Salaam,
Its been almost two months, i am experiencing extremely bad waswas, these waswas are very evil thoughts which i dare not speak, sometimes i feel these are my thoughts i have ruined my chances for jannah forever, I usually am sleeping late at night, basically it happens all day, before going to sleep or when i am about to wake up i feel as if it is me who is not thinking but maybe speaking(muttering) these statements. I have started to sit alone in my room, at times im unable to take lectures,i am doing awkward things, i check for signs whether Allah is happy with me or angry at me, ie i check my forehead whether or not something bad is written on it, now i feel as if the glow of my face has been lost and Allah has cursed me. At times i feel so low and depressed, know i dont feel these are waswas but feel as if these are only my thoughts, however the frequency of these thoughts have reduced a bit, but the nature of these thoughts have become more evil, i feel that i am not avoiding these thoughts, i feel my best(to aviod the thought) is not good enough,infact i myself is starting it, i have done alot of research on ocd and waswas, but my case is not related to shirk but its related to Holy Prophet (PBUH). I dont know whether it is a test or Allah is really angry with me,at times i feel i have lost my emaan and i am doomed forever, although i really want to enter islam completely, but somewhere someone is stopping me, i have stopped watching bad movies, i am not listening to music or watching tv. i wish even my worst enemy dont experience these thoughts, they are bad thoughts, m so messed up, m unable to talk to someone not even my parents, and these thoughts are killling me from inside.
Its been almost two months, i am experiencing extremely bad waswas, these waswas are very evil thoughts which i dare not speak, sometimes i feel these are my thoughts i have ruined my chances for jannah forever, I usually am sleeping late at night, basically it happens all day, before going to sleep or when i am about to wake up i feel as if it is me who is not thinking but maybe speaking(muttering) these statements. I have started to sit alone in my room, at times im unable to take lectures,i am doing awkward things, i check for signs whether Allah is happy with me or angry at me, ie i check my forehead whether or not something bad is written on it, now i feel as if the glow of my face has been lost and Allah has cursed me. At times i feel so low and depressed, know i dont feel these are waswas but feel as if these are only my thoughts, however the frequency of these thoughts have reduced a bit, but the nature of these thoughts have become more evil, i feel that i am not avoiding these thoughts, i feel my best(to aviod the thought) is not good enough,infact i myself is starting it, i have done alot of research on ocd and waswas, but my case is not related to shirk but its related to Holy Prophet (PBUH). I dont know whether it is a test or Allah is really angry with me,at times i feel i have lost my emaan and i am doomed forever, although i really want to enter islam completely, but somewhere someone is stopping me, i have stopped watching bad movies, i am not listening to music or watching tv. i wish even my worst enemy dont experience these thoughts, they are bad thoughts, m so messed up, m unable to talk to someone not even my parents, and these thoughts are killling me from inside.