Being treated differently

[.iman.]

This thread is mainly for support/advice from other converts, but I am sure that ALL Muslisms can relate.


I am just wondering how those who have converted (or started practicing) have dealt with the way people treat you? I've been a Muslim for a year now, al hamdoulilah. I am still being met with a lot of negativity, especially my family. They are telling me all the time that I've changed so much, and my sister has even said she has to "get to know me again". I feel hurt by a lot of these statements because I still feel that I am the same person. Yes, my beliefs have changed, and my outward appearance is not the same, but I am still the daughter/niece/aunt/sister that my family has known. I think what they are seeing is that I am upset because of a situation (being separated from my husband, which I don't want to go into) and of course because of that I am not the sparkling, bubbly, outgoing person I always have been... but they take it as now that I'm Muslim that I don't possess these characteristics anymore. Al hamdoulilah I still have two really good friends that have stood by me and supported me through my conversion but at the same time, I know they feel awkward around me, just by their mannerisms, like they are afraid they might say something that will offend me.


Another problem I've had is with finding a job. I've had several great interviews, where I am completely qualified, if not OVER qualified, yet I can't seem to get hired. I don't want to blame this on hijab because I want to think that employers will see past that, but I also did not ever have a problem finding a job before I became Muslim. I understand that the economy is not what it was before, but the fact that I am getting a few interviews, but then not getting hired, tells me something else. I try to comfort myself in saying that it is all in Allah's power,and if He wants me to work, He will give me a job. I don't want to focus so much on this dunya, but I do have financial matters that I have to take care of.


I know that I am not alone with this issue, so please share stories/advice. BarakAllahu fikoum

 

[Pure Purple]

Don't have story to share with you.I am a born muslim.
after reading your post I am feeling I have got everything in my life so easily..It is not easy to revert to muslim and going away from your parents .May allah make everything easy in your life.:statisfie

 

[User29123]

This thread is mainly for support/advice from other converts, but I am sure that ALL Muslisms can relate.


I am just wondering how those who have converted (or started practicing) have dealt with the way people treat you? I've been a Muslim for a year now, al hamdoulilah. I am still being met with a lot of negativity, especially my family. They are telling me all the time that I've changed so much, and my sister has even said she has to "get to know me again". I feel hurt by a lot of these statements because I still feel that I am the same person. Yes, my beliefs have changed, and my outward appearance is not the same, but I am still the daughter/niece/aunt/sister that my family has known. I think what they are seeing is that I am upset because of a situation (being separated from my husband, which I don't want to go into) and of course because of that I am not the sparkling, bubbly, outgoing person I always have been... but they take it as now that I'm Muslim that I don't possess these characteristics anymore. Al hamdoulilah I still have two really good friends that have stood by me and supported me through my conversion but at the same time, I know they feel awkward around me, just by their mannerisms, like they are afraid they might say something that will offend me.


Another problem I've had is with finding a job. I've had several great interviews, where I am completely qualified, if not OVER qualified, yet I can't seem to get hired. I don't want to blame this on hijab because I want to think that employers will see past that, but I also did not ever have a problem finding a job before I became Muslim. I understand that the economy is not what it was before, but the fact that I am getting a few interviews, but then not getting hired, tells me something else. I try to comfort myself in saying that it is all in Allah's power,and if He wants me to work, He will give me a job. I don't want to focus so much on this dunya, but I do have financial matters that I have to take care of.


I know that I am not alone with this issue, so please share stories/advice. BarakAllahu fikoum

If you could find a job before you were Muslim easily and now you can't its pretty obvious its your identity which is causing the problem, they way you dress and to people your know as "Muslim", but keep trying sister Allah is all knowing, Patients is needed. Inshallah you will find a job (I have been finding a job for ages, if your in the UK I can understand that too!)

 

[MartyrX]

I lost a few friends over converting. It kind of made me not want to tell anyone else, but I figured if they can't accept it, then I don't need them in my life anyways. My family has for the most part accepted it. They realize that I'm the same person as I was before. For the most part with a few exceptions.

I know the economy is horrible right now. And it very well could be that you are a Muslim that you're not getting these positions. I have the luxury of not having any outward appearance of being a Muslim, so no one can tell. I hope that you find a place with an open mind and will hire you.

