My girlfriends parents disowned their daughter

[~ Sabr ~]

You can´t never say this about anyone else no matter what some member writes to here. Only Allah knows kind of matters and the decision who is Muslim and who isn´t belongs to Him only.

It is shocking to read how here is condemning the unknown person. Be supportive rather than condemnatory if you want to change someone´s way to think, believe or live.

Not everyone is like you.

 

[noraina]

I believe in god and I believe in Muhammed pbuh but I think the Quran isn't accurate at all.

Assalamu alaykum

It would be interesting to know your reasoning about that? Considering the very fact that the existence of Allah SWT and his Prophet (pbuh) is confirmed only in the Qur'an.

But seriously this thread is going downhill from a positive beginning. Your initial post was quite aggressive and then received replies reflecting its tone, and I actually thought most of the people who responded to your boyfriend were quite polite and courteous in explaining to him. Why don't you try to learn something from the way he patiently and calmly spoke with everyone here, instead of coming straight out on the defensive? Maybe we could discuss things more effectively sister?

Wassalam

 

[sister herb]

As this member wrote: "From the islamic teachings my parents have taught me I don't even want to be muslim. I believe in god but not a vengeful, spiteful, narcissistic, jealous god who will punish me for all of eternity..." and as "but I think the Quran isn't accurate at all" you could easily understand how wrongly her´s parents have teached Islam to her and as well the Quran. Do not judge misguided person.

Members whose judge her because of hers few posts might have knowledge about Islam and a lot but knowledge doesn´t every times guarantee also the wisdom of the heart.

Ok, I stop my ranting now. And Allah knows the best.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

Members who judge her because of hers few posts might have knowledge about Islam and a lot but knowledge doesn´t every times guarantee also the wisdom of the heart.

You couldn't be more wrong. No one is judging, we are trying to open the boyfriend/girlfriends eyes. But you cannot see that and neither can they.

This thread is a waste of time.

 

[sister herb]

^ Dear sister, this thread is full of judging. I am not surprise at all if they decided to ask advice from some ex-muslim.

If they can´t see others pursuit to advice them, then the next time it could to be a good idea to choose your words by the other way. If the message is not received, the fault may not be recipients of the message, but the message itself.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

^ Dear sister, this thread is full of judging. I am not surprise at all if they decided to ask advice from some ex-muslim.

If they can´t see others pursuit to advice them, then the next time it could to be a good idea to choose your words by the other way. If the message is not received, the fault may not be recipients of the message, but the message itself.

Dear Sister,

You are an ex-atheist, correct? You advise the girlfriend then. I'm sure your advice will be better than the scholars of this forum, seeing as you have lived it.

 

[sister herb]

Dear Sister,

You are an ex-atheist, correct? You advise the girlfriend then. I'm sure your advice will be better than the scholars of this forum, seeing as you have lived it.

This has nothing to do as being an ex-atheist. I am sure she knows what kind of God Islam teaches in real. (What seems to be quite opposite than she has been teached in hers home.) Advice her? I already did so. As showing to her some understanding in hers situation and compassionate.

May Allah quide her and us all to understand His path better.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

This has nothing to do as being an ex-atheist. I am sure she knows what kind of God Islam teaches in real. (What seems to be quite opposite than she has been teached in hers home.) Advice her? I already did so. As showing to her some understanding in hers situation and compassionate.

What is there to understand?! She fell in love with a NON MUSLIM. If you love Allaah and consider yourself Muslim, you will NOT LOOK TWICE at* a NON MUSLIM.

May Allah quide her and us all to understand His path better.

Ameen

Anyway, I'm just repeating myself, may Allaah Guide her, Ameen.:skeleton:

I'm out of this thread +o(

 

[sister herb]

So now I make dua that Allah will guide her.

 

[Alpha Dude]

What is there to understand?! She fell in love with a NON MUSLIM. If you love Allaah and consider yourself Muslim, you will NOT LOOK TWICE at* a NON MUSLIM.

....People are at different levels in Islam. Nobody is born with 100% understanding and love and connection with Allah. Anyone who has a proper understanding of Islam and taqwa will not get involved with any man/woman before marriage. That's obvious and doesn't need stating so boldly like you keep saying.

The girl in question has grown up in a situation where she has not had proper Islam instilled into her heart, only rules/regulations drummed into her and as a result she has rebelled against Islam.

