What is the appropriate age for getting married?

[BilalKid]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

 

[cogito ergo sum]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

There's no such thing as "perfect age" for marriage. When you can do it, have someone you want to marry, and have some kind of income then just do it. Nike ;D

 

[syed_z]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

The Fitnah that you have mentioned and brothers like you who face the same Fitnah of temptations in our times where women are 'dressed yet naked' as the Prophet (saw) predicted....the best option is to Fast, the beloved Prophet (saw) said to either marry if you have the means, and if you do not then fast, for fasting curbs one's passion.

Sadly (Sigh), the Prophet (saw) said 'Make marriage so cheap that Zinah becomes expensive.' .... in our times its the opposite .

 

[ShyFerdousi]

No offense but I think fasting doesn't always help avoiding that kind of emotions. I often keep fast and it's a great feeling but in that case, it doesn't always work for me. Or maybe I'm not keeping the principle of fasting properly?

 

[ardianto]

My regular activity every Saturday night when I was teenager was gathered with other friends in house of one of us. Then we went to mountain area to enjoy the night.

On a Saturday night. When we were gathered, my friend grandma asked us "Hey guys! you always gather every Saturday night and spend the night together. Why? don't you have girlfriends?". One of us replied "Oh, grandma, we are the guys who run out the girls!". And we laugh.

Were we the guys who run out the girls?. No! we were just kidding. The true reason why we didn't have girlfriends was because we didn't want. We prefer to enjoy our youth life as free guys and do any activity that we like. We were sure, when the time to looking for life-partners has come, we would get our life-partner. In facts, all of us then get married in mid of 20's, the ideal age to get married.

We also had many female friends who attractive enough. But because we didn't think to have a girlfriend, then we could hold ourselves to not approach those girls. We could control our desire. Different than other guys who thought that they should have girlfriends.

 

[786arman]

My parents done around age 26, what age is good for marriage in today time? I mean everywhere I go women everywhere.. school especially its just getting disturbing.

Assalamualaykum brother

The earlier the better, as in our generation there is mixing of both gender at young age and kids are having "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" at school, and marriage will be better as it would protect them from the zina of the eyes. Inshallah i hope to get married before going university in my gap year of education.

 

[Jedi_Mindset]

If you have the means to provide for yourself and a future spouse, its better to marry at young age. RasoolAllah(Saw) advised us to marry minimum at 17 years of age. However for many that isn't possible, especially for people living in the west. Adviceable would be atleast in your 20's because thats when youth here usually start to provide for themselves, have fine jobs etcetera

 

[syed_z]

No offense but I think fasting doesn't always help avoiding that kind of emotions. I often keep fast and it's a great feeling but in that case, it doesn't always work for me. Or maybe I'm not keeping the principle of fasting properly?

Asalaam O Alaikum...

Women are a trial for men and much greater than men are for women, and it is due to this reason why Allah (swt) has commanded the women to cover themselves because by exposing themselves (as it is happening big time in our age) they would be even a greater trial for the men.... therefore in that case fasting was advised by the Blessed Prophet (saw) to the younger men, who have strong passions....

 

[strivingobserver98]

It is easy to say "I plan to get married early", but there are many hurdles to cross before getting to that stage. Parents are a major hurdle for some especially desi parents. Respect to the brothers & sisters who manage to overcome these hurdles, they are indeed big test and tribulations.

I would say appropriate age to get married is 16-18. If parents agree it makes the whole process easier and parents can provide for the new husband until he can financially support himself. Or if having trouble then 18+ but don't delay it.

May Allah give us guidance, grant us righteous pious spouses and make our marriages simple and easy. Ameen.

 

[ardianto]

Asalaam O Alaikum...

Women are a trial for men and much greater than men are for women, and it is due to this reason why Allah (swt) has commanded the women to cover themselves because by exposing themselves (as it is happening big time in our age) they would be even a greater trial for the men.... therefore in that case fasting was advised by the Blessed Prophet (saw) to the younger men, who have strong passions....

Wa'alaikumsalam

If we regard women are fitnah, it's mean we regard that our mothers and our sisters are fitnah.

