women and marriage

[ahmad_abdulaziz]

I have found some correlations among the women and i am not the best to judge. Allah is the one who judge. I am trying to get married because i am 25 years old which is quite late.

I have not found any women because the reason is that they tend to pick a better man than me. SubhanAllah i have seen this trend across the world. I refuse to marry my own race/nation because i am against racism.

There is one incident before, I had met a lovely woman from palestine and we were great. I helped her through hard architecture times and i pushed her grades higher. I realize she is probably i needed to marry. She went back to Saudi and her mum knows about me. The problem is i am from a different country and her family preferred her to marry one of her cousin. When she got back from saudi, everything changed and she told me that she had met a man that she falls love with. It was her cousin or someone from her country. I was like you knew him for like a week or so and suddenly its like that while mine has been months. I showed her who i truly am but she just choose what she wants. I could not believe it. I was shocked. But then, i have moved on. I was wrong all the time.

The other one is also the same but different situation and all that points to why women choose a man that is better than him. Like for example, through the social media and my real life experiences, that woman has been with that guy who has a bad heart while the good ones are left out. I met a women through her friend, i observed who she is and then i saw her with her man. I was like okay and then when i was at other place. I saw him walking around and he was smoking. His attitude is appalling. I question myself thinking why and how can those good women choose that kind of men?

The strange thing is, when a good women choose a good man, they are both the most happiest people that i have know of in my experience.

So, at the moment its difficult to get married because those good ones wont choose me so how am gonna face this again??? because the majority of the women tend to choose whatever the "guy who is better than him"

wasalaaam

 

[drac16]

:wa:

Things are not always as they seem. If that woman would choose someone she barely knows over someone she knows she can trust [like you], what does that say about her judgment? perhaps she wasn't right for you after all.

 

[Muslimahafrica]

Don't worry, you never know, perhaps your only and only true spouse you'll meet in Jannah.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Ahmad,

(smile) Welcome to this Forum. I am sorry to hear that you are having some problems finding a good spouse. It is painful and disheartening, I know. (smile) On the other hand, you aren't in a terrible marriage, either (it's worse).

A couple of points struck me in your posting:

I refuse to marry my own race/nation because i am against racism.

Mmm, might I point out that discriminating against anyone based on race is racism? If you met a nice person who happens to be of the same race (ethnic group?) as you, and you refuse to marry her because she is of you ethnic group… does this make sense? Shouldn't you choose your wife based on who she is, rather than her particular race/ethnic group?

There is one incident before, I had met a lovely woman from palestine and we were great. I helped her through hard architecture times and i pushed her grades higher. I realize she is probably i needed to marry. She went back to Saudi and her mum knows about me. The problem is i am from a different country and her family preferred her to marry one of her cousin. When she got back from saudi, everything changed and she told me that she had met a man that she falls love with. It was her cousin or someone from her country. I was like you knew him for like a week or so and suddenly its like that while mine has been months. I showed her who i truly am but she just choose what she wants. I could not believe it. I was shocked. But then, i have moved on. I was wrong all the time.

Mmm, are you sure you read this situation correctly? Is it the young women who is at fault? Or is it her Saudi family? If the young woman's Wali tells her he will not permit her to marry you… what do you want her to do? Whatever she herself might want, she has little freedom. It seems to me that if you were really serious about her, you'd have made some efforts to approach and impress her family. Of course, they might still have refused to let her marry you, but you never know. Your efforts might have made a difference.

But instead, you decided to move on…

The other one is also the same but different situation and all that points to why women choose a man that is better than him. Like for example, through the social media and my real life experiences, that woman has been with that guy who has a bad heart while the good ones are left out. I met a women through her friend, i observed who she is and then i saw her with her man. I was like okay and then when i was at other place. I saw him walking around and he was smoking. His attitude is appalling. I question myself thinking why and how can those good women choose that kind of men?

The strange thing is, when a good women choose a good man, they are both the most happiest people that i have know of in my experience.

