My Depression and Feelings

[crimsontide06]

I did not put this on an anonymous post because 1. I would like to come back to this thread often and

2.none of you will ever know me in real life anyway and no one I know in real life will ever see this..

I started writing my feelings down in WordPad and it may not all make sense but here it is. (i am a guy in my late 20's,graduated college already but no job...too retarded for one I guess >.>)



I am so depressed…I have been since elementary school.. I am 30 lbs overweight, I have about 50 people I can list that I would love to cuss out and tell off for hurting me or my friends/family..I am a very weird and awkward person. I am very intrusive…in high school I tried to force people to like me... I feel like I have no control over my actions. I do not take care of my hygiene such as showering and brushing my teeth, I overeat and eat fast, I am extremely lazy, I am verbally mean to others(rude to father, other family members….. I am even mean to my male cat…but I treat my mother wonderfully and my female cat like the sweet queen she is…yeah… I have issues with males) I lean towards girls/females for attention/friendship and shun males, and I get frustrated easily. I want to be better. I know what I must do(pray, exercise, shower, eat right…etc), I just have a hard time forcing myself to do those things. I have sleep apnea which makes my brain feel like mush. I feel so tired in the mornings and feel so weak. I have had this sleep machine for six years but have never used it much. I have never used it passed 8 nights. I want to stop masturbating.


I sit on the computer for hours wasting my time and life away. I seclude myself from others, from the outside world. I am depressed about the years I have spent not spending time with family or trying to socialize with friends. I try to pray. I do great with the morning prayer but I either forget about or just am too lazy to continue to do the other 4, plus I am usually not at home during the second and third prayers. I am not always somewhere where I can just drop what I am doing and pray. I tell myself “If you cannot do it PERFECT then God will not care about or accept your prayers”.


It is hard to make yourself do things such as daily prayers,showering...etc when you have not done these things your whole life.

I feel so worthless...

I do feel good after I pray when I do pray...but then I do something in the day that messes it all up(like getting mad or looking at girls...girls are my weakness). I feel the same about trying to diet, I eat something bad and feel like I have failed so I just eat whatever for the rest of the day..


I do not look at porn but....youtube has a lot of vids I do watch of fully clothed girls kissing each other...I don't get why dudes like seeing girls kiss or do whatever with other guys..yuck.

I do want to be better, I just want a way to force myself to do the things I need to do..

 

[Signor]

Assalamu Alaikum bro crimsontide

Enough with negativity,I am gonna tell the world what I good I see in YOU

1.He is an avid learner,don't feel any hesitation to ask questions,no matter how silly they are....an attribute which I admires most.

2.Very much concerned about how to offer his Salaat,this means he wants to offer it the right way

3.Helping others with the best he has to offer.

You must have heard the phrase “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”.It is said that if you completely clear your mind of everything, then it leaves room for the devil to put unwanted thoughts and temptations and you will like to do something in which you will have fun but this might cause disturbance to others.If you don't focus your mind on something productive it's easy for sinful thoughts to fill your head.

Social activities play an important part in overcoming this.Having someone to talk with, share a meal with, and having outside interests helps to have happier and healthier lives. Human needs feeling like to be loved, supported, and needed. The connections to people and activities give a purpose and something to look forward to. The more socially active are the less likely to become depressed. It keeps away from feeling isolated and alone. Social activities help to stay mentally sharp as well.Goethe wrote,“Nature knows no pause and attaches a curse upon inaction.” This is why a person who has no work to do becomes lazy.

Akhee,You can achieve marvels if you know how to usefully employ your time. If you do not have any studies to do, look around for something else to do. Sports and games are very good because they keep your mind alert. Having a hobby is one of the best ways of using your spare time. Other ways of keeping busy are to clean your almirahs,to remove the weeds from your garden, to learn to cook a dish almost any activity is worthwhile if you find it interesting.Don't feel stress on how to offer prayers,if you do feel lazy try to offer as little as fardh prayers.This will not only helps to keep the guilt(of PERFECTION) away but provides you with inner satisfaction.This is least you can do and it is way better than Nothing.

Try to build a believe in yourself(it could be offering prayers while others are not doing it or rejecting a haraam food on table).If your mind and heart is on the same page regards to what is truth,don't look back and/or how others think of it.

May Allah make things easy for you,Aameen

 

[ardianto]

I do want to be better, I just want a way to force myself to do the things I need to do..

Assalamualaikum

You can not force yourself to change, but you will have the motivation to change if you have a passion to achieve something.

