Muhammad is the messenger of Allah; and those who are with him are strong against Unbelievers, (but) compassionate amongst each other. Thou wilt see them bow and prostrate themselves (in prayer), seeking Grace from Allah and (His) Good Pleasure. On their faces are their marks, (being) the traces of their prostration.
Surah # 48 - Surah Muhammad - Verse 29
Why wouldn't you want that mark?
And sometimes you hear in lecture brother saying generelly (not to a specific person): 'he has a long beard and dresses to sunnah but even he make that or that sin', I want actually avoid that.
Firstly, I want to thank everyone of you. May Allah reward you with all the best.
Secondly, I have to confess that I am the same guy from that thread: (Only for Bros) - I need urgend help!
I do not know if it is easier to understand why I opend this topic. I started that linked-thread some months ago but to be honest I relapsed all the time after few days. I think I managed it for just max for 12 days. That is so crazy - I know their harms, but dopamine does what ever it wants in my brain. Even in Ramadan: first week was amazing, I was a lot in the masjid, read holy quran translation, and felt iman in my heard. Day 8 I relaped I do not know why? There was no pleasure or anything I just know that I started to fantasize not about really bad things, just about girls (what is actually bad enought), but that was enought to visit some bad sites few days later. I was not more able to fear Allah at this stage, it is like something is blocked in my brain, I tried to warn myself, but it did not work. I really do not know if Allah accepts me as a Muslim. Since some days my prayers are not more really with khushu and it seems that long sujuds did not really affect my heard althought I felt literally iman in my heard.
Feel like Allah does not accept my prayers and that I am doing something very wrong in general that Allah does not guide me. I really understood that this matter is not up to me, it is in the hand of Allah. but I really do not know, what I can do? I am actually at a age where I could get married, but that is not possible. I really want to have a family with children etc and want contact to a women, not to fullfil desire only, it become a desire to talk with a woman in halal way, to see in her face, to touch her hand and to smell her; have a bit passion and to practice religion with her, to share life. That is embarrassing to write, but I am anonymous... I think this porn addiction is because I try to find an alternative to that, but it is not. It is so frustrating, I am feeling like a kafeer. May Allah protect me to become one. I am so disappointed of myself, I would manage it at least while Ramadan is running, but I did not. Fear to not reach the next Ramadan to profit fully of it. I know it is even not end, but this disappointment lets me really struggle. Do not know what to do. I have been tried it several times in the past, I have no believe more to overcome it. Moreover I think I have a big issue with sabr. I am very impatiently. All things need time but want everythings that happens immediately.
Something is really going wrong in my brain, in my heard, but I do not know what. Sometimes I hear from Brothers who used to drink alkohol, go to parties, have zina and so on, how Allah has guid them. Alhamdullah I have been never done those things but sometimes I get the idea that this is the key to get guidance, what is wrong and stupid, I know.
Some brothers told me I should go to an imam and tell him about my problem. But I cannot do that. I know that you are not able to help directly, I have to struggle with this matter but I don't know more how. I read of some people who managed it for long time, I am talking about non-Muslims, why I - who wants to stop it mainly for the sake of Allah - am not able to do what a kafeer has done.
Thirdly, I am really sorry to write here again.
wslama
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