So, at the moment its difficult to get married because those good ones wont choose me so how am gonna face this again??? because the majority of the women tend to choose whatever the "guy who is better than him"

wasalaaam

(sigh) Yes, perhaps you saw the man behaving badly, but I wonder whether the woman he is interested in has seen this aspect of his character. Unpleasant men can be very charming when they want to be. You know, I married a very apparently clean-mouthed man. He never swore before we married, except for a mild "Oh Lord!". Then , just after we had married, a woman told me that he had a terrible reputation for having one of the foulest mouths in his area (he was from overseas, so I wasn't able to find this out beforehand). I was astonished. But she ended up being correct...

Anyway, I hope these few comments can help you a little. You are 25… (smile) there are good chances that there are women out there who will be interested in marrying you. InshAllah.

May Allah, the Wise, Guide you in your decisions.

 

[ahmad_abdulaziz]

Mmm, might I point out that discriminating against ​

anyone

based on race is racism? If you met a nice person who happens to be of the same race (ethnic group?) as you, and you refuse to marry her because she is of you ethnic group… does this make sense? Shouldn't you choose your wife based on who she is, rather than her particular race/ethnic group?​

well, racism is based on someone on the same race to belittle other race eg white and black. so how does one called a racist if he or she is to belittle their own race? the definition of racism is "hatred or intolerance of another race or other races" which i just looked up on the internet.

In fact, it is better and preferred to know other race which can result in unity, equality, diversity between two parties so take that as a difference of iman comparable to a same race or a different race based on "knowing" and "interaction".

so if for example the people preferred to be on the same race which they will never understand the true meaning of unity. It is something taken seriously, because unity can come in many different forms be it with a british brothers being friends and unite with saudi brothers or a somali woman marry an asian man etc

Mmm, are you sure you read this situation correctly? Is it the young women who is at fault? Or is it her Saudi family? If the young woman's Wali tells her he will not permit her to marry you… what do you want her to do? Whatever she herself might want, she has little freedom. It seems to me that if you were really serious about her, you'd have made some efforts to approach and impress her family. Of course, they might still have refused to let her marry you, but you never know. Your efforts might have made a difference.

But instead, you decided to move on…

I really dont have a power in my hand, It is Allah's will to make it happen as a test to me. If i had to do something to impress her and she will be gone because its already too late. There was other Palestinian man which was older and knew her family. He literally told me not to be near to her family and i told him that you are being a racist. He was like come on prove me etc So i just thought its a waste of time to argue something that they will never understand. He preferred any of the Palestinian men or women to marry just only the same country and preferred to marry cousins. so i just move on because my effort for her is worth nothing and she never see any good in me because shes too cultural in arab stuff.


Believe me, i have tried many times and they in fact choose a man better than me which i can say they are obviously better than me because i have no right to be arrogant to beat them. So they never see any good in me and break my efforts. That does not mean i am not gonna give up, i will be carry on observing and see the pattern of what the common areas they have like i have mentioned in the first post about "seeing the correlation of women choosing a better men than a good men"


Thankssss

 

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum, Ahmad.

If someone could choose, normally he/she would choose the best. If a woman could choose a partner among two or more men, normally she would choose the best. But what is criteria of the best man?. It varies between one woman and another woman. So, you should not guess that criteria of the best man for a woman is like this or like that because it could make you act as someone else that would give a bad impact for yourself.

My late wife (she had passed away) was a beautiful girl who got many suitors who competed with each other. But instead of accept one of them she chose to come to me who didn't try to get her. So, basically I didn't get her, but she got me.

I was still study in that time and haven't had income, while all of those men already had jobs which some of them had big income. Few of them also had better looking than me. Then what made me became the best for her?. I always helped her whenever she needed help without I ever tried to get her. Contrast with those men who gave her many things with purpose to get her.

Yes, Ahmad, criteria of the best man for a woman can be surprising. So my advice is always be yourself because you must be have your own advantage that will make you become the best in the eyes of a woman. If you tried to compete with another man, then you would 'copy' this man and you would lose your advantage.

One more. My late wife was not my first future wife. There was another girl before who then decided to not marry me due to some reasons. But I remember what people around me said, "The world is not as small as leaf, there are many women in the world".

