Convince a person that keeping a beard is good

[Live2Learn90]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

i have a problem. i am engaged with a sister, InsyaAllah planning to get married once my economy is fine, which is soon if Allah gives me the permission. During the engagement i have just discovered that she does not like brothers who keep their beards. i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it. But she would not accept it. i dont wish to break of the engagement, but keeping a beard is really something that i want to do, because when i die, i want to die following the sunnah. can someone please help me give some advice on how to soften her heart?

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Probably nothing you can say will convince her. Only sincere, heartfelt dua will stand a chance at softening her heart.

 

[Live2Learn90]

It saddens me to find out about this difference on views. it took me alot of effort to win her familiy's heart. i wont easily break off the engagement. hence i was hoping some of our brothers and sisters have some idea. i have had someone giving me advice, as in make her love towards our prophet, praise be upon him stronger. but im not really sure how. i could do this after marriage..

 

[Adil]

Assalamu aleikum brother

Maybe there is a way to convince her somehow inshallah. Here my suggestions:
(may Allah make it clear to understand and if doesn't help may The Wise guide you to the a better solution)

Bismiallah

- You should start by stated the difference between a muslim man and a non-muslim and highlight why we there are these difference and mainly is because all of us we are following our beloved Prophet saws1
- Remind her that muslim (man/women) get rewards by following the sunnah and thats the key to obtain good deeds which lead to His mercy and therefore the access to Paradise and the salvation from the Hellfire.
- not having the beard and shave will just pleased the others rather than our Creator and that not right

May Allah forgive me if I said something wrong.
May Allah help this sister to understand and softer her heart.

Waleikum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

 

[Insaanah]

i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it.

It is a sunnah of the Prophet :saws: , but in terms of fard, waajib, sunnah etc, it is waajib at the very least, i.e. it is compulsory.

For some matters, the Prophet :saws: gave commands, but then showed that the matter could be done less than that, or that it is ok to do it sometimes and not others, or that it's ok if you don't do it, but more reward if you do. The beard is not one of those matters.

It is not something in which you have any choice as to whether you do it or not.

“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error” [Surah al-Ahzaab 33:36]

The Prophet :saws: ordered men to grow their beards, and to keep beards, in many ahadeeth, just some of which are here:

It was narrated from Ibn 'Umar:
That the Messenger of Allah :saws: said: "Trim the mustache and let the beard grow." (Sahih)
Sunan an-Nasa'i 5045
http://www.sunnah.com/nasai/48#6

Narrated Ibn `Umar:
Allah's Messenger:saws: said, "Cut the moustaches short and leave the beard (as it is)."

Sahih al Bukhari 5893
http://www.sunnah.com/bukhari/77#110

Narrated Abd Allah b. 'Umar:
The Messenger of Allah :saws: commanded to clip the moustaches and grow the beard long.
Sunan Abi Dawud 4199
http://www.sunnah.com/abudawud/35#41

In one hadeeth, it is mentioned as part of the Muslim man's fitrah:

'A'isha reported:
The Messenger of Allah :saws: said: Ten are the acts according to fitra: clipping the moustache, letting the beard grow, using the tooth-stick, snuffing water in the nose, cutting the nails, washing the finger joints, plucking the hair under the armpits, shaving the pubes and cleaning one's private parts with water. The narrator said: I have forgotten the tenth, but it may have been rinsing the mouth.
Sahih Muslim 261a
http://www.sunnah.com/muslim/2#71

Try to explain to her through her wali that this is something which is incumbent on you as a Muslim man, and there is no choice in the matter. It might be that she does not know that. Give her time to think it over. If she still does not agree, then you need to consider whether you feel comfortable in marrying someone who will make you disobey a command of the Prophet :saws:, one which is compulsory on you.

May Allah make it easy for you and grant you what's best for you, ameen.

 

[crimsontide06]

Have you asked her why she does not like beards? Maybe too hairy for her tastes. I see most of the responses are to "convince her" and not to see what her opinion is, why she feels it...

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Asalaam Aleikum,

You should ask her why she doesn't like it, find the root to the problem. Chances are she doesn't appreciate masculinity, which is prevalent now a days, and prefers the pretty boy look which is what's in style. If that's the case she just needs to develop in her Islam, as she grows she will learn to appreciate it. There's also preference, you may find that she just doesn't like the unkept beard and just turns away from all forms of beard because she doesn't want to see that? You will only know by asking her Back off on the "convincing" part though, that's not the way to do it. Women are easily influenced, especially once there is love in her heart for the man. It will take some effort and time but I'm pretty sure that eventually you can help her see the good side of having a beard.

