My girlfriends parents disowned their daughter

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youngen said:
Thank you all again for the comment, critical or not, it helps.

We have been seeing each other for just over a year. I am all for compromise, she's already banned me from eating pork lol, she won't kiss me if I've eaten it, plus it really annoys her when I eat it so I've just stopped eating it all together. I have accepted that some things about her are different to my way of life. I do not smoke or drink alcohol or do drugs anyway, I'm sensible.

I understand that the breakup is terrible which is why I wanted to try and get things back on track. The problem is she is totally fine with me not being muslim, it's not like she is pressuring me and I'm fighting with her over it. We've spoken about religion like three or four times just during random conversations. The only thing we argue about pretty much is what restaurant to eat at (halal only, that's ok by me) and what movie to go watch lol. She's super chill. My family fully accept her, but I do fully understand how poorly frowned upon bf/gf relationships are and marriage to non muslims.

Maybe if I start learning about islam she might start practising more and who knows, I might even believe it. Then we could transition to an islamic marriage of some sorts. It's a long shot but at least I can say I tried it.
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wishing you well on your possible journey to Islam, hope you convert so I can call you 'brother'!
 
Did you watch the video I posted? After the opening supplication, it's all English.

youngen said:
Thank you all again for the comment, critical or not, it helps.

We have been seeing each other for just over a year. I am all for compromise, she's already banned me from eating pork lol, she won't kiss me if I've eaten it, plus it really annoys her when I eat it so I've just stopped eating it all together. I have accepted that some things about her are different to my way of life. I do not smoke or drink alcohol or do drugs anyway, I'm sensible.

I understand that the breakup is terrible which is why I wanted to try and get things back on track. The problem is she is totally fine with me not being muslim, it's not like she is pressuring me and I'm fighting with her over it. We've spoken about religion like three or four times just during random conversations. The only thing we argue about pretty much is what restaurant to eat at (halal only, that's ok by me) and what movie to go watch lol. She's super chill. My family fully accept her, but I do fully understand how poorly frowned upon bf/gf relationships are and marriage to non muslims.

Maybe if I start learning about islam she might start practising more and who knows, I might even believe it. Then we could transition to an islamic marriage of some sorts. It's a long shot but at least I can say I tried it.
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crimsontide06 said:
Did you watch the video I posted? After the opening supplication, it's all English.
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I finished watching that video you posted. I imagine it makes a lot of sense to muslims but for me personally, the only message I took from that is not to care about anything because the only thing that matters is Allah. If I actually believed in god I would probably have a different view about it.

The problem in my opinion with this way of thinking is it teaches people to just not care about anything. I know another muslim who lost sleep night after night and was really stressed out about his university exams, he put 100% effort in and failure simply was not an option. Now he earns £45,000 a year and is able to fully support his family with a decent life. If he used the approach that seems to be taught in that video, then he just would not have cared and his family would have be far worse off.

Anyway I don't think this thread is the sort of place to discuss about other topics. I just wanted to let you know that I did in fact watch it. She is actually very very good at giving presentations.
 
That is not the message at all.

She is a great speaker, I have listened to dozens of her lectures.




youngen said:
I finished watching that video you posted. I imagine it makes a lot of sense to muslims but for me personally, the only message I took from that is not to care about anything because the only thing that matters is Allah. If I actually believed in god I would probably have a different view about it.

The problem in my opinion with this way of thinking is it teaches people to just not care about anything. I know another muslim who lost sleep night after night and was really stressed out about his university exams, he put 100% effort in and failure simply was not an option. Now he earns £45,000 a year and is able to fully support his family with a decent life. If he used the approach that seems to be taught in that video, then he just would not have cared and his family would have be far worse off.

Anyway I don't think this thread is the sort of place to discuss about other topics. I just wanted to let you know that I did in fact watch it. She is actually very very good at giving presentations.
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:bism: (In the name of God, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful)
@youngen

Hi. Hope you're doing well and this message finds you in the best of health and spirits God-willing.

Hey, that's great that you've finished that video that the brother provided, and even if you didn't feel very comfortable with some of the ideas, I'm so grateful that you took the time and had the patience to watch those videos.

Since you seem open to watching videos, I'd honestly love for you to watch these videos and tell me what you think of them God-willing in the order given:
Divine Speech Prologue 1
Divine Speech Prologue 2
Dr. Lawrence Brown - From Atheism to Islam
American Atheist and his Family Converted to Islam after Reading the Quran
From Strong Atheist To Islam - Abdul Raheem - I Was Trying To Convince People That God Doesn't Exist
From Atheism To Islam - A Physicist Who Worked As A Scientist In BMW,Jaguar,Ford ...Etc

Obviously, I've given you a lot of videos - hehe, and you should do them one by one at your convenience, and please do not feel pressured to watch them all at once, as learning Islam is something that happens in baby steps. So, you're good to go if you go at your own pace. I'd just love to be able to get your opinions on them and see if they make a difference in how you're perceiving Islam.

Also, of course, reading the Quran is something that is powerful, and I'd love for you to read with an open mind the Quran also and also discuss how you feel about what you're reading, as it is said to be a living text, which means that God's words are speaking to you and your situation and life.

Again, I thank you for coming to IB and being so open to learning about Islam and so willing to assist your girlfriend in overcoming her heartache. No two days are the same, and I know that God-willing you will see a day that things will look better.

Wishing you happiness and peace,
 
Search said:
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Sorry I had to cut your quote out, I can't quote it because it has links in.

