Distance myself from some people?

[anonymous]

Some people mock us and speak bad about us in front of people. Should I distance myself from them, or be happy that I get their good deeds if they wrong me?

For example, I go to their house. The next day they tell people "she was like this and this...".

By distancing I mean not to cut our relationship completely, but keep it at a "salaam and how are you" -level.

 

[Ghazalah]

"Don't let compliments get to your head and don't let criticism get to your heart." < This came to mind after reading your posts... :hmm: Anyway, try not to pay much attention to these people, they should be people who don't matter to you. Yes you are getting ajr as they are backbiting you, but you're also getting ajr for being patient and not doing the same thing to them, and that for me is very important, try not to stoop down to their level and do what they're doing, shaytaan will whisper and tell you otherwise. Regarding your question, then I think it's best to try and not have too much contact with them, find people who will not slander you behind your back.

May Allah keep you and everyone else on the straight path inshAllah.

 

[Endymion]

Assalam Alekum my respected sister.

Here is the answer for you from the holy Quran,the best thing to guide.

Al-Anaam chapter 6.

(6:51) And warn with this (revealed message) those who fear that they shall be mustered to their Lord, that there will be none apart from Allah to act as their protector and intercessor; then maybe they will become God-fearing.(6:52) And do not drive away those who invoke their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His pleasure all the time.34 You are by no means accountable for them just as they are by no means accountable for you. If you still drive them away, you will become among the wrong-doers
(6:53) Thus We have made some of them a means for testing others36 so that they should say: 'Are these theones among us upon whom Allah has bestowed His favour?' Yes, does Allah not know well who are the thankful ?
(6:54) And when those who believe in Our signs come to you, say to them: 'Peace be upon you. Your Lord has made mercy incumbent upon Himself so that if anyone of you does a bad deed out of ignorance and thereafter repents and makes amends, surely you will find Him All-Forgiving, AllCompassionate
(6:55) Thus We clearly set forth Our signs so that the way of the wicked might become distinct

Read these Ayahs carefully,apply them to your situation and you will find your answer.
To be more specific,you better read this as well.

Surah Fussilat Chapter 41.

(41:34) (O Prophet), good and evil are not equal. Repel (evil) with that which is good, and you will see that he, between whom and you there was enmity, shall become as if he were a bosom friend (of yours)
(41:35) But none attains to this except those who are steadfast;38 none attains to this except those endowed with mighty good fortune

 

[Who Am I?]

There are some of my old friends that I don't associate much with anymore for several reasons. The main one is because they drink on weekends and I am trying to cut out alcohol. I have not had a drink in almost 5 weeks now. Every now and then they call and ask if I want to hang out, and I have told them why. They usually say "Well you can have just one or two drinks" and I tell them "No... no I can't. I know myself. Once I start drinking, I don't want to stop."

So I haven't seen some of those friends in a couple of months.

 

[noorseeker]

yes distance your self,

Ive noticed like for example when i see mates after ages,, not sayin they are bad.

But you say hi , hows things, . In those 5 , 10 mins, you are most likely saying good things, or talk in general.

so you both walk away not having bad thoughts of each other, because you havent hanged around long enough to find out.;D

 

[Salahudeen]

At least they wait until the next day ;D, in my community as soon as you step outside the door, they start ringing around talking about you. I distanced myself from them all and don't even bother with them, nice to your face then behind your back they laugh at you. I remember when I tried getting married with in the community, word spread round so fast about who's house I'd been to that it put me off the whole idea. People were ringing us and asking if we went to so and so's house? :hmm: made me so sick. +o(

 

[MartyrX]

I've been there myself. If you need to cut people out of your life, then it has to be done. A friend of mine once told me, that not everyone you meet is meant to stay in your life forever.

 

[*Yasmin*]

better to keep a distance if they can't be changed by an advice ..
some ppl don't deserve your time and your mind or heart!
and if you couldn't make a distance for any kind of reasons .. (maybe coz they are relatives or something) you should be careful in what you say or do in front of them especially.
for me i keep silent infront of this type of ppl. (this way i do them a favor coz they won't need to gossip and biteback next day! or next hour! so they don't gain sayiat!)

 

[anonymous]

I also have another question. These same ladies sometimes ask my help for their businesses. I'm not sure whether I should help them or not.
I would want to help them, but based on experience it seems like that's impossible.