When I was a teenager I was known as the "fat boy" because I was overweight , just like you . I quite often had a desire to lose weight. So when the desire came , I forced myself "diet! Now!". But the result ? failed again! , failed again! . Yes, it's because my subconscious said "For what I lose weight ? other people are okay with my fat body".

But I started to change my mind at the end of my teen age when I started to think about .... ehm ... ehm .... the girls. A number of people around me saying "You actually handsome, just too fat. If you can lose weight, many girls will glance at you". Really? I looked in the mirror and thought "they seem right"

Instantly I had a strong motivation to diet. So I diet and ..... success!. And then what happens ?. Sorry , I will not tell you because it would make a lot of brothers here feel jealous. ;D

Alhamdulillah I did not do something wrong and finally got married.

Bro, it doesn't mean I teach you to reduce weight to make you glanced by the girl. I just want to say that you can not force yourself to change, but you will have the motivation to change if you have a passion to achieve something

If you force yourself with "I should change!" then your subconscious will say "For what I should change? I still will not get a job!, people still dislike me!". Different than if you see a happy married life, begin to interested, and you are realize "If I have a job, if I more care to my hygiene and appearance, if I have better attitude toward people, .... probably I can get someone who is willing to marry me". Then you will have strong motivation to change.

Don't you want to get married bro?

 

[crimsontide06]

Thank you both!

 

[Signor]

Assalamu Alaikum

I came back to this thread because of this issue bothering me

I started writing my feelings down in WordPad and it may not all make sense but here it is. (i am a guy in my late 20's,graduated college already but no job...too retarded for one I guess >.>)

Catharsis is what they name it.Usually people take out their emotional reaction in the form of an art or text and after this NOTHING.For time being ,it reduces the stress or frustration whatever you name it but it doesn't take it away.I am wondering whats your psychological condition while writing original post.

If above is not the case,are you taking any solid measures to prevent back from falling again?

Need any sort of help,Don't hesitate to ask.

 

[Muhaba]

We have to look at failure and success in terms of the standards set by Allah and not by society. There are things that society expects of you (even if not voiced but implied) and when you fail at them, you might feel that you are a failure. But that is not right.

You need to ask yourself, is my behavior acceptable to Allah? Then, that which you're doing that goes contrary to Islamic rulings, you need to eliminate. You need to realize that the Muslim has an important role in life. Your whole future (Aakhirah) depends on your actions in this life, so how can you allow yourself to waste your life doing nothing or on useless things?

As for the other things, such as getting a job or trying to lose weight, these are both necessary and societal expectations. But you need to be reasonable about them. Are you really that overweight? 30 pounds may not be as much as you think. It's possible you don't need to diet so much as you need to exercise. Maybe a morning jog or exercising in the gym regularly is what you need to improve your health. You can also do zikr while you exercise, so you'll not only be doing your body good but also your soul. Do lots of astaghfirullah as well as other zikr.

You absolutely need to stop watching the videos you do because they depict homosexual scenes and that is a horrible sin before Allah. It's worse than a man and woman kissing.

You need to keep reminding yourself that you can do better. Allah has given you lots of talent and good skills, so don't underestimate yourself. Your college graduation shows that you are neither retarded nor mentally incapable, so why assume that? Just because you don't have the motivation to do some things or haven't had much luck in some fields doesn't mean you're retarded.

Don't be too worried about your lack of social life. Many people are loners and are perfectly at peace with themselves (being alone). There's no reason to try to live up to society's expectations in this regard. Many of the most creative, even genius people were loners (according to a book of psychology) so this is not a drawback or abnormal.

Of course you need friends but no friend is better than the wrong friend. You can go to your nearest Islamic center and attend Islamic lectures and then chat with the guys. you'll need to stop hating the male kind. you may need to go to therapy for that if you can't do it on your own. We need to have healthy relationships with everyone, of both sexes. You also need to stop being bad to your male cat. Cats are the creation of Allah and Allah will ask you about how you treated your cat. If you can't treat it well, take it to an animal shelter. But mistreating your cat is absolutely not acceptable.

You can continue trying to get a job, but know that many people are unable to find jobs or appropriate jobs. You may want to volunteer (either at a charity or at a company). Employers prefer hiring people who have some experience (in any field) even if it's volunteer. Getting an internship or trainee job is also something you can try.

