Assalamu Alaikum
Well, when a Christian reads it, they will surely get mad just like someone saying, "Most Muslims are Terrorists." Most of us Muslims will indeed get mad. Don't say "Most" since most Christians don't have sex before marriage. Say "Some" instead since you don't actually know but have an idea.
To be honest, whether they get mad or not, I don't care, what I've said weren't lies nor did I say them harshly. Go on a christian forum and see how they act there. MOST christians and nonmuslims do have premarital sex, if it's more than 50% then it's most. This isn't an English class. They know they have these problems as well. In every health class that I've taken in high school and uni, we've had to discuss all the issues of premarital sex, young teenage pregnancies, STD's, rape, etc. Some lose it as early as middle-school age, but most before they leave high school. I have Christians in my family, most of them lost their virginity before marriage, the ones that didn't are closer to their muslim side of the family and refrain from having relationships all together. I've met a few virgins of other faiths, but it wasn't by choice..they just couldn't get in a relationship, so if that opportunity came to them, they admit they'd go for it. I also have many revert friends who have had premarital sex before they became muslim. Are there Christians who follow their religion and abstain from the same things Muslims do? Yes, but they are RARE.
If you need statistics here:
In 10 out of 12 developed nations with available data, more than two
thirds of young people have sexual intercourse while still in their
teens. In Denmark, Finland, Germany, Iceland, Norway, the United
Kingdom and the United States, the proportion is over 80 per cent.
In Australia, the United Kingdom and the United States,
approximately 25 per cent of 15 year-olds and 50 per cent of 17 yearolds have had sex (Figure 10).
Source
Almost all Americans have premarital sex, says a report published Tuesday that analyzes federal data over time and suggests programs focusing on sexual abstinence until marriage may be unrealistic.
"The reality of the situation is that most people had premarital sex, and it's been that way for several decades," says Lawrence Finer, director of domestic research at the Guttmacher Institute, a New York City-based non-profit organization that studies reproductive and sexual health.
The study, which used statistics from the 1982, 1988, 1995 and 2002 National Survey of Family Growth, asked about 40,000 people ages 15-44 about their sexual behavior and traced the trends in premarital sex back to the 1950s.
Of those interviewed in 2002, 95% reported they had had premarital sex; 93% said they did so by age 30. Among women born in the 1940s, nearly nine in 10 did. At the same time, people are waiting longer to marry; 2005 data show median age at first marriage is just over 25 for women and 27 for men.
Source
The majority of the US identifies as the christian faith.
Well, looking at the time in which you reply to this thread, I'm guessing you live on the other side of the world. If you come to Canada and even the U.S, look at the Muslim teenagers involved in a relationship with other non-mahrams. There are many reasons why they do it but you can't judge all Christians and Muslims just from your countries experience, you have to see all the countries and all the people who are religious or not. Ask any Muslim living in Canada and U.S, u'll see how Muslims and Christians have pre-marital relationships.
I'm American, but for the past couple of months I've been overseas which is the reason for the timing of my replies. I was speaking strictly about the christians in the US. Sure I can't judge every single christian or muslim, I'm not Allah, but I never said I was even trying to or expressed that I was. Nor did I say that there aren't muslims that don't have premarital sex or relationships, but the reality is that most do not have premarital sex. If you read my replies, they clearly say "In the US.." I don't want to bounce around and talk about other countries as well, but you can surely find the statistics of those if you're so interested.
What do you mean by this? Losing virginity before marriage is fornication. Then you say about adultery which is basically cheating on your spouse. Where do you get these stats from?
It's a common fact. Search it if you like. I mentioned adultery because regardless of premarital sex, adultery is common as well in the US. So either way, having sex with different people whether married or not is not a big deal there. In fact, if there's any emphasis on refraining from sex, it's only so that there aren't any unplanned pregnancies and STD's, otherwise it's considered OK.
Actually, I'm guessing she feels wrong of what happened and wishes that she hadn't done all those sexual things before marriage which in turn led to a failed marriage. She repent.
Reread what I said. When you are
still committing acts as in you're in the act of sin, you are in a state of kufr. When you "feel bad" then that is a state of regret, and when you do something about it like worship, then you're in the state of repentance.