And here you are making obvious and pointless statements on how if she loved Allah she wouldn't have fallen in love with him (well, duh) - but how the heck does you posting that that help her? That is your point in posting right, to help her? Or am right in thinking that you just want to boost your own ego by egotistical remarks?

You need to use your words carefully as what we say has an effect on people and be wise in what you say. Telling her that she's going to hell etc. etc. is true but looking at her context and personality you should realize that it is not going to help her become closer to Islam.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

Seriously, stop posting.

....

..... Islam is black and white. There is no room for in between things! You either take Islam as a whole or you don't take it at all.

 

[sister herb]

You think you are better than the scholars of this forum, Alpha Dude?

Dear sister,

Scholars are no more than humans. It is allowed if we disagree with them too. It is not a major crime. Disagree doesn´t automaticly mean that we would think we are better with knowledge than them. Better with many other matters we might be (I didn´t write we are but it´s sometimes possible) like with wisdom, life experience or empathy skills.

 

[s.ali123]

You think you are better than the scholars of this forum, Alpha Dude?

And your posts help her, is that what you are saying? You have given AMAZING ADVICE and the girl has agreed to leave her boyfriend and become all Islamic...NOT.

Grow up, child. Islam is black and white. There is no room for in between things! You either take Islam as a whole or you don't take it at all.

Sabr please have some "Sabr" like your name. First you were targeting the boyfriend, then his GF and then other muslims as well! What is that reminding sister_herb of her ex-athiesm. Prophet clearly stopped people from reminding of what they used to do before Islam! Fear Allah!
The least you want is to be held accounted on Day of Judgement for turning someone away from Islam. Remember that. Even though this video is about speaking against other religions, but it also advices for what you are doing here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mbCVvh_LmE

 

[Serinity]

I believe in god and I believe in Muhammed pbuh but I think the Quran isn't accurate at all. If that doesn't make me muslim then I hold my hand up and say I'm not muslim, whatever.

Oh and lastly, for those of you who think I'm being manipulated by an older man or he is taking advantage of me it is quite the opposite.

I say jump, he says yes and how high? So don't get it twisted.

Enjoy your lives.

That is clear cut kufr you know?

May Allah SWT guide you. Ameen. Please take that back. you recognise you are sinning right? At least RECOGNISE it. Don't justify it.

I am just asking you to turn to Islam. you've a boy friend, it is haram, yes. But recognise you are sinning.

Remember, not all of us are at the same level, but please at least stay muslim.

 

[Serinity]

Btw, guys, Ibn Talib was a non muslim, yet The Prophet SAW loved him SAW. afaik.

What would the Prophet SAW say if he SAW saw us say such stuff? please, look at the incident of taif.

And not looking at a kafir a second time? I mean, YES, having a kafir as a boyfriend/girlfriend is very very bad...... But wasn't Ibn talib a kafir?

Just know that: having a kafir as a boyfriend, is haram,

And repent from saying kufr about The Quran.

Allahu alam.

 

[crimsontide06]

This part, please watch the 1st 10 minutes of the video(the whole thing is good) I posted because the speaker talks about this issue.

I believe in god but not a vengeful, spiteful, narcissistic, jealous god who will punish me for all of eternity because I fell in love with a non muslim. Seems utterly ridiculous.

 

[Bhabha]

To the OP and his Girlfriend,

I understand where both of you are coming from. I also understand the "cultural" Muslim versus the teachings of Islam and I know that the cultural Muslim is very off putting from actually learning about Islam and loving Allah, and the teachings of the Prophet. There's also a slight difference between being an 'atheist' and being 'agnostic', sometimes people tend to confuse the two.

