Women living in dorms?

[leena_muslimah]

In the US, all of the dorms are like this...there are no restrictions to who comes and goes in the dorm rooms. All female dorm rooms means that only girls will be allowed to live there, but it doesn't keep them from having relationships in those dorms or anything like that. So what happens in a situation where her dorm roomate wants to sleep with her boyfriend while she's present? Because this happens. This is how filthy dorms get. No one really keeps it strict either. I have not heard of or seen anything that proves otherwise. However as I said in my previous post, if there's a way which caters to her islamically, then by all means, that's great and she can discuss that with her parents. If she had lived 3 hours away, then the same advice goes there too. She should live somewhere where it is acceptable. She can have her own apartment, or live with muslim girls who are morally sound. There are many options out there than to stay at a filthy dorm room. It does not seem that she has really done the research in regards to how the dorms are controlled or run. So I can't really judge on specifications, but through what I do know for sure, it is not an acceptable living condition. And you're absolutely right about getting exposed to immorality, but that's beyond our control. If we can control it, then that's what we should do.




The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you of the greatest of major sins?” – three times – and we said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said: “Associating others in worship with Allaah, and disobeying one’s parents,” – and he was reclining, but he sat up and said, “And false speech and false witness.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2654; Muslim, 126.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The pleasure of Allaah is in pleasing one’s father and the anger of Allaah is in angering one’s father.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1821; classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibaan and al-Haakim, from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with him). The version narrated by al-Tabaraani refers to “parents” (instead of “father”). And there are very many ahaadeeth which state that it is obligatory to honour one’s parents and treat them kindly. Source

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship…” [al-Ahqaaf 46:15]


‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him for permission to participate in jihaad. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then your jihaad is with them.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2842; Muslim, 2549)

Source




The proven hadeeth is that which was narrated by Ibn Maajah from the hadeeth of Anas ibn Maalik, who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim.’” (220. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah. What is meant by knowledge here is knowledge of sharee’ah (Islamic knowledge). Al-Thawri said: “It is the knowledge for which no person has any excuse for not knowing.”


The 2nd one is fabricated: https://islamqa.info/en/13637

I do want to point out that her parents don't have a problem with her getting a secular education/going to school/learning, they have a problem with her moving out. So this begs the question--move out to where?? This is what she has to prepare for her argument with them and has to carry some islamic validity since this is what she's searching for. So far the only place she's asking about is the dorms of which she has no experience in and cannot defend.

Also, I know a muslim friend who made a deal with her roomate to not being her bf when she is present so nothing at nights and the dormmate respects her request.

 

[*charisma*]

Actually I have a muslim friend going to the same uni and we are going to request each other

Have you seen the dorms there? Maybe you can see if you can have a tour and just inquire about it.

If you can get your request, that would be good. Also have you thought about sub-leases around the university? Sometimes those are better because it has a lot more privacy.

 

[*charisma*]

Also, I know a muslim friend who made a deal with her roomate to not being her bf when she is present so nothing at nights and the dormmate respects her request.

Yea like I said, you will have to figure out a way to make the place a better environment for you if you have any control in that. Otherwise, you'll have to seek other options.

 

[Snel]

As *charisma* said earlier your parents approval is very important and making them angry or scared for your safety is something you absolutely do not want to do. There is also something else you have to understand, and that is that women and men are different. For example a man is more capable of physically defending himself than a woman is, and he can more easily prevent people for bothering him (or those close to him for that matter). A woman also has things that men don't have, some would even suggest that women are more intelligent than men. So one sex is not superior to the other but rather they complete each other.

So getting back to the university dorm-situation: As has been mentioned earlier there is really not much you can do if you find yourself in a situation where your friend wants to be with her boyfriend. Are you going to complain to the university? How long is it going to take for them to respond? And how serious is your case going to be taken by them? This is a scenario you have to consider. There are other scenarios such as harassment directed to yourself. It would be much more comfortable for you to have somebody close to you to defend you and to support you and make sure proper action is taken against the harasser, rather than you being all alone with your "friend".

 

[leena_muslimah]

As *charisma* said earlier your parents approval is very important and making them angry or scared for your safety is something you absolutely do not want to do. There is also something else you have to understand, and that is that women and men are different. For example a man is more capable of physically defending himself than a woman is, and he can more easily prevent people for bothering him (or those close to him for that matter). A woman also has things that men don't have, some would even suggest that women are more intelligent than men. So one sex is not superior to the other but rather they complete each other.

So getting back to the university dorm-situation: As has been mentioned earlier there is really not much you can do if you find yourself in a situation where your friend wants to be with her boyfriend. Are you going to complain to the university? How long is it going to take for them to respond? And how serious is your case going to be taken by them? This is a scenario you have to consider. There are other scenarios such as harassment directed to yourself. It would be much more comfortable for you to have somebody close to you to defend you and to support you and make sure proper action is taken against the harasser, rather than you being alone with your "friend".

