My mother forced me to shave for a job interview, and still isn't letting me apply

[Mustafa16]

I'm looking to apply for my first job. This job was a grocery clerk job at a grocery store named Publix, and my mother, whenever she wants me to look "presentable" makes me shave, so she called while at work and forced me to shave. She came home, and said I didn't shave all the way (I shaved but had a few hairs left on the side of my face), and told me to shave the rest. I lost it and argued with her, and she left the house in her car, and isn't answering my calls. Keep in mind, the publix is not within a walking distance because the sidewalk is closed and being demolished for construction, and it is still far and I am physically weak, and I can not apply online, they said online I have to go to the store in person and apply at their job application machine (and I don't have a car or driver's license yet) all the while my father is getting on my case about not working or applying for jobs enough. What should I do? EDIT: I already told her multiple times that growing a beard is sunnah, and showed her the text in sahih al bukhari that say so, but she doesn't listen, saying "those rules dont apply now". My dad said, "that was an arab tradition for desert dwellers" and he once said upon seeing my full beard, "you look like ISIS" and when I debate my mother over beards, she says, "what are you, a salafi?" or "what are you, a wahhabi?"

 

[Bobbyflay23]

I'm looking to apply for my first job. This job was a grocery clerk job at a grocery store named Publix, and my mother, whenever she wants me to look "presentable" makes me shave, so she called while at work and forced me to shave. She came home, and said I didn't shave all the way (I shaved but had a few hairs left on the side of my face), and told me to shave the rest. I lost it and argued with her, and she left the house in her car, and isn't answering my calls. Keep in mind, the publix is not within a walking distance because the sidewalk is closed and being demolished for construction, and it is still far and I am physically weak, and I can not apply online, they said online I have to go to the store in person and apply at their job application machine (and I don't have a car or driver's license yet) all the while my father is getting on my case about not working or applying for jobs enough. What should I do? EDIT: I already told her multiple times that growing a beard is sunnah, and showed her the text in sahih al bukhari that say so, but she doesn't listen, saying "those rules dont apply now". My dad said, "that was an arab tradition for desert dwellers" and he once said upon seeing my full beard, "you look like ISIS" and when I debate my mother over beards, she says, "what are you, a salafi?" or "what are you, a wahhabi?"

Yea all culture Muslims are like that even though my dad prays and stuff he makes fun of me for doing extra prayers somtimes and stuff and calls me sheikh kn a mocking way anyway just listen to them it's just a sunnah some say it's obligatory though so if you get the chance keep the beard cuz it's highly recommended but thing is obeying your parents is obligatory and heaven is underneath your moms feet so both your parents unless they command you haram do what they tell you to do although I shouldn't be one to speak cuz I don't always listen to my dad either

 

[fromelsewhere]

Your mother only forces you to shave if she ties you up and shaves off your beard herself.

 

[sister herb]

Your mother only forces you to shave if she ties you up and shaves off your beard herself.

Don´t forget the psychological pressure. We don´t stand in his shoes and can´t know what was the whole situation.

 

[-arisa-]

Umm, I think it is good to try to follow sunnah. However, I do not think it would be nice if it ruins your relationship with your parents :exhausted
I mean, does not Islam teach us to always be good and obey our parents?
I am not really sure though, maybe try to ask someone who is really knowledgeable?

 

[Amor101]

Day care and home-care as a CNA (certified nursing assistant). You get a job right away.

https://www.indeed.com/jobs?q=CNA&l=Pinellas+Park,+FL

Do what your parents are forcing you until you get a job and a driver's license

 

[azc]