Not the women themselves, but our sexual desire on women that become a fitnah for us. If we can control our sexual desire, then we can control our behaviour toward women. The way to control our desire is realize that women are human too who not different than our mothers and our sisters. In Shaa Allah, then we will have respect on women.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum,

From the women's side, I'd like to comment that marriage is best delayed till at least 3 years after menarche (when a girl becomes a woman). The girl may be able to get pregnant, but as she has not finished growing, she can have a lot of problems, especially if her husband is considerably larger than herself (so more chance of a large baby).

Also, the woman needs to be able to cope with the realities of functioning in her society. So the age of marriage may need to be adjusted according to the social realities of where she lives.

 

[Saja]

There’s no right age for marriage, it depends on the person whether they can financially, and emotionally, but in my opinion the right age nowadays is in the mid-twenties, but then again it’s different from person to person.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

In response to brother Ardianto,

Perhaps what was meant was that as men are visual creatures, it is harder on them if women are more visually accessible. While I agree with you that men have a responsibility and ability to restrain themselves, I feel that women should have the courtesy of not forcing themselves upon the male gaze. It seems to me that both genders need to be reasonable. Women can't be expected to vanish, and men should not have to be harassed by the sorts of (un!)clothing that are way too prevalent in many countries.

 

[ardianto]

I would say appropriate age to get married is 16-18.

"How old are you?"
"17, sir"
"What's your job?"
"I still study at school, sir"
"Income?"
"Since I am still a student, I have no job, I have no income, sir"
"Hmmm .... hmmm ..... you have no job, you have no income, but ........... you dare to tell me that you want to marry my daughter ... !!!!!"

 

[ardianto]

In response to brother Ardianto,

Perhaps what was meant was that as men are visual creatures, it is harder on them if women are more visually accessible. While I agree with you that men have a responsibility and ability to restrain themselves, I feel that women should have the courtesy of not forcing themselves upon the male gaze. It seems to me that both genders need to be reasonable. Women can't be expected to vanish, and men should not have to be harassed by the sorts of (un!)clothing that are way too prevalent in many countries.

One thing that made me grateful in my life was easiness that I got when I was looking for a life-partner. I didn't need to be bothered in trying to find someone because there was always woman who showed that she opened her heart for me. Even I was in position which I could choose one among those who were interested to me.

Miracle?. No! this is something that normally happen to a good looking guy like me.

Just like men attracted to woman's beauty, women are attracted to man's handsomeness. But I noticed a big difference, women more able to control their desire when they see a good looking men. I knew it from my experience. In example, when I caught a girl stared at me secretly, quickly she looked at other direction because she didn't want I knew it. Different than men who start to tease a woman when this woman catches him stare at her. And the women attitude toward me was very polite, far better than men attitude toward pretty woman.

Frankly, I often wonder why the men are easy to blame a woman as fitnah when they attracted to this woman but cannot get her?. Yes they blame only if they could not get this woman. If they could get this woman, they regard it as a success of a man. Different than women. They never accuse a man as a fitnah if they were attracted to this man but could not get him. They did not blame this man, but blame themselves because they could not control their feeling toward this man.

Yes, not the women who become fitnah for men. But man's desire toward women. This is what my Islamic teacher told me. This why my teacher taught me to be able to control my desire toward woman if I don't want to get a problem.

My sister. I hope you will not thinking that I want to show off if I tell about myself. I just want the men know this reality and rather than blame women, they will start to learn to control themselves.

About modesty. The both party should be modest. Women should not dress in the way that make the men sexually attracted, the men should control themselves to not tease the women.

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

"How old are you?"
"17, sir"
"What's your job?"
"I still study at school, sir"
"Income?"
"Since I am still a student, I have no job, I have no income, sir"
"Hmmm .... hmmm ..... you have no job, you have no income, but ........... you dare to tell me that you want to marry my daughter ... !!!!!"

Quite hilarious but, seriously speaking, I have actually met a young man of about that age who is married. His father was the one who arranged the marriage and paid for everything. As far as I know, the wife and the wife's family are very happy with the arrangement.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

One thing that made me grateful in my life was easiness that I got when I was looking for a life-partner. I didn't need to be bothered in trying to find someone because there was always woman who showed that she opened her heart for me. Even I was in position which I could choose one among those who were interested to me.