But what if i have a muslim friend as a roomate and as i mentioned I know of a muslim girl who made a deal with her roomate

 

[leena_muslimah]

As *charisma* said earlier your parents approval is very important and making them angry or scared for your safety is something you absolutely do not want to do. There is also something else you have to understand, and that is that women and men are different. For example a man is more capable of physically defending himself than a woman is, and he can more easily prevent people for bothering him (or those close to him for that matter). A woman also has things that men don't have, some would even suggest that women are more intelligent than men. So one sex is not superior to the other but rather they complete each other.

So getting back to the university dorm-situation: As has been mentioned earlier there is really not much you can do if you find yourself in a situation where your friend wants to be with her boyfriend. Are you going to complain to the university? How long is it going to take for them to respond? And how serious is your case going to be taken by them? This is a scenario you have to consider. There are other scenarios such as harassment directed to yourself. It would be much more comfortable for you to have somebody close to you to defend you and to support you and make sure proper action is taken against the harasser, rather than you being all alone with your "friend".

Communication is the key

 

[Snel]

But what if i have a muslim friend as a roomate and as i mentioned I know of a muslim girl who made a deal with her roomate

It's hard to find a true friend. Only when it really matter, when they have to compromise, you'll see their true face. You don't want to find out they'd sacrifice your friendship for their own pleasure while you're stuck with them in the middle of your studies.

Communication is the key

Yes it's true. But there are still some problems that you cannot solve with mere communication. You can talk to the person and she would seem to be a very good person at first (you've communicated with her), but once you start living with her problems may arise. It's really a betting game, and from what society looks like in the west, your odds are very small. Whatever you may have communicated at the beginning is really not binding on your friend, meaning there are likely no repercussions if your friend wouldn't live up to her end of the bargain.

 

[leena_muslimah]

It's hard to find a true friend. Only when it really matter, when they have to compromise, you'll see their true face. You don't want to find out they'd sacrifice your friendship for their own pleasure while you're stuck with them in the middle of your studies.



Yes it's true. But there are still some problems that you cannot solve with mere communication. You can talk to the person and she would seem to be a very good person at first (you've communicated with her), but once you start living with her problems may arise. It's really a betting game, and from what society looks like in the west, your odds are very small. Whatever you may have communicated at the beginning is really not binding on your friend, meaning there are likely no repercussions if your friend wouldn't live up to her end of the bargain.

My Muslim friend that is most likely going to the same univeristy is really islamic. She is against dating and doing anything with a guy.

 

[Delete.]

SubhanAllah, you asked the question and you didn't like the responses! These are gentle, understanding responses.. but the view of the pious scholars is that attending a mixed university is haram, whether you live there or not. And disobeying your parents is haram (with the exception that they ask you to disobey Allah, but they are not doing that in your case). We can't even say Uff to them, we can't rebuke them at all, it doesn't matter if we are 18 or 80, we are even commanded to respect parents who are non-Muslim, so what about those who are Muslim? There is Hikmah in these rulings, and no one intends to "cage" you. Allah protects us and Alhamdulilah He has given women many rights. If you choose to live at university, don't try to justify it with our Deen, because the fact is that the view of the righteous scholars who are on the good Aqeedah say that attending a mixed university is not permissible. And this isn't to oppress us, it isn't to restrict us from education, it is to forbid us from evil, and protect us from fitna. It is not an arguable matter, at all! We can't just use the Qur'an to justify our deeds and the desires of our nafs. Allah knows best.

 

[*charisma*]

My Muslim friend that is most likely going to the same univeristy is really islamic. She is against dating and doing anything with a guy.

It seems there are a lot of unsure things here from your end. Its going to be difficult really to accept the thought of it being ok to move into these dorms with such unpreparedness. It really seems you dont know much about the life there at all but just want to live away from your family and are trying to find any reason to make it seem acceptable. I think youve received a lot of sound advice from different and experienced individuals mashallah. Inshallah allah eases your affairs and opens a door that is acceptable for your parents approval, your deen, and your protection ameen.

 

[Snel]

My Muslim friend that is most likely going to the same univeristy is really islamic. She is against dating and doing anything with a guy.

It's not just about your dorm-partner. It's also about the society that we're living in. Girls and women are abused very frequently in the west and especially in America. Harassment and abuses against women are common. Because of how the situation is a woman is much better off being with a company she can trust. If you were to go to the university and live in a dorm you'd be around strangers and people you can't really trust a large part of your time there. The friend that you're talking about is not a substitute to your family (or even your father alone), and your dorm wont give you the freedom and safety of a true home.