I'm looking to apply for my first job. This job was a grocery clerk job at a grocery store named Publix, and my mother, whenever she wants me to look "presentable" makes me shave, so she called while at work and forced me to shave. She came home, and said I didn't shave all the way (I shaved but had a few hairs left on the side of my face), and told me to shave the rest. I lost it and argued with her, and she left the house in her car, and isn't answering my calls. Keep in mind, the publix is not within a walking distance because the sidewalk is closed and being demolished for construction, and it is still far and I am physically weak, and I can not apply online, they said online I have to go to the store in person and apply at their job application machine (and I don't have a car or driver's license yet) all the while my father is getting on my case about not working or applying for jobs enough. What should I do? EDIT: I already told her multiple times that growing a beard is sunnah, and showed her the text in sahih al bukhari that say so, but she doesn't listen, saying "those rules dont apply now". My dad said, "that was an arab tradition for desert dwellers" and he once said upon seeing my full beard, "you look like ISIS" and when I debate my mother over beards, she says, "what are you, a salafi?" or "what are you, a wahhabi?"

it's a mujahida to keep beard in this age.

 

[xboxisdead]

it's a mujahida to keep beard in this age.

And I lost the battle. I always said to myself the only time I can start growing my beard is when my mom leaves this world. My mom hates beards and keeps reminding me to shave it off. She always look at me when I start growing stots and have beards growing and she cannot let go of looking at my face. I tell her, it is the beard isn't it? She says yes, go shave it off.

This is a woman thing. I think majority of women hate beards, they find them barbaric and dirty and filthy and ugly. I think majority of women prefer smooth, shaven, feminine faced men. They find them more attractive. That is my thinking in this. Also I believe women hate hairs on the back and the back neck. I could be wrong. Any sisters in insight on this?

Funny, how women hate beards and I as a man find them to be beautiful, masculine, brings wisdom into the man. You would think it would be the other way around. You would think women love beards and men find them ugly and like smooth face...but nope....

 

[Misbah-Abd]

Grow the beards and disregard what any woman says about it. It's part of the Deen.

 

[azc]

Yes, true... Now decide what you want...

 

[cinnamonrolls1]

Certain madhabs( i think shafi maybe) say a beard isnt fard but highly reccomended. Either way, just do your own thing at the end of the day. Respectfully tell her your opinion and listen to hers

 

[azc]

Certain madhabs( i think shafi maybe) say a beard isnt fard but highly reccomended. Either way, just do your own thing at the end of the day. Respectfully tell her your opinion and listen to hers

http://islamqa.org/shafii/qibla-shafii/33408

[TABLE="class: grid, width: 100%, align: center"]
[TR][TD]The Beard in the Shafi`i School - IslamQA
Answered by Shaykh Hamza Karamali, SunniPath Academy Teacher Could do you tell me the relied-upon position of the Shafi school regarding the beard?1) Is it haram to shave the beard? Some people say that shaving the the beard is haram in all schools. I have heard it is only makruh, and this is the opinion of Imam...[/TD][/TR][/TABLE]

 

[Umm♥Layth]

I think your opinion is biased due to your personal circumstances. Beards are actually trending right now and are very mainstream.

Personally, I like a well kept beard. I prefer it on the shorter side, but a clear well defined beard for sure Everyone has their preferences, but ultimately your mom can't tell you to shave it, especially if you are trying to follow a sunnah.

 

[xboxisdead]

I think your opinion is biased due to your personal circumstances. Beards are actually trending right now and are very mainstream.

Personally, I like a well kept beard. I prefer it on the shorter side, but a clear well defined beard for sure Everyone has their preferences, but ultimately your mom can't tell you to shave it, especially if you are trying to follow a sunnah.

Well my understanding is that beard is Sunnah and obeying your mother is obligatory. So obligatory takes precedence over sunnah. Same if I am praying extra prayers and my mom calls me..I stop my my extra prayers and go to her. But if I am praying the obligatory prayers and she calls me then I ignore her and continue my obligatory prayers. But if a father (which I do not have by the way) calls me and I am praying extra prayers I ignore him and continue praying my extra prayers, I only stop for my mom. So having beard upsets her, she does not like it and thinks it is unclean. She especially hate those long beards when she sees these Muslim men walking in the street and she find it dirty, ugly and barbaric. What I am learning from my mom that women also do not like masculine trade of men...manly voices, muscles, beards is annoying...headache...rough and rigid. Softer men are nicer in the eyes, soft voiced men are nice in the ears and clean shaven face is beautiful and attractive. Those what I learned. My brother tried to grow beard and that did not go well..especially when the hair is black and thick. Growing beard is such a jihad much like going out and fighting in the cause of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and honestly it is easier going to fight for Allah than to grow beard nowadays. It is really, really, really difficult growing beard and I envy those men who do. I find them strong, masculine and free like the bird and I wish I could be like that. But I made a deal with my mom...I do not go 100% clean shaven...I have a goteque. So at least I have some facial hair It was a negotiation but here you go! I have a goteque!!