For example, I accompanied this lady to some place as she asked me. Later she says how she made a grave, regretful mistake for asking me to come with her as I made her live a hell and so tired. Even though I went along with the intention to help her.

As an another example, she requests me to fill a form for her. I try to do that and fill what I can. I, however, leave one section which I don't understand unfilled, or she asks me one more favour to which I refuse. Later I get to hear how I haven't done anything for her and it would've been better if I would't have done anything at all. Or she asks me how to do a certain thing. I tell her and explain it to her, then she tells me angrily "Well, do it. I would've known this myself."

This is what mostly happens. I have the intention to help her, but in the end I turn out to be 'the bad person'.

 

[anonymous]

I'm not seeking a reward or a 'thank you' from them, my reward is with Allah, but I wonder if it's wise to help them when I know how thing'll end.

 

[anonymous]

...inshaAllah, I can guess based on experience. Only Allah knows the future. <--correction.

 

[*Yasmin*]

^ try to speak with them, confront them with your true feeling about their behaviors.
Not every person in this earth can fit our minds. simply you can't love every person.
maybe they don't fit your personality and mind and maybe they have these over-reacting characters which make you get annoyed or hurt, maybe they don't mean that,but simply it's their "weird characters" and sometimes these people are unaware of their behaviors.
Abin Seren said:if you were told something about your brother, beseech for excuses, if you can't find any say he might have an excuse.
ابن سيرين: إذا بلغك عن أخيك شيء فالتمس له عذرا، فإن لم تجد له عذرا فقل لعل له عذرا.
so try to find an excuse for their behaviors maybe they really don't mean to behave the way they do.

you have different options to deal with this issue ..maybe you can talk with them, or you can make a distance , or just have paitence.

 

[Abz2000]

i see all sorts, i do my best to be nice even if i don't feel it - just for the sake of keeping peace,
i see family members who on the battlefield would be my enemies, just as the families of Badr,
i try to cut out that part and just see them as family, yet sometimes regret that after bad experiences, again and again,
since studying Islam, i have developed an attitude of feeling closer to brothers and sisters who are true and sincere than family members who are fake - Masha-Allah.
and i do avoid certain people sometimes with a nice word preferably - and it's important to do so:




And Abraham prayed for his father's forgiveness only because of a promise he had made to him. But when it became clear to him that he was an enemy to God, he dissociated himself from him: for Abraham was most tender-hearted, forbearing.
Quran 9:114




"And I will turn away from you (all) and from those whom ye invoke besides God: I will call on my Lord: perhaps, by my prayer to my Lord, I shall be not unblest."
Quran 19:48




"Hold to forgiveness; command what is right,
but turn away from the ignorant,"
(7:199)




"Turn away graciously."
(15:85)




"They should rather pardon and overlook. Would you not love Allah to forgive you?"
(24:22)




"and pardon other people. Allah loves the do good-doers,"
(3:134)




and the Almighty says, "But if someone is steadfast and forgives, that is the most resolute course to follow."
42:43




55. And when they hear vain talk,




they turn away therefrom and say:




"To us our deeds, and to you yours; peace be to you: we seek not the ignorant."




56. It is true thou wilt not be able to guide every one, whom thou lovest;


but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance.
Quran 28:55-56


O ye who believe!
take not those for friends who make a jest and sport of your religion
from among those who were given the Book before you, and the disbelievers.
And fear Allah if you are believers
(Quran 5:58)


68. When thou seest men engaged in vain discourse about Our signs,
turn away from them unless they turn to a different theme.
If Satan ever makes thee forget, then after recollection, sit not thou in the company of those who do wrong.
69. On their account no responsibility falls on the righteous, but (their duty) is to remind them, that they may (learn to) fear Allah
Quran 6:68-69.

 

[Who Am I?]

At least they wait until the next day ;D, in my community as soon as you step outside the door, they start ringing around talking about you. I distanced myself from them all and don't even bother with them, nice to your face then behind your back they laugh at you. I remember when I tried getting married with in the community, word spread round so fast about who's house I'd been to that it put me off the whole idea. People were ringing us and asking if we went to so and so's house? :hmm: made me so sick. +o(

Dude, is everyone in your community still in high school? "Ohhh so and so was seen with so and so. I think that means they're together now."

