Is it haram to talk wife without mother permision?

[peaceandlove]

Well, me and my wife had little fight, and my wife left my house with my little child.

actually it more family matter of inlaws rather then our personal husband wife issue, any way now Alhudulliah my wife came back at my house and we are happy with each other.

The issue is during those days when my wife is living with her parents, i talk with my wife and taken him for dinner too so our situation calm due, my mother never allows me to talk my wife during those day so i meet my wife withou knowling my mohter,

Now after and year or so, some of our related meet my mother and told them during fight days when my wife is living with her paretn they saw me and my wife in hotel, since then my mother is tooo angry on me why i meet and even talk with my wife without her permision. He said he will never forget me for that too that i talk with my wife withoug knowing my mother or without her permision.

I am sure if i did not talk me and my wife will not able to calm down situation. so is it really Haram to talk wife or take him outside for dinner without the permision or knowling of parents?

Seconldy what you say about those relative who saw me on hotel with my wife and then even after year told my mother in such a way that my motehr feel so angry that i disobey him, I am not sure why some people had to do if i meet my wife and they make my mother such angry.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Brother, your mother is being too emotionally controlling for no valid reason. You have a duty to care for your wife and meet her emotional needs. You need to stand up to your mother, stand your ground be a man and say you will talk to your wife if you wish and it should be of little concern of hers. Say this in the best possible manner with as much love, wisdom and respect that you can show. Allah knows best, that's how I see your situation.

Those relatives who let your mother should not have interfered if they did it deliberately.

 

[syed_z]

Asalaam O Alaikum....

1st of all really happy to hear you back with her, because our Blessed Prophet (Saw) has said that 'The most disliked thing by Allah (swt) which is Halaal is Talaaq (Divorce)' ...so even though it is permissible in Islam yet it is a blessing if a marriage is saved....


Secondly I would like to inform you and I suggest you share this Hadith of Prophet (saw) with your mother when trying to pacify her:

Iblees sets his throne on the water. From there, he sends out his troops to tempt mankind. The one whom he regards as closest to him is the one who causes the greatest temptation. One of them returns to him and says, I stayed with so and so and did not leave him until he did such and such,’ and he is told, ‘You have done nothing.’ Then one comes and reports, I did not leave him until he separated from his wife.’ Iblees then brings him near to him and says, ‘How fine you are.“ (Sahih Muslim)

The beloved act to Iblees is the separation of Man and His Wife, so you can imagine that hadn't it been you seeing your wife and Allah (swt) having Mercy on you, you probably wouldn't have been with her.

Now your Mother, remember what the Prophet (saw) said about Paradise lying at the feet of mother, therefore you don't want to make her upset either, so try to Gently explain her and InshA'Allah she would understand and forgive you.

Thirdly I believe the Khul (temporary separation) part of Islam is given to buy time for both wife and husband so they may patch up and I believe you can also quote the Verse of Quran in Surah Nisa I believe If I'm not mistaken, make her read to show Allah's command, that what you were doing was pleasing Allah (swt) and making Shaytan unsuccessful.... InshA'Allah she'll understand....

Btw how old is your mother? If shes Old then remember to read the following Dua every time you see her upset with you and your unable to get the message through to her....

(17:24) And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small."

Its a beautiful Dua for your mother and father, if they're old .

 

[Saja]

Absolutely not haram, actually Islam recommend for the husband and wife to solve their problems alone without anyone to intervene unless they ask for it!
And I don’t understand why your mother is still upset about this, aren’t you back with your wife and everything is fine?! In my opinion you did the right thing for trying to fix your marriage at least for the sake of that child as the divorce, which is halal is the most disliked thing by Allah like Syed_z mentioned.

 

[Muhaba]

Parents do not have the right to keep you away from your spouse or any other relative. Breaking the ties of kinship is not allowed in Islam. The one who breaks the ties of kinship will not enter heaven.
لا يدخل الجنة قاطع رحم

 

[greenhill]

Salaams,

The issue is during those days when my wife is living with her parents, i talk with my wife and taken him for dinner too so our situation calm due, my mother never allows me to talk my wife during those day so i meet my wife withou knowling my mohter

Just to clarify.... "The issue is during those days ...." you say when your wife was living with her parents. She is your wife now, was she your wife then?
I am trying to understand your post. If she was your wife but somehow the arrangements were that she still lived with her parents while you lived somewhere else, you have every right to see her or take her anywhere (that is halal).

If you were not married yet, then it is a totally different story.

But now that she IS you wife, and you both have a gift of a child, both your parents should be grateful. But life can be strange at times..


Have patience, brother


eace:

 

[peaceandlove]

Salaams,




Just to clarify.... "The issue is during those days ...." you say when your wife was living with her parents. She is your wife now, was she your wife then?
I am trying to understand your post. If she was your wife but somehow the arrangements were that she still lived with her parents while you lived somewhere else, you have every right to see her or take her anywhere (that is halal).

If you were not married yet, then it is a totally different story.

