Anam Amrin
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I am thinking of trying matrimonial websites .
Rejected for dark complexion
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I am like the color of sand. It's cool to be that colour, makes me kinda unique and also, I'm more tolerable to heat than others (though more so than other Asians) which is a plus.
Though don't change so people like you, be yourself and the right people will love you
everything is a test and what we do with that test, learn to appreciate and we begin to see a light, not only in ourselves but also in others. Allah created us differently so we can get to know each other right? People are different, there are surely a hundred that love darker skin opposed to the other. Keep your high high and your chin strong. And have some sugar.
Though don't change so people like you, be yourself and the right people will love you
everything is a test and what we do with that test, learn to appreciate and we begin to see a light, not only in ourselves but also in others. Allah created us differently so we can get to know each other right? People are different, there are surely a hundred that love darker skin opposed to the other. Keep your high high and your chin strong. And have some sugar.
I pray this finds you well. Jazakillah khayr, dear sister, for raising a very important issue.
Physical attraction
Physical attraction is important in choosing a marriage partner, but not the most important quality.
As a new mother, I can attest to you the importance of good character in a husband. When you have a screaming newborn who wakes you up in the middle of the night, a husband with fair skin will not help you if he is inconsiderate. On the other hand, a husband with dark skin and good character will sacrifice his sleep and help you tend to your baby.
What about both? A husband with fair skin and good character? That would be pleasing to both you and the naysayers around you. However, this is the dunya, and there is no perfection here.
“….It could be that you dislike something, when it is good for you; and it could be that you like something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.” [Qur’an, 2:216]
When we are overly attached to certain ideas (e.g. wanting to marry someone with only x y z qualities), if Allah wants good for us, He will test us in it until we let go of that concept, and hold onto Him. Allah knows better than we do, and it is up to us to trust in His Wisdom.
Marriage for the sake of Allah
It is wise to marry for the sake of Allah, but unwise to marry someone out of feelings of pity, obligation, or guilt. I strongly recommend that you complete the Islamic Marriage course to deepen your understanding of marriage. Investigate your intentions before committing to something as life-changing as marriage. Physical attraction can grow, the more you get to know someone – within the boundaries of permissibility. But if you truly do not feel attracted to him, then it would be unfair to commit to marriage.
Fair Skin Fixation
It is unfortunate that in many parts of the world, the post-colonial mindset still obsesses over and priorities fair skin. Reflect on why this could be the case, and choose to either reject or accept this line of thought. The wound of colonisation runs deep in many families, and there is a mistaken assumption that ‘fairer’ immediately means ‘better’, and that ‘darker’ means ‘worse’. This is a deeply problematic belief. The goodness of someone’s heart is not reflected in the pigmentation of their skin.
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. Those are free from what they (the accusers) say. For them there is forgiveness, and a graceful provision.” [Qur’an, 27:26]
A suitable match for you is a good man, inshaAllah, and not necessarily one with fair skin.
Tahajjud
Whenever in doubt, turn to your Creator. Stand up in prayer, or at the minimum, earnest supplication, in that precious time before the entry of Fajr. Ask Allah to grant you clarity and the strength to make the right decision.
Istikhara
Perform the Prayer of Guidance until you reach a point of clarity about what to do, or up to 7 times. I cannot give you an answer, but Allah will, inshaAllah. There is no need to look for a dream. The answer will come to you in the manner events unfold, and in the certainty that will settle in your heart.
The key is for you to remain open to either possibility, and not automatically reject him based on the darkness of his skin, or out of fear of what people will say. People will always talk, especially amongst circles which thrive on gossip. Your job is not to please them, but to please Allah. Ultimately, it is you who will be in that marriage, and not them. If you do choose to marry him and receive criticism from others, respond with goodness and compassion. Smile and say, “Alhamdulilah.” It is not up to you to change people’s minds, but it is your responsibility to live a life pleasing to Allah.
I pray that Allah guides you to the best husband for you, who will be a loving father to your children and your devoted helpmate towards Jannah.
