Parents have gone against their word!

[EgyptPrincess]

No, your muslimah friend is not your wali so now you would have two women doing the wrong thing by meeting this man who is not even a Muslim whom you claim to be a "boyfriend". What he needs to do is learn about Islam and by the grace of of Allah becomes a Muslim with the right intention and then you can get your parents involved with meeting him to determine if he will be a suitable match in marriage. Otherwise, focus on your Islam and holding on to your dignity and chastity for the right Muslim man. I am sorry if I was harsh with you a few days ago about this but am only advising what is best for you as my sister in Islam. May Allah make it easy for you to worship and obey Him. Ameen.

You are not being harsh, you are saying what is true.

Here is what I don't understand though...

At school I eat with friends
At school I study with friends
At uni I will also do these things

So why can I not sit with a FRIEND at a restaurant and eat? He is not my "boyfriend" because I am not allowed a boyfriend so he is just a friend now...

 

[Kiro]

You are not being harsh, you are saying what is true.

Here is what I don't understand though...

At school I eat with friends
At school I study with friends
At uni I will also do these things

So why can I not sit with a FRIEND at a restaurant and eat? He is not my "boyfriend" because I am not allowed a boyfriend so he is just a friend now...

cut the root before it grows into a tree

a root is easier to cut then a tree

 

[Futuwwa]

I suspect your parents are so shaken by the recent events that they agree to whatever they feel they should at the moment, and may sincerely mean it when they say it, but get different thoughts when the mood has cooled. First it was disownment, then they backed down from that and asked you to come home without conditions, and now they've changed their mind again.

I'd advise you to give them a week of time-out to think about things. Don't agree anything with them one way or the other. If necessary, tell them straight up that you can no longer trust them to really mean and stand by what they say unless they've actually thought about it properly.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

cut the root before it grows into a tree

a root is easier to cut then a tree

What are you implying?

I suspect your parents are so shaken by the recent events that they agree to whatever they feel they should at the moment, and may sincerely mean it when they say it, but get different thoughts when the mood has cooled. First it was disownment, then they backed down from that and asked you to come home without conditions, and now they've changed their mind again.

I'd advise you to give them a week of time-out to think about things. Don't agree anything with them one way or the other. If necessary, tell them straight up that you can no longer trust them to really mean and stand by what they say unless they've actually thought about it properly.

I agree I think this might be a good decision. Decision and agreements were rushed and to be honest we're just not getting along at all at the moment. Everyday it's something else that we disagree on. I think some time apart will be good for me and my parents. Not like last time when I was kicked out but just explain that I think we need some time apart from each other.

 

[Misbah0411]

I'd advise you to give them a week of time-out to think about things. Don't agree anything with them one way or the other. If necessary, tell them straight up that you can no longer trust them to really mean and stand by what they say unless they've actually thought about it properly.

Not good advice. Now you want her to disobey her parents on this issue when the bottom line is she is trying to A. circumvent the Law of Allah through her whims and desires B. go against her parents wishes in keeping away from a disbelieving man. Bottom line, she is in their house and she has to respect her father's wishes since HE is her gaurdian and HE is in the right to protect her daughter from the evil of these encounters.

 

[Kiro]

What are you implying?




I agree I think this might be a good decision. Decision and agreements were rushed and to be honest we're just not getting along at all at the moment. Everyday it's something else that we disagree on. I think some time apart will be good for me and my parents. Not like last time when I was kicked out but just explain that I think we need some time apart from each other.

Before I say what I want to say,

Islam being the practical religion it is, you take the precaution to stop something to grow into something big.

Stop your problem being it grows and grows into a tree, it starts off as a simple seed but it can slowly grow into a tree. And it's easier to cut the weed then it is a tree.

What I mean is, this man may be a friend right now. But you have to see Allah is trying to protect you. Protect you how? Islam I could say is a religion of precautions. You might develop more and more whatever it is such as feelings and slowly grow into something big until you can't handle it and from that, the tree can give birth to fruits.

Islam is a religion of modesty. Men and women have a natural attraction and that attraction can build. Even if you don't, Islam is a religion of modesty. To avoid any foolish or indecent behaviour. Right now, you find it easier but you'll find it harder when it grows thick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dryxv9AgJV4

please watch this

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Bottom line, she is in their house and she has to respect her father's wishes since HE is her gaurdian and HE is in the right to protect her daughter from the evil of these encounters.

Fine then I'll move out...

How is it an evil encounter to have a meal with a non muslim friend? I am not trying to circumvent anything I'm just trying to pose a situation in which my father would approve of. Such as going with my sister or another friend. Therefore I am not alone in the company of a man.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Before I say what I want to say,

Islam being the practical religion it is, you take the precaution to stop something to grow into something big.

Stop your problem being it grows and grows into a tree, it starts off as a simple seed but it can slowly grow into a tree. And it's easier to cut the weed then it is a tree.

What I mean is, this man may be a friend right now. But you have to see Allah is trying to protect you. Protect you how? Islam I could say is a religion of precautions. You might develop more and more whatever it is such as feelings and slowly grow into something big until you can't handle it and from that, the tree can give birth to fruits.

Islam is a religion of modesty. Men and women have a natural attraction and that attraction can build. Even if you don't, Islam is a religion of modesty. To avoid any foolish or indecent behaviour. Right now, you find it easier but you'll find it harder when it grows thick.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dryxv9AgJV4

please watch this

ok I'll watch it. I just wanted to say you assume the worst from a situation. What if it is the start of something amazing and the "tree" does grow full of fruit and he becomes Muslim and we marry and have children and it's amazing? I have the opportunity to convert him to Islam and I even offered my mum and dad to go to the dinner WITH me but they still say no. They are being unjust. They should give me a valid reason why not.

