Will I get less shy after high school?

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Mustafa16

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I am very shy, and socially awkward, and I am afraid to approach non-Gulenist Islamic institutions after I get a driver's license and can drive to the masjids myself. will it get better after high school? when i go to college? keep in mind, I am getting my driver's license this summer (after high school), and I am starting out at a smaller campus that is within the larger university (a community college that was bought by the university).
 
When person grows older and gets more life experience, he many times gets also more self-assurance. I was shy too when I was young but not any more.
 
*charisma* said:
How severe is your autism in regards to that?
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i have an unusual case where my social skills are in many ways much better than that of other people on the spectrum. but im still shy, and trapped in my own little bubble, to the point that i wonder if, rather than having autistic traits which make me shy, I have social phobia.....i cant really guage how bad it is, socially, but sensory wise it is pretty bad, but it is getting better. in fact, i dont even think i can guage that compared to other autistic teens, cause i dont talk to other autistic teens about it, though my psychologist says i can often be pushy due to lonliness whenever anyone pays me attention, and i often have to step out of class due to noise.
 
Assalamu alaykum,

A few years ago, when I was in my early teens, I was incredibly shy. Whenever I would speak to a stranger or before a group of people I could feel my face burning and so I was very quiet.

Keep in mind, shyness is not a bad trait - it's only when it interferes with your everyday life that it can become a problem. I feel that recently I've gained a lot more self confidence as I've kind of learnt what my opinions are and where I stand on things. It may just be something you develop and learn over time.

A key factor is when we're overly conscious of what someone else is thinking of us. I'm sure you've heard this alot but it really made a difference to me when I stopped worrying about what the person I'm speaking to thinks about me and just was myself. I think as we settle into our own skin with experiences we overcome most of that hesitation.
 
Mustafa16 said:
i have an unusual case where my social skills are in many ways much better than that of other people on the spectrum. but im still shy, and trapped in my own little bubble, to the point that i wonder if, rather than having autistic traits which make me shy, I have social phobia.....i cant really guage how bad it is, socially, but sensory wise it is pretty bad, but it is getting better. in fact, i dont even think i can guage that compared to other autistic teens, cause i dont talk to other autistic teens about it, though my psychologist says i can often be pushy due to lonliness whenever anyone pays me attention, and i often have to step out of class due to noise.
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Asalaamualaykum

Mustafa - Are you ODD on the spectrum ?
 
Mustafa16 said:
i have an unusual case where my social skills are in many ways much better than that of other people on the spectrum. but im still shy, and trapped in my own little bubble, to the point that i wonder if, rather than having autistic traits which make me shy, I have social phobia.....i cant really guage how bad it is, socially, but sensory wise it is pretty bad, but it is getting better. in fact, i dont even think i can guage that compared to other autistic teens, cause i dont talk to other autistic teens about it, though my psychologist says i can often be pushy due to lonliness whenever anyone pays me attention, and i often have to step out of class due to noise.
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So I guess you have some interpersonal skills issues. This may sound weird, but maybe you should record yourself socializing with someone else. If you can identify where your problems are exactly, you can work on improving them. In uni, I took a public speaking class to help me with my shyness bubble because standing up to talk about anything before would make me all sweaty and light-headed and I'd even stutter over my words a bit lol. I was quite the blusher too ;D This was social anxiety for me. The blushing I didn't know about unless someone pointed out, but the other stuff I'd know about it cause I could feel it.

For this class, every speech we did would get recorded, classmates would write their comments anonymously as we did our speech, and of course our prof. would give us her critique as well so we can know how to improve. Every speech was a step towards making our other speeches better so we'd learn different techniques and about different speeches. In interpersonal relationships though, I'm really strong, and I think that's where you may be weak. You may hate standing up to speak as well, so it could be both. But if you can conquer issues in interpersonal relationships (which is more important) than you can work on other skill sets.

Some things you can reflect on is how well do you maintain eye contact? Are you a good listener? Do you understand the concept of turn taking and do you perform it reasonably well? What type of situations/settings affects your behavior?

You really have to take little steps towards these things, and also the more experience you have, the easier it gets. For example, your first job interview will probably be your worst. But once you get an idea of the expectations of others, then you can conduct yourself more appropriately.
 
samirbrazendale said:
Asalaamualaykum

Mustafa - Are you ODD on the spectrum ?
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oppositional defiant disorder? is that what you were referring to? no, i wasn't diagnosed with it. i dont know enough about it, either. also, i was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome.
 