Anyhow, when I a non-Muslim, I had Muslim friends who didn't follow Islam, but followed the "Cultural Muslim", you know the one who is a walking contradiction (if you know Islam), and the one that you can sort of hang out with, but you end up abhorring Islam and all Muslims. I was like this before, I used to detest Muslims and detest Islam, because I learned Islam WITH the cultural Muslim, not the follower of Islam. Anyhow, I had friends from all backgrounds, Turkish, Afghani, Pakistan, Egyptian, etc. Since I am a lover of foods.. I went over to their homes a LOT to eat and stuff my face with pastries from all over the place, plus all of their moms really liked me. I was a NON-Muslim, but I wasn't a drinker, an alcoholic, I didn't use drugs, I called my mother and I let her know where I went, whom I went with and when I was coming back. I respected the elders, I helped around the house, I had the normal temperamental tantrums of a teenager of course. Just because I was not a Muslim, did not mean that I was a walking devil, or someone horrible absent of morals or decent thoughts. Each different place had different interpretations about "Islam", in some places I felt a sexist kind of thing about Islam, where the women were sort of the maids, the servants. I remember going to a friends house with my mother and father, they were also friends with the family. We were invited in, and the father sat by himself while his wife worked in the kitchen and served my mother AND father food. I was a little repulsed by having the mother do all of the work, while the father sat his lazy bum and just looked at his wife like a maid... I knew they were Muslims, so I automatically assumed that Islam was teaching this to Muslims... then I saw another family, friends of ours as well, I saw the mother and father walk out of the grocery store and the WIFE was carrying, LITERALLY carrying everything, and the husband was so LAZY. My mother commented and she was appalled, we also knew they were Muslims.... Everywhere we saw, was this repulsive behavior of MEN, NOT acting at ALL like men, but acting like the owners of the cattle that pulled their groceries, made their food and served at their feet. We were always appalled at seeing this. I don't think I have ever see my mother carry something, or serve food to a strange man, LET alone invite a strange man into our home and have my mother serve a strange man food, while my father sits like a lazy person and watches.... and we were not Muslims. However, the image that I got from the "cultural" Muslim, the one who calls themselves by the name of Muslim, but doesn't follow the teachings of Islam. They didn't even pray, the daughters didn't wear hijab, etc, etc, but were "Muslim" by culture, by birth and not in anything else.

My idea of Islam changed when I went overseas to a Muslim country. When I saw Muslim men CARRYING the groceries, while their wives walked by their side. When I saw Muslim men caring for their women like princesses, queens and not like maids or cattle. I remember going to a friend's house, and she was married. However, I never saw her husband at all, lol. Unlike my previous experience with Muslim families in North America, where I had the unfortunate circumstance of actually meeting the male relatives (I dislike talking to guys....), I didn't have to pass by this horrible awkward experience with her, because we were secluded and in our own little world. I don't want to say that she was also not a cultural Muslim, but she wasn't just "muslim" by birth, but she ascribed to many things that I had never really seen or experienced with other muslims in North America.. I felt a different sensation, not a repulsion, not an abhorrence or the desire to detest Islam or Muslims, but a desire to learn, to REALLY want to learn and it was her genuine love for Islam that motivated me, not this 'cultural' thing that is so superficial and really absent of meaning.

To the OP's girlfriend, she posted here, I know your current position is one that comes from learning about Islam from the "cultural Muslim", because you were forced, coerced into following things without actually believing them. I saw that you don't want to marry a man that your parents choose, or marry and cook and clean and be a 'maid'. In Islam, you don't have to MARRY someone that your parents choose, you have a choice and that choice is protected. You can say yes or no, it is up to you. The reason why some parents choose is because it is easier for the marriage to go through. The parent choosing is a CULTURAL thing, otherwise if it was inscribed in Islam, I would be single for the rest of my life, because my parents will never choose a spouse for me. (Even though I would personally prefer it, I know my mom has good taste ) You are also not required to be a MAID, in Sharia law, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide for this, or to help if he is financially UNABLE to provide.

I remember I took a class on Islam in undergrad, well several. One of the weeks was about the rights of women in Islam and it was my FAVORITE week. Women are both protected AND liberated in Islam. Our financial rights are INSCRIBED in Islam, the min. rights of property, etc. are clearly outlined as at least a base upon which agreements between the husband and wife can build on, but at least there is a MIN! In other kinds of religions and in secular law, there is no 'min' kind of rights that protect the women to the same extent as those inscribed in Islam. Marriage between a Muslim man and a Muslim woman is preferable because in Islamic law there is a DEMAND on the husband to keep certain responsibilities. In Islam, it is the husband who is endowed with the financial responsibility of maintaining the home. The wife is allowed to work, but she is not required to contribute a SINGLE cent of her earning, while the husband has to contribute ALL and provide (help clean, or hire someone who can clean for the wife), clothe the children, shelter, food, etc.

