Frustrations in getting married

[Salahudeen]

As'Salaam Alaaykum

I believe this thread has fullfilled it's purpose as i believe the OP's Question has been answered, and now its slightly going off topic..Thread CLOSED! so please move on to a more beneficial topic..

:threadclo

*how i wish i was a mod/adminator* :-\

;D you fooled me :threadclo:><: this is a waste of webserver space i think this thread will be deleted :hmm:

 

['Abd Al-Maajid]

No, this has not served the purpose yet! What do I have to do?!

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

I believe the purpose of thread's been fulfilled. If you want to discuss something else create a new thread..A fresh new positive start would be great inshaa'Allaah..

*waits patiently for thread to be locked up*

jazakallaahu Khaayr.

 

[Salahudeen]

I believe the purpose of thread's been fulfilled. If you want to discuss something else create a new thread..A fresh new positive start would be great inshaa'Allaah..

*waits patiently for thread to be locked up*

jazakallaahu Khaayr.

Look at this wanna be moderator ;D

 

[Ghazalah]

Look at this wanna be moderator

Wannabe?? Dude, if Jewel was an admin/mod this forum would be kicked into shape immediately. (Not saying it's not in shape or anything :embarrass )

My Cue to leave now. eace:

 

[Riana17]

Salam Alaikkum

I propose to give serious warning to Mr Kingkong

 

[kingkong]

Salam Alaikkum

I propose to give serious warning to Mr Kingkong

Waslaam.

I'm not surprised at this comment. A warning with not change my opinions or the way I type. I will continue to produce quality, intelligent and serious posts in the same way. If I end up banned, then it will be your loss more than mine.

 

[Who Am I?]

I'm coming to live in Indonesia inshaAllah mg:

Save some room on the plane for me, dude. After reading about all of those available women, I'm there, man. Sounds like comedy theater. A white American dude and an English Pakistani/Indian dude looking for wives in Indonesia. ;D

I know how you treat your wife and how is your concept about responsibilities and form of successful marriage.

As a man who have been married for 17 years, let me tell you, you don't know anything about building a family.

Dude, I love this guy kk. He reminds me of how I used to be. Young and angry and not afraid to show it. This guy knows how to stir the pot. Every thread he is ends up in an argument. Seriously, I don't think the guy can possibly really believe the stuff he posts. I think he does it just to get you guys going.

Remember, don't feed the trolls, kids.

Waslaam.

I'm not surprised at this comment. A warning with not change my opinions or the way I type. I will continue to produce quality, intelligent and serious posts in the same way. If I end up banned, then it will be your loss more than mine.

Err... on second thought...

opcorn:opcorn:opcorn:opcorn:opcorn:opcorn: who wants some pop corn

Got butter on that?

 

[kingkong]

I know how you treat your wife and how is your concept about responsibilities and form of successful marriage.

As a man who have been married for 17 years, let me tell you, you don't know anything about building a family.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I'm not married yet, so how you know how I treat a wife to whom I'm not married to yet, well that's a bit like me saying I know what you and Santa Clause discuss over breakfast.

Secondly, you're right, I know nothing about marriage or building a family spot on, which is why I let the elders, elders as in my parents, aunties and uncles and grandparents run the show.

You've been married for 17 years, that's terrific and may you blessed with many many more years together in this life and the next, but I don't see how that ties in with any of what I said earlier.

I think you might be referring to the comment I made about siblings keeping QUIET when it comes to marriage and letting the elders in the family handle things, in which case what is wrong with this statement? Surely the parents are in the best seat to decide what is best for their child and not a siblings who is not even married or has only been married a for a few years at max?

 

[kingkong]

Dude, I love this guy kk. He reminds me of how I used to be. Young and angry and not afraid to show it. This guy knows how to stir the pot. Every thread he is ends up in an argument. Seriously, I don't think the guy can possibly really believe the stuff he posts. I think he does it just to get you guys going.

Remember, don't feed the trolls, kids.

I am not young, today was actually my 26th birthday. I am now an old man, I am ashamed of what my life is, a 26 yr old and still not married, though that will change this December, it's still pathetic on my part, 26 and unmarried, I ask myself why did I leave marriage till I was old and ugly and I promise you, at 26 I physically much much uglier than I was when I was 20, and that is the age I should have married.

As for being angry, I'm not angry, I'm as calm as the sea breeze on a summer night. I don't come here to stir up anything, nor am I a troll. I am merely a middle aged man who is expressing his views, views which seem to hit very sensitive nerves on other people.

 

[Who Am I?]

