Fear of marriage

[anonymous]

I don't want to get married....I am scared of these kinds of relationships....they freak me out...i know it's sunna to marry a pious spouse but i don't evcer want to get married. i don't and have never felt strongly enough about anyone to marry them and the hole thing is very disgusting to me, i kno it seems wrong but i just don' like aspects of marriage i chrish my privacy and the privacy of my body don want to share it with ny one ...is this normal is Allah angry at me,, i also feel like it invades a person space im not sure and i don wan kidz bcuz mayb theyr cute n stuf but i don wan to see another person from my flesh that may have a hardtime...... to be honest i also hav a mistrust to men i can' feel clos to most of them i think most of them r sik and hav bad thoughts ....the hole things just grosse me ut..please help i don wan to disappoint my mother,,.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

you sound like youve had a rough experiences in life.


no one can ever force you to do what you dont want but it is important to understand that not all men are sickos lol. the best of creation was a man after all. all the prophets were men. the messengers were men.

its important to positively understand the good aspects of men. and men do not want to violate you. infact a decent man will marry you and let you stay virgin for as long as you want out of respect for you.

i think as long as you are careful about marrying a pious man you will be ok.

take it one step at a time. thats the best way to overcome any fear and make looots of dua to Allah

 

[جوري]

marriage is frightening and yes everything that comes with it is equally scary, changes everything about the person dramatically.. but don't over think it.. When :Allah::swt: sends you the one it will be about the person & not the idea..

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

is it only females that find it so scary. makes me feel guilty as a man to be honest


if any men find it scary can you post an anonymous message. just curious if this is women only or not


i dont find it scary at all coz i wont marry someone i dont approve of and i believe i am very good at judging people ( not being big headed just am confident bout my decisions)

 

[جوري]

is it only females that find it so scary. makes me feel guilty as a man to be honest

why?

better to marry young then, takes the edge off.. Expectations, fears, future worries, children, money, giving yourself body and soul to someone doesn't seem to matter when you're a young.. The young don't know enough to be prudent so they dare where mature adults are overly cautious and stingy of who they're and set in their ways...
although of course marrying as an adult has its own flavors that are deep and developed but one isn't lucky enough to find their soul mate.. best to make a soul mate with time than try to look for one..
but then again what do I know of love.. I am just philosophizing.
Probably in truth the most scary part of marriage is being responsible for a household as well being intimate with a strange person given the sharp contrast in modesty Muslims live before and after marriage..

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

a bit too late for that lol

my sister married at 28 and she wasnt scared at all. same with my elder. unless they hid it extremely well.

main reason is they trusted my father and us (her bros)

i would never allow my sisters to marry an unfit person and i made that clear.

also they knew we would always watch over them after marriage but if i know my sisters andi thinki do... they will both say "why should i fear when i have Allah"

 

[جوري]

bro.
People don't always have to articulate their fears to you.. of course it is also exciting.. I am yet to see a bride who doesn't cry on her wedding day.. and do you know why that is? It is really spontaneous.. I didn't cry when my bro got married, but when the sheikh was over our house for my sis marriage contract and started saying what he said with my bro in law, dad and brother and a couple of others there.. my whole being was trembling and I can tell she was too.. there was something surreal and life changing about it... it goes away though so everyone has a right to that .. I think it is best to embrace it, it is normal and go with it than be under the impression that a handful of queers feel that way and everyone is honke dory with it....

It is a big thing.. but it can be a big dynamic (good) thing..

 

[Periwinkle18]

Well I guess Cuz a man doesn't have to leave his house n all y would he feel scared. Wen I think abt it its v scary srsly would never want to leave my mum.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i see your point.

the fear must be very short though coz we see them constantly after th nikkah/waleema etc and they always seem so happy.

may allah make it easy for all brithers and sisters


forgive my great ignorance and any offence caused thereby

 

[جوري]

i see your point.

the fear must be very short though coz we see them constantly after th nikkah/waleema etc and they always seem so happy.

may allah make it easy for all brithers and sisters


forgive my great ignorance and any offence caused thereby

You're a lovely person. You'll make some sister a fine husband..
:ia: :Allah::swt: will grant us all lasting peace & happiness in this life & the next..
like I said it is just a few moments of it, and that it is normal so the sister above doesn't think she's singular in that regard and then believe me as tough as life is, it is better to shoulder it with someone than alone...
it is funny because just today I read this article:

http://www.islam21c.com/spirituality/9514-the-garden-of-lovers-ishq?utm_source=Islam21c+2012&utm_campaign=86f28186e2-rabi&utm_medium=email

so yeah I think we just over think it until it becomes overwhelming!

 

[Periwinkle18]

Sis anon just remember one thing ur parents will never throw u away they'll look for a person whose right for you they'll check that guy first they won't give u away just like that you've got to trust them.

N it is scary no doubt buh once u get to know the person u won't feel scared anymore in fact you'll b happy that there's someone there for u, someone there to listen to u.

So don't make up ur mind too soon give everyone a chance. N If u are getting married then do istikhara lots n lots of it Cuz Allah does help.

 

[جوري]

YUP istikhara in all affairs :ia:

 

[anonymous]

thnk u ever 1 who answere ....but i;m afraid it is veru hard ...sumtimes i cty atthe thoht of it becuz i feel horible abut it...n im nit used to talkin to men sumtime it haerd tro imagin being with dem 24,7.... im also aftaid that they ar nly nice in da begining or whne the want an interest but other wise they r very mean...soryy if im preudice but i can help it this is what most ov my life ive seen...

 

[CosmicPathos]

but then again what do I know of love...

and no one does. Love is overrated.

“If it is true that there are as many minds as there are men, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.” Leo Tolstoy


Umar (ra) said it. Marriage does not have to be built on love.

I recently proposed to a woman I thought would be beneficial for me. Got rejected. And I deal with it by thinking Allah saved me, as He does what's best for us.

If there is one thing in life that we cant be so sure of attaining, it is winning heart of another person. Only Allah is muqallib alqaloob.

 

[Periwinkle18]

thnk u ever 1 who answere ....but i;m afraid it is veru hard ...sumtimes i cty atthe thoht of it becuz i feel horible abut it...n im nit used to talkin to men sumtime it haerd tro imagin being with dem 24,7.... im also aftaid that they ar nly nice in da begining or whne the want an interest but other wise they r very mean...soryy if im preudice but i can help it this is what most ov my life ive seen...

Hmm well sis everyone's not perfect if a couple of ppl r weird that doesn't make everyone weird does it ? There r amazing ppl out there you're scaeed cuzb you've made up ur kind Ur thinking in one direction only. You've got to give ppl a chance and pray to Allah ask Him InshaAllah He'll help you.

Remember Allah loves you a lot

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i hope Allah settles your affairs in th best possible way

 

[Periwinkle18]

Ameen.