Muslim women at home

[glo]

A local health visitor once told me that she knows some (I don't know how many in acual numbers) Muslim families in our local community, where women never leave the house.
Is that possible??? :hmm:
Or just a myth?

I certainly see a fairly high proportion of Muslim men doing the school run for their children.

I would love to meet and socialise with Muslim women in my community - but it seems almost impossible. oh:

Peace

glo

 

[Umm Yoosuf]

Never leave the house:?

It's better for the women to stay in their houses but that does not mean that it's a form of imprisonment. If there is a necessity for them to go out then yes they can do that.

I would love to meet and socialise with Muslim women in my community

Well sure you can. Maybe you can go over to their house or mosque etc

- but it seems almost impossible.

I find that hard to believe. And just beause "A local health visitor" told you that you take her word for it?:rollseyes

 

[HeiGou]

Never leave the house:?

>deletions<

I find that hard to believe. And just beause "A local health visitor" told you that you take her word for it?:rollseyes

I could probably find you examples of Muslimas whose husbands literally never let them out of the house - not even to go to the mosque. You come across them every now and then on Fora like this one (not that I have come across one on this forum yet).

 

[Umm Yoosuf]

No need to find me examples i am aware that some men don't let their women go to the masjid, be it out of ignorance or whatever.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If any of your women asks permission to go to the mosque, don't stop her from going.

So yeah indeed in some Muslim societies men don't allow their women to go masjid. So much so that you find men only mosques, contrary to what the Prophet ordered.

 

[FatimaAsSideqah]

as-salaam alaykum

Ibn ‘Umar reports from the Prophet that once a lady came to the Prophet and asked him about the rights of a husband on his wife. He replied: … she should not leave his house without his permission. (Sunan Bayhaqi, No: 14490)

Answer:

A particular ruling must be understood in the context of general rulings. Islam requires that the wife adopt an attitude of adjustment and harmony with the husband and the husband is required to be affectionate and accommodating as far as possible to the needs of his wife. He must not impose any undue restrictions on her for this will ignite the wrath of God upon him.

With regard to a wife seeking her husband’s permission before leaving the house, the proper perspective must be understood. In general circumstances of mutual trust, there is no need for a wife to ask permission from her husband to go out (see: The Guiding Helper,song 38, marriage, page 307). However, in certain circumstances in which the husband genuinely considers that going out might disrupt the family in any way, he has the authority to exercise his right of stopping her and in these circumstances, she should always ask permission to leave the house. In this regard, the husband must remember that if he imposes himself without any sound and justifiable reason, he would be crossing the bounds and invoking the displeasure of the Almighty. His wrong behavior may even lead the wife to abandon him for which he would be solely responsible (see tafsir Ibn kathir An-nisa 19)

We would also note here that any decent (real Muslim!) husband will give his wife general permission to leave the house during times of general safety ,because Allah swt says:

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye
treat them with harshness, (regaring the issue that woman have to ask permission to
their husbands for leaving the house, the husband must remember that if he imposes
himself without any sound and justifiable reason, he would be crossing the bounds and
invoking the displeasure of the Almighty,because he is not allowed to treat his wive with
harsh unjust rulings by abusing his rights)that ye may take away part of the dower
[money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given
them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with
them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye
dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good (Qu’ran An-nisa 19.

wa-salaam alaykum

 

[HeiGou]

No need to find me examples i am aware that some men don't let their women go to the masjid, be it out of ignorance or whatever.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If any of your women asks permission to go to the mosque, don't stop her from going.

So yeah indeed in some Muslim societies men don't allow their women to go masjid. So much so that you find men only mosques, contrary to what the Prophet ordered.

Yes but it is not merely forbidding them to go to the mosque. It is forbidding them to go anywhere including the mosque. The up-shot of all the discussions I have seen is that a Husband may forbid his wife to set foot out of the house, except if she wants to learn more about Islam so he should let her to go to the mosque to study. But as it is not enforcible it is not very helpful.

 

[Umm Yoosuf]

Yes but it is not merely forbidding them to go to the mosque. It is forbidding them to go anywhere including the mosque. The up-shot of all the discussions I have seen is that a Husband may forbid his wife to set foot out of the house, except if she wants to learn more about Islam so he should let her to go to the mosque to study. But as it is not enforcible it is not very helpful.