I am not young, today was actually my 26th birthday. I am now an old man, I am ashamed of what my life is, a 26 yr old and still not married, though that will change this December, it's still pathetic on my part, 26 and unmarried, I ask myself why did I leave marriage till I was old and ugly and I promise you, at 26 I physically much much uglier than I was when I was 20, and that is the age I should have married.

As for being angry, I'm not angry, I'm as calm as the sea breeze on a summer night. I don't come here to stir up anything, nor am I a troll. I am merely a middle aged man who is expressing his views, views which seem to hit very sensitive nerves on other people.

Well happy birthday, brother.

And 26 is middle-aged? Maybe 200 years ago when people died at 50. But not anymore. If 26 is middle-aged, then I should be in a retirement home at 35. Try telling that to the government. They'd laugh if I told them I was retiring at 35.

I wish I was still 26 and knew what I know now. When I turned 30 I was depressed for 6 months. I was still single (as I still am now) and still lived at home with my parents. I had nothing to show for my life. I have since moved out on my own, but my singularity remains (just like a black hole's).

My mom every now and then drops hints about wanting grandchildren before she is too old to enjoy them. My sister has been married for 3 years. Her husband already has a son and does not want any more children. So I guess it falls to me. I told Dad years ago half-jokingly that the family line would end with this generation. It looks more and more likely that this will be actual fact. This is something that I think about daily. So brother, I feel your pain.

Still, I think that some things probably should be better left unsaid. Like in the one sister's thread where she was asking for advice. If you don't agree with her, fair enough. But she is having a legitimate crisis and really doesn't need to hear that we're all doomed and our quest is vain. Nobody likes 3PO.

But, you can say what you want. Don't mind me. I'm just an old man rambling on about nothing...

 

[noorseeker]

No dont close this thread , its my favourite in a long time lool

I ask certain individuals not to post if they are going to argue, regardless if they think they are right.

Save some room on the plane for me, dude

Me 2 , i,l even sit in the holding lool

 

[Who Am I?]

No dont close this thread , its my favourite in a long time lool

I ask certain individuals not to post if they are going to argue, regardless if they think they are right.





Me 2 , i,l even sit in the holding lool

Ok now I'm getting some story ideas here. A departure from my original project is perhaps in order...

 

[Riana17]

Waslaam.

I'm not surprised at this comment. A warning with not change my opinions or the way I type. I will continue to produce quality, intelligent and serious posts in the same way. If I end up banned, then it will be your loss more than mine.

I fall down to the ground, under ground

Can't help people with over confidence, I hope you can see how much you are irritating people with your behavior, being too much proud will not do any good to you Brother, learn from experience people like Brother Ardianto

Pls do yourself a favor, no one can help you but yourself, dont be on denial, pls sit and think about how you think of yourself, you seems to express yourself in perfect way, Subhannallah

Allah help you inshallah, we are not perfect but making people irritated with your over confidence and perfectness and good judgment is pretty disturbing


P.S.

Nothing personal, but believe me I am in perfect honesty, its not gonna be lost, only proud people like you makes me leave this FORUM
I dont like internet and I dont have FB either, the only love I have is IB, and because of proud people like you, I am loosing interest , nothing personal, I am against you but your character, if you wann go to Jannah pls fix your EGO and proud behavior, only SHAYTAN is proud

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

.........................................

 

[kingkong]

I fall down to the ground, under ground

Can't help people with over confidence, I hope you can see how much you are irritating people with your behavior, being too much proud will not do any good to you Brother.

Being confident, isn't this what people have been asking brothers to be? You might be confusing the term confident and arrogant.

As for irritating people with my behaviour, you can stop reading what I type, and they can. No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read my views.

 

[flowergarden]

Salaam Alaikum,

I am not married, of course I am looking in to getting married. The reasons why I am not married, and won't get married yet...

1)I haven't found the right guy for me.
2) I strongly believe a women should get at least a certain amount of college/university education, because you never know what may happen in life. I believe it is the smart path and wise path to seek education before worrying about marriage.
3) marriage needs a good supporting job where it can at least pay the bills, I have a job, but I am not satisfied with it as I want to get a better professional job going.
4) Today world it is not easy to get married and not be stable so it is not so much frustration in marriage, but getting stable enough to even think about it.

5) I don't believe in getting married before you stabilize yourself.... meaning loving yourself before you try to love someone else. As you won't fully love if you can't even love who you are. Getting where you want in life, and feeling comfortable with who you are and where you are at before getting in to a marriage.

