Brother and sister staying alone in their house

[Simple_Person]

As-salamu Alaikum,

I just recently heard the MOST confusing thing ever, but i may be wrong, that is why i ask this question.

First some backstory to this. I have no father as he died before i was born, so i grow up without a father and my mother never remarried. I myself do not live with my mother and my sibblings, but live in the west, while they live int he Middle East. We have our own house. My mother lives with my brother and sister they both are older than me.

My mother couple of years ago did NOT went to Umrah because she and my sister (did not spoke to my brother about it) claimed that a brother and sister cannot stay alone in one house because the imaam said this and also this is in the shari'a. Off course you guys know me and i ask some "unwanted" questions often when i see contradictions based on the limit of my understanding.

So what was the contradiction that i saw?

- My brother and sister are 33 and 35 and both unmarried (brother just last year divorced after 8 months marriage).
- Brother and sister in Islam are mahram, so they cannot marry one another.
- I said if it is forbidden, then a divorced/widow woman cannot be alone with her only son if she only has 1 child. Right? Or even a divorced/windowed man with his daughter.
- I even said, what if my mother died, then my brother and sister would be alone in one house..what then?

Of course they did not answer those questions and left it as that.

So my question to you guys, is it true what they are saying? If yes, please do give me proof. If no, please do give me proof of it. By logic, rationality and reason it is being contradictory to the questions i asked, but off course i am wrong until proven otherwise.

jazak allahu khayran for your time.

 

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Asalaam

So my question to you guys, is it true what they are saying? If yes, please do give me proof. If no, please do give me proof of it. By logic, rationality and reason it is being contradictory to the questions i asked, but off course i am wrong until proven otherwise.

No, this isn't true. In the Quran (An-Nur 24:31), it lists the mahrams of a woman, which includes her brother. There is nothing in Islam which states that a brother and sister cannot live together. If this were the case, then brothers and sisters would be separated and living in separate homes as they grow up since there will often be times where they will be alone together. A brother is there to protect his sister and bear the responsibility if his father is not around. It is completely valid for a brother and sister to go to umrah together because in order for a woman to go to umrah, she must have a mahram. Her brother falls under the category of mahram (considering he is of age).

 

[Simple_Person]

Walaikum Asalaam




No, this isn't true. In the Quran (An-Nur 24:31), it lists the mahrams of a woman, which includes her brother. There is nothing in Islam which states that a brother and sister cannot live together. If this were the case, then brothers and sisters would be separated and living in separate homes as they grow up since there will often be times where they will be alone together. A brother is there to protect his sister and bear the responsibility if his father is not around. It is completely valid for a brother and sister to go to umrah together because in order for a woman to go to umrah, she must have a mahram. Her brother falls under the category of mahram (considering he is of age).

Jazak allahu khayran, that is indeed what goes through my head and that is why i rejected it. This annoys me so much that they do not think for themselves, but blindly follow something or even just assume things without proof and in the end making things for themselves haram and thus hard what Allah has made halal and easy. Even in the past my sister said i take "too long" to do my wudu (5-6 minutes). I was confused by this as well as we know we must do our Wudu carefully, but sub'han'Allah after i came back to the west i read this hadith.

" (Ahmad) I asked, 'O Messenger of Allah, which city?' He said, 'and when I heard that I was aghast,' - Abd'Allâh ibn 'Amr said, "I went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) one day whilst he was performing Wudu' (ablution) slowly and carefully. He raised his head, looked at me and said, " (Ahmad, Muslim.)Abû Hurayrah said, "The Prophet said, (Ahmad)Hudhayfah ibn 'Ubayd said,...."

Source used: https://www.facebook.com/notes/sisters-with-taqwa/the-signs-before-the-day-of-judgement-ibn-kathir/10150167375039510/

With this i have seen other things as well, not rinsing their mouth during Ramadan, my sister not cleaning her nose ever for wudu because she says she can't (although i don't know of any condition she might have), not brushing their teeth if they forgot after the sun has risen, doing their prayer even faster than i do (while me being at 2 rak'at they starting and finishing faster than i do. I take about 6-8 minutes to do the prayer (4 rak'at) ).

I am not sure how to handle such a people, so i mostly just abstain from going in to argument with them, as because they themselves are Muslims longer than me, look at me as if i don't know or understand anything i am talking about.

I WOULD like to distance myself on many matters including these away from them, but i am being forced by Allah to follow His will because i say i am a Muslim.

"O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded." Qur'an 6:66

My brother is easier to reach because as a man we follow logic and rationality better than women as they tend to follow their emotions more. Do you have any tips to reach them as you yourself are of their gender?

 

[talibilm]

some related info here

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=249073

 

[Simple_Person]

some related info here

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=249073

Jazak allahu khayran, uncle. Very informative link.

 

[*charisma*]

My brother is easier to reach because as a man we follow logic and rationality better than women as they tend to follow their emotions more. Do you have any tips to reach them as you yourself are of their gender?

Brother, trust me, I understand my own gender as much as you in regards to emotions ;D

Anyways, honestly, just talk to them. Have discussions without showing intolerableness. Ask them for their proof. A scholar/imam/whoever who doesn't have proof of what he is saying is not really knowledgable. Keep reminding them and lead by example. I understand that it's annoying to be around family who have differing beliefs about islam, especially when they are wrong. I've been there too, but eventually they will start to change inshallah if they are interested in the truth. If it's easier for them to take advice from those in religious positions, then find a reliable source that they'd be willing to take the advice from inshallah. May Allah guide us all ameen.

 

[Simple_Person]

Brother, trust me, I understand my own gender as much as you in regards to emotions ;D

Anyways, honestly, just talk to them. Have discussions without showing intolerableness. Ask them for their proof. A scholar/imam/whoever who doesn't have proof of what he is saying is not really knowledgable. Keep reminding them and lead by example. I understand that it's annoying to be around family who have differing beliefs about islam, especially when they are wrong. I've been there too, but eventually they will start to change inshallah if they are interested in the truth. If it's easier for them to take advice from those in religious positions, then find a reliable source that they'd be willing to take the advice from inshallah. May Allah guide us all ameen.

Sister WHY is your gender SO COMPLICATED!!

I have read the first 3 volumes but still i am at loss.

 

[*charisma*]

Sister WHY is your gender SO COMPLICATED!!

I have read the first 3 volumes but still i am at loss.

All valid questions which unfortunately would require it's own forum...not enough space here to explain

 

[Umm♥Layth]

Do you have any tips to reach them as you yourself are of their gender?

As far as your sister, it can be easy lol. Find out when she is not praying (on her period) and wait 3 or so days after she starts praying again. She won't be very emotional at that stage in her cycle.

With your mother.... you better go do some work around the house and make sure she is pleased before you approach her. This way she'll be more open to hearing you out.

Also, sandwich criticism with two compliments or acknowledgements of good. One before and one after you state your concern. That's a good way to soften any blow they may feel and curb emotional reactions.