I know this is a huge post and maybe it will not be read, but I wanted to let you know that there are certain things that you shouldn't confuse between Islam and the cultural Muslim. Take apart the things that your parents have presented you as "Islam" and compare them with the Quran, the Hadiths and scholars about issues and open your heart, your mind and clear any negative thoughts you might have about Islam as presented in the news, through posts that you might read about people who confuse 'culture' with Islam and relax. Islam is SO BEAUTIFUL and when I converted to Islam, I became a productive person, with meaning in life. I became focused, concentrated, and I did so well in my school and my studies, I was more in tuned with myself because I let go of things that were so superficial. Yes, I am still human and unfortunately I judge... but Islam and constant reminders help me and rectify my negative thoughts that I can have against people and helps me to tame them. There's an inner conscious that sort of springs up and tries to redirect you. I found clarity and goodness in Islam, but I would have never opened up my heart to it, if I would have secluded myself to learning about it from the 'cultural' Muslim, who is Muslim by birth, but not a follower of Islam by heart, that is who you should seek to find and perhaps both of you can make that journey together.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

To the OP and his Girlfriend,

I understand where both of you are coming from. I also understand the "cultural" Muslim versus the teachings of Islam and I know that the cultural Muslim is very off putting from actually learning about Islam and loving Allah, and the teachings of the Prophet. There's also a slight difference between being an 'atheist' and being 'agnostic', sometimes people tend to confuse the two.

Anyhow, when I a non-Muslim, I had Muslim friends who didn't follow Islam, but followed the "Cultural Muslim", you know the one who is a walking contradiction (if you know Islam), and the one that you can sort of hang out with, but you end up abhorring Islam and all Muslims. I was like this before, I used to detest Muslims and detest Islam, because I learned Islam WITH the cultural Muslim, not the follower of Islam. Anyhow, I had friends from all backgrounds, Turkish, Afghani, Pakistan, Egyptian, etc. Since I am a lover of foods.. I went over to their homes a LOT to eat and stuff my face with pastries from all over the place, plus all of their moms really liked me. I was a NON-Muslim, but I wasn't a drinker, an alcoholic, I didn't use drugs, I called my mother and I let her know where I went, whom I went with and when I was coming back. I respected the elders, I helped around the house, I had the normal temperamental tantrums of a teenager of course. Just because I was not a Muslim, did not mean that I was a walking devil, or someone horrible absent of morals or decent thoughts. Each different place had different interpretations about "Islam", in some places I felt a sexist kind of thing about Islam, where the women were sort of the maids, the servants. I remember going to a friends house with my mother and father, they were also friends with the family. We were invited in, and the father sat by himself while his wife worked in the kitchen and served my mother AND father food. I was a little repulsed by having the mother do all of the work, while the father sat his lazy bum and just looked at his wife like a maid... I knew they were Muslims, so I automatically assumed that Islam was teaching this to Muslims... then I saw another family, friends of ours as well, I saw the mother and father walk out of the grocery store and the WIFE was carrying, LITERALLY carrying everything, and the husband was so LAZY. My mother commented and she was appalled, we also knew they were Muslims.... Everywhere we saw, was this repulsive behavior of MEN, NOT acting at ALL like men, but acting like the owners of the cattle that pulled their groceries, made their food and served at their feet. We were always appalled at seeing this. I don't think I have ever see my mother carry something, or serve food to a strange man, LET alone invite a strange man into our home and have my mother serve a strange man food, while my father sits like a lazy person and watches.... and we were not Muslims. However, the image that I got from the "cultural" Muslim, the one who calls themselves by the name of Muslim, but doesn't follow the teachings of Islam. They didn't even pray, the daughters didn't wear hijab, etc, etc, but were "Muslim" by culture, by birth and not in anything else.

My idea of Islam changed when I went overseas to a Muslim country. When I saw Muslim men CARRYING the groceries, while their wives walked by their side. When I saw Muslim men caring for their women like princesses, queens and not like maids or cattle. I remember going to a friend's house, and she was married. However, I never saw her husband at all, lol. Unlike my previous experience with Muslim families in North America, where I had the unfortunate circumstance of actually meeting the male relatives (I dislike talking to guys....), I didn't have to pass by this horrible awkward experience with her, because we were secluded and in our own little world. I don't want to say that she was also not a cultural Muslim, but she wasn't just "muslim" by birth, but she ascribed to many things that I had never really seen or experienced with other muslims in North America.. I felt a different sensation, not a repulsion, not an abhorrence or the desire to detest Islam or Muslims, but a desire to learn, to REALLY want to learn and it was her genuine love for Islam that motivated me, not this 'cultural' thing that is so superficial and really absent of meaning.

