Love husband or not??plz reply soon

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Bint-e-Adam

Bint-e-Adam

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Asslaam o alaikum brothers and sisters.
here i want to ask a question again :)
I will give you a short story based on reality with my close friend.
then you have to answer my question below it after reading it...
suppose her name is :ABC
"ABC is mankuha, i means she has got her nikah with a cousin. They have mobile contact also. they loved each other a lot. ABC was not in his love in beginning but as the time passes her love also grew up. later on after 9 months approximately, her husband begin to get angry and harsh. he banned her on going outside of house, on even taking salam to her Aunt, grand mother also. and ABC did so. ABC also take pills, and get ill. only due to gain his love. but he used to gave his love only for few days and then become angry again. in such anger he did not even want to talk to her. dont care for her. he doesnot even gave her Tallaq. and ABC also did not want divorce. her husband annoys her so much that she burn her self with fire. her husband donot care for her now also.and after dew days he started love again. then after few days again anger.... :( .i mean that repeats again and again.when he is not in anger he becomes her loving and ideal husband. she tried her level best to keep his mood good.but all in vain again and again.
ABC do tell her parents this situation at last. but all in vain. now after 1 and half year has passed with such conditions. they go outside also for a enjoyment. but now this enjoyment has also stopped."


now the main topic is: "ABC is now getting hidayat. and awareness. that Allah is the most loving. she started Loving Allah and caring for Him. and she has ended contacting him more. now she is getting so much confused. that what should she do??? she has decided that she will love Allah forever. as she has known that if she will make happy Allah, then Allah will make all people happy with her automatically, as a reward. but now she doesnot want any reward of people's love. she only wants Allah's love. she has decided that if her husband will talk to her she will talk to her bu not love him. even after rukhsati she will not let herself fallen in sex with him. if he will want to do sex then she will allow him but not make herself involved in sex and love. she will only love Allah and will give every right of his relations but not love. because she is guilty now for the reasons that she had harmed herslef only for the love of a man who did not care for her. Now i want to ask that ::


1: if her husband want her love back or want her to love him again madly as she did, then what should she do? she dont want to love him now, she only want to love Allah. (as she will not ever stop giving his rights to him except love.)
2: if his husband want to sex her again then will it is a sin to sex again?because she is in love with Allah. she only want to think Him. then she thinks that Allah will be angry if she will think about her husband or want to sex his husband.
3: She does not let herslef think of the time that she has spent with her husband happily. whenever it came to her mind she begin repenting as she is committing a sin. she does not think about having sex with her husband. because she thinks it a sin. what about this confusion?


should ABC think or love her husband or not. (in fact less than Allah.) ???? plz guide me as soon as possible.
 
:wa:


sis , that's an abnormal situation . If a wife burns herself out of frustration in married life , it's better to get divorced .

In Islam , there is no such rule that if u love Allah , u can't love husband or can't have physicla intimacy with him . Allah's order is just the opposite . We must have a happy , healthy life . So , to love husband , fulfill his rights is an obligation for a Muslim woman. Also , husband's duty is to fulfill her rights .


what's the reason he gets angry so much and wants to cut off the relationship with aunt , grand ma ? If appearently there is no such valid reason , then could it be a result of black magic ?
 
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yeah i guess so.
but he is so much possessive of her wife.he does not want to let her see anyone, he just tries to hide her form whole world and care for her alone.
do u mean is she think of his husband or love him is not a sin? if she think about the past moments passed with him happily either of sex, is sit not a sin???
 
:sl:

Love husband is NOT a sin in Islam . Sounds like he needs medical treatment / councelling .
 
I agree with the sister reply. First she need to seek help, counselling or anything that might save this marriage but not to force herself to love him while he is making her life miserable.

I would suggest to see someone knowledgeable in roqya, may be there is a saher been done. If there is nothing wrong with him, best thing is to leave, her life is unbearable like that, and if she has kids, it will make their life miserable too.
 