Mustafa16 said:
oppositional defiant disorder? is that what you were referring to? no, i wasn't diagnosed with it. i dont know enough about it, either. also, i was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome.
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Asalaamualaykum

Yes that is what I was referring to.
When was your last diagnosis ?
And do you or did you have speech delays ?
 
samirbrazendale said:
Asalaamualaykum

Yes that is what I was referring to.
When was your last diagnosis ?
And do you or did you have speech delays ?
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when I was a little kid, I had speech delays, and I think I remember my dad saying some doctors thought I had low functioning autism, and my cousin said when I was a kid i almost never talked.....but in preschool i would just repeat lines from spongebob, but i think i still made friends. EDIT: my last diagnosis i dont even remember, but my new psychologist and psychiatrist agree I have autism, ADHD, and anxiety
 
Mustafa16 said:
when I was a little kid, I had speech delays, and I think I remember my dad saying some doctors thought I had low functioning autism, and my cousin said when I was a kid i almost never talked.....but in preschool i would just repeat lines from spongebob, but i think i still made friends. EDIT: my last diagnosis i dont even remember, but my new psychologist and psychiatrist agree I have autism, ADHD, and anxiety
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Do you find that you have a higher sense of logic that others can't understand ?
 
samirbrazendale said:
Do you find that you have a higher sense of logic that others can't understand ?
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im not sure. sometimes? i often like to think that i am more logical than the people i know, with a few exceptions...and i am told, and i feel, i am never willing to accept when i have made a mistake until i fear or get consequences.
 
As-Salaamu alaikum

When I was younger I was a BRAT! I could talk and talk and talk, as I grew older and more self-aware I became more introverted. I struggle making connections with people, but you know what, the key is to try! One of the things that's helping me more comfortable is whenever I go shopping or out, I pick up small talk with a stranger. If I'm shopping I'll comment on some jewelry a sales associate may have on. Or at a restaurant, I'll purposely ask the waiter different questions about their menu; such as the most popular dish? Main ingredients, etc. At a hospital or clinic I may ask the front desk how they like working there, how long its been etc. One good thing with making small talk with random strangers is you may never see them again (until Day of Judgement)! So, even if you make a blunder or stutter you walk away with less embarrassment. Set a goal for once or twice a week, increase from there. Then move on to faces you know you will see on a regular basis. Such as the security on campus. Small talk: ask him how his day is going, comment about the weather. Recording yourself is a good idea too, I've had to do that for public speaking as well. Your fear is only going to cease once you get comfortable.

May Allah make it easy for you and me. Ameen.
 
:salam:

Whenever I wanna talk I think too much. can't be bothered to speak. For me to say"good morning" or "the weather is nice" would be awkward. I think
 
Mustafa16 said:
I am very shy, and socially awkward, and I am afraid to approach non-Gulenist Islamic institutions after I get a driver's license and can drive to the masjids myself. will it get better after high school? when i go to college? keep in mind, I am getting my driver's license this summer (after high school), and I am starting out at a smaller campus that is within the larger university (a community college that was bought by the university).
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yes, and when a person grows old he gets matured and more self-confident
 
Greetings and peace be with you Mustafa16;

I am very shy, and socially awkward,
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Some things just do not come naturally to us in life, this may well be something that you have to struggle with all your life. Don't expect easy answers. Every time you feel that you may have messed up, this just means that you have to find the perseverance to try one more time. That is all you ever have to do, 'Try One More Time.'

I am only 68, and still have insecurities, there are many things I have to keep trying 'one more time.'

Life is a struggle, always one day at a time. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery, Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live this day and every day, knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hands.

May you be blessed, and be a blessing to the people you meet.

Eric
 
To this day, I always feel a little nervous if I am going to a place which I know will be crowded or I feel I'm going to be the centre of attention. There's nothing 'wrong' with you if you're like that, it's just something you have to address in little baby steps.

It's the kind of thing which once you began actively focusing on correcting it and you gain experience over time, you'll feel your confidence growing in'sha'Allah.

I'd never be able to just give a speech or talk in front of a group of people, the thought terrifies me :D
 
Mustafa16 said:
I am very shy, and socially awkward, and I am afraid to approach non-Gulenist Islamic institutions after I get a driver's license and can drive to the masjids myself. will it get better after high school? when i go to college? keep in mind, I am getting my driver's license this summer (after high school), and I am starting out at a smaller campus that is within the larger university (a community college that was bought by the university).
Click to expand...

Sometimes you have to force yourself to take the right steps. Be conscious of your actions and take corrective action where needed. For example, hang out with people even when you don't feel like it. Talk even when you would rather not. With time, and practice, you will overcome your shyness. Reading up on the topic, especially self-improvement tips, can help you identify your weaknesses and focus on things that help you improve.
 

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