Frustrations in getting married

Conclusion:

I LIKE PILLOWS!

The conclusion is that getting married is not easy and that everyone disagrees! :p:






 
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Conclusion is if you can't marry, work towards it and fast as much as you can. If it's not meant to be its not meant to be and inshallah you will marry in the hereafter.
 
What I have learned from some marriage threads in IB is .....

Is easier for brothers who live in Muslim countries to get married than brothers who live in non-Muslim countries.

Process to marriage should started by introductory phase when the brother and the sister meet, introduce, and start to know each other. Of course, according to Islamic manner. And after they know each other character and personality they decide to marry or not to marry and stop this meeting.

Brothers in Muslim countries can do this phase easily because the sisters are living in the same city, or other city that not so far.

But brother who lives in a non-Muslim country, like UK, will face a problem if he is living in a city where only few Muslim families live there. He can requests his family or friends in other places to find a sister for him. But if the sister who they find is living in Pakistan, how much money does this brother need to start the introductory phase ?
 
^Of course. There's a larger "market", if you like, in Muslim countries.
 
ardianto said:
What I have learned from some marriage threads in IB is .....

Is easier for brothers who live in Muslim countries to get married than brothers who live in non-Muslim countries.

Process to marriage should started by introductory phase when the brother and the sister meet, introduce, and start to know each other. Of course, according to Islamic manner. And after they know each other character and personality they decide to marry or not to marry and stop this meeting.

Brothers in Muslim countries can do this phase easily because the sisters are living in the same city, or other city that not so far.

But brother who lives in a non-Muslim country, like UK, will face a problem if he is living in a city where only few Muslim families live there. He can requests his family or friends in other places to find a sister for him. But if the sister who they find is living in Pakistan, how much money does this brother need to start the introductory phase ?
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:sl:

What if your family is non-Muslim? That is an extra dimension and an added obstacle for some of us.

Also the whole "need to be a better man before marriage" obstacle.
 
ardianto said:
But brother who lives in a non-Muslim country, like UK, will face a problem if he is living in a city where only few Muslim families live there. He can requests his family or friends in other places to find a sister for him. But if the sister who they find is living in Pakistan, how much money does this brother need to start the introductory phase ?
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In uk most of us live in bigger cities and are around our own race, so its not a case of lack of numbers.

All the bro needs is a British passport if he wants to get a Sister from back home ;D
 
I think also we should not have huge expectations in searching for a marriage partner, no exaggeration some people have a bullet point list, and if one of the points isn't met they disregard that person, practising Islamic people I'm talking about, I recall reading the profiles on matrimonial sites and having a heart attack at the amount of expectations some people had :hmm: In the "Looking for" bit, I had wrote a little paragraph 4 or 5 lines of what I wanted in a woman, and was quite surprised to see essays with bullet points on other people's "Looking for", it deterred me from actually talking to them because the more expectations a person has the harder they are to please and make happy. So I think we should lower our expectations of marriage partners. Who wants to marry someone with a list of expectations when you can marry someone who doesn't have a long list of expectations and is happy/grateful to have food on the table every day.

Lot of men marry girls from poor families because they are happy with the basic necessities and do not demand a great deal from their husbands. This is also my goal to find a girl who comes from a very poor background so she will be happy and content with the little things and when I decide to push the boat out, it will mean a lot to her.

I did used to have a list myself, then I realized I wasn't being realistic.
 
:sl:

Well I'm not looking to get married but if I were, I would be scared of marraige itself .
 
Salahudeen said:
Lot of men marry girls from poor families because they are happy with the basic necessities and do not demand a great deal from their husbands. This is also my goal to find a girl who comes from a very poor background so she will be happy and content with the little things and when I decide to push the boat out, it will mean a lot to her.
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If you find a poor girl who ate twice a day, don't ever thinking "if I feed her twice a day, it's enough. She is familiar with life like this". But you must promise yourself, you should feed her thrice a day.

Good wives are wives who always happy with what their husbands give to them without expecting more. And the good husbands are husbands who always trying to make their wives happy by giving more than their wives expect.
 
ardianto said:
Lot of men marry girls from poor families because they are happy with the basic necessities and do not demand a great deal from their husbands. This is also my goal to find a girl who comes from a very poor background so she will be happy and content with the little things and when I decide to push the boat out, it will mean a lot to her.
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But there are lots of women and men who comes to Uk from back home, who did live the poor life, but now after living here, they get used to it, and become just as materialistic as us.
 
ardianto said:
What I have learned from some marriage threads in IB is .....

Is easier for brothers who live in Muslim countries to get married than brothers who live in non-Muslim countries.

Process to marriage should started by introductory phase when the brother and the sister meet, introduce, and start to know each other. Of course, according to Islamic manner. And after they know each other character and personality they decide to marry or not to marry and stop this meeting.

Brothers in Muslim countries can do this phase easily because the sisters are living in the same city, or other city that not so far.
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OHHH..
I never thought of that..For those people who are not living in Muslim country...:heated::hmm:

Galaxy said:
Well I'm not looking to get married but if I were, I would be scared of marraige itself .
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You are not alone...
 
Galaxy said:
Well I'm not looking to get married but if I were, I would be scared of marraige itself .
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If you have a husband who always treats you well, then the marriage is not scary thing.

So, always make du'a, wish Allah give you a good husband.
 
noorseeker said:
But there are lots of women and men who comes to Uk from back home, who did live the poor life, but now after living here, they get used to it, and become just as materialistic as us.
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Same here.

Poverty can make (some) poor people obsessed with luxury. And for people like this, marriage with rich persons regarded as the way to reach their obsession.
 