To the OP's girlfriend, she posted here, I know your current position is one that comes from learning about Islam from the "cultural Muslim", because you were forced, coerced into following things without actually believing them. I saw that you don't want to marry a man that your parents choose, or marry and cook and clean and be a 'maid'. In Islam, you don't have to MARRY someone that your parents choose, you have a choice and that choice is protected. You can say yes or no, it is up to you. The reason why some parents choose is because it is easier for the marriage to go through. The parent choosing is a CULTURAL thing, otherwise if it was inscribed in Islam, I would be single for the rest of my life, because my parents will never choose a spouse for me. (Even though I would personally prefer it, I know my mom has good taste ) You are also not required to be a MAID, in Sharia law, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide for this, or to help if he is financially UNABLE to provide.

I remember I took a class on Islam in undergrad, well several. One of the weeks was about the rights of women in Islam and it was my FAVORITE week. Women are both protected AND liberated in Islam. Our financial rights are INSCRIBED in Islam, the min. rights of property, etc. are clearly outlined as at least a base upon which agreements between the husband and wife can build on, but at least there is a MIN! In other kinds of religions and in secular law, there is no 'min' kind of rights that protect the women to the same extent as those inscribed in Islam. Marriage between a Muslim man and a Muslim woman is preferable because in Islamic law there is a DEMAND on the husband to keep certain responsibilities. In Islam, it is the husband who is endowed with the financial responsibility of maintaining the home. The wife is allowed to work, but she is not required to contribute a SINGLE cent of her earning, while the husband has to contribute ALL and provide (help clean, or hire someone who can clean for the wife), clothe the children, shelter, food, etc.

I know this is a huge post and maybe it will not be read, but I wanted to let you know that there are certain things that you shouldn't confuse between Islam and the cultural Muslim. Take apart the things that your parents have presented you as "Islam" and compare them with the Quran, the Hadiths and scholars about issues and open your heart, your mind and clear any negative thoughts you might have about Islam as presented in the news, through posts that you might read about people who confuse 'culture' with Islam and relax. Islam is SO BEAUTIFUL and when I converted to Islam, I became a productive person, with meaning in life. I became focused, concentrated, and I did so well in my school and my studies, I was more in tuned with myself because I let go of things that were so superficial. Yes, I am still human and unfortunately I judge... but Islam and constant reminders help me and rectify my negative thoughts that I can have against people and helps me to tame them. There's an inner conscious that sort of springs up and tries to redirect you. I found clarity and goodness in Islam, but I would have never opened up my heart to it, if I would have secluded myself to learning about it from the 'cultural' Muslim, who is Muslim by birth, but not a follower of Islam by heart, that is who you should seek to find and perhaps both of you can make that journey together.

Mashallah thank you for your post. Yes I did read it

Perhaps my view of Islam is warped due to my parents overly strict nature and enforcing it on me without explaining why. I ask "why" and he says because the Quran says so or because I said so and never give a straight answer. If I do take your advice and give Islam some proper attention and perhaps learn to understand it for myself, I may end up with a similar view you now how. There still lies the problem of my boyfriend, I absolutely refuse to not see him I don't care what anyone says unfortunately.

Maybe I will learn in my own time about Islam with my own understanding rather than what my parents push in front of me. You know they use to make me read 30 minutes of Quran each night, I just to just put it aside and go straight to sleep, that is how much I disliked being forced.

Thank you sister, I will think it over. Ultimately what I will do nobody knows, not even me at this point but one thing is certain, I am not ending my love for him. I can't do it.

 

[Kiro]

Mashallah thank you for your post. Yes I did read it

Perhaps my view of Islam is warped due to my parents overly strict nature and enforcing it on me without explaining why. I ask "why" and he says because the Quran says so or because I said so and never give a straight answer. If I do take your advice and give Islam some proper attention and perhaps learn to understand it for myself, I may end up with a similar view you now how. There still lies the problem of my boyfriend, I absolutely refuse to not see him I don't care what anyone says unfortunately.

Maybe I will learn in my own time about Islam with my own understanding rather than what my parents push in front of me. You know they use to make me read 30 minutes of Quran each night, I just to just put it aside and go straight to sleep, that is how much I disliked being forced.

Thank you sister, I will think it over. Ultimately what I will do nobody knows, not even me at this point but one thing is certain, I am not ending my love for him. I can't do it.

That is good to hear, sorry if I ever sounded harsh.

It's best if you start from scratch. It doesn't matter if it is the basics, we are all learning

its a common problem. The parents focus too much on the what and not the why

trying watching short Islamic clips from The Merciful Servant on Youtube

 

[Serinity]

Just start small, read Quran more, In shaa' Allah, one day the love of Allah and your love for Allah will increase , so that you can leave the forbidden.