Yeah, there are many other women in the world which one of them then will become your wife.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Abdul,

Mmm… racism… well, according to the Ontario Human Rights Commission:

There is no fixed definition of racial discrimination. However, it has been described as any distinction, conduct or action, whether intentional or not, but based on a person’s race, which has the effect of imposing burdens on an individual or group, not imposed upon others or which withholds or limits access to benefits available to other members of society. Race need only be a factor for racial discrimination to have occurred...

Racism is a wider phenomenon than racial discrimination...

Racism is an ideology that either directly or indirectly asserts that one group is inherently superior to others. It can be openly displayed in racial jokes and slurs or hate crimes but it can be more deeply rooted in attitudes, values and stereotypical beliefs. In some cases, these are unconsciously held and have become deeply embedded in systems and institutions that have evolved over time. Racism operates at a number of levels, in particular, individual, systemic and societal.

Source: http://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/racial-discrimination-race-and-racism-fact-sheet


(gently) I think it is laudable for you to want to break down barriers, but I would ask you to consider not going to an extreme. Because then you may end up causing injustice. I myself have married men of different groups than my own, and I am continuing a tradition that started several generations ago in my family. We have crossed ethnic, class, national and religious lines. (smile) There is much to be said for mixing. But there are also goodnesses that can come out of marrying closer to home.

(smile) Peace, Ahmad.

May Allah, the Sublime, Help us to overcome our barriers and difficulties and find the Path to Gardens under which rivers flow.

 

[ardianto]

Few cultures indeed, forbid their people to marry people from other ethnics or races. Maybe brother Ahmad Abdulaziz is coming from culture like this and he tries to fight this custom through decide to marry a woman only from different ethnic.

 

[ahmad_abdulaziz]

brother ardianto

yes you are entirely correct. I come from a very close minded culture with pointless talk against other race. One thing they may say, "oh, my culture is better than other culture etc etc" Wallahi, there is so much arrogance and ignorance in it.

I need to break it inshaaAllah and stop whatever the forefathers before has passed on the ideology of racism.

Allah has mentioned in the Quran, Prophet Muhammad S.A.W has condemned racism and has mentioned about racism in his last sermon. Bilal has the great opportunity to become the first bilal to utter the azan.

 

[ardianto]

brother ardianto

yes you are entirely correct. I come from a very close minded culture with pointless talk against other race. One thing they may say, "oh, my culture is better than other culture etc etc" Wallahi, there is so much arrogance and ignorance in it.

I need to break it inshaaAllah and stop whatever the forefathers before has passed on the ideology of racism.

Allah has mentioned in the Quran, Prophet Muhammad S.A.W has condemned racism and has mentioned about racism in his last sermon. Bilal has the great opportunity to become the first bilal to utter the azan.

If you are not racist you should not differentiate between your race or ethnic with other race or ethnic.

If you decide to marry only with woman from other race or ethnic, it's mean you are racist toward your own race and ethnic, bro.

 

[Karl]

Where did you get the crazy idea that marrying of your own race is racism, Ahmad? Most people including myself think it is normal to marry their own race. Also mixing races is a kind of genocide because both races have been destroyed in the process. The Zionists are spreading pro miscegenation propaganda to destroy cultural, racial and national identity. So to cooperate with the miscegenation agenda you are playing into the Zionists hands.
Many races that look very different from each other in size and proportion are incompatible when mixed. They will produce freaky looking offspring often with health and identity problems. I have forbidden my offspring to marry outside our race for these reasons.

 

[ardianto]

Where did you get the crazy idea that marrying of your own race is racism,

People in his culture forbid him to get marry with someone from other race or ethnic, and he just tries to fight this.

Also mixing races is a kind of genocide because both races have been destroyed in the process.

And now you are being racist through your statement.

 

[ahmad_abdulaziz]

Most people including myself think it is normal to marry their own race. Also mixing races is a kind of genocide because both races have been destroyed in the process.

Well well, actually it's yourself who is a zionist who dosent want people to mix and basically it has to be Israeli only marriage.