Miracle?. No! this is something that normally happen to a good looking guy like me.

Just like men attracted to woman's beauty, women are attracted to man's handsomeness.

Hmm. (smile) I have read your postings on the “frustrations about marriage” thread. So I actually am quite aware of your views about handsomeness. I find that many men make the assumption that women are like them in this regard.


And this is natural. We view the world through our own lenses, so we tend to attribute to others our own qualities and intentions. For instance, a kind person will tend to assume that other people have kind intentions, whereas a selfish person will tend to see others as selfish.


Men think that women are as influenced by physical looks as they themselves are. I have come across this thought many times in my life. A man seeking to impress a woman, for instance, will tend to think that he needs to work on his muscles. He will talk about his sports abilities.


All this is relatively tedious to most women. They may feign interest because they care about him. They may even develop a genuine interest in his beloved sport ...because they care about him (what is dear to him, is dear to them). But it's unlikely to be that which attracted her to him in the first place.


Now the budding cynics on this forum may be saying to themselves: yeah, it's the money she's after… But this also misses a key point. I believe what women are really interested in (though for young women, it's largely unconscious) is something that distinguishes a man as being the source of some security. Having children is a huge commitment on the woman's side. If her children are to thrive (and women are as crazy about babies as men are about women!), she needs to feel that her husband is going to be good for her and her children.


You have noted (in other posts), Ardianto, that women are attracted to self-confidence. I agree with you. The reason for this, I believe, is because if you are confident, they feel more confident and secure, too. I know this works with children. How many times have my children been nervous about something, and they turn to me! If I am calm and confident, half the work of reassuring them is done, even before I open my mouth.


Women are attracted to traits that imply security: skill, intelligence, self-confidence, wealth, a strong work ethic... and kindness. Physical strength can also be a form of security, and some women in some circumstances will favour this, but in today's world, other traits tend to be more reliable indicators of security.


You believe, Ardianto, that the reason that women were attracted to you was because you were very good-looking. Perhaps you were good-looking. But I doubt this was the trait that attracted you much female attention. For instance, have you not noticed that people on this forum generally like and respect you? But they have never met you. They have no idea of what you look like. So what could it be? I submit to you, that it is your qualities of character that have earned you this attention.


Through the posts of yours that I have come across on this forum, you have revealed yourself to have been a self-confident, entrepreneurial (which implies creativity and hardwork) and good-hearted young man. I suspect that these qualities, rather than your superficial looks, were the ones that garnered you attention.


(smile) So for all those younger men who are trying to decipher the mysterious code of how to attract a woman, you might consider working on yourselves to make yourselves more attractive: forget the body-building, and the grumbling about money... try instead to work on your security-feeling enhancing aspects of yourselves. You all have something that could be attractive, I'm sure. You just need to figure out what your particular areas of ability are, and develop them. Then you need to let women become aware of your particular genius. And finally, having a good heart really helps: women generally want someone who'll treat them and their eventual children kindly.

 

[ShyFerdousi]

Asalaam O Alaikum...

Women are a trial for men and much greater than men are for women, and it is due to this reason why Allah (swt) has commanded the women to cover themselves because by exposing themselves (as it is happening big time in our age) they would be even a greater trial for the men.... therefore in that case fasting was advised by the Blessed Prophet (saw) to the younger men, who have strong passions....

Of course brother and I believe in it very much.

 

[strivingobserver98]

Quite hilarious but, seriously speaking, I have actually met a young man of about that age who is married. His father was the one who arranged the marriage and paid for everything. As far as I know, the wife and the wife's family are very happy with the arrangement.

:ma: I have also heard of a 16 year old boy get married in UK with parents giving the helping hand. We need more marriages like this :ia: and understanding parents.

 

[Muhaba]

The right age for marriage is the age when the mind becomes mature enough to understand financial matters and take care of their finances. Allah has told us in the Quran (Surah Nisa) that when the orphan reaches the age of marriage, hand over to them their properties. Hence age of marriage is related to the maturation of the mind. If a person of age 16 can't take care of his/her property / finances, then 16 would not be the right age for that person to marry.