If you feel she has potential and she inclines towards Islam and she wants to learn, then you have room to work. insha Allah. Be clever! Her not liking beards right now isn't reason enough to break off an engagement, and being forceful about the subject won't help either. Once you all are married insha Allah, and she's head over heels for you, she will probably let u have your way anyway

- cOsMiC

 

[Indian Bro]

As-salamu alaykum

As someone mentioned above, growing a beard is fard, therefore you must explain to your wife the importance of it according to sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH). Even majority of the established scholars today claim it is compulsory to grow the beard and some madhabs suggest it is haram to shorten the beard before it reaches fist-size.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best, may He guide us all to the straight path.

Salam 3laikum

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her).

Not everyone is on the same level in imaan and not everyone has the same understanding. Some people can just do & follow everything the prophet s.a.w did without a question (masha Allah) while some need time to understand it, no amount of fatwas are going to change the nature of humans. Patience is needed.

Also, who on this thread is a scholar to be saying something is fard? Yes I am aware there's hadith which state the prophet (s.a.w) ordaining to clip the mustache and grow the beard,but I don't see anyone posting why he said this and what was the situation. Anyone can google sahih volumes, hit f3 for ur keyword and copypasta statements, but I almost never see historical reference to tell the full story. In Islam we DO have gray, not everything is black and white. We DO have room to develop, and we DO have room to fail in understanding. I'm saying all of this because the thought of the sister being turned down due to her lack of understanding (which can develop with time if her thirst for knowledge is nourished) is seriously obsurd. I say give her time and be patient (that's just me though).

Allah gives us all time and patience.

Slow and steady wins the race.

- cOsMiC

 

[Indian Bro]

Also, who on this thread is a scholar to be saying something is fard?

- cOsMiC

As-salamu alaykum sister,

To answer your question, I never said I was a scholar, however it is the scholars who say it is a fard, so who are you to object to what scholars say?

Salam 3laikum

 

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Indian bro, the only part I adressed you was in this: "The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her)."

The rest was geared to other posters here and the rest of the forum. Who am I to object? I never objected XD and I am a person with a brain, who can think on her own and understands that there is no compulsion in Islam, so I can question and learn not just repeat things. I not once in this thread objected to the importance of the beard, I personally feel the entire sunnah if cumpolsory, we MUST follow everything rasool Allah sallalahu Aleihi Wasalaam did, no exceptions. Some may agree, some won't, that's my personal view, but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Unless a person has devoted their life to a certain subject, they have no right to speak about the subject as if they were learned! Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

So you posting a bunch of youtube videos of sheikhs (there is no way that last one can be a scholar much less a sheikh btw, he's super young and he spends his time making takfir on others, that's not the behavior of righteous ulama, so check your sources) was not necessary for ME to understand the importance of the beard. Re-read what I typed to you please.

You are totally missing my point, and the point of the thread. This isn't about whether the beard is fard or not! it is about HOW you can help a person understand the importance of adhering to the Sunnah.

Good Day.

- cOsMiC

 

[Indian Bro]

Indian bro, the only part I adressed you was in this: "The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her)."

The rest was geared to other posters here and the rest of the forum. I not once in this thread objected to the importance of the beard, I personally feel the entire sunnah if cumpolsory, we MUST follow everything rasool Allah sallalahu Aleihi Wasalaam did, no exceptions. Some may agree, some won't, that's my personal view, but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

So you posting a bunch of youtube sheikhs (there is no way that last one can be a sheikh, much less a scholar he's super young and he spends his time making takfir on others, so check your sources) was not necessary for ME to understand the importance of the beard. Re-read what I typed to you please.

You are totally missing my point, and the point of the thread. This isn't about whether the beard is fard or not! it is about HOW you can help a person understand the importance of adhering to the Sunnah.

Good Day.

- cOsMiC

As-salamu alaykum,

I apologize for misunderstanding your post, I thought you were making an inclination that I am in no position to say growing a beard is a fard unless I'm a scholar. And the reason why I brought up the entire "Beard is a fard" is because the OP said:

i have tried to convince her that the beard is a sunnah and there are lots of hikmah to it.