Relevant links:
10 Ways to Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person
When Love Is Not Enough
Is there a concept of soulmates in Islam?
Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2015/11/12/how-important-is-physical-attraction-in-marriage/
Physical attraction
Physical attraction is important in choosing a marriage partner, but not the most important quality.
As a new mother, I can attest to you the importance of good character in a husband. When you have a screaming newborn who wakes you up in the middle of the night, a husband with fair skin will not help you if he is inconsiderate. On the other hand, a husband with dark skin and good character will sacrifice his sleep and help you tend to your baby.
What about both? A husband with fair skin and good character? That would be pleasing to both you and the naysayers around you. However, this is the dunya, and there is no perfection here.
“….It could be that you dislike something, when it is good for you; and it could be that you like something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.” [Qur’an, 2:216]
When we are overly attached to certain ideas (e.g. wanting to marry someone with only x y z qualities), if Allah wants good for us, He will test us in it until we let go of that concept, and hold onto Him. Allah knows better than we do, and it is up to us to trust in His Wisdom.
Marriage for the sake of Allah
It is wise to marry for the sake of Allah, but unwise to marry someone out of feelings of pity, obligation, or guilt. I strongly recommend that you complete the Islamic Marriage course to deepen your understanding of marriage. Investigate your intentions before committing to something as life-changing as marriage. Physical attraction can grow, the more you get to know someone – within the boundaries of permissibility. But if you truly do not feel attracted to him, then it would be unfair to commit to marriage.
Fair Skin Fixation
It is unfortunate that in many parts of the world, the post-colonial mindset still obsesses over and priorities fair skin. Reflect on why this could be the case, and choose to either reject or accept this line of thought. The wound of colonisation runs deep in many families, and there is a mistaken assumption that ‘fairer’ immediately means ‘better’, and that ‘darker’ means ‘worse’. This is a deeply problematic belief. The goodness of someone’s heart is not reflected in the pigmentation of their skin.
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. Those are free from what they (the accusers) say. For them there is forgiveness, and a graceful provision.” [Qur’an, 27:26]
A suitable match for you is a good man, inshaAllah, and not necessarily one with fair skin.
Tahajjud
Whenever in doubt, turn to your Creator. Stand up in prayer, or at the minimum, earnest supplication, in that precious time before the entry of Fajr. Ask Allah to grant you clarity and the strength to make the right decision.
Istikhara
Perform the Prayer of Guidance until you reach a point of clarity about what to do, or up to 7 times. I cannot give you an answer, but Allah will, inshaAllah. There is no need to look for a dream. The answer will come to you in the manner events unfold, and in the certainty that will settle in your heart.
The key is for you to remain open to either possibility, and not automatically reject him based on the darkness of his skin, or out of fear of what people will say. People will always talk, especially amongst circles which thrive on gossip. Your job is not to please them, but to please Allah. Ultimately, it is you who will be in that marriage, and not them. If you do choose to marry him and receive criticism from others, respond with goodness and compassion. Smile and say, “Alhamdulilah.” It is not up to you to change people’s minds, but it is your responsibility to live a life pleasing to Allah.
I pray that Allah guides you to the best husband for you, who will be a loving father to your children and your devoted helpmate towards Jannah.
Relevant links:
10 Ways to Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person
When Love Is Not Enough
Is there a concept of soulmates in Islam?
Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2015/11/12/how-important-is-physical-attraction-in-marriage/
islamirama
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You can but it's not that easy there as well. You have to pay for membership in order to contact others, and it is not cheap. It takes a while to find someone on there. Many on there are either just playing around and not serious, many are just window shopping, and many will not be honest about themselves. You'd have a better chance asking one of the sisters here if they know anyone in their area who is looking and they can or know someone who can vouch for them. Westerners (reverts or not) love marrying "exotic" and "Foreign" women. Maybe a revert would be a good option. That too has its pros and cons.
