Please pray for me

[peaceandlove]

Due to some reasons (not something too bad but she some common thing happen in almost every house) my wife left my house and now living with their parents. I tried each and every possible step to bring him back. Actually, she is ready to came back but their parents are not allowing him, even they stop him for talking to me and he did not phone me.

My Eid was just went with too much tense. I love him very much, and cannot sleep even well at night. Whole night I just got awake and I Cannot descibe how my heart was crying.

I also pray to Allah to bring back him home. Is there any dua which is help ful that Prophet Muhammad Salalahualiwaslam told us in this situation?

Please also pray for me so Allah open mind of my wife and her parents so she came back home. I am feelingn so lonely :'''''''''''(

 

[Endymion]

“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allaah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things”

[al-Nisa’ 4:35]

This advice from the Quran will help you Inshallah.
There are hundereds of beautiful doaa's taught by our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW.Here is one of them.Inshallah Allah SWT will ease your affairs.

اَللّٰهُمَّ اِنِّىْ اَعُوْذُبِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَاَعُوْذُبِكَ مِنَ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَاَعُوْذُبِكَ مِنَ الْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَاَعُوْذُبِكَ مِنْ غَلَبَةِ الدَّيْنِ وَقَهْرِ الرِّجَالِ

O Allah! I seek refuge in You from grief and worries, and I seek refuge in You from being unable (to do what is required) and from laziness and cowardice, and I seek refuge in You from excessive debts and from being overpowered by people.”(Mishkaat pg.215)


Hadrat Abdullah bin Abu Aufa (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu) narrated ALLAH’S Messenger as saying, If any one wants something from ALLAH or from a human being (i.e. irrespective of the need being directly from ALLAH without having any connection with man or apparently relating to a human being), he should perform ablution and do it well, then perform two rak’ahs, then extol ALLAH most high and invoke blessings on the Prophets, then say,

“There is a no God but ALLAH, the Clement and Generous. Glory be to ALLAH, the Lord of the mighty throne. Praise be to ALLAH, the Lord of the Universe. I ask Thee for words which will guarantee Thy mercy, actions whichwill make certain Thy forgiveness, a supply of every virtue and freedom from every offence. Do not leave me a sin which Thou dost not pardon, a care which Thou dost not remove, or a want that meets Thy pleasure which Thou dost not supply, O most merciful of the merciful ones.” [Tirmizi - lbn Majah]

Hadrat Huzaifa (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu) narrated that when anything distressed the Prophet, he performed Salaah (Nawafil). [Abu Dawud]

 

[ardianto]

One question. Where is your wife now ? in the same city or in another city ?.

I had a same experience. My wife left our house went to her parent house, in the 6th year of our marriage, brought my 2 year old son. It made me very angry.

But her parent house is in the same city. So, I could visit them every afternoon after office hour and back to my house in the evening. And in off days I always visited them full day. That's what I did in that situation.

And although I was angry, I never angry when I was in her parent house. I always tried to talk with her parents and her family although her dad refuse to talk with me. But I never gave up. And, I never forget to my duty as a husband, I always give my wife and my son money and always fulfil what they need.

Brother, InshaAllah I will make dua for you, wish Allah make your wife back to you. But don't forget, you must forgive your wife when she back to you. That's what I have done to my wife.

 

[peaceandlove]

Well, her house is just a 1-2 km from my house and if i want i can visit him daily. But the problem is I had visited him twice but her parents does not allowed him to go with me, and they had said many thing which my parent feel too much bad and now my parent does not allow me to even make a call to him.

I just been trapped in all the way, if i make him call my parents are very un happay, If I visit him , her parents are not satisfied.

What ever talk I had with my wife, I am sure we both want to meet and live but there are many misunderstanding between our parents , we can both solve our issue by talking but what I understand parents ego does not allowing to do that.

Yes, agree the things happen might be big for parents, and those word must never be spoken by anybody but I donot know why parents love more thier ego then what their childrent wants. Why did not they just forgive their childs?

Truely, speaking my heart is crying , I am not able to do anything. I love my parent, I love my wife but cannot do any thing

 

[ardianto]

The "him" in your posts confused me. It seem like you talk about a male, but I notice in your posts you also call your wife with "her".

Okay, back to my experience. I always visited my wife almost everyday, but I never asked her to go out with me, even I did not ask her to back to our home. However, I never forgot to my duty as a husband and a daddy. I always gave money to my wife and my son. Even I brought something for them like other daddies brought something for their families after they back from their work. What I did with my wife and my son there same like what I usually did with them in our home.