 

[Who Am I?]

I have the opposite problem. I am struggling with trying to change, trying to become a better man, yet nobody seems to appreciate or understand or even acknowledge that. Some of my friends keep saying that they "miss the old me who knew how to have fun" and honestly, that stings a bit. I feel like none of my efforts are appreciated, but I also know that I have to do this for myself and not for anyone else.

Still, the human side of me wants to feel understood and appreciated by my friends and family. Also to be loved by a woman, but that's a different topic.

 

[.iman.]

Ameen to all of the dou3as, jazakAllahu khair. Even though my life may be hard at times, especially problems with my family and finding a job, I have to say al hamdoulilah because I still have one, and I am not completely alone in this world. I also see people in poverty, who are suffering from illness, and plenty of other things that make me put things in perspective. We must not take Allah's compassion, generosity or mercy for granted!

 

[kidcanman]

Try posting an add on craigslist. or if you have like a massage board or website at your local Masjid. Post the fact that you are a Hijabi who is finding it difficult to find a job due to your identity and maybe another muslim will notice. The #1 way to find a job is through networking.

if you live in Houston we could make it happen post haste.

there is a website; crescentyouth.com. I think they're nationwide. post on their website message board. Or maybe post the information on the website of the local MSA (muslim student association).

We look out for each other sister. your fellow muslims will be excited to try and find a Hijabi a job.

 

[.iman.]

Try posting an add on craigslist. or if you have like a massage board or website at your local Masjid. Post the fact that you are a Hijabi who is finding it difficult to find a job due to your identity and maybe another muslim will notice. The #1 way to find a job is through networking.

if you live in Houston we could make it happen post haste.

there is a website; crescentyouth.com. I think they're nationwide. post on their website message board. Or maybe post the information on the website of the local MSA (muslim student association).

We look out for each other sister. your fellow muslims will be excited to try and find a Hijabi a job.

jazakAllahu khair for your advice. I actually had an interview Friday for a job I used to do about 5 years ago, and they immediately had me go take a drug test right after, and they said that I basically have the job, they just have to wait for the results. khair inshAllah it will all work out. I recently moved back to my hometown where there is not a large Muslim population, so it is hard to network. Amongst a population of 450,000 there are 2 masjids. inshAllah once I have some money saved up, I can make a move to a city where there is a bigger Muslim population with more opportunities.

 

[esperanza]

I have the opposite problem. I am struggling with trying to change, trying to become a better man, yet nobody seems to appreciate or understand or even acknowledge that. Some of my friends keep saying that they "miss the old me who knew how to have fun" and honestly, that stings a bit. I feel like none of my efforts are appreciated, but I also know that I have to do this for myself and not for anyone else.

Still, the human side of me wants to feel understood and appreciated by my friends and family. Also to be loved by a woman, but that's a different topic.

just be yourself and ontinue trying to be a better person,,,and dont worry about what people think of you ,,,,and dont try yto be what other people want..people should love and appreciate you as you are..if not..well maybe you dont need them

 

[Snowflake]

Assalamu alaykum my dear sister,


Welcome to Islam! I pray Allah eases all your hardships and keeps you strong in your faith. Ameen.

'Whenever anyone accepted islam, the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam, used to teach them how to pray. Then he would instruct them to invoke Allah with the following words:

Allahumaghfirlee warhamnee wahdini wa 'aafinee warzuqnee - O Allah forgive me, and have mercy on me, and give me good health and provide for me.

Muslim 4/2073, and in one of Muslim's reports there is an addition: 'For these words combine the goodness of this world and the next.'


Insha Allah may these verses comfort you and Allah's help will be with you. Ameen.

Quran Chapter 94 - Quran Translation of Surah Al-Inshirah (Solace)

 

[Huzzy_786]

Sister, The only advice I could give you is make dua, ask from allah... You know, Allah could be waiting there for you but all he is waiting for you to do is ask...
Inshallah

Also like the sister above me said "Welcome to Islam! I pray Allah eases all your hardships and keeps you strong in your faith."