:wa:
and one more thing:
ABC is suffered so much and every time she herself has said sorry and please him. she did not care for her ego. but now this time she is hurt too much.
and also dont want to let her ego destroyed again. is it right in islam? she only want to make him lay to straight path. and show him her importance in his life. is it a sin? she is not saying sorry this time. Rather she is not contacting him on mbl. he is also not contacting her now a days. is it a sin to show her ego this time. as every time she has forgiven him only for sake of ALlah. but only due to repeating same actions and being get hurted this time the most, she has decided to give him a lesson and not to bend this time. is it right?
 
hur575 said:
I agree with the sister reply. First she need to seek help, counselling or anything that might save this marriage but not to force herself to love him while he is making her life miserable.

I would suggest to see someone knowledgeable in roqya, may be there is a saher been done. If there is nothing wrong with him, best thing is to leave, her life is unbearable like that, and if she has kids, it will make their life miserable too.
Click to expand...

But she loves him even till now. she is confusing and in a dilemma. she begin to think about his past loving moments. but then she realize that Allah will get angry,she must think of Allah only. plz guide me so that i should tell her. the main problem with her is this. plz guide about it.
she loves him now. and dont want to leave him . but plz guide. whether thinking of his past loveable memories will be a sin?
and about her ego that i have mentioned below?
 
:sl:


tell her to take a decision . If she wants to continue her married life , then they should both discuss about it either with family members or some professionals .

If she does not want to continue with him , then better go for a mutual divorce . BUT she must decide what she wants .

If she does not want divorce , then it's not a good idea to stay seperately for a long time . Also , husband has a right over her . So , without his permission , it's a sin to stay away from him .

If she needs time to think , then tell her to talk to husband about a temporary seperation.
 
yes she really wants to stay with him.
plz clarify about my questions:

But she loves him even till now. she is confusing and in a dilemma. she begin to think about his past loving moments. but then she realize that Allah will get angry,she must think of Allah only. plz guide me so that i should tell her. the main problem with her is this. plz guide about it.
she loves him now. and dont want to leave him . but plz guide. whether thinking of his past loveable memories will be a sin?
and about her ego that i have mentioned below?
 
:sl:



As already mentioned , to love husband is NOT a sin . From where did she get the idea that Allah will be angry if she loves hubby ? Absurd.


btw I posted the fatwa before reading ur post .



I am deleting it as she does not want divorce
 
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:sl:




....
The husband/wife relationship.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^




The wife's rights - the husband's obligations.
(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wife's maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Quran and Sunnah. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security.



The wife's maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must provide for her where he resides himself according to his means. The wife's lodging must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.





If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The Prophet is reported to have said: "The best Muslim is one who is the best husband."





(2) "Mahr"
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without Mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Quran. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the bride's parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.





(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of God to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The Prophet's Last Sermon stresses kindness to women.

The wife's obligations - the husband's rights.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and happiness of the marriage. She should be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband and vice-versa. The Quranic Ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our Lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the coolness of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"




The wife should be trustworthy and honest. She cannot deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding conceiving. She should not have any sexual intimacy with anyone other than her husband. She should not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. She shouldn't dispose of his belongings without his permission.




A wife should make herself attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife should not refuse her husband without reason as this may lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband, of course, should take into account the wife's health and consideration

of circumstances.





"Obedience."
^^^^^^^^^
The purpose of 'obedience' in a relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:
(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action. (b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband's rights.
http://www.jannah.org/sisters/marr.html
 
Sister, Allah made marriage a very important relationship . Islam emphasis on respecting one another. The women is ordered to respect her husband and obey him but it also goes both ways, the prophet peace be upon him said: The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.

Allah subhaanu is fair “"Allah does not burden any human being with more than he can bear. ”2:286

The prophet teach us it is normal to be human, women get angry, jealous and all human emotions and is ok but just be fair. Remember the hadith for syda Ayisha may Allah be pleased with her. In this hadith the prophet shows us, how to deal with woman’s feeling, peace be upon him he was gentle and kind even though her jealousy took over in front of sahaba.

If the sister has done her part, and he is not doing his part, her feeling or the way she is dealing with the issue is acceptable in sha Allah, and Allah knows best.

 
and what about the ego i mentioned?
i want to know about what she is doing now is right? trying to lay down him unto her love.?
and answer to this question also: thinking about her old memories or loving old interactive moments, is right??
 
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If she loves hers husband she has to stay and ask him help her. If he say no, then good bye.
 
Sorry I can't give advice.. I really am not qualified..
 

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