How do I convince my parents that cousin marriage is halal and acceptable?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mustafa16
  • Start date Start date
  • Replies Replies 29
  • Views Views 7K
Regardless of what may have happened in early Islamic history- back when men could have easily been married by now, without worrying about school or the kind of job that you want. When some Muslim men could look forward to having up to four wives (why would you look forward to that?) When Muslim men could also look forward to owning slaves, and maybe killing some kaffir and taking their wives and daughters as sex slaves. (But treating them really well, of course, and we should always make a priority of seeing how well the slave owners were pleased with the situation). And yes, Muslim men would also sometimes marry their cousins.

The point is, some things change.

I am wondering what´s the problem to marry a cousin and what that has to do with ancient eras - or at the least to Islamic history. My country, Finland, hasn´t never been islamic country but still - marrying your cousin is totally legal.

Also at 2016.


By the way, in Islam hasn´t never been sex slaves.
 
Subhanallah brother your the first case I've come across. The usual problem is many parents due to being illiterate, backward and culturally blinded force their children to marry cousins instead of allowing them to go outside the family.

That's true. That's again the other extreme. On the one side you have people who want to make it Haraam and on the other side you have people who want to make it Fardh...

People must learn to adopt the middle path in their affairs.
 
That's true. That's again the other extreme. On the one side you have people who want to make it Haraam and on the other side you have people who want to make it Fardh...

People must learn to adopt the middle path in their affairs.

Just like the straight path no turning right or left!
 
Absolutely.

Rasoolullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم taught us to adopt moderation in everything.
 
Within my family nearly 95% of marriages be to a cousin. My family are fairly 'liberal' so to speak, and they don't force their children to get married to their cousins, but it's an age old tradition going way back. I suppose it's an expected norm no-one really thinks to cross? My parents aren't cousins though, and in my father's time his family thought it was unusual, but they were happy and didn't mind.

But yes brother Huzaifah put it perfecly, some people make it haraam and others make it fardh. Very simply put, the focus should be on marrying a righteous spouse with good character, whether they are related to you or not, it shouldn't matter.

I would suggest perhaps giving your parents some time to think it over and try to see if you can convince them. You're 17 and probably only just told them, sometimes it can be hard for people to loosen their grip on a belief or opinion they have held onto their whole life, give them some time, and make plenty of dua, inshaAllah.
 
My maternal grandpa and grandma were cousin. But I have my own reason to prevent you from desire to marry your cousin. Your situation.

My grandpa and grandma were adult when they fell in love to each other. So they decided to get married although Javanese culture against cousin marriage. But in your situation?. You fall in love with your cousin, while your cousin doesn't. She just see you as cousin, not more. I can see it in her attitude that you described in your another thread. And if you try to tell her that you want to marry her, it will only break your relationship with her and her family again. Like ever happened before.

Your are still too young, Mustafa. You must still learn much about love. You are still to easy to be deceived by your own feeling, like many other teens.

So my advice is try to eliminate your special feeling to your cousin, and focus to your study. And consider the situation before you think to marry your cousin. However, if in the future your cousin has special feeling to you too. Okay, you can try to convince your parents and her parents to approve.

Remember what I've ever told you. I am not 17 years old boy like you. But I am father of 17 years old boy. And this is the advice that I can give to the youth like you.
 
I am wondering what´s the problem to marry a cousin and what that has to do with ancient eras - or at the least to Islamic history. My country, Finland, hasn´t never been islamic country but still - marrying your cousin is totally legal.

Also at 2016.
It is perfectly legal, and under normal circumstances there's no great risk in it. But there is something we understand now that nobody in ancient eras understood- if this is done quite a lot, over time it becomes much more risky and much less safe. Under less normal circumstances, the genetic variance between cousins can shrink to really worrisome levels, and each time cousins marry it brings their family tree one step closer to that. In a sense, it's a fly in the ointment that doesn't really have to be there


By the way, in Islam hasn´t never been sex slaves.
In fact there has, and the Islamic slave trade in every empire or caliphate has skewed heavily to the female side of things. The Atlantic slave trade dealt mostly with men, but the Islamic slave trade has always been about 75% women that were bought and sold. And as a matter of fact, some Swedish history has recently come to light that implicates your neighbors to some extent. Check this out.
http://www.thelocal.se/20120113/38486

You're familiar with the Topkapi Palace of the Ottoman Empire? That contained some of the most lavish facilities for sex slaves in all of history, and that was up and running right through the start of World War I. The most women that were ever housed there was about 400, and it was extremely lavish. There's plenty of history to look at when it comes to that place, quite a few in-depth historical treatments of certain women and if I remember correctly the most powerful eunuch in world history was associated with that place as well. Life improved for these sex slaves if they became pregnant of course, and some were fortunate enough to become wives and shed the slave designation. Circassian beauties were especially favored, I'm not exactly sure why but I suppose the most powerful Ottomans had a particular taste.

Topkapi Palace is not representative of all sex slaves of course, that's just the most obvious thing that has a lot of written material and scholarship attached to it. Also, if you look back at the history of threads I've started, one of the first ones had to do with Sharia law on the Indian subcontinent courtesy of the Mughal Empire. If you want, you can look at that follow the links and tell me whether or not you think sex slaves were permissible for Muslim men to capture and keep according to Sharia law on the subcontinent from the early 18th century through the early 20th.

And on a potentially-more-sensitive note, do you recognize the names Juwairiya bint al-Harith and Rayhana bint Zayd? They were married at one point in time- then suddenly and tragically widowed- and then they spent a little bit of time not being married and then both of them did marry again. To the same man, oddly enough, which is definitely not legal under the law of your country, Finland, in 2016.

That's not really the point, though. My question is this. During the period of time in between their husbands being killed and their marriage to a new husband, what was the nature of their employment during that intervening period, would you describe that situation as one of freedom or enslavement, and what do you suppose the compensation package consisted of for whatever services were being rendered? Just a little something I'm curious about.

This is a bit off the topic, so we don't have to go too far into it, just know that I could dig a little deeper and come up with the names of some concubines who never did become wives. Acknowledge this briefly and then we can move right along.
 
Last edited:
I am wondering what´s the problem to marry a cousin and what that has to do with ancient eras - or at the least to Islamic history. My country, Finland, hasn´t never been islamic country but still - marrying your cousin is totally legal.
Cousin marriage is purely cultural and has nothing to do with Islam. Islam does not forbid and also does not encourage cousin marriage. In some societies cousin marriage is encouraged, while in other societies cousin marriage is disliked and even considered as taboo. It's depend on the pattern of family ties and type of society. The custom of cousin marriage is strong only in clan based societies like Pakistan.
 

Similar Threads

Back
Top