Being Realistic in finding a Spouse :)

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strivingobserver98

If you can read this please remember me in your du
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Marriage is never an easy thing. We think of it as this amazing romantic bliss that we will somehow attain one day.

Sisters dream of marrying that amazing brother who has the character of the Messenger of Allaah (sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), the Eemaan of Aboo Bakr, the courage of Hamzah, the wealth of ‘AbdiRahmaan bin ‘Awf but the fact still remains, everyone wants to marry that one truly amazing person and it is not much different for guys.

We wish to bump into a Hoor al-‘Een that has lost her way from Jannah. I mean why wouldn’t that ever happen? It won’t happen, because you are daydreaming bro that’s why.

Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a miskeen dude in tin foil

Chances are, you’re not going to bump into Shaikh Sudais’s son, let alone the Shaikh himself, and even if you did, I highly doubt any of them would ask you for marriage (more like ‘SECURITY!’) So try to keep your hopes realistic, yes we all want to marry a Haafidh, we all want a sister who knows all about pleasing a husband but never had a boyfriend before. We all want a brother who is super pious with super long beard (the longer the beard the bigger the Taqwa right?) who also owns a house and has a car, plus he should be really knowledgeable too, like bin baaz knowledgeable, preferably not blind though, oh and a six pack wouldn’t harm either.

But we often forget, that when you marry someone, they still have their whole life ahead of them. Most of the wives of the major scholars married these amazing men whilst they still were ‘nobodies’ and similarly you teach your wife (with gentleness) how to be romantic and it is all a journey. If you think that you will marry that one complete person who has everything, you will never marry and that’s the harsh truth.

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JazakAllah khayr for sharing this great reminder,

I think many of us are guilty of having sometimes unrealistic expectations - but the truth is perfection does not exist here, it exists only in Jannah. And when you think about it, the beauty of marriage lies in the fact that you and your spouse are meant to be constant companions on this journey called life, :), to accept any imperfections the other may have and help one another become the best version of themselves.
 
noraina said:
JazakAllah khayr for sharing this great reminder,

I think many of us are guilty of having sometimes unrealistic expectations - but the truth is perfection does not exist here, it exists only in Jannah. And when you think about it, the beauty of marriage lies in the fact that you and your spouse are meant to be constant companions on this journey called life, :), to accept any imperfections the other may have and help one another become the best version of themselves.
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Masha allah. Thats so true sister.
Marriage is half our deen because its so much work to be considerate and compassionate to the other person and our kids. People need to focus on being the best person a spouse can have and not on finding the best person they can find...........
If we look inward and change ourselves then surely that one in our fate will come to us sooner.
lisa
 
:salamext:

All you can do is make du'aa and ask your parents/relatives to actively start looking.

May Allaah grant us all loving spouses who will become our way to Jannah, Ameen.
 
A sister : O, ardianto. I am looking for a husband. Can you find a man who meet my criteria of expected spouse?.

Ardianto : In Shaa Allah, I can. But, .... how if he is not willing to marry you?.


There is a fact that sisters and brothers have to know. Finding someone who meet your criteria is easy. But the problem, is he/she willing to marry you or not?.

So, do not only think about your expectation, but think about yourself. Do not only think "I should get someone like this, like that", but ask yourself "Do I meet criteria that expected by someone?".

In Shaa Allah, it will make you more realistic in your criteria of expected spouse.

:)
 
Why there is no one in your life they aks..You know, sometimes you wait for a long time for a certain bus in the bus-stop..It takes minutes, hours, days and years..They tell you to get in this bus, it will bring you to closer side...but no, I wait for the right bus.. :hmm:
 
What is meant to be will be! Things happen at the right time and not at the time you think it is right. [emoji39]

Maybe one day you will meet your spouse at the library [emoji7] who happens to dislike Kant as much as you do. Lol!

Or in your seminar, who has admired your discussions!

Or on your way to the grocery store in the vegetable section and they like vegetables? I don't know. [emoji39][emoji39][emoji39][emoji39][emoji39]
 
Just a reminder, especially for sisters.

Opportunity not always come twice, and the next opportunity is not always better than the previous.

Sometime (or maybe often) happen, a woman get marriage proposal from a man who actually good enough to be a husband. But since this woman expect a man who really meet her criteria, she reject him. Unfortunately, the men who come next are not as good as the first man. Then when this woman begin to think to accept the first man, that man already married with another woman who accept him.

So it's better if sisters learn to being realistic and tolerate expectation, rather than regret later.
 

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