Finally, have full faith in Allah. Improve your relationship with Allah by praying regularly and learning about the deen. Even if your prayer isn't perfect, you still have to pray 5 times daily. The first question to be asked will be whether you did the prayer. The condition of the prayer is important but having prayed is better than not having prayed at all. Once you start praying regularly, your hygiene will also improve. Hygiene is closely associated with Islamic religion. You need to purify yourself for your prayers, be clean and pure and in ablution, wear clean clothes, brush your teeth etc. When you realize that you have to stand before Allah (in prayer) you'll want to be clean and pure. You'll want to clean your teeth, even use the miswak because 'As-siwaku mutaharrun lil fami mardatu lil Rabb' (The siwak - miswak - cleans the mouth and is pleasing to Allah). And who doesn't want to please his Lord?

 

[crimsontide06]

I am wondering whats your psychological condition while writing original post.

I felt complete despair and worthlessness..I feel better now, confident and hopeful that I can be better.

My main issue with prayers is, during the day I am not home, I am with my dad helping at his work...the thing is, I cannot pray there, it is unsafe/unclean. I would hope that praying the first prayer on its right time, then praying the 2 daytime prayers whenever I get home...THEN praying the final 2 prayers at their right time...would be accepted.


I will be better, In-shaAllah

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I felt complete despair and worthlessness..I feel better now, confident and hopeful that I can be better.

My main issue with prayers is, during the day I am not home, I am with my dad helping at his work...the thing is, I cannot pray there, it is unsafe/unclean. I would hope that praying the first prayer on its right time, then praying the 2 daytime prayers whenever I get home...THEN praying the final 2 prayers at their right time...would be accepted.


I will be better, In-shaAllah

Despair comes from feeling emptiness. But as Muslims we have imaan and if we knew the value of imaan we would realise that we have everything that we would need and want for a fulfilling and contented life. But it is just not enough to have imaan and not take any action. We are people of action. We must then put our deen into practise because imaan can wear away and even leave some who neglect it. How do we renew our imaan? Firstly by fulfilling our obligations. What are our biggest obligations? The 5 pillars. After Imaan the most important pillar is Salaah.

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said, “The first thing that a person will be questioned about is his prayers.” (Tibrani)

If we pass this question then whatever comes afterwards will be easy. But if we fail to answer this question then whatever comes afterwards will be very difficult.

Therefore it is the most important act of worship that a Muslim can do on a daily basis. It certainly is not something a Muslim should take for granted

Missing Salaah intentionally is tantamount to disbelief:

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: "What lies between a man and disbelief is the abandonment of prayer." (Muslim)

The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "The agreement that is between us and them is the prayer: whoever leaves it has disbelieved." (Reliance, p4.2)

Imam Baihiqi (Ra) narrates that ‘Umar (Ra) states that a person came to the court of the Prophet (Peace be upon him) and asked, “What is the most beloved deed in Islam in the Sight of Allah?” The Prophet (Peace be upon him) replied, “Performing Salah at its allocated time. Those who forsake Salah have no religion and Salah is a pillar of the religion.” (Sha’bul Iman with Reference from Dur ul Mansoor Vol 1 Page 296)

So we must realise the seriousness of each and every prayer that we miss. It is so serious that to intentionally miss a prayer may take one out of the fold of Islam which is tantamount to disbelief. To die in such a manner without repentance would be a terrible death indeed and a complete waste of a life.

Many people in Hell will be of those who used to miss Salaah:

And Allah says of the people of Hell (interpretation of the meaning):

“ ‘What has caused you to enter Hell?’

They will say: ‘We were not of those who used to offer the Salaah (prayers)’” [al-Muddaththir 74:42-43]


Missing one Salaah like losing family and wealth:

Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: The person who missed even one salaat is as though he has been deprived of his entire family and wealth. (ibne Hibban)

Allah angry & displeased with the one who used to miss the prayer:

The person who intentionally misses even one Salah will meet his Lord in such a manner that the Lord will be displeased with him. (Majmu’az Zawa’id Vol 1 Page 295)

The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: He who abandons Salaat shall meet Allah in a state that Allah will be very angry with him. (Bazzaar, Tabarani)

Allah does not care about other good deeds of one who missed Salaah:

“The person who meets his Lord in such a manner that he missed Salah, then Allah Ta’ala will not care about his other good deeds.” (Kitabul Kabair Page 38)

Do we really want to meet our lord with him angry and displeased with us and not caring about other good that we did in our life just because we neglected our most important obligation which is the Salaah. What a terrible waste of life that we died not pleasing our creator and not fulfilling our most imporant obligation unto him.