As you have said before....:rollseyes

 

[Nicola]

yes it does happen...though we don't know what the percentage is..
It happened to my friend before she eventally got divorced from him with her parents help.
It was only when she was taken to the hopital that it was brought to an end.
Thank God

 

[*Hana*]

Salam Alaikum and Peace:

It is not only Muslim men that do this. I know far more western men that don't allow their wives to go out and if they do allow them to go shopping, they call every 10 minutes to see where they are and what they are doing. And their lives are made a living Hell upon their return with false accusations of cheating, etc. Regardless of faith, keeping your wife imprisoned is wrong. She is not a piece of property nor a slave.

That being said, I am very much a homebody. I much prefer to be home than anywhere else. That choice is mine and it's not because someone is forcing me to be here. We also have to remember that things may not be as they appear. Many non muslims have the view that Muslim women are oppressed and therefore make the conclusion that if we don't go out much, it's because we are "not allowed". For many of us, it is by choice.

So for any couple of any faith, we shouldn't make conclusions unless we know first hand. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Wasalam and Peace,
Hana

 

[HeiGou]

It is not only Muslim men that do this. I know far more western men that don't allow their wives to go out and if they do allow them to go shopping, they call every 10 minutes to see where they are and what they are doing. And their lives are made a living Hell upon their return with false accusations of cheating, etc. Regardless of faith, keeping your wife imprisoned is wrong. She is not a piece of property nor a slave.

Really? You know far more Western men? Can you give me an example or two?

 

[glo]

[
I find that hard to believe. And just beause "A local health visitor" told you that you take her word for it?:rollseyes

Clearly I didn't take her word for it. Instead I came here to clarify - didn't I? :rollseyes

glo

 

[Syed Nizam]

I cant understand about all of the fuss that all of u have been talking about. I've been to KSA (supposedly to the most conservative muslim nation in the world where the woman wears Abaya in public), & what i saw there is that woman DO leave their house with the companionship of their mahram. There are even some who goes out with friends.... no big deal here!

Although, I do admit that they might be some cases where the husband may forbids the woman from going anywhere...but, why confines this to only in Islam & muslims? Surely, there are other woman from other races and religion who suffers from the same fate. The issue here is not about islam itself but rather than the imposing `values' of cultural & ethnicity imposed upon the the so-called muslim codes of conduct.

 

[HeiGou]

Although, I do admit that they might be some cases where the husband may forbids the woman from going anywhere...but, why confines this to only in Islam & muslims? Surely, there are other woman from other races and religion who suffers from the same fate. The issue here is not about islam itself but rather than the imposing `values' of cultural & ethnicity imposed upon the the so-called muslim codes of conduct.

Do you know of any case in the West or other non-Muslim country where this happens much? There are isolated instances of this happening but it is a crime and the person who does it is deranged.

The issue of concern for me (and as a non-Muslim it is really none of my business as I freely acknowledge) is that this is one of those cases where culture and religion seem to interact in less than healthy ways. We would all agree that if it was unsafe for women to leave the home they should not leave the home (of course I probably have a very different view of what "unsafe" would mean but work with me here). The problem is, as far as I can see, that bad men and men with poor understanding of what is right in Islam can use this rule to oppress women in ways that I am sure most Muslims would agree was wrong. In the same way a Muslim man can marry and then divorce dozens of women seeking only sexual gratification and yet still remain within the law in a technical sense.

 

[*Hana*]

Really? You know far more Western men? Can you give me an example or two?

An example or two? I could give you far more than that!! Bob, John, Garrett, Dave, Mike, Brandon, etc., etc. Women I know that treat their husbands the same: Karen, Jocelyn, etc. I could name as many muslims. I could also give you a much longer list of those that treat their spouses very well. So, has that made you any wiser HeiGou? What did you hope to prove? You always seem to want to argue for the sake of arguing. You can deny there are men and women that behave that way in the west...but you would be wrong. These people are personal friends, and one is my brother and their behavior is disgusting!

