parents - overprotective - job

[unknown12]

Salams,

Just want to clear up something before I post the actual question, I hope you don’t take the message below as me complaining, it’s the actual details…

Anyways, I am 18 recently graduated from high school and waiting for university to start. It has been a long wait, pretty much did nothing for about 2 months. Alhamdulillah I got good marks and won a scholarship (654 pound cash payment) and will be starting university in about a month and half.

However one thing which really got on my nerves is I wanted to get a part time job to earn a little pocket money. My parents however do not agree and are too overprotective. The majority of my friends have a part time job, and me on the other hand I have to sit back and just wait. My parents have used words such as ‘I am still too young’, yet when I go to the shops with them I point out employees who are like 16 and 17…

I have no idea why they won’t allow me to work and to at least earn a bit of money. One of my parents is currently unemployed, and we are in a bit of a financial situation. I never get pocket money, and when I do actually want to buy something I feel bad asking. I wanted to buy a new phone 2 years ago, I am still waiting to get one… D: I could easily get a job and buy the phone in a couple of weeks but no….

Another reason for my parents saying no I shouldn’t work (I want to work at like a department store; packing shelves/at the register) is they think I should get a job which would compliment my university degree which I will be undertaking; a degree in commerce (business). They said my first job should be something like a data entry person and they want me to organise work for me at an Accounting firm (which I doubt will happen).

I just find this all ridiculous that they want my first job to be at an actual firm… Your first job as a school leaver would be something basic, like maybe 2 years later I could apply at a firm, but atm I have 0 work experience. It really annoys me because I never get any money of my own (I am grateful for what I have though, but I need to buy stuff for university which I just can’t get atm…)

What do you think about this?? How can I convince my parents to allow me to work? They are obviously treating me like a baby (I am the youngest in the family) and I dislike that…

Thank you.

 

[~Zaria~]

Wa-alaikumsalam brother,

I can understand your frustrations.

However, I think that the best way forward insha Allah is: Have Sabr (patience).

This is a test from Allah (subhanawataála) - how will you respond to your parents, when you are denied your wishes?

Will you rebel, be resentful, depressed and look at those who have what you desire at this point in time (i.e. a job?)

Or will you be patient, respectful and obey your parents in this case?

Realise the following:
1. Your parents ONLY wants what is BEST for you.
In fact, they most likely will be willing to move heaven and earth for YOU, their son.

2. You are currently still under their care. They have chosen to continue to shelter you, feed you, clothe you and help you further in your studies, by the will of Allah.
So, be thankful that you are not of those who have been left to fend for himself, soon after completing school.
There are kids who do not even have the option to study further, because they are the sole bread-winners of the family or they are running child-headed homes, with no parents to lend them support.

Be very grateful that your parents love you SO much, that despite their current financial predicaments, they do not wish to burden you with them.
SubhanAllah, there is NO other person who can compete with the love that our mothers and fathers (insha Allah) have for us.

3. In the very same way that Allah Taa'la made a way out for you to study further (by means of the scholarship, alhamdulillah) - He too, can insha Allah, make it possible for you to obtain even more. Do not doubt this.


Perhaps, tell your parents that you would like to have a 'meeting' with them - where you all can sit down at the table and discuss these issues with respect and maturely.
Inform them of your current needs (within reason - i.e for essential items) and your expected needs with regards to university.
They will either say that they will sort it out for you - in which case, alhamdulillah. Be grateful and do your best to help them around the house/ in any way possible.

Or, they will say that they are unable to afford it - in which case, you can once again propose taking up a part-time job.
I think it would be wise to already have the exact job that you wish to apply for in front of them.......let them see it to ease any worries that they may have, and ask them for THEIR suggestions to resolving your financial woes.

If they still refuse, be patient - and turn to Allah and ask Him to make this matter easy for you.

Whenever Allah Taa'la places difficulties in our lives it is only because He wants us to turn back to Him in duaa.
He loves when His servants call upon Him when they are in need - so dont lose out on this opportunity of earning His good pleasure insha Allah.