I was trying to point out growing beard is a fard(not just a sunnah), therefore no one has the right to stop someone from growing a beard. If anyone objects to this, then they should refer to the scholars. That is why I mentioned in my first post "you must explain to your wife the importance of it according to sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH)."

I hope this clears any misunderstandings from my end.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best.

Salam 3laikum

EDIT: Abu Mussab is a well known scholar, just because he's young doesn't mean he cant be a scholar. If you can provide me evidence otherwise I'd gladly accept your justification.

 

[Insaanah]

:salamext:

The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her).

He's mentioned that keeping a beard is good, but can't tell if he knows it's compulsory, so there's nothing wrong with pointing that out. If he already knows, alhamdulillah, and if he didn't, then that's something learnt :ia:

Also, who on this thread is a scholar to be saying something is fard?

but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Unless a person has devoted their life to a certain subject, they have no right to speak about the subject as if they were learned! Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

The hadeeth are clear and the fuqahaa are agreed. The four imams and early pious predecessors agree on this. Nobody is sitting in front of their screens making up rulings on whats fard and what's not, or somehow pretending to be a scholar. We are meant to share what we know, not withold it. If somebody does, and provides reference sources, they shouldn't somehow be tried to put down or made to feel as though they've committed a wrong by sharing that knowledge. Indeed the Prophet :saws: said:

The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Convey from me, even if it is an ayah...". (Sahih al-Bukhari 3461)

Allah also tells us in the Qur'an that we're meant to cooperate in goodness and righteousness and help each other in those things (5:2), and that we are the best nation raised up for mankind, because we enjoin what's right and forbid what's wrong (3:110, part). None of those verses say that it's just for the scholars to do that, but for each of us. Nobody should make up rulings on things that they have no knowledge on, but when the matter is clear and the work has been done for us, and the jurists and salaf have unanimously agreed, then the flip side could also be, what right do we have to withhold that information?

Yes I am aware there's hadith which state the prophet (s.a.w) ordaining to clip the mustache and grow the beard,but I don't see anyone posting why he said this and what was the situation.

Some of the ahadeeth on keeping beards mention acting against the polytheists, though there aren't specific situations where beards must be kept.:
Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said: Act against the polytheists, trim closely the moustache and grow beard.
Sahih Muslim 259c
http://www.sunnah.com/muslim/2#69

However even if the polytheists or Jews and Christians keep beards, it doesn't negate the ruling.
http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/75525/beard

If someones life is endangered by keeping a beard, or keeping a beard causes some medical problem, then of course they need to consult with a scholar on an individual basis, but it's general ruling is that it is wajib at the least.

Anyone can google sahih volumes, hit f3 for ur keyword and copypasta statements, but I almost never see historical reference to tell the full story.

When references are provided nowadays, we are in the internet age, and even scholars provide internet references or copy and paste from scanned books etc. Nowadays it is almost unavoidable, even if you need to direct somebody to a scholarly site.

I say give her time and be patient (that's just me though).

Give her time to think it over.

I hope things work out favourably for the brother.

Good Day.

:salamext:

By the way, for anyone thats interested, there's a good brief read on the beard here: http://d1.islamhouse.com/data/en/ih_books/single/en_The_Beard_Salaf_Khalaf.pdf

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Yes. This. Thank you for saying what is much needed to be said and understood. People forget that they're dealing with humans, not robots. They forget that different people are on different levels and that it takes time to develop as Muslims - that a bunch of video clips on youtube do not do justice. People forget that the first 13 years of revelation were spent developing the inner so that it can be ready to accept the outer rulings. This is the problem with getting knowledge (ie information) without being experienced on how to deal with people and actualize that knowledge. It can potentially do more harm than good.

Indian bro, the only part I adressed you was in this: "The brother is asking HOW he can accomplish helping his fiance understand. I'm sure he already understands the importance of the beard (otherwise he wouldn't be concerned about convincing her)."