Many races that look very different from each other in size and proportion are incompatible when mixed. They will produce freaky looking offspring often with health and identity problems. I have forbidden my offspring to marry outside our race for these reasons.

You have no evidence and I am very sure you are not aware of mixing races has its own benefits. Says all how you don't really see the perspective of two different race unites each other. And that being said on your statement, that is a very racist remark.

Islam allows it because there is evidence based on the truth and the reality we see.

If you decide to marry only with woman from other race or ethnic, it's mean you are racist toward your own race and ethnic, bro.

How am I racist if I am from my own race if I don't want to marry my own race? I think you don't really get the meaning of racism. Let me put it that way, black says black is better than white. That's racist. If it is black says black is better than black. How is that defined as racism??????

 

[Scimitar]

Where did you get the crazy idea that marrying of your own race is racism, Ahmad? Most people including myself think it is normal to marry their own race. Also mixing races is a kind of genocide because both races have been destroyed in the process. The Zionists are spreading pro miscegenation propaganda to destroy cultural, racial and national identity. So to cooperate with the miscegenation agenda you are playing into the Zionists hands.
Many races that look very different from each other in size and proportion are incompatible when mixed. They will produce freaky looking offspring often with health and identity problems. I have forbidden my offspring to marry outside our race for these reasons.

very strange... i cite to you the example of Abraham pbuh, who married his kinswoman, Sarah - she could not fall pregnant so she gave her servant woman to Abraham, so he could father a child and therefore continue his lineage - the slave woman was Hajar - and she was Egyptian, unlike Abraham and Sarah...

Abraham and Hajar's child was mixed race, and he fathered the Arab nation.

What's your point again?

You should really think HARD before you write nonsense bro Karl,

Scimi

 

[ardianto]

How am I racist if I am from my own race if I don't want to marry my own race? I think you don't really get the meaning of racism. Let me put it that way, black says black is better than white. That's racist. If it is black says black is better than black. How is that defined as racism??????

If you prefer to marry White woman or Black woman, it's okay. It's called preference. But if you have attitude "I will marry a woman from any race except my race", this is racism because you discriminate one race although this is your own race.

The correct attitude if you are not racist is "No matter from which race this woman, if she can be the right wife, I will marry her". You should avoid discrimination.

 

[Karl]

People in his culture forbid him to get marry with someone from other race or ethnic, and he just tries to fight this.

That still doesn't however change the fact that wanting to breed with one's own kind is NOT "racism". If you still want to insist that that is "racist" then so be it, I'm a racist and proud of it.

And now you are being racist through your statement.

Well if mentioning that mongrelisation is genocide of races is racism then you NEED "racism" to preserve races. I'd never tolerate my own offspring hybridizing with a different race, particularly one disparate in morphology and size. They'd be shamed and disowned AT BEST.

 

[Karl]

Well well, actually it's yourself who is a zionist who dosent want people to mix and basically it has to be Israeli only marriage.

I'm nothing like a Zionist. The Jews are promoting race mixing between NON Jews for the purpose of dysgenics which leads to many degeneracies including lower intelligence and physical disproportion, while most Jews THEMSELVES do not wish to race mix. They realise that race mixing is catastrophic for the survival of enemy races, hence why Jews encourage non Jew races to mongrelize. I on the other hand don't feel it's my concern what those not of my own race do, they can mongrelize themselves to death for all I care. I am just against my own race mongrelizing with alien races and I will do everything in my ability to stop my own family indulging in such degenerate behaviour.

You have no evidence and I am very sure you are not aware of mixing races has its own benefits. Says all how you don't really see the perspective of two different race unites each other. And that being said on your statement, that is a very racist remark.

The more I see those screaming "RACISM!!" when in fact there ISN'T racism the more hostile I feel towards the left wing instigated anti-racism agenda. These days I just don't even care if I get labelled "racist". If it means me keeping my own race's genetic integrity in tact then I just don't CARE about being labelled a racist. There is also more than enough evidence out there to show that miscegenation is dysgenical, not advantageous. It often causes various health problems of all kind not to mention lowering of intelligence too. Then there is the issue of morphology and size. Being Germanic I am big, sturdy and athletic in build and these features are something I am proud of RETAINING. It would be completely incompatible if for example I were to hybridize with an extraneous race that was puny, cute and small. They would ruin my impressive militant features while at the same time my features would ruin their diminutive dainty cuteness. This would all be manifested in the abominable hybrids. It would be a lose-lose outcome and analogously incompatible and insane as wanting to mix an Alsatian or Rottweiler with a Chihuahua or Papillon.

