I feel extremely jealous of my sister

[anonymous]

Assalamu Alaykum

I have extreme difficulties in controlling my jealousy towards my sister. I know it's haram to envy others, but I can't help it. She is really successful in her studies and is doing an excellent degree.

When people praise her I feel jealous, especially the people who know her in the community. It's hard for me to be happy from her, because I'm extremely jealous. How should I get rid of these feelings towards her?

 

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

Ukhti, the thing about jealousy is that it harms the one who is feeling it much more than the one it is directed to.

First of all, try and look at the reason *why* she is so successful in her education, no doubt she must have worked hard, and no doubt you'd be able to achieve the same if you put in some effort as well.

And also, you need to stop comparing yourself to her - you are an unique individual with your own gifts and abilities, there is no way you can both be the same in exactly everything you do. Focus on what you are good at rather than trying to compete or be just like your sister - be yourself. It's important to keep in mind that this feeling of envy will ultimately harm you the most, as it will bring no benefit to you and only impede the progress which you are capable of.

Also, I once read that a scholar (I can't recall his name) who said that another way to combat jealousy is to directly oppose the feelings you have towards that person by, for example, giving them a gift, or complimenting or praising them. So if someone does praise your sister, or she does achieve a good grade, say 'ma'sha'Allah' and make dua for her, even when she cannot hear you.

It'll help you to realise that this jealousy is completely unfounded, especially because she is your sister and is a part of you. Having a sister is such a beautiful thing, I have a sister myself, don't let sibling rivalry ever tarnish that beautiful relationship.

 

[islamirama]

:wasalam:

I don't get how someone can be jealous of their own siblings. You grew up together, she part of you as much as you are part of her. You should be happy for her that she's doing great in life. If you want the same thing then work just as hard. It's that simple. And jealousy not only harms you in terms of your health and deen but it also can harm others through evil eye. The proper islamic way is to say Mashallah to what you see and ask Allah bless her and bless you the same. When wish well for others the angels do the same for you, when give others hasad then they curse you for it.

 

[piXie]

:wasalam:

I don't get how someone can be jealous of their own siblings.

:salamext:

Do you not remember the story of Yusuf (AS), and these were the sons of a prophet. May Allah protect us from the diseases of the heart. Aameen

 

[islamirama]

:salamext:

Do you not remember the story of Yusuf (AS), and these were the sons of a prophet. May Allah protect us from the diseases of the heart. Aameen

:wasalam:

Yes, I do know that story. There's a thousand others in Muslim lands of family members chopping each other up over land. What I meant was I don't get the mentality of such people, how can you even think as such of your own siblings.

 

[Olivia J]

Don't feel Jealous Allah might have a different path for you that you can't see just yet. be patient. his plans are not always seen at first

 

[Alpha Dude]

The root cause of jealously over worldy things is having too much attachment to the dunya. If all you care about is this world then of course you will get jealous when you see other people excel and yourself being left behind.

Truly get yourself to believe in the message of Islam. Remind yourself that this world is but a day of the real time line. Like a drop in the ocean. In fact, Allah has made us aware through a hadith that this world is not even equal to a mosquito's wing. So, why should a believer care at all, let alone feel jealous that someone is getting a good thing happen to them in this transient, temporary abode?

Remind yourself of death, of the day of judgement where we will be drowning in our own sweat caused by our sins and remind yourself this place is not our goal. We are not going to take our degrees, our children or our wealth to the grave with us.

"Not alike are the dwellers of the Fire and the dwellers of the Paradise. It is the dwellers of Paradise that will be successful." Quran 59:20

"Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only a deceiving thing." Quran 3:185

The only thing worth being jealous about is if she is succeeding you in deen. Everything else is a distraction. A side-show.

 

[Zeal]

Assalamu Alaykum

I have extreme difficulties in controlling my jealousy towards my sister. I know it's haram to envy others, but I can't help it. She is really successful in her studies and is doing an excellent degree.

When people praise her I feel jealous, especially the people who know her in the community. It's hard for me to be happy from her, because I'm extremely jealous. How should I get rid of these feelings towards her?

Wa alaykum salam

Keep making dua for Allah to bless her and remember that this is shaytaan working against you like why aint you jealous of an imam or some other rich bloc in that way. See I think that shaytaans thinks he's got you with his trap into getting jealous of your sister but what would be really ironic is if you use this moment to struggle against your nafs and evil desires and get soooo so much 'ajr out of it, because that is rewarding in itself

And remember that Allah is aware