The rest was geared to other posters here and the rest of the forum. Who am I to object? I never objected XD and I am a person with a brain, who can think on her own and understands that there is no compulsion in Islam, so I can question and learn not just repeat things. I not once in this thread objected to the importance of the beard, I personally feel the entire sunnah if cumpolsory, we MUST follow everything rasool Allah sallalahu Aleihi Wasalaam did, no exceptions. Some may agree, some won't, that's my personal view, but you don't see me telling anyone what is fard or not do you? Unless a person has devoted their life to a certain subject, they have no right to speak about the subject as if they were learned! Especially not by copying and pasting bits and pieces from our most important books with no reference to the context!

So you posting a bunch of youtube videos of sheikhs (there is no way that last one can be a scholar much less a sheikh btw, he's super young and he spends his time making takfir on others, that's not the behavior of righteous ulama, so check your sources) was not necessary for ME to understand the importance of the beard. Re-read what I typed to you please.

You are totally missing my point, and the point of the thread. This isn't about whether the beard is fard or not! it is about HOW you can help a person understand the importance of adhering to the Sunnah.

Good Day.

- cOsMiC

 

[Jedi_Mindset]

Sis insaanah that is not exactly what Sis cosmic intuition meant.

Let me explain, arabic is a complex language, translating it to english will often result in mistranslations. Because Arabic has much dialects and some words have multiple meanings.

the hadith are sayings of prophet muhammed(Saw) but you must know in which situations the prophet(Saw) said this. Let me post and narrate a hadith which is often used by kufar to demonize muslims:

''Saheeh Bukhari

Volumn 004, Book 052, Hadith Number 256.

Narated By As-Sab bin Jaththama : The Prophet passed by me at a place called Al-Abwa or Waddan, and was asked whether it was permissible to attack the pagan warriors at night with the probability of exposing their women and children to danger. The Prophet replied, "They (i.e. women and children) are from them (i.e. pagans)."'

This often is used by the kufar to demonize muslims, and some mujahideen groups have even used this hadith to justify killings of enemy women and children without any commentary from earlier scholars who have learned fusa'a arabic, and they didnt have studied the situation when the prophet(Saw) said this. It is believed that this hadith is a huge mistranslation from fusa'a arabic to english.

Sis Cosmic Intuition is a very carefulll sis Masha'Allah what she trying to say is that hadith wether clear or not are to be posted with commentary, this also includes with qu'ran verses, use tafsir with it. Unless you are highly studied in fusaa arabic.
In my view a rulling should be applied and accepted on this forum to do not post hadith and qu'ran verses without commentary and tafsir. Even scholars use these books to study the qu'ran and hadith, and muslims who havent reached the level of being a scholar are posting and copying hadeeths around like no other.
​

 

[Tyrion]

To answer your question, I never said I was a scholar, however it is the scholars who say it is a fard, so who are you to object to what scholars say?

This idea of "The Scholars", who are some amorphous group that sends down the rules for right and wrong, doesn't exist. There are opinions. Opinions given by men. Some people do not hold those opinions, and others (god forbid) hold opinions that differ from them. Many consider their opinions to also come from people they'd consider scholars. If this guy wants to break off his engagement because of facial hair, he can do so, but let's try and understand that people don't have to think like you (or your scholars) do. There are many people who can argue with you that the beard is NOT compulsory, and they'd also use 'scholars' among their evidences. Even when talking about the opinions held by the majority of scholars, I always see this debate devolve into, "Well, there's a valid difference of opinion", which should be enough to leave it alone... Yet we still get people who demand that because they think it's absolutely required, everyone else has to think so too.

As far as the OP's problem goes, chances are you're not convincing her. Perhaps you can agree to a compromise, where you grow a more tame and shorter beard?

 

[GuestFellow]

Lol, this guy. I don't know how anyone can take him seriously, he's quite funny sometimes. Sufis everywhere! The sky is falling! Omg!

I honestly think he sits in front of a camera alone and acts as if he's speaking to an audience.

He's very loud. I'm so flabbergasted zomg. :/

As for this topic, show her some verses which support the growing of the beard. If she is not convinced, give her time. If she is still not convinced, oh well...move on. You can't force people to change their opinion, just the way I can't force people to get a grip in life. That's life.

 

[piXie]

It is important that you marry a sister who will support you in your deen and help to bring out your full potential as opposed to marrying a sister who will be a hindrance in your deen and make it a struggle for you to implement all the commands of Allah, especially in a society where it is already difficult. The last thing you want is to come home and have to struggle with your spouse and always be trying to convince her too and constantly be feeling weighed down. Instead of admiring and valuing your courage, zeal and confidence in implementing the Sunnah in trying to be like the Prophet :saws1: , she does not like it.