What do you consider chaste?
Pure, untouched.
It can also mean not having any sex.
How about you? What would you say to your daughter? What if your daughter was having a relationship? Will talking to her work... Not really. No1's perfect. You have to remember that. Forgiveness must be given. And doesn't Allah Subhanahuwatallah forgive everyone that repents? Or not?
I'd teach her what my mother taught me at a young age. If you have a good open relationship with your kids and teach them the correct ways of the deen, they won't be sleeping around or trying to be in a relationship. There's more to life than trying to fulfill a sexual desire, and it's really not that difficult. I grew up and was raised in America, all of my female cousins got married and never had premarital sex or previous relationships. Like I said, a girl with a conscience would really have to be crossing some boundaries before she gets to a point where she sleeps with a guy, and it's not an easy thing to do. We learn from the mistakes of the people around us, we shouldn't be so stubborn to ignore them and make the examples of ourselves in such a terrible way.
And whether talking to them will work or not, you still should talk to them and remind them. You are not the source of guidance, Allah is, but you should be patient and keep trying to lead them towards the right path.
Does Allah forgive everyone who repents? Allahu a'lem. That returns to the sincerity in our hearts and the purity of our actions and what Allah decides, we can't always be 100% sure and have that arrogance.
Ignorance? I'm just saying that we should forgive. Think about it. All forms of sex is the same. If you have oral, why not have intercourse? Talk to any Imam, you'll see that oral and intercourse are worth the same amount of sins. Nothing more, nothing less according to Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Sins are sins. If what you're applying is true, then it is okay for a man/woman to have oral sex but remain a virgin, true or not true? Is being a virgin important still. For example, you are about to get married to a man who has done zina in the past but says he is still a virgin and he repent, will you still marry him or not?
Oral sex and intercourse are not the same, their expiation for them is NOT the same. You need to learn more about that. If you're the type of person that thinks "oh I committed a sin, I'm tarnished I should just go and be a commit all wrong acts" then you need to re-evaluate your iman. The levels of your actions will effect you. Oral sex effects you less than having intercourse. For a man it may not make any difference to him whether it's oral or intercourse, men don't really care as long as they are getting their desire fulfilled, but for a woman there is a HUGE difference in losing your virginity vs keeping it. A physical change occurs with the woman, her hymen breaks. The majority of her sexual organs are internal, meaning NOTHING has touched them. A man is quite different. That's something you really are proving you have no grasp of.
There are different levels of sins, some are worse than others. for example, telling a lie is not as bad as committing shirk. Not worth the same on the scale. You could also argue, "If someone stole a piece of candy, why doesn't he just go into the store and commit an armed robbery." That's your way of thinking...it's not mine nor is it part of the deen.
I'm not talking about "forgiveness." Besides, I'm living for Allah, not for you or anyone else, so whether a human forgave me for having sex or not, would not really make a difference to me, nor should it for someone else.
If someone masturbated, he's committed a form of zina.
If he hugged a girl, he's committed a form of zina.
If he's had phone sex he's committed a form of zina.
If he did not lower his gaze and lustfully gazed at a girl, he's committed a form of zina.
The reality is, most men commit these forms of zina all the time. If he's repented to Allah who am I to judge him afterwards? My concern is how he will act while we are married, his akhlaq and adhab, if he prays on time, etc. I also prefer not to know about his past sins UNLESS they are a cause of concern and carry into the marriage. You need to be wary of those who choose to follow their desires when they know the boundaries that Allah has set for them. Those people will be losers on the day of judgement and Allah will turn away from them because they chose shaitan as a companion over following Allah's commands.
fi aman Allah
w'salaam
I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying since I feel you're being defensive or something, and there's no reason to be since we're on the same page lol. As for intercourse itself, it's when the two parts meet. If they do not, it's not intercourse. I was sharing the story not to degrade Christians or anything, but rather to show how even some sort of zina being allowed (eg. kissing) can lead to other things simply because it was taught that it's ok. Whereas in islam, we're taught that no form of zina is allowed.