Does it really matter if I marry a virgin or not?

[Iceee]

Salaam my muslim brothers and sisters. Hello everyone else

Does it really matter if I marry a virgin or not? I mean, I don't really mind if my future wife is a virgin or not. I think that as long as she repent her sins and truly believes in Islam, I believe that she will make a wonderful wife.

 

[Abdul Fattah]

No it doesn't matter. It's a cultural thing.

 

[YusufNoor]

:wa:

virgin is irrelevant, chaste is what matters. we have widowers and divorced women, you know.

 

[islamica]

This not a cultural thing. Lets not speak of it without knowledge.

There are two types here that we need to look at. The halal and the haram. Halal is the one that was previous married and haram is the single that goes doing zina.

There are many hadith which recommend a man marry a virgin woman such as the following:

"Marry virgins for they have sweeter mouths, more productive wombs and are more pleased with less." [At-Tabarani and it is hassan]

Other narrations indicate that she is more likely to be pleased by a man and less likely to be devious and deceiving. Once, when Jabir married an older and previously married woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him:

"Why not a virgin? You could have played with her and she with you."

The scholars have stressed that this good attribute applies to the husband just as it applies to the wife. One of them wrote: "Similarly, it is preferred for a person not to marry his daughter except to a virgin man if she has never been married before." 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said: "O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her."


The other type are the ones who date and commit zina. Sadly, this is very common among muslims these days. Even full feldged hijabis have fallen into this sin. This shows a bad character and we know character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith: "I have only been sent to complete good character." [Al-Hakim and others (sahih)]


"I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." [Abu Dawud and it is hassan]


"Righteousness is good character." [Muslim]

"The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." [Abu Dawud and it is sahih]

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:


"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

 

[Abdul Fattah]

islamica,
1. You just naturally assume that I speak without knowledge because I say something thta is different from what you think is true? Shame on you for being so vain!
2. Speaking with knowledge is not the same as speaking with sources. There's a whole science (usool fiqh) on how to derive a ruling from hadeeth and ayaath. It's not always as simple as it seems, and we shouldn't just follow any hadeeth we come across of.
3. As far as I know, past sins are not something that makes a person haram for marriage. And none of the things you quoted prove otherwise. What are your credentials for making fiqh and "claiming" that things are haram?

 

[ba51th]

I'm with sister islamica

 

[Abdul Fattah]

Good thing fiqh isn't a popularity contest.....

 

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

All of the the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)'s marriages were with Non-virgins (except for Aisha(رضي الله عنه)) - this is including his first marriage with Khadija(رضي الله عنه), who was not a virgin, whilst the Prophet himself was.

Marrying a virgin is encouraged due to compatibility reasons (also, with a few exceptions, likely to have more children, which is again encouraged), but there's no general rule for or against it in Islam. So, if it's personally not important to you, then it shouldn't matter.

What should be more important to you is this advice that the Prophet gave;

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: “Do not marry only for a person’s looks, for their beauty might become a cause of moral decline. Do not marry for the sake of wealth, as this may become a source of sin. Marry rather on the grounds of religious devotion.” (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marrying women who are religiously committed, as he said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may your prosper).” [Al-Bhukari]

And there's various similar hadiths.

This is not to say that you should marry someone you're not attracted to, as that may cause the marriage to fail, and that's why it's not encouraged (compatibility, as mentioned before, is also pretty important). However, you should try to put a bit of extra emphasis on finding someone who's deen is good, as this would help both spouses maintain strong imaan and fulfill their duties to one another.

Deen should definitly be most important, and then the other stuff comes.

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:

"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

Just so I'm not misunderstanding; are you saying that if someone fornicates, and then repents; that they can only marry someone who is similar to them (ie. they fornicated and then repented as well)?

As that's not right... but maybe you meant something else.

 

[islamica]

Just so I'm not misunderstanding; are you saying that if someone fornicates, and then repents; that they can only marry someone who is similar to them (ie. they fornicated and then repented as well)?

As that's not right... but maybe you meant something else.

we are talking about character. And obviously bad men/women would be those who go around fornicating, whether openly or privately, and then try to go find a virgin or someone "islamic" . Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

what you stated is true, that it really is up to the individual who they chose to marry and there is no stipulations of being it one way or the other. My post only answered the question that it does matter and islamically it is encouraged to go one way vs the other. and it's more than a cultural thing as some claim.

 

[Iceee]

Salaam and thank you for your answers.

Firstly, I asked this question because I needed opinions since I'm going to get married soon inshallah.

Secondly and most importantly, we muslims have to remember that everyone makes mistakes in life, no1's perfect. I'm sure we all made mistakes. Maybe not committing zina or adultery but other mistakes...

Lastly, people DO CHANGE. That is why repenting sins are there in the first place.

But I don't understand this, "Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

What is considered bad and what is considered good?