India was subjugated by the Anglo British for 200 years. In that time they committed a Genocide of 2 billion people there. They Anglo British ruled most of the world and wherever they went they forced their ethnocentric superiority onto the public. Those who were of fair complexion were treated better than those of darker complexion and were given better jobs and status in society. Naturally with Anglo imperialists superiority complex, rest of the races under their subjugation developed inferiority complex. What we see here and among majority if not all minority races is this self-prejudice against their own race and preference for those with more fair complexion. Skin whitening creams are a big big business over in those lands. Also a product the British make and ship over there. Unless these people rid their inferiority complex (unlikely), we will continue to see this racism of fairer complexion over darker one.
kritikvernunft
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Hey, joining in here and agreeing! The locals in this country also prefer lighter skin. I've picked my local wife a bit darker than average here. I always tell the locals here that they have much more urgent problems than skin tone. For most of them, what about re-programming their brains? Wouldn't that do more to prop up their lousy incomes? People like me make exponentially more money than them -- several orders of magnitude actually -- and I am in fact just a simple guy, while they are the ones picking on other people for silly reasons like their skin colour. Seriously, beggars can't be choosers.
kritikvernunft
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In my ancestry, it actually started a generation ago already. My father is European, but he likes way too much being an arch-patriarch, so he never wanted to marry a European wife. He married two African wives and has seven children. Five of his children are doing really well, but I also have two brothers who aren't, but we have decided not to do anything about that until they have finally come to their senses. My father is in his seventies now, and he actually regrets not having married more wives, and not having made more children. So, the next generation must make good on his mistake. I should probably marry at least three wives and make something like fifteen children. I am not even half-way. So, I still have quite a recruitment and reproduction job ahead of me! But ok, inch'Allah, I should still have time to hit my target! ;-)
Anam Amrin
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I am not really sure If there is any such forum here where I can reach out to other sisters for this matter.
There is a section on the Forum for only sisters, Alhamdulilah.
Anam Amrin
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I tried looking up for such forum but no luck. Can someone please help.
ardianto
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Previously there was an "open sister's section" which female full member could join without submit application. But today I don't see that section.
Maybe admin can explain?.
Aisha
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It's still there, only viewable by female members.
To the OP.. please realise that this is THEIR problem, not yours. I don't think it's about physical attraction either. There seems to be a deep-rooted issue within many communities that fair skin is the ultimate ticket to success. This attitude is disgusting.
I've known of certain parents and grandparents who favour their fair-skinned offspring over the darker skinned ones. It's horrible and a sign of ignorance.
You're probably dodging quite a few bullets there, can you imagine living with such a mother in law, who's always talking about your skin or someone who refuses to see past their prejudice and can't see your inner and outer beauty? There's nothing wrong with your skin.
Perhaps Allah is saving you for a righteous spouse who will treat you well. Please constantly make Dua and talk to Allah. As someone else said, focus on the Deen of any potential spouses. Can you or your brother contact any local Masjids or scholars? I'm not quite sure how it works there but they may be able to help.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
*charisma*
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Assalamu Alaikum
You have to activate your account. I noticed it's not yet activated which limits your accessibility to certain features on this forum..check your emails/ junk mail for an activation link from Islamicboard. If it's not resolved, create a thread in the helpdesk and we will try to help you inshallah.
You have to activate your account. I noticed it's not yet activated which limits your accessibility to certain features on this forum..check your emails/ junk mail for an activation link from Islamicboard. If it's not resolved, create a thread in the helpdesk and we will try to help you inshallah.
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Midst the heat of battle the stones and trees alike shall speak to testify against the Jews to the believers.
The means through which the stones and trees will achieve recognition isn't something as shallow as skin colour or place of birth. No, what is accounted for is much more dignified.
Iman.
I don't want to give you advice but I want you to remember that. Also take comfort in the fact that, should you be fortunate enough to enter Jannah, your husband will spend years contemplating your beauty.
The means through which the stones and trees will achieve recognition isn't something as shallow as skin colour or place of birth. No, what is accounted for is much more dignified.
Iman.
I don't want to give you advice but I want you to remember that. Also take comfort in the fact that, should you be fortunate enough to enter Jannah, your husband will spend years contemplating your beauty.