But now that she IS you wife, and you both have a gift of a child, both your parents should be grateful. But life can be strange at times..


Have patience, brother


eace:

Yes, brother he is not even my wife but we also have one little child too. Althudulllilah We are now living happy but the issue again is still even after more then year my wife is living with me , my mother still become angry and frustated that i disobey him by talking my wife without her permission.

You might ask why?as people asking, I think west people might not know it but if you know typical pakistani socieity here mother in laws is almost final, they interfear in every matter and reason they gave is they are elder and they have the right to make every decisions. Even my mother decide when shoud i cut my child hair and i cannot go without her permision.

Alhudualliah, my mother is very good muslim, she pray regulary and also studying quran classes with translation an tafseer and even she know all hadis and more then what might you know but i think it the effect of society that they still interfear in private matter of husband and wife.

Even still if my wife say take me outside for some his personal work , we first had to take permision from mother to take out of home and many many time they say no if your wife has personal work ask htem to call their father and go then or when they meet their parent they will take him for that work i will not allow you to go outside with him for her personal work and becom too angry why i am asking him for that , you know typical socity issue despite my mother knows what quran says.

I very upset as my mother say she will never forget me for talking my wife and bringing my wife back to home (the reason is people do talk some thing about bad for me that i am dis-obidient to my mother by talking with my wife withoug mother permision). and i am too much disturb.

The rest my mother has almost no issue with me, i love him she love me, i try to take care of him any measn i can , the only issue he my mother does not happy with me at all when i do any thing with my wife or any of my wife work, even still afters years of marriage i am not allowed to leave my wife to her parents house or take them from home , if she want to go to her parent house either i had to drop him and her parents had to bring him back or if her parent pick i had to drop him so you know only one thing i can do , even if situation arise that i had drop him and now take him back my mother bring so angry why her parents are not lefting him and does not allow me to bring him back and say keep him stay whey her parents are so not dropiing him ,

My mother even listen tariq jamil bayans for love between husband and wife and yes even ask my father to take care of everything for her as he is her husband and it my father duty to take care of his wife but when it come to my hand that i take care of my child and wife my mother just become angry and say to me to leave such issue on my wife parents and their is greate greate greate anger on my mother face , you an see my wife also get disturbe why i am not fullfulling my duties for him and she know my mother is stopping me for those forcefully.

So you can see how tense i am for that.

Yes, Please tell me the main reason also i am disturbe : What if my mother angry with me on the issue that i talk with my wife withoug my mother permisin , and she say she wont forgive me for that and Allah will curse you for that act, even i ask my mother for forgivenes she say she will never forget that in his life? So will Allah forgive me for that act? I have not intention to make my mother disturb just trying to fullfill my rights as husband but still my mother angry so will Allah forgive me for talking with my wife witout my mother permision

Please pray for me too

 

[*Yasmin*]

salam 3lekum brother
There is no doubt how much important the obedience of our parents in Islam. And one should always strives to fulfill their wishes and demands HOWEVER there is one rule which our prophet Muhammad peace be upon him made it clear in this hadith: "There is no obedience to any human being if it involves sin; obedience is only in that which is right and proper."
if your mother is trying to break the ties between you and your wife (in case i understood your problem) this is haram in Islam. so your mother's anger is for no good reason, hence no harm for you, because in the first place you did nothing wrong from the Islamic perspective.

my advice for you brother is, to try to sit down with your mother and talk with her kindly. tell her how much you love her and want her happiness, but as well tell her how much you love Allah, and how much you don't want to do any haram by pleasing his creation and disobeying Him.

wish you the best.
salamu 3lekum

 

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum.

Mother anger toward her child does not always cause Allah curse her child too. It's depend on case and cause, especially the reason behind her anger. There is different between angry because right reason and angry because wrong reason.

As a husband you have duty toward your wife that you must fulfill, and your mother should not prevent you to fulfill your duty toward your wife. Talk with you is your wife right which is a duty on your side. If your mother prohibit you to talk with your wife, actually she prohibit it with wrong reason. If your mother angry to you because you talk to your wife without her permission, she is angry with wrong reason too. But unfortunately your mother doesn't understand it.

Notice from your post, seem like your mother actually is a good person, but she grew up with mindset that a mother has full authority toward her son and her daughter in-law which she can determine what they should do, what they should not do, in every matter. And she grew up with this mindset because her society taught her like this. You and your mother live in Pakistani society, don't you?.

The root of this problem is your mother mindset, and the only way to solve this problem is you must able to make your mother change her mindset, although it's very hard. And you must try this effort in good manner which you still and always respect your mother, your ammi jaan.

May Allah gives your easiness, my brother.

 

[Snow]

Ask your mother how she would like it if you were to meddle in her marriage.
I doubt she would like it, just as you should be left to handling your own matters, unless you are asking for advice.

 

[piXie]

Asalamu alaykum

I think you will find the following useful.

Man divorcing his wife on his parents’ orders - islamqa.info

May Allah increase us in knowledge and understanding of Islam and give us the ability to implement it with wisdom. Aameen.