 

[- Malak -]

Good to know that you have a good interview recently. I wish that you have the job 100%. in sha Allah. I don't lose the faith in Allah , Allah will give us better than what we seek but we need to keep work and do dua

 

[Amat Allah]

Assalaamu Alikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh my precious and dear brothers and sisters...

I am enjoying reading the replies Ma shaa Allah...May Allah love you all and ease your way to Him always and forever Ameeeeen

never give up trusting Allah ever and put in your mind always" Allah disappoints non of His slaves when returning to Him" and also if Allah deprived ya from something then you must know that He Is The Exalted doing what is good for ya no but the best I swear by Him The Most Merciful The Most Compassionate...

Allah knows while we are not...HE KNOWS WHAT the BEST FOR US The Al Mighty...whenever I want something so bad and see it like my life is depending on it and then I don`t get it ; I know that My Love Is planing me something amazing and better than what I am seeking no by Him I swear I never seen anything bad from Allah but the best always and Allah says:"No person knows what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do. (17)" Assaj`dah

so, whether I got what I want or not then I know believe and sure that it is the best for me cause Whom I love The Most Is taking care of me, protecting me and easing my way to what is best for me...Alhamdulilah ...

let Allah be your everything and you will get everything in the best way ever...and will own the world and whats in it and beyond that more and more than much...laa ilaha illa Allah always and forever...

if not Allah then I don`t wana be...I never knew happiness till I knew Him The Merciful...He Is my happiness my everything laa ilaha illa Allah.

it is enough for ya to be His slaves that is the utmost honor ever...

and never forget; Allah testing His servants and slaves ...May Allah help us all to worship Him right and make us from His best pious and rightous slaves whom He love whom are the closest to Allah in this dunya and in Al Akhirah Ameeeeeeeeeen

May Allah shower you with all of His blessings and make your hearts happy always and May He never prevent ya all from seeing His AlMighty Face ever Ameeeeeeeeen

love you all for the sake of Allah always and forever ...

take care of your precious selves , leaving you under Allah`s sight care and protection...

Humbly:

Amat Allah.

 

[Abz2000]

not easy sis - but InshaAllah - He will cause a change soon,
I am learning to not feel despair when things aren't good - and find this verse consoling:

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُواْ الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْاْ مِن قَبْلِكُم مَّسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاء وَالضَّرَّاء وَزُلْزِلُواْ حَتَّى يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ مَعَهُ مَتَى نَصْرُ اللّهِ أَلا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللّهِ قَرِيبٌ

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[TD]Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you?
they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried:
"When (will come) the help of Allah?"
Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near![/TD]
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[Aprender]

Another problem I've had is with finding a job. I've had several great interviews, where I am completely qualified, if not OVER qualified, yet I can't seem to get hired. I don't want to blame this on hijab because I want to think that employers will see past that, but I also did not ever have a problem finding a job before I became Muslim. I understand that the economy is not what it was before, but the fact that I am getting a few interviews, but then not getting hired, tells me something else. I try to comfort myself in saying that it is all in Allah's power,and if He wants me to work, He will give me a job. I don't want to focus so much on this dunya, but I do have financial matters that I have to take care of.

I am having this exact same problem right now. Going on interviews and not getting hired because I wear the hijab whereas previously I didn't have any issues finding work even in this awful economy. I love how employers say they're equal opportunity and support diversity in the workplace but still these negative results come about. I too have financial problems that need to get taken care of right away and without a job it is very difficult.

Also pressure from the parents too wanting me to move on. It's difficult with non-Muslim parents trying to get everything done. I'm thinking soon that if I can't find work here where I am that I will have to look in other places maybe even out of the state. Really the only way I am dealing with it is trying to have patience and not dwelling too much on the negative and the way people treat me now...

 

[Who Am I?]

I have the opposite problem. I am struggling with trying to change, trying to become a better man, yet nobody seems to appreciate or understand or even acknowledge that. Some of my friends keep saying that they "miss the old me who knew how to have fun" and honestly, that stings a bit. I feel like none of my efforts are appreciated, but I also know that I have to do this for myself and not for anyone else.

Still, the human side of me wants to feel understood and appreciated by my friends and family. Also to be loved by a woman, but that's a different topic.