That's true. I did not ask my wife to back to our home, but I always showed her and her family, I am still her husband who never neglect my duty to her. Later, it made them realize.

That was my experience. I hope you can learn something from it.

Keep in patience, my brother. And always perform salah tahajood every night, wish Allah make your wife back to you.

 

[Muslim Woman]

she is ready to came back

then just go and bring her back . If an adult woman wants to stay with her husband , parents have no legal right to stop her .


U may talk to a lawyer also and send a notice to her parent if negotiation fails.


Also make dua to Allah to grant what is best for u 2 .

 

[Tilmeez]

I would suggest a third party negotiation.
You can discuss this with some reasonable (those who have good reputation/ well known and are welcome at both your and her home) brothers (May be one or two) and ask them to walk with you for the sake of Allah SWT.

When its between bride and groom parents play basic roll but when its between families a third party can help them return to a point which is closer to logic and Allah SWT has promised reward for.

U may talk to a lawyer also and send a notice to her parent if negotiation fails.

I don't support this idea at this point as this will create a gap between her and her parents.

 

[peaceandlove]

First of all ignore my english, if i use the wrong work 'her' etc

Secondly, What I belive there is more misunderstanding in parents then ours. My parents feel very much bad thing about him, and her parent fell many thing about me. I think if we both talk it should not go for long but as we live in joint family , these problems arises.

Now, I cannot go an meet her even cannot make a call as my parents will be too much angry if I did this? and they stop me for doing this with anger , and I think the same case is there.

I talk with my parents to insert some third party to talk and end the dispute but they are not even ready for that and demand the girl parents will do that.

If i go to meet her, its big problem in my house as my parents got toooooooooo angry , if i donot I donot find any solution for talk.

I try to pray five time and alwys pray to Allah to solve my problems.

 

[ardianto]

Is there someone who can talk with your parents and also with her parents ?.

 

[peaceandlove]

Yes, I think there are many many people , but my parents want that this step should be taken from her parents to send some person and not by us, I donot know what her parents wants or thinking as for many days our parents just even stop us to talk on phone too. Even I tried to take permision from them many time, but they are not allowing. If i donot follow them they get tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry.

 

[ardianto]

A man is not under guardian of anyone. He brings himself to nikah as independent person. Different than woman who brought by her wali to nikah.

Ijab Qobul in nikah is process when the bride's wali give the woman who under his guardian to the groom. Then the bride is not under guardian of her wali anymore. She becomes the 'property' of the husband, and should obey her husband.

That's is concept of nikah in Islam. That I have seen and I have heard from some Islamic teachers.

So, bro, actually your parents cannot forbid you to meet your wife, and your wife parents cannot forbid her to meet you if she want to meet you. You are not doing something wrong if you disobey your parents prohibition to meet your wife, as long as you not rude to your parents. She is still your wife and you still have a duty to fulfill your obligation to your wife.

But if you afraid to do it, you should request help from someone who can explain your parents about it. Don't wait until your wife parents send someone to your parents, but you must come to your wife family, accompanied with someone, and discuss with them.

It's better if someone who can accompanied you is an Islamic teacher, or at least a man who have enough Islamic knowledge.

 

[Muslim Woman]

. She becomes the 'property' of the husband, .

is there any Ayat or Hadith that supports it ?

Except this line, I agree with the rest.

to the OP brother , if u & ur wife want to meet each other , I dont' understand how parents can stop u 2 ?

Try to contact ur wife over mobile phone , meet outside the residence and tell her it's her life. She should take a decision about it . If she needs more time to think , then don't force her .

may Allah bless u with a happy , married life.

 

[ardianto]

is there any Ayat or Hadith that supports it ?

I used ' ' because actually wife is not property, but ....... I don't know the right English word for this.

Those Islamic teachers told me, before a woman married, her wali had responsibility to fulfill her needs, responsibility to give protection, responsibility to love her, and much more. But after she married, those responsibilities turn into her husband. Those Islamic teachers said, a woman is 'belong to' (they used word menjadi milik) the husband. The husband has responsibility to fulfill the wife needs, protects, loving, treat the wife nicely, and much more, while the wife should obey the husband.

I used 'property' only to inform, after married, a woman is not under guardianship of the wali anymore. But she is with her husband.

Sorry if the word 'property' is too rude.