I feel it necessary to add that the current state of our world is a product of colonialism.
Dark skin is not inferior to light skin, notice I do not use the term "fair" as one of the definitions of "fair" is "a beautiful women".
The fact of the matter is a long time ago (1800s) Europeans perpetuated the idea that white is on top and black is on the bottom. Now we have white people who feel superior and other ethnicities who feel inferior.
As you can see this idea has been adopted by the world and now you have light skinned people feeling superior and dark skinned people inferior.
It's just sad really.
Dark skin is not inferior to light skin, notice I do not use the term "fair" as one of the definitions of "fair" is "a beautiful women".
The fact of the matter is a long time ago (1800s) Europeans perpetuated the idea that white is on top and black is on the bottom. Now we have white people who feel superior and other ethnicities who feel inferior.
As you can see this idea has been adopted by the world and now you have light skinned people feeling superior and dark skinned people inferior.
It's just sad really.
I don't know if this needs to be said or not but I'll say it anyway:
Whether or not your skin colour is light or dark isn't of much importance. It is the ignorant/arrogant who think in the way you describe and neither the ignorant or the arrogant are very attractive in anyway that matters anyway.
Whether or not your skin colour is light or dark isn't of much importance. It is the ignorant/arrogant who think in the way you describe and neither the ignorant or the arrogant are very attractive in anyway that matters anyway.
While it is understandable that different people have different choices of what they feel as beauty, the way those families described skin tone was an extreme case of jahiliyyah. So Im glad you never went or married into that family. You got saved.
You should look for people who have sound Islamic knowledge even if its basic, and not go to those who have a distorted outlook, backward in culture and steeped in ignorance.
May Allah make it easy for you, keep making dua and effort on your part.
Anam Amrin
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Thank you so much for all the support. I am making dua everyday let's see what Allah (SWT) has in store for me.
Born_Believer
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Just reading that, I'm offended on your behalf. Just remember, you will find a match, if not then Allah has something even better planned for you.
Serinity
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Whether you get married or not (always go with positive energy - try your best - but do not overburden yourself - leave it to Allah)
Back to the point, whether you get married or not, while trying your best, know that the greatest gift from Allah is Imaan. That is something priceless, that is worth more than this whole world all that is in it.
So find relief in that Allah will protect you, and rely on Allah.
I testify to the fact that none has the right to be worshipped except for Allah, and the Prophet Muhammad :saws1: is His :saw: final Messenger.
I swear to Allah, seeking happiness in this world is futile. As it is temporary. Never exchange Imaan for temporary fading happiness. Keep chin high, and be happy that you are Muslim! Really!
Be the best you. Find confidence in yourself - believe in yourself!
Allahu alam.
Back to the point, whether you get married or not, while trying your best, know that the greatest gift from Allah is Imaan. That is something priceless, that is worth more than this whole world all that is in it.
So find relief in that Allah will protect you, and rely on Allah.
I testify to the fact that none has the right to be worshipped except for Allah, and the Prophet Muhammad :saws1: is His :saw: final Messenger.
I swear to Allah, seeking happiness in this world is futile. As it is temporary. Never exchange Imaan for temporary fading happiness. Keep chin high, and be happy that you are Muslim! Really!
Be the best you. Find confidence in yourself - believe in yourself!
Allahu alam.
Huzaifah ibn Adam
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Whether you get married or not (always go with positive energy - try your best - but do not overburden yourself - leave it to Allah)
Back to the point, whether you get married or not, while trying your best, know that the greatest gift from Allah is Imaan. That is something priceless, that is worth more than this whole world all that is in it.
So find relief in that Allah will protect you, and rely on Allah.
I testify to the fact that none has the right to be worshipped except for Allah, and the Prophet Muhammad :saws1: is His :saw: final Messenger.
I swear to Allah, seeking happiness in this world is futile. As it is temporary. Never exchange Imaan for temporary fading happiness. Keep chin high, and be happy that you are Muslim! Really!
Be the best you. Find confidence in yourself - believe in yourself!
Allahu alam.
You've been gone for a while. How have you been?