No.. no it doesn't.

 

[*Yasmin*]

Dude, is everyone in your community still in high school? "Ohhh so and so was seen with so and so. I think that means they're together now."

No.. no it doesn't.

maybe high schoolers are more mature and rational !, last week (IN RAMADAN!), we had visitors at home, they started to talk nonsense, so my brother and i tried to open a good subject to discuss and fill the time.
Guess what happened! , two from the vistiors literally shut us up because they want to gossip.

 

[Amat Allah]

Wa Alikum Assalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuhmy dear and precious sister,

I don`t think cutting your relationship with them is a good solution ever...but try to remind them of Allah in appropriate way whenever you hear them backbiting cause that is the best thing to do but be careful not to cross your limits in reminding means: ( being a well-mannered person in all of your conditions and occasions and I am sure that you are in shaa Allah sweetie) and then others will respect you no matter what you may say and even if they would become mad for a while...do you know why?

cause whoever tries his best to please Allah and think about his Lord`s pleasure and satisfaction at the begining and the end; neither caring for this worldly life nor preferring creation`s satisfaction on Allah; Allah will make His creatures pleased with him no matter what and also will make all of His creation in this world and up there in Al Jannah too love him...Sub`haan Allah

always return to Allah in everything and you will be the winner always and forever so, here you are what your Lord says as mentioned above in our precious sister Endymion post:

"And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. (34) But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of good]. (35) And if there comes to you from Satan an evil suggestion, then seek refuge in Allah. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Knowing. (36)"

Surat Fussilat

be patient and wise just for Allah`s sake and at the end you will see the fruits you will get...

if you wana your rights then Allah will give them to you in full but if you just forgave them for Allah`s sake and remain patient then you will take your rights back in full from Allah plus something great that you won`t imagine ever...laa ilaha illa Allah The Haqq, His promise is haqq, His Jannah is haqq and His fire is haqq so, follow the way of Al Haqq...

wants honor then seek it in Allah and you will get it in shaa Allah...May Allah love you, be please with you and help ya to be the best of His Ibaad always and forever and May He The Exalted reward ya with Al Firdaws without being reckoning and the whole Ummah too from Jin and mankind, dead or alive , from the begining of the khalq till the Day of Judgement O Allah Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen

Wa Assalaamu Alikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh

 

[Who Am I?]

maybe high schoolers are more mature and rational !, last week (IN RAMADAN!), we had visitors at home, they started to talk nonsense, so my brother and i tried to open a good subject to discuss and fill the time.
Guess what happened! , two from the vistiors literally shut us up because they want to gossip.

That's about the point where I would have told them to get out of my house with that kind of talk.

That's if I didn't backhand them first.

 

[*Yasmin*]

That's about the point where I would have told them to get out of my house with that kind of talk.

That's if I didn't backhand them first.

W3lekum Assalam ..

that would have been great if i had done it !
great means : a war/ scuffle / swearing....lol
the problem is when i try to explain to such ppl that gossiping is Haram simply they don't care.
and the funny thing after they finish gossiping they say: may Allah forgive us!
i'm finding it hard to understand how some ppl's minds function!

 

[Salahudeen]

Dude, is everyone in your community still in high school? "Ohhh so and so was seen with so and so. I think that means they're together now."

No.. no it doesn't.

lol bro, sit at home grand mothers/aunties who have nothing better to do with their time find it delightful to gossip about others, I guess they got bored of TV shows and wanted real life stuff to talk about instead.

 

[Who Am I?]

W3lekum Assalam ..

that would have been great if i had done it !
great means : a war/ scuffle / swearing....lol
the problem is when i try to explain to such ppl that gossiping is Haram simply they don't care.
and the funny thing after they finish gossiping they say: may Allah forgive us!
i'm finding it hard to understand how some ppl's minds function!

Well cursing is one thing I struggle with, and I think I would have had a few choice words for your visitors. Probably a few F bombs dropped in. That seems to be my favorite word of choice at the moment.

lol bro, sit at home grand mothers/aunties who have nothing better to do with their time find it delightful to gossip about others, I guess they got bored of TV shows and wanted real life stuff to talk about instead.

Ah. Old women. They tend to do that, no matter the culture. Seems to be a universal thing. Still annoying, though.