Would You marry a muslimah such as.....

[kingkong]

In response to the brother who said a woman only has to cook once a week or a month for her husband.

If your wife doesn't cook for you, that would mean you cook for yourself right? Would that mean you cook for yourself only or for her too?

As for where I come from, one of the things that a girl is checked during the search phase is her cooking. She will make rice and something like a chicken dish and she must make it, it doesn't bode very well if her cooking isn't liked by the mother in law. It may seem narrow minded, but actually it's not, if the girl doesn't know how to cook, question is, what has she been doing all her life?

I have a cousin, she's 24 and can't cook because even when her mother and aunties ask her to contribute and help out she chooses not to, it comes as no surprise that no one has accepted her for their son yet and until she knows how to cook and properly, hardly anyone will.

I suppose a woman's ability to cook and clean is like a man's ability to earn the money and look after things financially.

 

[Ghazalah]

if the girl doesn't know how to cook, question is, what has she been doing all her life?

Since when do we dedicate our lives to cooking? Do we not have needs that need to be fulfilled? A life to live??

If she can cook then great, but some girls are just not good in the kitchen, it doesn't mean she doesn't try, or doesn't want to. If you had any insight on the matter you would look at things differently. In the meantime don't generalise and say girls who can't cook are wasting their life away. Makes you sound quite silly :giggling:

 

[ardianto]

In response to the brother who said a woman only has to cook once a week or a month for her husband.

At least, once a month is still better than never.

Bro, if a wife cook only once a month but her husband did not mind, why should we protest. ;D

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

Since when do we dedicate our lives to cooking? Do we not have needs that need to be fulfilled? A life to live??

Come now, let's look at the general scheme of things from the Islamic point of view. In Islam, the husband is responsible for supporting his wife. Not the other way round. Not even a fifty-fifty equal share arrangement. So he goes out of the home to do whatever is necessary to bring home halal income.

Now what does the wife do at home? Of course, she performs solah, reads the Quran, etc. 24/7? What do you mean by a life to live? Her life is in her home. A wife, if she is a practicing Muslimah, does not spend her time outside her home. She does not have a kaffir-like personal life of social engagements, business meetings, etc.

It is not a question of dedicating her life to cooking. It is a question of dedicating her life to making a home for her husband, making his house a place that he yearns to get back to, making his heart beat faster at the very thought of his loving wife waiting for his return. If such an aim is haram in Islam, please quote me the relevant verses and hadith that say so.

WaLLahu aklam.

 

[YaAqsa]

Salaam Wa alikium:

I am a female, educated women, I am starting Law school soon. When I was 14 I was a survivor of a rape, I thankfully fought until I broke free and I still am a virgin. However, since than I wasn't the same, I lost faith for a long time. When I was 18 I met a man, I cared for him, he made me believe he was going to marry me. after two years of a promise, he broke me mentally, manipulated me, and and I sinned, I don't want to do into details. Anyways after months he left me via text message. I was heart broken. He explained his family wants him to marry a Yemeni and not me anymore... I was hurt, devastated from what I did... I lost hope, and sadly lost faith... I fell into the hands of 3 men.... but it didn't lead to anything. I am still ashamed and have been since than. I have sincerely repented everyday. imsad.There is not a day where I ask Allah to forgive me. This all happened in the years of 2007 to 2009, I was not very religious than... I know the reason this all happened with me sinning was because of the rape. I know it is because I lost my self esteem and did not seek consoling that when a man l cared for me, I was happy and vulnerable. I know that is wrong, but I went through something hard, and didn't seek help. I am change and have learned from my mistakes BIG TIME.
Today, I am changed. I have repented. I learned to pray, I am in Law school, I am and always have been a sweet and kind heart girl, I don't hurt anyone even the people who hurt me. I cry every day because of my mistakes. Recently, I know a man who is asking for my hand whom I care dearly for... I know he was in a relationship before but it didn't work out.. I care so much about him, I wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt him. I truly love him for the sake of Allah. But I am scared because I don't know if I am a bad girl for him?!

If you (a muslim man) knew about this would you marry me? Would you forget the past and see I am sincere to my religion and love Allah so much and repent? I really need help healing, because everyday I wake up and sleep to this thought of him walking alway because of my hardship past... I am so scared I won't ever be happy! I am so scared I will never find a good muslim man to marry me... and most of all I want to marry him, he is the one I care for and see as the father of my children. I need help knowing I will be forgiven for my actions knowing I am remorseful to the point I am killing myself with regret and tears. IstarferAllah. <br><br>To add, I did sin but I remain a virgin. <br><br>Help em know I am still a good Muslim women, help me see the truth! Please tell me if you knew me would you marry one like me or walk away?

wa alaikum salaam wr wb

We all sin and make mistakes and have done things in the past that we regret. You shouldn't let that rule your life inshallah.

