Asalaamu Alaikum
I am constantly in fear that I have said or done something that had taken me out of the folds of Islam. Numerous people have advised me this is just waswas including my husband, who has often had to deal with my waswas about whether my nikah is even valid.
The most recent case was when I was on my way to the bathroom to do wudu for Dhugr salaat. I sometimes get this weird rebellious 'don't care' feeling regarding everything. I can't explain it. I would do my salah carelessly (but I won't leave it) etc. I think that they are periods where my heart has heartened and I have low eeman.
In my room I have pasted various Duas and one is just by the bathroom door too. I had my back turned to the Dua as i was doing something else and I was making a face, like pulling a face as if there was a bad smell or I had seen something awful. I then got a thought that if I turn around with this face I'm making amd look at the Duas on the wall then that's me mocking it or its an act of Kufr.
No sooner had I got the thought, I did the action and turned whilst still pulling a face and looked at the Duas. Immediately I was filled with regret wondering what had I done. In my head I then started thinking that it's okay, you haven't committed kufr just because you did that. Just because you look at a Dua whilst making a face doesn't mean you are mocking it. I then did the action again but this time it was like I was trying to justify to myself that I hadnt committed kufr the first time.
This is something that happens to me where I do something bad and in my horror about what I did, I would repeat the action whilst trying to tell myself not to panic and it wasn't kufr. I recognised that I had fallen to that trap again and so I said Auoozu Billahi Mina Shaitha Ni Rajeem and put the thoughts away and went into the bathroom and did wudu and prayed.
I am now constantly wondering about what I did. I know that a mere thought alone without acting on it isn't something that could leaf to kufr but I am scared because I accompanied that thought with action. I wish I hadnt but I can't turn back the time.
What should I do. My husband keeps telling me I haven't become an apostate and that our nikah too is fine. He told me that leaving Islam is something you do with full yaqeen and that my intention wasnt to mock the Deen. But I'm scared my intention involved mocking as I got the thought that if I do something I would be mocking, and then I go and do it.
Please advise me.
JazakAllah Khair
I am constantly in fear that I have said or done something that had taken me out of the folds of Islam. Numerous people have advised me this is just waswas including my husband, who has often had to deal with my waswas about whether my nikah is even valid.
The most recent case was when I was on my way to the bathroom to do wudu for Dhugr salaat. I sometimes get this weird rebellious 'don't care' feeling regarding everything. I can't explain it. I would do my salah carelessly (but I won't leave it) etc. I think that they are periods where my heart has heartened and I have low eeman.
In my room I have pasted various Duas and one is just by the bathroom door too. I had my back turned to the Dua as i was doing something else and I was making a face, like pulling a face as if there was a bad smell or I had seen something awful. I then got a thought that if I turn around with this face I'm making amd look at the Duas on the wall then that's me mocking it or its an act of Kufr.
No sooner had I got the thought, I did the action and turned whilst still pulling a face and looked at the Duas. Immediately I was filled with regret wondering what had I done. In my head I then started thinking that it's okay, you haven't committed kufr just because you did that. Just because you look at a Dua whilst making a face doesn't mean you are mocking it. I then did the action again but this time it was like I was trying to justify to myself that I hadnt committed kufr the first time.
This is something that happens to me where I do something bad and in my horror about what I did, I would repeat the action whilst trying to tell myself not to panic and it wasn't kufr. I recognised that I had fallen to that trap again and so I said Auoozu Billahi Mina Shaitha Ni Rajeem and put the thoughts away and went into the bathroom and did wudu and prayed.
I am now constantly wondering about what I did. I know that a mere thought alone without acting on it isn't something that could leaf to kufr but I am scared because I accompanied that thought with action. I wish I hadnt but I can't turn back the time.
What should I do. My husband keeps telling me I haven't become an apostate and that our nikah too is fine. He told me that leaving Islam is something you do with full yaqeen and that my intention wasnt to mock the Deen. But I'm scared my intention involved mocking as I got the thought that if I do something I would be mocking, and then I go and do it.
Please advise me.
JazakAllah Khair
