differ.

Now..atlast...If this guy.. gos aways from you after you had told.
Accept it.. and just move on.Not All marriages happen as we wish... Decisions are with ALLAH.
Sister, Join your local..nearest islamic council...try to be in a deen environment..it will make ur eeman strong.......do dua..repent...and dont worry much.. ALLAH will give you a Good life partner.

Though we have right intentions before we start an action... there is a chance that our actions my differ. ALLAH sees our intention..and HE understands us very well.... but for human only actions are visible...Never ever loose hope... BE POSITIVE(FAITH in ALLAH) ..ALWAYS.. watever happens involuntarily.

... ALLAH tests a muslim more with islam.. cos HE likes that muslim more.

Salaam brother!

Thank you for your reply! I fear telling him because I wouldn't want to ruin anything! But I know Allah knows best!
How do you tell the person you want to spend the rest of your life with that you made mistakes yet those mistakes are NOWHERE near who you are today?

I'd never decive my future husband but I don't want him thinking I would do anything bad, nor do I want him to hold that against me in any future situations (ex fights- its normal to fight, he could bring it up).

I would tell him, to feel better and have him know, but it is risky! At this point in my life, I am just trying to not think any man I cared for would judge me in such way, yet I always feel no man would dare to try to care back for me! Weird I know... But Alhamduillah I have faith in Allah and I repent!

 

[ardianto]

Regarding cooking! I love cooking so my husband will be happy I love to feed him.

Good ! :thumbs_up

The first food that made by my wife was instant pudding, and she failed in her first attempt !. No wonder, her family was spoiling her and she never made any food before. Then she made again, succeed, and she brought that pudding to me when I was hospitalized because typhus. It's was happened before I married her, and actually she made that pudding as her attempt to regain her White Knight.

I appreciated it, and then she started to learn cooking seriously. I still remember, in the first months of our marriage, she often asked me what food that I want to eat ?. And she tried to make that food. Until now, except when she need a rest she always cook for our family.

Unfortunately, many women are understand yet, meaning of cooking for the husbands is more than only feed them, but this is a kind of dedication from the wives to the husbands. Cook for the husbands is something that can make the husbands always love their wives.

So sister, if you have a good intention to cook for your husband, you don't need to be worry about your future husband.

May Allah give you a good pious man as your husband. Ameen.

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

Here's a somewhat off-beat viewpoint regarding wives cooking for their husbands.

Let's face it. How many times do you make love a day? Maybe three times a day when you are young but definitely as time goes by, the frequency drops, maybe even to just once a month.

How many times do you eat a day? Maybe three times a day. And after many years of marriage, does your frequency of eating drop to once a month? No, even after twenty years of marriage, you are still eating, maybe three times a day, or, perhaps, twice a day.

So wives who do not like to cook for their husbands are missing on a great opportunity to contribute to the quality of life of their husbands (and their own, too, for the simple reason that happy husbands are more likely to make their wives happy as well).

Right?

 

[ardianto]

Alhamdulillah, I have a wife who loves to cook for me. And after eating she always gave me her sweetest smile and told me "Don't forget to wash the dishes".

 

[Endymion]

Assalam Alekum my respected sister.

If you want to be rightly guided,you should consult Quran and Sunnah in this matter.We all are humans,we try to be kind towards our brothers and sisters in Islam but even we dont know our selves as better as Allah SWT can as He SWT is Aalim Al Ghiab.
My dear sister,i did'nt read all the replies but few and i can see that some brothers told you that they can forgive and forget such a thing and will accept a women like you but believe me,they are unable to do that.When Prophet Muhammad SWT,The one whose behavior is Quran and Who was sent down as a blessing, did not trust his beloved wife Ayesha RA for such a slander,then no other man is capable of doing this.We all love our brothers and sister,respect them and try to give them ease,but we are unable to change our nature.This is Men nature that he cannot forgive such a thing in spite of you are still chaste Mashallah and nothing wrong happened to you.
To understand my point correctly,you need to read the "Story of Ifk" in which,our chaste Mother faced a false accusation and which even confused and offend Prophet Muhammad SAW and He SAW did not believe in the chastity of Ayesha RA untill Allah SWT sent down a Ayah in Surah Al-Noor in which Allah SWT testify her chastity and showed His Anger on Mumineen as they did not help Ayesha RA prove it and called it a lie.

(24:12) When you heard of it, why did the believing men and women not think well of their own folk12 and say: "This is a manifest calumny?"13

If you are unaware of this story,you should read this.

http://qaazi.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/the-story-of-the-ifk/

No matter what happened to you and about the sin you commit,this is a matter between you and Allah SWT only.Ask his forgiveness and he will forgive you no matter how great your sin is.But this is your responsibility to not open your private matters before people which Allah SWT hide by His Mercy other wise you will regret.Always remember that if you have your secret between you and Allah SWT only,you are the slave of Allah SWT only,but if you open it before anyone,you will become the slave of that person.
Never ever say this to anyone,not even before your Parents and your siblings.There is no sin not informing your future husband of what has done but it will be a huge mistake.As you said all that here to take advice,as a sister i advice you to deactivate this id after having your answer and do not give people your personal information.Id you wanna stay here,create another id.Always remeber that we all are humans after all and we might leak your secret.Love people,respect them but never share your secret with anyone.People forgive but they never forget and whenever Sheytan occupy then,they hurt others with their speeches and their acts.
Always remember that we all are sinner,but the worst sinner is he who open something that was hide by Allah SWT.Ask Allah to forgive you and He The Most Merciful will forgive you no matter how great your sin is.Ask him to help you and He SWT will help you like no other can.So put your trust in Allah SWT,offer Istikhara prayer to ask Him what to do next.If you have a proposal,He SWT will guide you whether he is ok for you or not.Trust Him Almighty and go with the divine guidance.Again never ever say all this before anyone in spite of you are blessed and rescued but keep it hidden always.

This is the best advise i can give you as this is according to Quran and SUnnah.May Allah SWT protect you from all bad people and bad deeds and guide you the best way and help you and never leave you alone.Amen.

 

[Who Am I?]

I believe the same thing, I feel once I find that person, who ever he may be. I will heal completely, some I just don't know if I should let him know of my past? I don't want to risk anything. But Allah knows best, and I feel when everyone says leave your sins between yourself and Allah is best!?!

I don't think you have to tell anyone about your past, and if a man truly cares, he won't ask. I know if it was me (for example), I wouldn't ask you, and I wouldn't expect you to tell me anything. The past is the past. Bury it and let it lie with the dinosaurs.

Just don't try to Jurassic Park it and make it come back. Take the books and movies as a lesson there. Let those old bones lie.

 

[MartyrX]

Speaking for myself, I wouldn't care. If you choose to tell your future husband and he doesn't care, then more power to him. I firmly believe what is in the past, stays in the past.

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

ThisOldman doesn't care either. For one thing I, myself, am not pure like the driven snow. The most important thing, though, is that everyone is entitled to a second chance. And a third. And a fourth ...

The way I see it, Islam is full of guidelines on how to start all over again. And again. Forgiveness is a major theme in Islam. The only caveat is that we must be sincere in wanting to seek Allah's grace and forgiveness. And if we should ever relapse, we should not collapse in despair. Allah loves us without limit and without end. WaLLahu aklam.

 

[ardianto]

I firmly believe what is in the past, stays in the past.

That's why I give all my love only to my wife. The past has becomes someone else wife.