 

[ImadhNasir]

Allah forgives. why not we? It doesn't really matter. if She's on the deen, she will help you to jannah. In'Shaa Allah

 

[islamica]

But I don't understand this, "Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

What is considered bad and what is considered good?

Allah tells:

الزَّانِي لَا يَنكِحُ إلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً ... ​

​

The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; Here Allah tells us that the Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex) does not have intercourse except with a Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex) or a Mushrikah (female idolator), meaning that no one would go along with him in this action except a sinful woman who is also guilty of Zina, or a Mushrikah who does not think it is unlawful. By the same token,

... وَالزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَا إِلَّا زَانٍ ...​

​

and the Zaniyah, none marries her except a Zani, a sinful man who is guilty of fornication,

... أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ ...​

​

or a Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.

... وَحُرِّمَ ذَلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٣﴾​

​

Such a thing is forbidden to the believers. meaning, indulging in this, or marrying prostitutes, or marrying chaste women to immoral men. Qatadah and Muqatil bin Hayyan said: "Allah forbade the believers from marrying prostitutes.'' This Ayah is like the Ayah (about marrying slave-girls): مُحْصَنَـت غَيْرَ مُسَـفِحَـتٍ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ they should be chaste, not committing illegal sex, nor taking boyfriends. (4:25) And His saying: مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلاَ مُتَّخِذِى أَخْدَانٍ desiring chastity not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. (5:5) Imam Ahmad recorded that: Abdullah bin `Amr, may Allah be pleased with him, said that a man among the believers asked the Messenger of Allah for permission (to marry) a woman known as Umm Mahzul, who used to commit adultery, and who had stated the condition that she should spend on him. So he asked the Messenger of Allah for permission, or he mentioned the matter to him. The Messenger of Allah recited to him: الزَّانِى لاَ يَنكِحُ إِلاَّ زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَالزَّانِيَةُ لاَ يَنكِحُهَآ إِلاَّ زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ وَحُرِّمَ ذلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; and the Zaniyah, none marries her except Zani or a Mushrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers. Ibn Abi Hatim recorded that Abu Hurayrah said, لَا يَنْكِحُ الزَّانِي الْمَجْلُودُ إِلَّا مِثْلَهُ A Zani who has been flogged should not marry anyone except someone who is like him. A similar report was recorded by Abu Dawud in his Sunan.

 

[Perseveranze]

we are talking about character. And obviously bad men/women would be those who go around fornicating, whether openly or privately, and then try to go find a virgin or someone "islamic" . Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

what you stated is true, that it really is up to the individual who they chose to marry and there is no stipulations of being it one way or the other. My post only answered the question that it does matter and islamically it is encouraged to go one way vs the other. and it's more than a cultural thing as some claim.

السلام عليكم

جزاك اللهُ خيراً‎ for clarifying.

Just to add; whether someone is a fornicator or not is something that you just simply can't know in all honesty. It's unwise to straight up ask them (and rude), as even if they did fornicate they don't have to confess (and could easily lie) + it's going to leave a bad impression of yourself to them. Only thing you can do is asses their character to know if they're muhsanaat (which includes moral behaviour etc.).

As alot of scholars state that the best thing to do before marrying a person is to find out as much information about them as possible. Such as the type of friends they hang around with, the places they go (ie. is it clubs or mosque etc.), and use this as one of the basis to assess whether you should marry them. They should likewise do the same for you, which is the best advice in this regards.

 

[Iceee]

Allah tells:

الزَّانِي لَا يَنكِحُ إلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً ...​

​

The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; Here Allah tells us that the Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex) does not have intercourse except with a Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex) or a Mushrikah (female idolator), meaning that no one would go along with him in this action except a sinful woman who is also guilty of Zina, or a Mushrikah who does not think it is unlawful. By the same token,

... وَالزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَا إِلَّا زَانٍ ...​

​

and the Zaniyah, none marries her except a Zani, a sinful man who is guilty of fornication,

... أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ ...​

​

or a Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.

​

​

The Messenger of Allah recited to him: الزَّانِى لاَ يَنكِحُ إِلاَّ زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَالزَّانِيَةُ لاَ يَنكِحُهَآ إِلاَّ زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌ وَحُرِّمَ ذلِكَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ The Zani marries not but a Zaniyah or a Mushrikah; and the Zaniyah, none marries her except Zani or a Mushrik. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers. Ibn Abi Hatim recorded that Abu Hurayrah said, لَا يَنْكِحُ الزَّانِي الْمَجْلُودُ إِلَّا مِثْلَهُ A Zani who has been flogged should not marry anyone except someone who is like him. A similar report was recorded by Abu Dawud in his Sunan.

Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex)
Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex)
Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.
Mushrikah (female idolator)

Thank you for your quote.
But let's say a virgin male marries a Zaniyah (woman who had illegal sex (zina)), then would that make that virgin male a Mushrik? Even if the woman repent her sins?