Islam allows it because there is evidence based on the truth and the reality we see.

I am not entirely sure if you are correct on that but I can at least tell you one thing: *I* WON'T allow *MY* offspring to mongrelize, PERIOD. And that's all that matters to me. Furthermore, my position is completely within the teachings of Islam too which states that offspring should be respectful of parents!

How am I racist if I am from my own race if I don't want to marry my own race? I think you don't really get the meaning of racism. Let me put it that way, black says black is better than white. That's racist. If it is black says black is better than black. How is that defined as racism??????

No, you got it all wrong. Racism is institutionalised oppression of a particular race or group of races, whereas individualised dislike of a different race is really only prejudice or discrimination, NOT racism. To be racially prejudiced also DOESN'T mean to say that that prejudice need be confined to races not of your own. If you are deliberately singling out your own race in a negative way then you ARE being racially prejudiced. You are being racially prejudiced against your own race. Also race is not as simple as black vs white. There's a lot more to it than that that are also much more important. In fact skin colour per se is only a more superficial thing. The most significant race markers are actually SIZE and MORPHOLOGY. When I say that I am against miscegenation, I am NOT only referring to blacks (such as Negros and Indians) I ALSO am against miscegenation with different white races as well. Being merely "white" doesn't automatically qualify for acceptable criterion. They must be strictly of my own actual RACE.

 

[ahmad_abdulaziz]

That still doesn't however change the fact that wanting to breed with one's own kind is NOT "racism". If you still want to insist that that is "racist" then so be it, I'm a racist and proud of it.

Thats it. You are full of ignorance and the first disobedience to Allah is racism. Recap how Iblis disobeyed Allah to prostrate Adam and he says hes better than Adam just because he is made of fire.

aaannnnddd thank you so much for the information coming out from your brain. I could not recall how little knowledge coming from you so that would not be enough for me and others to learn from you. I guess its better for you to give that information to devil's so you could not be any happier with that ignorance of yourself.

 

[Scimitar]

...

you did not respond to my post. I threw your idea of mixed breeding nonsense into the bin using clear evidence from the life of Prophet Abraham pbuh.

How do you respond? or do you choose to ignore that and stick to your wayward opinion?

Scimi

 

[Karl]

you did not respond to my post. I threw your idea of mixed breeding nonsense into the bin using clear evidence from the life of Prophet Abraham pbuh.

How do you respond? or do you choose to ignore that and stick to your wayward opinion?

Scimi

I didn't think your comment was really worth commenting on. I simply don't care for your pseudoscientific argument in favour of miscegenation. Look, if you personally wish to do that then FINE, none of my business, and I have NO intention in stopping you. Whether Islam "allows" it or not is also besides the point as far as I'm concerned. Just because Islam allows something doesn't mean to say one HAS to do it! The fact still remains that I can nonetheless choose NOT to miscegenate if I so wish! I can preserve my racial purity and continue to retain my size and morphological features in my offspring if I wish, and no arrogant leftist busybody will dare stop me either! I'd rather see my race go EXTINCT than for us ever to have to desperately resort to hybridization. I don't care what prophet Abraham pbuh did, nor do I care what miscegenation customs the Arabs supposedly have. I'M not Arabic, I'm Germanic and I do things different. I regard miscegenation for my kind to be a very serious mental illness and I fiercely FORBID my family to do it. There will be VERY serious consequences if they ever do. Have I made myself very CLEAR here?? I don't CARE if your "science" claims I'm "stubborn and ignorant". I JUST DON'T CARE!

Also, there is not one race of Arab, there are many. That's why they come in many different shapes and sizes, from races of big mighty warriors to doe eyed little cuties.