How do I stop thinking about women and holding grudges?

[Mustafa16]

I am 18, I am about to graduate high school. I am a brother. My psychiatrist has suggested I go to a forensic psychiatrist to talk about excess libido and other sexual issues. But my mother hasn't taken me, even though it has been months. She says it is too expensive. Funny thing is, my mother is upper middle class. she can clearly afford it, she is just being cheap and stingy. I have been obsessing, in part because one of my mental health issues is OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder), with who I am going to marry in the future. I always feel the need to be crushing on some girl at any given time, and if I don't have anyone to desire, I sink into a deep depression. Some psychologists have described this as a "love addiction". I got angry yesterday because after I said hi to a male student in my class, I walked away, then saw him talking to some girl, saying "retarded" and "he" and after he did, some girl turned around and looked at me....I walked over and asked if they were talking to me, and they told an obvious, ridiculous lie, which I clearly knew was a lie, based on his tone... ("oh no, we're just admiring that glass, look at how CLEAR it is!") I told him, "if you have a problem with me, please tell me, " and he said nervously, "ok, thank you..." I prayed for his suffering and death. I then got angry at women (for some reason), because I started to see girls outside through my bus window (I always get to the bus early), I said, out of rage, "she's asking for it," and I began to turn my rage on women, saying that there is a clear problem with women in general, because if ALL women have rejected me for friendship, all my life, (with the exception of a very unattractive girl with many mental problems who I didn't like back in alternative school), it is a problem with them, not me. I began t get arrogant and say (including when talking to my mom) "these lowlifes are not of the same blood as me," and "i am superior to most people I know" "I'm awesome, I CLEARLY deserve a girlfriend"...... and many other things like "women are garbage filth" and "women drag down men success wise" and " i would much more productive and even go to Harvard (a top university) if I didn't focus on girls" and "obsession with girls are the cause of 95 percent of my problems" and I wish I didn't have these thoughts because 1) arrogance is a sin 2) unnecessary bet duas are a sin, 3) having girlfriends is a sin..... and 4) misogyny is a sin I need mental help, but my mother won't get me a forensic psychiatrist.....what should I do?

 

[AbdurRahman.]

brother sorry i gave up reading after half the post; it is too jumbled and incoherent at times!

stress to your mum the importance of seeing a mental health doctor for thats what you need, treatment!

 

[Bobbyflay23]

A simple way to get over girls bad mouthing you (because most girls in America do that) is whenever they talk to you Treat them like a little kid or immature if they ask you why just tell them they have a big ego and act childish and also it's okay to have a crush on a girl but your supposed to restrain yourself from doing actions I think you should just find a new activity to obsess over and you could ask your psychologist if you could get prescribed a medicine to reduce the sexual hormones just keep in mind the girls that your looking at arnt worth your time even if you had them as a girlfriend you'd get hurt the second you stop buying them stuff or when she finds a boy with more money or a boy that treats her better or a boy with better looks because as I said the classic "popular" girls in America don't really care about anyone but themselves not there friends parents boyfriends non of it they just act like it they only care about how many people like them what I said isn't become ignorant to them as human beings I'm just saying view yourself as more mature and also try to be more mature don't show them that you care because that just fuels there drama it gives them somthing to snicker and talk about when they go talk to there fake friends

 

[Mustafa16]

A simple way to get over girls bad mouthing you (because most girls in America do that) is whenever they talk to you Treat them like a little kid or immature if they ask you why just tell them they have a big ego and act childish and also it's okay to have a crush on a girl but your supposed to restrain yourself from doing actions I think you should just find a new activity to obsess over and you could ask your psychologist if you could get prescribed a medicine to reduce the sexual hormones just keep in mind the girls that your looking at arnt worth your time even if you had them as a girlfriend you'd get hurt the second you stop buying them stuff or when she finds a boy with more money or a boy that treats her better or a boy with better looks because as I said the classic "popular" girls in America don't really care about anyone but themselves not there friends parents boyfriends non of it they just act like it they only care about how many people like them what I said isn't become ignorant to them as human beings I'm just saying view yourself as more mature and also try to be more mature don't show them that you care because that just fuels there drama it gives them somthing to snicker and talk about when they go talk to there fake friends

thank you. but the classmate was a boy.