Those who missed Salaah will be with the worst of creation on the Day of Judgement:

Hazrat Abdullah Ibni Umar (Ra) narrates that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “The person that performs his five daily prayers punctually and with complete purity will be surrounded by light on the day of judgment. The person that abandons and does not pray, his accounting will be with Fir’aun and Haamaan.” (Ahmed)

One day the Prophet (Peace be upon him) was talking about prayers and said:“Whoever performs these prayers punctually, they will be light for him on the day of judgment and will lead to his forgiveness. The person that does not pray will not have any light and will not be forgiven. He will be with Qaroon, Fir’aun, Haamaan and Ubai Bin Khalaf on the day of judgement.” (Masnad Tabraani)
What can be worst than being with the worst creation of Allah on the day of judgement? May Allah save us from such a terrible day and eanble us to save ourselves by praying our daily Salaah.


The one who abandons Salaah has destroyed his faith:

Hazrat Umar (Ra) narrates that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said: “Prayer is a pillar of faith. Whoever abandons it has destroyed his faith.” (Baihiqi)

Faith is the best gift imaginable. There is no gift better than faith. It is everything. The one who has faith has everything. The one who loses faith has nothing.

So do we really want to destroy our faith which is more precious than anything else? So the time to act is now!


Missing Salaah the worst habit imaginable:

How many of us miss our daily Salaah each and everyday not even thinking of the consequances? It becomes like a normal habit to miss our Salaah but what we must realise is that we are taking ourselves out of the fold of Islam and committing a very major sin.

After a while of missing Salaah it becomes like second nature. One starts not to feel bad about missing Salaah anymore. Such a terrible habit that is beyond words. It is a habit that will ruin our life in this world and the next. It will cause us to meet Allah whilst he is displeased with us. It is a habit that will ruin us in this life and the next.

Therefore we must make our Salah our priority and the most important thing we do on a daily basis as it is the very purpose of our creation.

Shaythan is very well aware that Salaah is our biggest obligation and so therefore is forever trying to divert mans attention away from fulfilling this obligation to Allah.

He whispers every excuse possible into our eyes and unfortunately a lot of the times we fall victim to his whispers. Clearly you are falling for his tricks when he tells you that you cannot pray because it is "unsafe/unclean" etc. Simply put a blanket/mat or anything over the area you are going to pray as long as it is not in the bathroom/toilet and you can pray. It is time to stop making excuses now. Please read the following:


Why do you not pray?



Oh my brother and sister, why do you not pray?

Why do you not pray when Allah has created you and has given you everything? And all he asks of you in return is a few minutes of each day and you cannot even give him that?

Why do you not pray when he could have made you a non believer yet he chose you and gave you imaan(faith)?

Why do you not pray when it is the very purpose of your life and creation?

Why do you not pray when the prayer is so important that Almighty Allah had to call the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) to himself, through the 7 heavens to his throne, in order to give the Ummah of Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) the prayer?

Why do you not pray when it is the prayer which distinguishes between faith and disbelief?

Why do you not pray when you know that you can die at any second and you risk dying without being able to utter the Shahada (proclamation of Islamic faith), due to the test of shaythan and therefore risk dying without imaan (faith)?

Why do you not pray when you risk seeing the Angel of Death in its worst and most ugly and disgusting form and appearance where it will handle the disobedient in a terribly harsh manner, forcing the soul from the body and dragging it away!

Why do you not pray when in the grave the two angels will ask you questions about your faith and you may not be able to answer them?

Why do you not pray when you know that you risk getting the grave punishment which is a punishment so severe that the Earth will constantly crush the body until the ribs interlock into each other, and the worst vermin of the Earth like snakes, scorpions and other creatures will constantly bite on the body?

Why do you not pray when you know you will certainly face Allah and the first question you will be asked is about the prayer? How will you answer it if you don't pray? If you fail to answer the first question then you will definitely fail to answer the rest of the questions!

Why do you not pray when you know that you are sacrificing the Hereafter which is for eternity just for this short temporary life which can end at any moment? You will not be able to take anything with you from this life except your deeds! Then what will you have to save you if you do not pray?

Why do you not pray when you know what a terrible day the day of Judgement day will be, where so many people will be in a state of terror and worry, and the sun will be above our heads and many will drown in their own sweat! There will be no water or shade except for the righteous!

Why do you not pray when you know you may end up in the fire, a place of terrible torture and torment that no one will ever have witnessed before. Where the fuel for the blazing fire will be of men and stones and there will be no drink except for boiling water and no food except for thorny plants and the blood, sweat and pus of the inhabitants! It is a place where it even seeks refuge from Allah against itself!