Thank you for your reply. You're right, it is a lot of content lol. I've spoken with my girlfriend today about me looking at learning islam and seeing what it's all about and she said it's up to me if I want to or not. She said she's happy whatever decision I make, if I learn about it or not. She said as long as I'm not doing it to try and impress her mother and father because then it's just pointless as it will all just be a lie anyway.

I'll consider reading a bit more about it but honestly she is happy, I am happy and she learning about Islam just to please her parents is not the purpose. After all she is actually muslim and knows much more about it all than me so if she I'll probably just listen to what she wants.

Thanks for the links though, I do appreciate it. I might check them out when I have some free time.
 
Greetings,

The best thing you could do is leave her, or learn about Islam and convert to Islam. Your choice.
 
Welcome to the forum...

Either way the immediate situation does not bode well for her. With you or at home, after all that has happened.

All I can say is the fact that she is still young at 17. It is more common than you think to be feeling that way. Even at 22.

What is explained is not even scratching the surface and Allah is truly Merciful. I shan't go into it but that is a start and from that, to get it that life is a test. That includes you and her. Each facing different tests for the ultimate destination. We are not here by chance. There is a higher purpose.

Hence why Allah is Most Merciful. We can't see Him and we have to find Him.

The rules you have encountered seperates those who believe and those who don't. That is it's manifestations. The why's of the matter requires study. Then perhaps you'd better understand the test of life.

Wishing you a great stay.

:peace:
 
youngen said:
The problem in my opinion with this way of thinking is it teaches people to just not care about anything. I know another muslim who lost sleep night after night and was really stressed out about his university exams, he put 100% effort in and failure simply was not an option. Now he earns £45,000 a year and is able to fully support his family with a decent life. If he used the approach that seems to be taught in that video, then he just would not have cared and his family would have be far worse off.
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I know this is not the thread for debate, and I have not seen the video the brother posted. But one thing which I think you took wrong is that not not doing anything yourself and having just trust in God. That in fact in of itself is unislamic. As according to clear and authentic ahadith, it is mentioned to first do your best in terms of effort, and even then if it does not happen the way you wanted, so dont get depressed. May be something one seem beneficial for himself but was in fact harmful, or think something is harmful but in fact is beneficial. So if the guy you talked about did not have tried his best or 100 effort and would just sit back and say I trust Allah then that is unislamic as well.
In one of authentic narration, once a beduin came to the Prophet and entered mosque. He did not tie his camel and directly came to the Prophet. He asked hin why you did not do that, so he said I trust Allah. The prophet S.A.W. said go back tie the camel and then put your trust in Allah.

About the part they she and you both are fine, I would simply say she is only 17. And I have seen the approaches of people radically changing over time. Even if she thinks that she is mature enough now, I would consider her dicisions to be hasty ones. As a brother, I would say she is playing with fire, and there is too much chances of it firing back in the long run, which she may not realize now.

Anyways, I just made my point. I would you will get good advices here and will also look at some of the long list of links posted above Lol.

BTW subhanallah just few days ago I watched a chinese australlian guy, who had gone through almost similar journey as you. Just that her gf did not marry him, because he was not muslim. She made her read books etc, but he was not convinced. He was athiest. And they broke. But this incident made him look deeper into Islam, and today he is very practicing muslim. His story is interesting one. Here is link to his youtube channel.

https://youtu.be/6t4kWLB-IFc
 
I suggest you learn more about islam and see what you want to do next.
 
Thanks for all your replies, I may not reply to them all but I read every one.

Learning Islam seems to be the most preferred suggestion, but how will learning Islam help fix her and her parents relationship? He was always see me as an outsider most likely and "the non believer who stole his daughter" or some nonsense. Whether I learn Islam and actually convert doesn't seem like it would effect our relationship.

Breaking up with her is simply not an option unless that is what SHE wants. Maybe she is better off without her parents if they're going to literally disown her for what they consider a bad decision. It's not like she killed someone.

Thanks again for all your replies and I promise I will look a little further into Islam, if not for me then for her, so I can better understand her situation and the ramifications of non marriage etc.
 
May Allah SWT guide you. Ameen.

A muslim woman can never marry a kafir/disbeliever. Nor can you date her. she is sinning, etc.

Fornication is like the 3rd greatest sin, after murder. So do you see how severe it is, when it is almost on par with murder.

Although Idk much, Allahu alam.
 
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better to have gone out with their daughter without their permission, and then converted to Islam and had a proper relationship, than to remain a non-Muslim dating their Muslim daughter after having gone out with their daughter without their permission.
 
ok so we sat down and had a chat and she said she would like it if I converted but it's not a problem if I don't. She said she'd help me learn about it and if it doesn't click with me that's fine. So given that, I'm definitely going to give it a shot and see how it goes. She made it abundantly clear that I should only convert if I feel that it's the truth and not to convert for any other reason.

Thanks for the advice and criticism and your patience with my questions.
 
youngen said:
ok so we sat down and had a chat and she said she would like it if I converted but it's not a problem if I don't. She said she'd help me learn about it and if it doesn't click with me that's fine. So given that, I'm definitely going to give it a shot and see how it goes. She made it abundantly clear that I should only convert if I feel that it's the truth and not to convert for any other reason.

Thanks for the advice and criticism and your patience with my questions.
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You are welcome :)
 
What kinds of Muslims are there in this day and age...falling in love with an Atheist! I wouldn't look twice at an atheist!

La Hawla Wa La Quwwata Illa Billah......................:facepalm:
 
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