 

[Bobbyflay23]

Oh [emoji23] well from my understanding he's just trying to talk to her and befriend her and then start flirting with her hes just gossiping because girls like doing that just keep your head up middle school is supposed to train you for stuff like that and to teach you to not care about what people think about you espically guys who are just really thirsty and will talk about anything to get a girl to open up as I said just treat him or her like there immature but also be nice to them at the same time kindve like how you treat a brother that's in elementary school don't be mean to them just be nice and also if you catch them bad mouthing you again just say out loud I'm not dumb ik who your talking about is just keep your head up as I said 10 years later the same boy will be a alcoholic working under minimum wage committing zina every day I'm not saying all Americans are like that but usually the "popular" kids are the ones to fail at life and the ones that are actually being mature and doing there work and ignoring the idle talk are the ones to succeed if you want to get married get a job early work hard in school pay attension to your dean it has allot of wisdom in it then inshallah ounce you've worked your way up you kind find your self a wife and don't worry about obsessing over finding a wife i think it's better to worry about getting your body in good shape cleaning it and purifying it developing good habits and working your way up also devoloping your personality because that's what's going to get you a girl not obsessing over them if you want a wife you need to actually work for one you can't just be lazy sitting around and admiring girls

 

[Blueflame]

Remember death remember death remember death and remember death again remember death of your mother remember the death of your sister remember the death of the woman caught your gaze remember death

 

[Bobbyflay23]

It's okay to see a woman that you like her personality and looks and everything and maybe keep a way to contact her just don't obsess over her it'll only lead to zina I suggest keeping your gaze low you'll forget about women pretty quickly if you do it and if you find it impossible to do just remind yourself that if you keep your gaze low that you get more hoor in jannah (I know to lady's reading this it sounds perverted but that's a encouragement that allot of men use to try to keep their gaze low) just remember allahs promise the women of jannah are allot more pretty then the ones of the dunya so if you want them then restrain yourself now

 

[Umm Malik]

Fast as you can ... Monday and Thursday the three days in the middle of the month as you can
Punish your desires ... I mean do something after every action you don't like
As for examples praying some rakaas ... read two or three parts for the Quran ... making 1000th istighfar
Any good deed because Allah said :
( 114 ) And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approach of the night. Indeed, good deeds do away with misdeeds. That is a reminder for those who remember.
( 115 ) And be patient, for indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good.
In those verses Allah tells us about prayer and patience and good deeds
You also need to have good friend .. you can found them in a mosque
Make yourself busy to don't have time for thinking for your mental health and for your desires
Make hijamah if you found a trust doctor who do it correctly
Ask Allah and say adkar
Especially LA ilaha illa lah wahdahu LA sharika lah Lahu lmulku WA Lahu lhamd WA huwwa ala kulli shay'in kadir 100 time after Fajr
Ikhlass and alfalak and annass 3 times .. ayatu lkurssiy 1 time after prayers
Try to do voluntarily work if you have time and strange
May Allah be with you and help you
Its easy for Allah to heal you and to make you better if you do your efforts seriously and trust in him
Do to pleased him and he will pleased you

 

[Muhaba]

Brother, why you want a girlfriend? It's islamically haram and you're lucky Allah saved you from the fitna.

No, you don't need a psychiatrist. Your mother isn't taking you because it's not the right thing.

Focus on other more important things right now like your studies and for marriage, you can decide what type of person you want to marry and then keep it in the back of your mind to find that type of person (islamically religious, good character, etc.) and you can look for that type of person through the right channels, like at Islamic conferences (tell the brothers there you are looking) and when you do find someone appropriate, then have your family communicate and befriend her family so the two families can get to know each other and the path to marriage and post-marriage time can be productive. But don't talk directly to the sister so you don't fall into fitna.

For the time being, learn the deen, and become more religious and hang out with religious people so you can be on the right track.