I'm quoting myself because things have changed a lot since that last post.

I now know why I feel like an alien here. I now know why I feel out of place, like I don't belong. It is because I don't belong. I don't know why I was born here to the family I am in, but maybe it was prepare me for becoming who I am supposed to be. I'm not a Westerner.

The Islamic values of family and simple living are at odds with my upbringing in a culture that emphasises greed and individuality. This is why I have long felt that I don't belong here.

I'm a confused Easterner trapped in a Westerner's body. I'm a brown man in the skin of a white man. :hmm:

 

[Scimitar]

You are a man who is recognising the importance of classical values... values that stay timeless Values that Islam teaches us to hold onto, for our own benefit. Your heart is open and understands the importance of these values... yet you still ask "who am I" ?

You are my brother, that is who you are. I don't care what colour skin you have, I think you are amazing

I believe you are struggling in the way of the deen, the most high struggle, the struggle that Allah loves the most of His creation. And for that, I am proud to call you my brother.

Scimi

 

[Marina-Aisha]

Omg that's sooo deep...kinda lost for words... For me I'm finding that my Deen is getting lower. Before even when I didn't know al fatia I never use to miss my salat but nw I miss it I'm late to it I feel like the worse Muslima ever... All the problems at work just getting to me..I keep looking for other jobs but nothing is working out. Sometimes I feel like my heart can't take all this hardship..I know Allah test people he loves but sometimes I think my heart can't take it.. I know Satan is trying to get the best out me..but it's just hard. Also I don't really have anyone to talk to accept my sis friends online but I feel like I'm going on on bout same thing feel like in burdening them with my problems.

 

[Sumaiya54]

I sadly do not have any stories to say, since I am 13 years old and do not have a job and such. I do know that it is very hard being my age because my parents pretty much can do whatever they want with me and since they reject Islam as my religion I can not do much else about it. Allah swt has blessed you with the ability to be on your own and be able to make desicions for yourself Alhamdulilah.

Omg that's sooo deep...kinda lost for words... For me I'm finding that my Deen is getting lower. Before even when I didn't know al fatia I never use to miss my salat but nw I miss it I'm late to it I feel like the worse Muslima ever... All the problems at work just getting to me..I keep looking for other jobs but nothing is working out. Sometimes I feel like my heart can't take all this hardship..I know Allah test people he loves but sometimes I think my heart can't take it.. I know Satan is trying to get the best out me..but it's just hard. Also I don't really have anyone to talk to accept my sis friends online but I feel like I'm going on on bout same thing feel like in burdening them with my problems.

I know a lot of converts and this happens a lot after you experience a "convert extreme" where you seem like the perfect Muslim and have this super strong faith in Allah swt and stuff.
The Prophet SAWS said, Eman comes in waves, and this is true, sometimes you are going to believe more strongly than others.
I know what you are feeling, as if you are being tested so much, and I know this is probably the advice everybody has given you, but I am going to say it again. You should make duaa and just wait, however you like waiting, because Allah swt will never leave you alone.

Allah swt does not accept more than you can give, if you can not pray on time everyday than Allah swt will accept that inshaAllah, you could always just take 5 minutes thinking and praying to Allah, without doing a formal prayer but just anywhere, without any distractions, because that does help a lot.
Make Allah swt your best friend, talk to Him about your problems, because even if that does not make you feel better, it will bring you closer to Allah swt in the long run.
I kind of had the same experience, I did not read Quran for around a month because I just didn't honestly feel like it, and then when I started reading it again, it was like Allah swt had answered my pleas for Eman.

This is what has helped me and I am making duaa for you sis

 

[Marina-Aisha]

thanx sis

to be honest when i first got these tests i would always make duas no matter wot but now i feel defeated maybe i dunno my mind and heart are all over the place..and i dont do my duas as much cos i feel like im totally late for my salat..would my duas even b accepted..you get me?Also ive gone back to my old habbits and started to listen to music again..i just think ive got harram job wots alittle harram music gonna do?i know thats totally bad....maybe your right start reading the quran again and listen to it before i go to bed..always think of Allah when its prayer..