 

[Misbah0411]

Fine then I'll move out...

How is it an evil encounter to have a meal with a non muslim friend? I am not trying to circumvent anything I'm just trying to pose a situation in which my father would approve of. Such as going with my sister or another friend. Therefore I am not alone in the company of a man.

Your not going anywhere. Quit being a drama queen and do the right thing before you wreck yourself.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dryxv9AgJV4

please watch this

His humour makes me chuckle haha. It's a good lecture, I can relate to what he says.

Your not going anywhere. Quit being a drama queen and do the right thing before you wreck yourself.

I'm not being a drama queen, I hate that expression. A woman gets a bit frustrated and suddenly she's being dramatic... Also don't tell me what I can and can't do, you don't know what it's like under our roof at the moment.

 

[Kiro]

ok I'll watch it. I just wanted to say you assume the worst from a situation. What if it is the start of something amazing and the "tree" does grow full of fruit and he becomes Muslim and we marry and have children and it's amazing? I have the opportunity to convert him to Islam and I even offered my mum and dad to go to the dinner WITH me but they still say no. They are being unjust. They should give me a valid reason why not.

You're the one assuming I assume in the worse.

I'm just giving you the wisdom of Islam. You might get attached to him and humans have a natural attraction to each other which might open doors. I'm just telling you, Islam is modesty and part of modesty is practising of avoiding the haram.

 

[Kiro]

you cannot convert anyone, only Allah decides.

Verse (28:56)

Sahih International: Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided.

 

[Futuwwa]

Not good advice. Now you want her to disobey her parents on this issue when the bottom line is she is trying to A. circumvent the Law of Allah through her whims and desires B. go against her parents wishes in keeping away from a disbelieving man. Bottom line, she is in their house and she has to respect her father's wishes since HE is her gaurdian and HE is in the right to protect her daughter from the evil of these encounters.

And if she leaves and shacks up with kafirboy again, does what you say cease to apply since she's no longer in her father's house?

What matters is that she and her parents are trying to reconcile. Her parents have reneged on what they agreed on as part of that reconciliation. She has honoured what was agreed on. She has every moral right to demand a show of good faith from them.

 

[EgyptPrincess]

Salaam everyone,

I know you're probably bored with me already but I didn't want to just disappear without saying anything.

I met my friend tonight and had such a lovely meal with him and I know pretty much everyone here said I should not do this, I disobeyed my mother and father and went anyway. I am besotted by him...

I have decided it's best for me to move out and I am packing my things now, my parents and I have gone to the last thread and the household is just a misery to live in and I am upsetting my siblings and my parents. Everyday it's just arguments and neither or us can live like this. I think it's healthier for everyone if I just move out and give my parents a break. They don't deserve to see me upset and angry and it makes me upset to see them upset.

I don't think I'll be hanging around here because I am not learning much, don't get me wrong most of you are very sweet people and I am honestly grateful for your advice and support, even if I disagreed with some or all of it lol. Inshallah this forum will help many other Muslims in need of advice or support but for me I think I just need some space away from everything. The internet is not healthy for me as I just end up putting all my personal problems online and bad mouthing my parents when the truth is my heart splits in two when I see my parents cry :astag: it's not fair on them to put them through this. Inshallah I will continue to strive for stronger iman but I don't think I can do this under the current conditions. Again thank you all for your help and support and perhaps you'll see me back in the future at some point.

Jazak Allah swt Khayr

 

[ConcealedGem]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته sis

where are you going to go?

 

[Bhabha]

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

If you need someone to talk to please let me know. We can talk over bbm, whatsapp, or just normal texting or the phone. If you live in the USA I am just across the border, the northern one lol n

 

[EgyptPrincess]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته sis

where are you going to go?

I will stay at his place just until I go to uni in a few months.

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

If you need someone to talk to please let me know. We can talk over bbm, whatsapp, or just normal texting or the phone. If you live in the USA I am just across the border, the northern one lol n

I appreciate this sister. I'll pm you if I ever need your support or advice.

jzk

 

[Kiro]

What if you die, doing the haram...

 

[ConcealedGem]

Sister that isn't a good idea, wallahi your parents love you and know what is best please stay home.

Makes me sad tbh, subhanAllah

Remember your Islam and what is best for your deen, follow Allah's laws and wallahi you'll see the light, that's all I'm going to say..

Hope you change your mind soon.

و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله

 

[noraina]

Assalamu alaykum

Sis, will you not make your parents cry when you leave them again.

You are a sensible and intelligent person, ma'sha'Allah, you had made the right decision by going back home, so please don't turn away from it now. I think perhaps you need to have a little more patience, patience with Allah's swt plan, patience with your parents in order to grasp this situation, and patience with your friend to give him time to learn about Islam.

Your parents may be over-bearing and stern, but believe me it is because they love you. Many parents wouldn't be bothered, but the fact they allowed you to live with them again, and they are involving themselves with your life, shows how deeply concerned they are for you.

You say there is just a few months until you begin university. InshaAllah stay with your parents until then, I understand it may be hard and frustrating at times, but wallahi when you make a decision with the intention to please and obey Allah swt, He makes things easy for you later on - even if you may have to wait to see the results, they always come.

May Allah swt ease your hardships and guide you to what is best for both yourself and for your deen. You are welcome to post here anytime you feel like inshaAllah.