But it is not biggy...ones I am alone for whatever circumstances that caused me to be alone...I will grow beard then. Unless my brother tells me what to do and he nags me...but I do not have Jannah underneath the feet of your brother or you must obey your brother...so I can fight him there if he tries to tell me what to do! Then I can grow my beard and keep it well maintained then!

 

[glitterprincess]

I know it's hard to try and follow your religion and people especially parents hating that i all i have to say is try to be the best to her even if she wasn't the best to you and try to keep it as long as possible eventually your gonna move out or she is going to get tired maybe try to convince her if not on the religious side maybe the benefits of having a beard health wise and if that doesn't work to try to tell her that beards are very fashionable these days and alot of women are into beards if that doesn't work tey to remind her that this is your choice even if she disagree and she shouldn't tell you what to do as long as it's nit harming her and it's not she shouldn't care here is a page i found about the benefits of having a beard i hope this helps you convince her and if it doesn't your going to either move out or she is going to get tired and mothers are loving if she finds out that annoys you she might stop

Here is the link : http://www.wonderfulinfo.com/benefits-of-beard-in-islam/

 

[xboxisdead]

I know it's hard to try and follow your religion and people especially parents hating that i all i have to say is try to be the best to her even if she wasn't the best to you and try to keep it as long as possible eventually your gonna move out or she is going to get tired maybe try to convince her if not on the religious side maybe the benefits of having a beard health wise and if that doesn't work to try to tell her that beards are very fashionable these days and alot of women are into beards if that doesn't work tey to remind her that this is your choice even if she disagree and she shouldn't tell you what to do as long as it's nit harming her and it's not she shouldn't care here is a page i found about the benefits of having a beard i hope this helps you convince her and if it doesn't your going to either move out or she is going to get tired and mothers are loving if she finds out that annoys you she might stop

Here is the link : http://www.wonderfulinfo.com/benefits-of-beard-in-islam/

I just need to wait until the time where I can grow my beard. I just need to be patient. At least I have some facial hair in my face. I think society want men to look like women though, in the West at least. Yesterday I saw a dyke leaving the bus and riding her bicycle and she acted masculine in all regards with short boy hair cut. She was a man that can give birth. As the bus moved on I looked back and said...."Is that a woman or a boy with female hips." Then I shrugged myself and could no longer tell the male from the female anymore.

 

[talibilm]

Well my understanding is that beard is Sunnah and obeying your mother is obligatory. So obligatory takes precedence over sunnah. Same if I am praying extra prayers and my mom calls me..I stop my my extra prayers and go to her. But if I am praying the obligatory prayers and she calls me then I ignore her and continue my obligatory prayers. But if a father (which I do not have by the way) calls me and I am praying extra prayers I ignore him and continue praying my extra prayers, I only stop for my mom. So having beard upsets her, she does not like it and thinks it is unclean. She especially hate those long beards when she sees these Muslim men walking in the street and she find it dirty, ugly and barbaric. What I am learning from my mom that women also do not like masculine trade of men...manly voices, muscles, beards is annoying...headache...rough and rigid. Softer men are nicer in the eyes, soft voiced men are nice in the ears and clean shaven face is beautiful and attractive. Those what I learned. My brother tried to grow beard and that did not go well..especially when the hair is black and thick. Growing beard is such a jihad much like going out and fighting in the cause of Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and honestly it is easier going to fight for Allah than to grow beard nowadays. It is really, really, really difficult growing beard and I envy those men who do. I find them strong, masculine and free like the bird and I wish I could be like that. But I made a deal with my mom...I do not go 100% clean shaven...I have a goteque. So at least I have some facial hair It was a negotiation but here you go! I have a goteque!!