You must be aware of the advice of the Prophet (saw) in choosing a spouse;

Abu Bakr (RA) once asked Rasulallah (PBUH) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (PBUH) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds."

A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry ...the religious woman [otherwise], you will be a loser.'"

[Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086]

If she expects you to leave something which the Prophet :saws1: has legislated and commanded, then this is not a good indication in terms of her religious commitment and Eemaan.

It is important that you marry a woman who is on the same wave length and level as you are otherwise there would be conflict later on. Your religion is the most important thing to you, be careful of marrying a woman who wants you to compromise your principles/deen. Today she doesn't like your beard, tomorrow it may be that she doesn't like something else. I understand you may be thinking that people change but please be careful of letting your emotions come into your decision, it's not wise going into a marriage hoping for something which we have no guarantee about. You need to feel secure and comfortable about her deen and the fact that she will protect you with yours and be a companion who will guide you and ur household towards what is pleasing to Allah and His Prophet :saws1:.

I pray that Allah guides you towards what is best. Aameen.

 

[Live2Learn90]

Assalamualaikum, thank you very much for the feedbacks. Im sorry i havent been online for awhile.

I did ask her why she doesnt like men with beards. Apparently she says that she doesnt like the "bushiness" of the beard. she feels like she cannot look at me when i have a beard.

I asked her what type of husband does she want. She answered she wants someone that practices the deen. But somehow i think that is abit contradictingimsad. Should i give her time to accept it? I dont really understand women, do their hearts get softer when they get married? will they be more likely to change their views and appreciate their husband?

I remember that women are created from the rib, so i shudnt force too much, yet i shouldnt be too lenient. Im pretty sure she will be a good wife, because she is a wonderful daughter to her family.

 

[Indian Bro]

As-salamu alaykum,

I just want to make one thing clear, I don't think any one of us is in any position to judge a scholar if he is backing his statements up with the support of hadith and Qur'an.

Hanafi madhab:[SIZE=+1]To trim the beard when it is less than a fist’s length, as done by some modern people and hermaphrodites is not permissible in the opinion of all the jurists. To shave the beard as done by unorthodox Jews, Hindus and others is also not permissible.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=+1](Durre Mukhtar)[/SIZE]​

[SIZE=+1]Maliki madhab:[/SIZE][SIZE=+1]To shave the beard is haram and to trim it in such a manner that it changes one’s natural and normal facial features is also haram. It is also quoted in Kitabul Ib’daa’, that without doubt the four Madhabs are agreed that the beard should be lengthened and that shaving it is haram.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Shafe’ee madhab:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]It is quoted in Al Ibaab’, that Imaam ibn Ar’rifaah says that Imaam Shafe’ee, in his book, Kitabul Umm, has categorically stated that shaving the beard is haram.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Al Azraiy says that the correct position in the Shafe’ee madhab is that to shave the beard without a valid medical reason is haram. Similar verdict of prohibition has been issued by Zarakhshi, Baihaqi in his book, Shu’ab Al Iman, and by his teacher Qa’ffal Shashi in Muhasin As Shar’iyyah.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Hanbali madhab:[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]It is narrated in Shar’hul Muntahaa’ and Shar’hul Manzoomatul Adaab, the most accepted view is that it is haram to shave the beard. Some Ulama like the author of ‘Insaf’, have categorically stated that it is haram. There is no report from anyone to the contrary.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1]Sheikhul Islam ibn Taymiyyah says, "Shaving the beard is haram."
[/SIZE]

So, if you still don't think growing a beard is a fard, please bring your evidence of your "scholars" because the four man madhabs clearly reject the idea.

And again, I repeat what I mentioned before, I only started the whole "Beard is fard" thing because the brother didn't mention growing a beard is a fard but rather a sunnah. I am not one to judge, because I assume the brother MAY or MAY NOT know that it is a fard, but it is my duty as a Muslim to inform him about what is right if not remind him about what is right. If any of you have objections with me taking this approach then I apologize if this approach as offended you, but I am more inclined towards what the madhabs claim than what a poster on an internet forum claims.

And Allah (s.w.t.) knows best and may He guide us all to Sirat al-Mustaqim.

Salam 3laikum