(Qur'an 12:87) "O my sons! go ye and enquire about Joseph and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."

What you did is who you were in the past, not who you are now.

I pray for your happiness and to be relieved of your nightmares from the past, ameen.

 

[Who Am I?]

My mother didn't learn how to cook until after she married my father. Her mother ruled the kitchen with an iron fist and would allow no one to interfere in "her kitchen". So Mom had to learn to cook for herself.

I can cook my own stuff, so I don't need a sister to cook for me. Now if she wants to cook, I won't complain, but she doesn't have to is what I'm saying.

 

[Ghazalah]

Now what does the wife do at home? Of course, she performs solah, reads the Quran, etc. 24/7? What do you mean by a life to live? Her life is in her home. A wife, if she is a practicing Muslimah, does not spend her time outside her home. She does not have a kaffir-like personal life of social engagements, business meetings, etc.

Akhi I'm not disagreeing with the fact that a women should cook for her husband and look after him. That something she should do from her heart let alone that its widely expected from her. But the way the other brother made it seem like our lives revolve around the kitchen when they do not. What I meant by having a life to live, didn't mean always outside till midnight without a care in the world like a kaffir life-style. I just meant people must take into account we do other things in our life besides cook.

It is not a question of dedicating her life to cooking. It is a question of dedicating her life to making a home for her husband, making his house a place that he yearns to get back to, making his heart beat faster at the very thought of his loving wife waiting for his return.

Nobody is disagreeing with this.

 

[flowergarden]

HELP!!!!

Salaam wa alakium brothers and sister!

I need help. I got a call from the man who I intended to marry but he left (with out reason). He obviously is a jerk, he was asking me all these questions and I couldn't help but talk to him, I think it was a way to closure, but I felt soooooo guilty afterwards. I feel like I am going to hell, and all the repentance I have done is down the drain. imsad

Help me, I feel so vulunerble to him, I feel like I want to work it out with him yet I know it won't.. I talk to him and texted him. I did because he called. He was telling me how much he wanted to see me, yet knows I wouldn't be able to handle my tears...

Ya rab!
I feel so horrible because of this, I feel like all my repenting is gone, and Allah see me as the bad girl. .. and the same person from the past. This man guy is hurting me sooooo much yet I don't know what to think or say or how to feel.

I am so ashamed of myself.

 

[flowergarden]

wa alaikum salaam wr wb

We all sin and make mistakes and have done things in the past that we regret. You shouldn't let that rule your life inshallah.

(Qur'an 12:87) "O my sons! go ye and enquire about Joseph and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."

What you did is who you were in the past, not who you are now.

I pray for your happiness and to be relieved of your nightmares from the past, ameen.

Wa alakium asalaam brother.

I feel so low today. If you read the post I replied to just a minutes ago, I am losing faith in myself. I feel so stupid.

 

[FS123]

Sister, then he is not a good guy. I pray for you that you get a pious guy. Compassion is part of piety. I hope you get a man with one. - Ameen

[video]http://www.islamictube.com/watch/04d8bb98390bfa226fcd/Allah-knows-what-is-best-for-us[/video]

 

[YusufNoor]

HELP!!!!

Salaam wa alakium brothers and sister!

I need help. I got a call from the man who I intended to marry but he left (with out reason). He obviously is a jerk, he was asking me all these questions and I couldn't help but talk to him, I think it was a way to closure, but I felt soooooo guilty afterwards. I feel like I am going to hell, and all the repentance I have done is down the drain. imsad

if Allah saves you from marrying some idiot, don't feel bad. there are quite a few cultural "iniquities" between the sexes, maybe a miracle happened instead of something bad. you need to differentiate between how messed up he is, and the events of your life. were the questions specific to your past or is he just trying to manipulate you?

Help me, I feel so vulunerble to him, I feel like I want to work it out with him yet I know it won't.. I talk to him and texted him. I did because he called. He was telling me how much he wanted to see me, yet knows I wouldn't be able to handle my tears...

if he's leaving, why does he want to see you? Sister, you are vulnerable, PERIOD. not just to this guy. think long term, not just short term.