 

[islamica]

Zani (male who is guilty of illegal sex)
Zaniyah (female who is guilty of illegal sex)
Mushrik (a man) who does not think it is unlawful.
Mushrikah (female idolator)

Thank you for your quote.
But let's say a virgin male marries a Zaniyah (woman who had illegal sex (zina)), then would that make that virgin male a Mushrik? Even if the woman repent her sins?

i don't know brother. you'll have to ask a scholar about that. The whole point of all of this is to keep the pure for the pure and vice versa.

 

[ardianto]

"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

Assalamu'alaikum.

There is difference between zani/zaniyah who clearly are bad people, and former zani/zaniyah who maybe are good people.

Few religious brothers who I know personally were zani in their past. Their wives maybe don't know about it, but I know their past, and they ever told me about their 'experiences'. Even, accidentally I ever seen one of them when he did 'it'. That's happened before they repent and become religious Muslims.

I also know few religious sisters (they are married women) who had very bad reputation when they were young.

Bad people can turn into good people, just like good people can turn into bad people. How is someone now is more important than how was he/she in the past.

 

[CosmicPathos]

This not a cultural thing. Lets not speak of it without knowledge.

There are two types here that we need to look at. The halal and the haram. Halal is the one that was previous married and haram is the single that goes doing zina.

There are many hadith which recommend a man marry a virgin woman such as the following:

"Marry virgins for they have sweeter mouths, more productive wombs and are more pleased with less." [At-Tabarani and it is hassan]

Other narrations indicate that she is more likely to be pleased by a man and less likely to be devious and deceiving. Once, when Jabir married an older and previously married woman, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him:

"Why not a virgin? You could have played with her and she with you."

The scholars have stressed that this good attribute applies to the husband just as it applies to the wife. One of them wrote: "Similarly, it is preferred for a person not to marry his daughter except to a virgin man if she has never been married before." 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab once heard about a woman who was married to an elderly man and he said: "O people, fear Allah and marry a man to a woman who is similar to him and marry a woman to a man who is similar to her."


The other type are the ones who date and commit zina. Sadly, this is very common among muslims these days. Even full feldged hijabis have fallen into this sin. This shows a bad character and we know character is of extreme importance in Islam and goes hand in hand with faith and piety. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has even described it as the purpose of his mission to mankind as we can see from the following hadith: "I have only been sent to complete good character." [Al-Hakim and others (sahih)]


"I am a guarantor of a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character good." [Abu Dawud and it is hassan]


"Righteousness is good character." [Muslim]

"The believers with the most complete iman are those with the best character." [Abu Dawud and it is sahih]

So can you marry such people? only if you are one of them, as Allah says in An-Nur verse 26:


"Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. And good women are for good men and good men are for good women." [Noble Quran 24:26]

here, here.

The fact that the person has repented only means that she might be forgiven by Allah. It however does not take away from the fact that she enjoyed (during times of jahiliyah) and had fun in past life (even though she feels guilty now, I am sure she always knew zina is haraam, even kaafirs have sense of shame, its fitra, so there is no excuse that ooh i did not know zina is wrong), and it is extremely hard to marry such a person knowing that with the help of Allah you succeeded in keeping away from that sin despite all the temptations a young man has to face at school and at work.

So if you feel okay with marrying a zani woman(or man if you are a female) who has repented, you have no right to call our preferences "cultural thing" and dismiss them. it is fitra, you only want for yourself what you have upheld yourself to, and there is totally NOTHING wrong with that.

w salam

 

[CosmicPathos]

Those who repent and return to the right path are not the same.

even if they have repented, they are not the same. Allah might or might not forgive them, but as long as sharia is concerned, they and virgins who have not committed that sin (despite temptations) cannot be equal.

By non-virgins, I am referring to zaaniyahs. If someone is not a virgin cuz of previous marriage etc, there is no sin on her. Its then upto the man to want to marry such a woman. If he can afford multiple marriages, he should marry such women and provide them with family.

 

[islamica]

On the topic of virgins, remind me of something I read early today. ..


“half virgin”

An expression used by Shaykh Muhammad Hussein Ya’qub to describe the single young girl who doesn’t have a sexual relationship with a man but who lives a love relationship with him through net, chat, phone … Virginity doesn’t only mean the virginity of the body but it includes also the virginity of the heart : feelings, emotions. There is only one man who deserves the warm feelings and the passionate love of a Muslimah: her husband… any other man than him is just a source of Fintnah and calamity for her in Dunya. Today, in the name of freedom of the woman, the people who claimed to be “civilized” killed the title:“virgin” to replace it by “mistress” or “experienced in love” ! They are calling for “freedom of the woman” by killing everything beautiful in her : her chastity, shyness, purity …

 

[GuestFellow]

:wa:

As long as she asked for forgiveness. Simple as that. I'm assuming she asked for forgiveness, so go on ahead and get married. ^_^