Why do not pray when you know you risk losing eternal happiness and bliss in Paradise where we can have whatever our hearts desire forever! It is a place where every inhabitant will be eternally beautiful and youthful without ever getting ill, or being inflicted with disease, nor will there be any depression nor unhappiness nor any pain. There will be no hatred, enmity, jealousy or malice. A life so pure and everlasting. Then how can we trade such a place for this short and temporary existence? How can eternity be traded for a short passing journey? The limited pleasures of this life can never be compared to the unlimited pleasures of Paradise!

Why do you not pray when you risk losing something better than Paradise. A gift to the believer like no other. Something that no other creation of Allah's has seen. Do you want to know what it will be? It will be the moment when Almighty Allah the most exalted and high reveals his beautiful face for the first time. It will be to the inhabitants of Paradise! How do you expect to be amongst the inhabitants of Paradise on that day when you do not pray?


Therefore you must pray and not ever miss another prayer again lest death overcomes you which can happen at any second. Do not waste anymore time as our time is short.

So know that all is not lost if you start from now and not intentionally miss another prayer again for your eternity depends on it! Otherwise there will be utter regret but by then it will be too late.


Tips for waking up for Fajr Salaah:


1. Try to sleep as early as possible if you do not need to do anything imortant after Isha Salaah because the earlier you sleep the easier it will be to wake up for Fajr

2. Try not to have any heavy meals in the evening as this will make it harder for you to wake up for Fajr

3. Try to encourage your family to also wake up for Fajr and tell them of the importance of Salaah as well as the fact that it is the purpose of our creation. If your family wakes up for Fajr then it will also be easier for you as they would also wake you up. If one or two of your family members do wake up for Fajr then tell them to also wake you up.

4. Make firm intention in your heart that you will wake up for Fajr no matter what and ask of Allah in your dua to make it easy for you to wake up for Fajr prayer.

5. Put on two or even three alarms and put them on 5 minutes apart and put them in places in your room where you know it will be a struggle getting to them. This way you will have to be wide awake to get to the alarms. As there will be three of them this will prevent you going back to bed again.

6. Most importantly when you awaken for Fajr then do NOT say to yourself i'll lay for a bit and then get up. This is the biggest trick of shaythan to make us fall asleep and miss Fajr prayer. As soon as the eyes are open then go straight to the bathroom.


May Allah enable us to fulfill our daily prayers and be pleased with us in this life and the next. Ameen

 

[ardianto]

I am 30 lbs overweight

In another thread I said that I could reduce my weight 10 kilos in three months plus. That's more than 20 lbs. And I feel better now.

Bro, rather than you complain about your weight, why don't you try to diet and combine with sport to reduce your weight. Yes, there is a hardest thing that you will face, temptation of delicious food.

But if you are able to control yourself when you face temptation in diet, In Shaa Allah, you will be able to face temptation in other matters too.

 

[crimsontide06]

In an update; I have been praying 5x every day since last Ramadan...I am no longer in the despair phase, I am InshaAllah on the way to being better.


3 Islamic speakers I recommend; Yasmin Mogahed, Nouman Ali Khan, & Abdul Nasir Jangda.

 

[BeTheChange]

In an update; I have been praying 5x every day since last Ramadan...I am no longer in the despair phase, I am InshaAllah on the way to being better.


3 Islamic speakers I recommend; Yasmin Mogahed, Nouman Ali Khan, & Abdul Nasir Jangda.

Alhamdulilah that's great to hear. Am glad your feeling better in yourself. Don't forget to thank Allah swa when your happy as well. May Allah swa keep you content and give you peace and tranquility. Ameen. If you need anything don't be afraid to ask. I love Norman Ali Khan lectures he's very good Alhamdulilah.

 

[The-Deist]

Alhamdulillah youre better akhi
Big thumbs up and congratulations on starting to pray all of your Salat
May Allah (swt) make verything easier for you and make you a better believer in his eyes and guide us all
Aameen

 

[crimsontide06]

Now though, I have no idea how to encourage my non-practicing Muslim family(parents,uncles,cousins..) to pray,read..ect. without making them angry or annoyed.

 

[BeTheChange]

I think if you have tried speaking to them and the conversation hasn't had any good impact or influence it is best you do your best and act, behave and talk like a Muslim should (i.e. good adaab, manners, etiquette etc) in sha Allah they will begin to see the way of Islam. It is a cliche but it is very true actions speak louder than words.

It all depends on the individuals openness and willingness to learn about new and different things. I have a very useful article about how to delver dawah. In sha Allah i'll find it for you and post it soon.

 

[The-Deist]

Brother crimsontide06
You can always encourage them little by little show that Islam makes a person better in his manner, ways of treating people etc. And also you can make dua that Allah (swt) will guide them inshaAllah
May Allah (swt) make everything easy for us
Aameen