I live in a western country and I'm not blind to know the exact same things that happen here happen in every other country and vice versa. Are there Muslim men and women that do the same? For sure, just as there are Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddists, Agnostics, Atheists, etc. For some, it is cultural for others, they're just mean. But, for Muslims that treat their wives badly, regardless of the reason, it is clearly against the teachings of Islam and they do not accurately represent the true teachings. So, Muslims that behave badly towards their spouse are doing that outside the teachings of Islam. Islam is not to blame. My whole point was that just because a Muslim woman stays home, doesn't mean she is forced to be there by her husband. Like me, it could be by choice.

Hana

 

[glo]

I live in a western country and I'm not blind to know the exact same things that happen here happen in every other country and vice versa.
Hana

I must admit that I don't know of any husband (Muslim or otherwise) who forces his wife to remain in the house against her will, but if people give accounts of this happening I am inclined to believe them.

But I also have to say that there are many other ways to disempower or imprison people, emotionally or financially for example.
So perhaps it is better be marooned inside the house with a loving husband, than to be free to roam outside with an unloving or non-caring husband ..

What do you think?

glo

 

[Halima]

This is the way how I look at it. Of course there are different types of myths particularly about muslim women all of which are not true. Some of them end up being true, while others end up being totally false and unheard of.


This myth that muslim woman stay in their houses is one that I have never heard of but you can only know if it is ture or not only if you ask someone who is knowledgeable in this sect.


I will tell you frankly this is a false myth, not all muslim woman stay at their houses however, we are restricted from going to certain places for the sake of protection.


We are protected by the outside from evil by our attire and our mahram. Now for us to dive into evil is like us calling for trouble.

We can go out th house whenever we want it is just a matter of protection. We are very vigilant of the outside world especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex.

 

[glo]

I will tell you frankly this is a false myth, not all muslim woman stay at their houses

Please understand that there was never any suggestion of all Muslim women staying in their houses, just some.
I was told this by a health visitor, who's job it is to check mother's and children's health - often in clinics in the health centre.
I have no grounds to assume that she was lying to me - she has no reason to do so.

We can go out th house whenever we want it is just a matter of protection. We are very vigilant of the outside world especially when it comes to members of the opposite sex.

I understand and respect the reasons you give.

Peace

glo

 

[glo]

Never leave the house:?

Well sure you can. Maybe you can go over to their house or mosque etc

Visit the mosque???
That sounds a bit scary! Would I be allowed? oh:

glo

 

[*Hana*]

I must admit that I don't know of any husband (Muslim or otherwise) who forces his wife to remain in the house against her will, but if people give accounts of this happening I am inclined to believe them.

But I also have to say that there are many other ways to disempower or imprison people, emotionally or financially for example.
So perhaps it is better be marooned inside the house with a loving husband, than to be free to roam outside with an unloving or non-caring husband ..

What do you think?

glo

Peace, Glo:

Very well said! I tend to agree. There are many ways women can be "imprisoned" inside their home. There is an enormous amount of abuse in society today and it doesn't discriminate by wealth, colour, faith, age or gender. We just have to be careful when judging the circumstances of others. As I said before, I love to be home. It is where I prefer to be, but that's not to say I also don't enjoy meeting with friends every now and then for coffee or dinner and my door is always open for anyone wanting to visit me here. I'm not married yet, but I'm perfectly confident my future Muslim husband would not prevent me from leaving the house to shop, meet with friends, etc. I would certainly be offended if someone accused my husband of oppressing me because I didn't go out. Many Muslim and non Muslim women prefer to be home with their husband and children and they are extremely happy doing so. We just have to be careful we don't pass judgement simply because of faith, (or any other reason).

Peace to you,
Hana

 

[*Hana*]

Visit the mosque???
That sounds a bit scary! Would I be allowed? oh:

glo

Peace Glo:

lol why does it sound scary? Of course you would be allowed. Before I reverted, I was invited to come to the mosque to visit and to talk. Of course, I would have respected the requirement of covering and removing the shoes before entering, even though I was non muslim then. Unfortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to go before I reverted, but I was surely welcome.

I guess I shouldn't speak for all Mosques, but the local one here was extremely wonderful and the people are so, so kind, mashallah

Try it :happy:

Peace,
Hana