But it is not biggy...ones I am alone for whatever circumstances that caused me to be alone...I will grow beard then. Unless my brother tells me what to do and he nags me...but I do not have Jannah underneath the feet of your brother or you must obey your brother...so I can fight him there if he tries to tell me what to do! Then I can grow my beard and keep it well maintained then!

This is the gist of any ibadah imho ie priority. and that comes from knowledge and hidayah of Allah, which we see from various hadiths incidents during the life time of Prophet :saws: too lika a person going to jihad but was stopped since he had old parents to take care .

Even Allah says in Quran 31: 14-15 '' And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.''

so except shirk and other related or haram acts you should not listen to them or if they tell you not to perform your fard acts then you need not listen to them . Though shaving of beard is like haram in hanafi fiqh but still it will not make one leave or take to the door of leaving out of Islam like shirk or kufr does or leaving of salah does. So if this would cause your mom too upset to such a level she should leave you try to reconcile a bit saying, I will take it out for interview for a while and it will be back when things are set

Another example of such matters is if you want to go to masjid at subuh or at a time when riots or something dangerous going on outside and when your Mom says to pray your salah at home you should do it rather than putting your Mom into a GREAT STRESS and going out for salah and its allowed to pray at home due to disease or fear. But If she says do not pray salah at all then better you lock yourself in a room and perform Salah iow you must perform your Salah any how since leaving Salah is act of Kufr.

 

[xboxisdead]

This is the gist of any ibadah imho ie priority. and that comes from knowledge and hidayah of Allah, which we see from various hadiths incidents during the life time of Prophet :saws: too lika a person going to jihad but was stopped since he had old parents to take care .

Even Allah says in Quran 31: 14-15 '' And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.''

so except shirk and other related or haram acts you should not listen to themor if they tell you not to perform your fard acts then you need not listen to them


For example if you want to go to masjid at subuh or at a time when riots or something dangerous going on outside and when your Mom says to pray your salah at home you should do it rather than putting your Mom into a GREAT STRESS and going out for salah. But If she says do not pray salah at all then better you lock yourself in a room and perform Salah iow you must perform your Salah any how since leaving Salah is act of Kufr.

Exactly 100%! I will grow my beard, eventually hehe ;D I just need to be patient for that time

 

[JustTime]

Certain madhabs( i think shafi maybe) say a beard isnt fard but highly reccomended. Either way, just do your own thing at the end of the day. Respectfully tell her your opinion and listen to hers

The Shafi'i Madhab has the same ruiling as the Hanafi and Hanbali full fist length.

And though this user is no longer, active reading stuff like this is heart breaking

 

[glitterprincess]

I just need to wait until the time where I can grow my beard. I just need to be patient. At least I have some facial hair in my face. I think society want men to look like women though, in the West at least. Yesterday I saw a dyke leaving the bus and riding her bicycle and she acted masculine in all regards with short boy hair cut. She was a man that can give birth. As the bus moved on I looked back and said...."Is that a woman or a boy with female hips." Then I shrugged myself and could no longer tell the male from the female anymore.

Well she has the rights to do so yes it is not recommended and probably isn't the best choice of clothing but she has the rights to do so just like you have the rights to keep your beard or shave it as long as it's not harming anyone ( sorry if i sound a little defensive and all i am saying is my opinion in this post and the one above i am in no way a schooler and i don't even know much i am just trying to give you my opinion so don't quote me on anything i am just trying to help) just wanted to clarify that but yes these days you may find very feminine males and very manly females but you shouldn't judge them and give them a chance and help them after all the way you talk or walk or dress isn't everything maybe you will be the reason they change to a better person