Salahudeen said:
Ok well what will these families who don't see it as a respectful way of living do if unemployment continues to rise and there's no jobs for the majority of the population? In these times even non muslims are finding it hard to get jobs never mind Muslims upon sunnah so what is the solution for all those Muslim men who can't find jobs through no fault of their own? What if we reached a situation where unemployment went so high that there was only enough jobs for 40-50% of the population and the rest had to live off benefits, would Muslims stop getting married then because the requirement of "has to have a job to support" can't be met by the majority of Muslim men?
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I don't believe this unemployment fear mongering applies to muslims, if you try hard to find work and Allah wills then you will find work no matter what the situation. Again with regards to practicing the sunnah I know of brothers with huge beards getting top jobs, these are guys who have refused to shake hands with female interviewers. My mum used to tell to me I'd never get a decent job with a beard because of discrimination, heck even an english couple told me the same, they told me to shave my beard before the interview - ended up proving them all wrong!

also as unemployment rates continue to rise the chances of finding that guy with the job decreases, so you may well keep your daughter sitting on the shelve untill she's 30 waiting for a pious guy with a job, I think it's better if you find a pious guy on benefits then give her hand providing you get to know him first and see what type of person he is. We have to be realistic women are sitting around till their 30s waiting for the pious guy with good job and rejecting pious men on state benefits, there has to be a compromise somewhere.
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Now a days there are no shortages of pious guys with jobs, masha'Allah plenty of people coming towards deen

I mean even a guy on state benefits can provide a good quality of life compared to that of the sahabba (RA), right? So if women want a man like the prophet (saw) then they should be prepared to make sacrifices like the wives of the prophet (saw) and sahabba. There was periods when they would go hungry and tie stones to their stomachs, no one told them cos of this they shouldn't be married cos they can't provide for their wife.

I'd be interested, which woman today would marry a man who could offer her a little hut with out a proper bed, and the only food is dates every day? If a pious man came who was like the prophet (saw) would women today accept this? Because all of this and more can be offered on state benefits.

You see it's about how big your house is and whether you can provide her with her own kitchen and car that matters now days. If you can provide a shared kitchen and bathroom you've got no chance ;D it would be great if we we could transport them back in time to the time of the prophet (saw) then they will be grateful when they have to go into the bushes to do their business and find rocks to wipe themselves with and they have to survive on a few dates every day, and they have to sleep on a hard bed, then a guy on benefits who follows sunnah will be like a millionaire to them ;D

It's understandable that parents want an easy life for their daughters but at what cost?? is it really worth the risk of letting your child fall into sin?? making her wait till she's 30+ for the pious guy with a good job which is becoming more and more rare. Fair enough if you have the choice between two pious people, 1 with a job and the other hasn't you're obviously gonna chose the 1 with the job, but that's not the case now days, what we see now days is, guy who isn't pious with job, verses pious guy on benefits, and the guy with a job who isn't pious wins every time. Which tells me people are more concerned about this duniya than the akhira, because if they really cared about the akhira they'd pick the pious guy on benefits every time over the non pious guy.
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Nothing wrong with living simple like the prophet

But this is all down to personal preference, women need security, would you be comfortable knowing your daughter is married to a man who barely makes ends meet?

These are just my views from what I've seen of the world, you're welcome to disagree. Living off benefits is respectful I think when you're trying to find a job, but if you're living off them cos you can't be bothered to work then it isn't. Check this article out.

I really couldn't reject a pious brother on benefits because he can't get a job. Fair enough if jobs were easy to come by and there was more jobs than people, but the fact is, currently there is more people than jobs, so I don't see it as fair punishing someone because there's not enough jobs to go round. The supply is greater than the demand sadly and that isn't a person's fault, it doesn't mean he's lazy cos he's living off benefits it means there's not enough jobs to go around.
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Agreed
 
To all brothers.

Definition of working is not only work in a company and get salary regularly. If we work as freelance salesman without salary by get commission, this is also working. If we walk door to door offering computer repair, this is also working.

Many religious Muslim brothers in Indonesia married in young age because they already have desire to woman, and they already found a life-partner. Marriage is the way to prevent ummah from zina.

Not easy for those brothers to find a job, but they did not give up. They do everything to make money such as, sell other people goods that trusted to them, give math lesson to children, be a freelance repairmen, or teach Qur'an recitation to people.

Marriage is sunnah, and we must sure, Allah will give an easiness to anyone who follow sunnah.
 
ardianto said:
To all brothers.

Definition of working is not only work in a company and get salary regularly. If we work as freelance salesman without salary by get commission, this is also working. If we walk door to door offering computer repair, this is also working.

Many religious Muslim brothers in Indonesia married in young age because they already have desire to woman, and they already found a life-partner. Marriage is the way to prevent ummah from zina.

Not easy for those brothers to find a job, but they did not give up. They do everything to make money such as, sell other people goods that trusted to them, give math lesson to children, be a freelance repairmen, or teach Qur'an recitation to people.

Marriage is sunnah, and we must sure, Allah will give an easiness to anyone who follow sunnah.
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:sl:

Well I'm not sure that I agree with the marriage is sunnah part, because then you're telling me that I am disobeying Allah by remaining single. I could see that if I was committing zina, but I'm not out sleeping around with random women. I don't even have a girlfriend.

I'm simply a guy who realizes that I am not the kind of man that I need to be. This is my primary concern, before anything else, even before marriage. I can't be a good husband if I can't be a good man first and foremost.

So I strive to become a better man. But don't tell me that I am not obeying Allah because I remain unmarried.
 

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