May Allah ease your affairs and grant you all the success in your future endeavours.
Ameen

:wa:

 

[unknown12]

Wa-alaikumsalam brother,

I can understand your frustrations.

However, I think that the best way forward insha Allah is: Have Sabr (patience).

This is a test from Allah (subhanawataála) - how will you respond to your parents, when you are denied your wishes?

Will you rebel, be resentful, depressed and look at those who have what you desire at this point in time (i.e. a job?)

Or will you be patient, respectful and obey your parents in this case?

Realise the following:
1. Your parents ONLY wants what is BEST for you.
In fact, they most likely will be willing to move heaven and earth for YOU, their son.

2. You are currently still under their care. They have chosen to continue to shelter you, feed you, clothe you and help you further in your studies, by the will of Allah.
So, be thankful that you are not of those who have been left to fend for himself, soon after completing school.
There are kids who do not even have the option to study further, because they are the sole bread-winners of the family or they are running child-headed homes, with no parents to lend them support.

Be very grateful that your parents love you SO much, that despite their current financial predicaments, they do not wish to burden you with them.
SubhanAllah, there is NO other person who can compete with the love that our mothers and fathers (insha Allah) have for us.

3. In the very same way that Allah Taa'la made a way out for you to study further (by means of the scholarship, alhamdulillah) - He too, can insha Allah, make it possible for you to obtain even more. Do not doubt this.


Perhaps, tell your parents that you would like to have a 'meeting' with them - where you all can sit down at the table and discuss these issues with respect and maturely.
Inform them of your current needs (within reason - i.e for essential items) and your expected needs with regards to university.
They will either say that they will sort it out for you - in which case, alhamdulillah. Be grateful and do your best to help them around the house/ in any way possible.

Or, they will say that they are unable to afford it - in which case, you can once again propose taking up a part-time job.
I think it would be wise to already have the exact job that you wish to apply for in front of them.......let them see it to ease any worries that they may have, and ask them for THEIR suggestions to resolving your financial woes.

If they still refuse, be patient - and turn to Allah and ask Him to make this matter easy for you.

Whenever Allah Taa'la places difficulties in our lives it is only because He wants us to turn back to Him in duaa.
He loves when His servants call upon Him when they are in need - so dont lose out on this opportunity of earning His good pleasure insha Allah.

May Allah ease your affairs and grant you all the success in your future endeavours.
Ameen

:wa:

Thank you for the reply sister.

Yes sister I will try to show some more patience… I respect my parents a lot, but however I don’t understand their logic with regards to this matter. I have been understanding for the past 2 months, but yeah as you said when I talk to friends and most of them are working, buying new stuff and I’m the same old me with my ancient gadgets and what not -_-

Like right now I need something to do to get my mind off things, I just went through the stress of high school and I still have that hardworking mindset going for me atm; but I have nothing to do, bored to bits. I will have to get a job eventually and they not that too, while I have the spare time I can apply and work for a bit, but tbh it will most likely happen that when I am heaps busy and caught up with university stuff, they will tell me to apply somewhere…

Yes I agree sister, but I don’t mean to question my parents or anything but I don’t see any harm in me working at e.g. a local fruit shop 5 minutes away…

True about point 3. My parents even tell this to me, I never (hardly) ask for things compared to other teenagers my age; hardly get any spending money. They said that inshallah when I am older I will see money flocking in because I had the patience now, inshallah that’s true.


Honestly sister I would sit both of the down and talk about this, but I think they have already made up their minds. There’s nothing more I can do other then continue to get on their nerves about me getting a job lol.
I have spoken to them about how I will need this and that for uni, and they said they will get it for me, but honestly I know for sure (maybe it’s possible) but that’s not going to happen; same with getting me a new phone 2 years ago, it never happened…


Ah I have my resume planned and all, just need to submit it and I’m set, let’s hope they change their minds inshallah.

Jazakallah sister.