Ya rab!
I feel so horrible because of this, I feel like all my repenting is gone, and Allah see me as the bad girl. .. and the same person from the past. This man guy is hurting me sooooo much yet I don't know what to think or say or how to feel.

you need to try to stop yourself from hurting. you need to think that you have value and rights as a human being. depression may actually prevent you from feeling good [and properly] about yourself. try to visit happy places in your mind.

I am so ashamed of myself.

Sister, don't feel ashamed because of this man. YES, repentance is fine, but it is between you and Allah. and Allah accepts sincere repentance.

you probably have post traumatic stress syndrome. you should try to get help. you need to be able to equip yourself with the tools that you need to preserve your well being. you ARE a good person. you DESERVE to be happy.

the big picture is that you want to finish law school and be able to help people. you need a husband that won't feel threatened by your abilities and doesn't want to keep you "barefoot and pregnant." i'm guessing that finding the "right guy' may take some effort, especially if you don't have a proper Wali. don't get discouraged, there will more than likely be disappointments along the way. be prepared for that.

listen to the 1st lectures and the 3rd one here:

http://www.pleasantviewschool.com/m...tories+of+Quran/14_Stories_from_Surah_Al-Kahf

the story of al Qhidr shows that we know naught of Allah's plans at times. the other shows us that "la ilaha illallah is if more value than you may know. plus it is a beautiful lecture.

cheer up Sister and be strong. alot of us are rooting for you and making dua for you.

:wa:

 

[flowergarden]

Sister, then he is not a good guy. I pray for you that you get a pious guy. Compassion is part of piety. I hope you get a man with one. - Ameen

http://www.islamictube.com/watch/04d...is-best-for-us

Salaam wa Alakium Brother. Thank you so much for you kindness. and help. I really loved the website you gave me, seeing the video gave me hope!

 

[flowergarden]

SubhanAllah, when I was reading this the man kept texting me, and calling and you brother Yusef and Brother FS123 helped me stay strong. I did not answer. He is a very bad man, I feel sorry because it seems as if he is on the wrong path.

if Allah saves you from marrying some idiot, don't feel bad. there are quite a few cultural "iniquities" between the sexes, maybe a miracle happened instead of something bad. you need to differentiate between how messed up he is, and the events of your life. were the questions specific to your past or is he just trying to manipulate you?

He was trying to manipulate me, telling me that he wanted pictures of me, when I would say no he would text saying please and reminding me about how I cared about him, when I told him if he cared for me you would allow me to study, he than told me to send him an inappropriate picture to him. I hung up, he kept texting me asking how I was so I just answered, I felt guilty for talking to him even though I didn't fall into his manipulative trap! I feel guilty because a part of me still cares. He asked again for the pictures, I told him "if your aren't my firend and haven't asked about me in 2 years why now?" he didn't answer and took it off topic saying I couldn't handle talking to him with my emotions. So I just said ma'salaam to him... he didn't say anything until about 3 hours ago he again asked to send pictures to his email. before I read it I read these and just never answered, he kept asking and after a while he said nice talking.... He is so horrible to me, so disrespectful.
What I am ashamed of is that I care for this jerk still, I wish he would open his eyes and respect me, I wish he would see I am a good girl and I would never send any picture like that, not even to my husband that just weird!

if he's leaving, why does he want to see you? Sister, you are vulnerable, PERIOD. not just to this guy. think long term, not just short term.

He doesn't want to see me, just see a picture. He is mean, and very selfish man.
I am feel vulnerable in the sense of I wish he would have saw my worth, and I wish he would answer my un answered questions; but he always runs away saying I won't be able to handle it, and I would cry and start as he says "drama" than he said its been two years get over it. Its hard to get over something that hard, when you loved someone who left you via text for one good reason.

I think I will seek help very soon now. Just to help move on. This day really hurt me. Made me embarrassed to see the type of man I actually cared about, he is a bad person, that's embarrassing. I do want to finish, and he doesn't even seem motivated to do good in school at at, as worked hard to get to law school! I'm ashamed to think I actually gave him my time, I believed he would love me. imsad IstraferAllah.

Alhamdullah, I still repent and always will until I feel okay with everything.

JazakAllah Khair Brother Yusef for your time and help, it is very much appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

:wa:

 

[flowergarden]

Sister flowergarden, that's where you need to be, dear. You need to become OK with yourself. Don't define yourself by what happened to you in your past. That's dead now. It's about who you are now, today, in this moment. That's what matters now.

You have to ask yourself: are you OK with who you are today? If you can honestly answer that question with a "Yes" then you've taken your first step toward a long and happy life.