6) It is not easy to find the right man within a year or two, so it is a matter of patience and not frustration... furthermore, I am not really in to arranged marriages (the ones where you don't get to know the person, and marry him after speaking to him once, with no proper meet) No offense to anyone, that is just my belief. I feel the two won't have the bonding that is needed for a healthy and happy marriage...

All in all, to me it is about patience, and about stabilizing yourself before taking such a big step in your life... There is no need to rush, because in the end if Allah wills it, it will happen. And marriage is the last thing that should ever be rushed. When you rush you may settle for less due to your frustration and uneasy... I believe just keep you faith in Allah it will work in your favor!

 

[Who Am I?]

5) I don't believe in getting married before you stabilize yourself.... meaning loving yourself before you try to love someone else. As you won't fully love if you can't even love who you are. Getting where you want in life, and feeling comfortable with who you are and where you are at before getting in to a marriage.

This. So much this. I love this.

This could have been typed by me, because this is exactly where I am and why I am not married. I must love myself first before I can love someone else, and I do not love myself right now. I don't hate myself, but I realize that I have a long way to go before I can honestly say that I love myself.

 

[ardianto]

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I'm not married yet, so how you know how I treat a wife to whom I'm not married to yet, well that's a bit like me saying I know what you and Santa Clause discuss over breakfast.

I am sorry. My English is not good. I misunderstood, I thought you have been married.

Secondly, you're right, I know nothing about marriage or building a family spot on, which is why I let the elders, elders as in my parents, aunties and uncles and grandparents run the show.

You've been married for 17 years, that's terrific and may you blessed with many many more years together in this life and the next, but I don't see how that ties in with any of what I said earlier.

I didn't know anything about building a family when I was teenager. But then I learned about marriage life and building a family from some sources such as from married people, from marriage articles, from lectures by Ulama.

But bro. After I noticed your view about marriage life in your posts, I am sure you need to learn more. You have many misconception about marriage life.

I think you might be referring to the comment I made about siblings keeping QUIET when it comes to marriage and letting the elders in the family handle things, in which case what is wrong with this statement? Surely the parents are in the best seat to decide what is best for their child and not a siblings who is not even married or has only been married a for a few years at max?

Like I have said in my other post, different place, different culture.

In my place, people make their own decision on with who they will marry, even for religious Muslim people. The parents role is only try to find and introduce to their children. But decision still in their children hands.

Do you know ?. In my place, when religious men want to have wives, they do not request their parents, but they tell local Ulama and local Muslim community. Then those Ulama or community people send message to Muslimah communities. After Muslimah community give an information, there is a woman who is looking for a husband and want to know further about this man (notice : women do not accept marriage proposal without know about man who propose marriage), then both parties will make an appoinment to meet that man with that woman. If those man and woman 'matched' with each other, they will marry. If they don't 'matched', they will stop meeting.

The parents role in this process is just give some inputs. But decision is in those man and woman hands.

 

[jimbo123]

But bro, if what you do in looking for a wife is choose and reject only by photo, you will never get married.

You need to meet. And you can find the attractive side of that girl, and that girl can find your attractive side.

The problem is this bro Ardianto, it is true I have rejected only by photo but this is after getting to know about the person and their personality. A few times I did reject based on the photo when I knew for sure I wouldn't like the girl.

You are right though that pictures aren't a good way to do this and you need to actually meet a person (with family involvement) for the charm to correctly come across. I have rejected maybe 4 or 5 girls (using the picture method) but I know I have been rejected maybe 100 times by other girls with the same method. I have a job that pays quite well, I know I am handsome, my physique/health is good because I play sports every other day and I practise Islam but I have been rejected for silly reasons. I am told it is because I am 1-2 inches shorter than they would like, even though I am taller than them! Or that they would prefer to marry a doctor!

Since I started looking for a wife 1 year ago, my self confidence has gone up and down. I waited until I was 24 so I could build up my confidence as I didn't feel worthy of marriage. All my family encouraged me to get married and yes, in my culture we have matchmakers as well. But after getting rejected so many times (by picture and basic bio data), my self confidence is less than half of what it used to be.

Going back to the matchmaker thing, I have married sisters and uncles looking for me. The problem is that it always starts with a photo and a basic CV containing (height, job title, education, level of religiousness and information about brothers/sisters and parents). That is the first stage and after that, if both man and woman accept then there will be a meet.

I also joined matrimonial sites which works on a similar principle but without the matchmaker. You are absolutely right though that meeting a person and looking at a picture of them are 2 very different things. There are some matrimonial events that take place (where guys and girls can meet), I'm not sure how this works or how halal it is but I guess that would be another option.