I think I will be great with myself when I graduate as a Lawyer, for now I am okay with myself, I just need to learn more about islam, and I need to heal more. I am proud I have taken the steps to heal, as it is hard....
but somedays like today is much harder... especially when jerks come along to hurt (explained in other posts)! imsad:hmm: JazakAllah khair..

 

[flowergarden]

We all sin and make mistakes and have done things in the past that we regret. You shouldn't let that rule your life inshallah.

(Qur'an 12:87) "O my sons! go ye and enquire about Joseph and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."

What you did is who you were in the past, not who you are now.

I pray for your happiness and to be relieved of your nightmares from the past, amee

Salaam brother, It just so hard to forgive myself... especially now (if reading the 4 post above I replied) I am embarrassed with myself. But JazakAllah Khair for you kindess this helped me alot. Thank you a bunch!

 

[ardianto]

I am sitting here and watching my sister in Islam who is now in the struggle to forget the rest of her love to someone who wants to take her back to the past.

I know this must be hard for her. But I know she can and she able certainly, because she is a strong brave girl.

 

[FS123]

SubhanAllah, when I was reading this the man kept texting me, and calling and you brother Yusef and Brother FS123 helped me stay strong. I did not answer. He is a very bad man, I feel sorry because it seems as if he is on the wrong path.



He was trying to manipulate me, telling me that he wanted pictures of me, when I would say no he would text saying please and reminding me about how I cared about him, when I told him if he cared for me you would allow me to study, he than told me to send him an inappropriate picture to him. I hung up, he kept texting me asking how I was so I just answered, I felt guilty for talking to him even though I didn't fall into his manipulative trap! I feel guilty because a part of me still cares. He asked again for the pictures, I told him "if your aren't my firend and haven't asked about me in 2 years why now?" he didn't answer and took it off topic saying I couldn't handle talking to him with my emotions. So I just said ma'salaam to him... he didn't say anything until about 3 hours ago he again asked to send pictures to his email. before I read it I read these and just never answered, he kept asking and after a while he said nice talking.... He is so horrible to me, so disrespectful.
What I am ashamed of is that I care for this jerk still, I wish he would open his eyes and respect me, I wish he would see I am a good girl and I would never send any picture like that, not even to my husband that just weird!




He doesn't want to see me, just see a picture. He is mean, and very selfish man.
I am feel vulnerable in the sense of I wish he would have saw my worth, and I wish he would answer my un answered questions; but he always runs away saying I won't be able to handle it, and I would cry and start as he says "drama" than he said its been two years get over it. Its hard to get over something that hard, when you loved someone who left you via text for one good reason.

I think I will seek help very soon now. Just to help move on. This day really hurt me. Made me embarrassed to see the type of man I actually cared about, he is a bad person, that's embarrassing. I do want to finish, and he doesn't even seem motivated to do good in school at at, as worked hard to get to law school! I'm ashamed to think I actually gave him my time, I believed he would love me. imsad IstraferAllah.

Alhamdullah, I still repent and always will until I feel okay with everything.

JazakAllah Khair Brother Yusef for your time and help, it is very much appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

:wa:

Those are the reasons a wali is better. Nice guys are difficult to find on own. Nice guys are normally too shy to approach a woman.

 

[Futuwwa]

Alhamdulillah that you found out the truth about that guy. Imagine how bad it had been if you had actually married him. You have avoided a bad match, but will get a better one. You're still young, many good men would love to marry you. Several forum members even, I think I spotted at least one implicit marriage proposal in this thread (not me, I'm already courting another girl, but if I wouldn't be, who knows?)

 

[Futuwwa]

I suppose a woman's ability to cook and clean is like a man's ability to earn the money and look after things financially.

It's not. The husband is religiously mandated to support his wife financially. That's something every madhab agrees on. The wife is not under any similar religious mandate regarding housework, those scholars who think she is are in the minority. The debate was already had around pages 2-5 of this thread.

 

[Who Am I?]

Those are the reasons a wali is better. Nice guys are difficult to find on own. Nice guys are normally too shy to approach a woman.

I can vouch that this is true from personal experience. I still have a hard time approaching women. I always have.

Anyway, this guy is no good. He keeps bugging you to send him a picture when he himself knows that it is not appropriate behavior to do so. First of all, once you said no, that should be the end of it. Second, he never should have asked you to do that in the first place.

Look at it this way, sister. At least you're not married to him and have him do this with other women. At least you know what kind of guy he is now. He has played his hand, and now you see him for what he is.