Brothers and Sisters I really need help regarding my relationship

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ZakariaCilmi

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I am a Somali muslim guy, Aged 25 years old. I am married with a beautiful wife which I converted to Islam and we have a son together.
Glad to have joined a community where my brothers and sisters and gathered to help each other out.


Brothers and Sisters, I really need help regarding my wife.
We have been in good terms since 29/09/2014, we never argued with each other and we were in good terms with each other. But for some reason things have changed between us after January this year. She began to disobey my orders, talk back at me when I tell her something, even sometimes abuse me by words and sometimes use violence (Push me away or slap me) If we are arguiing. Things have become so messed up that she tells me that she does not love me anymore and I should divorce her. I refuse everytime she tells me that, and she stopped having intercourse with me for almost 5 months now. Brothers and sisters I do not know what to do, if this is the work of Evil eye or Shaitan, I am panicked where I even find myself daydreaming sometimes. I love her and I love my son. Please help me out, I do not know what to do. I searched on google if there is any Quran/Dua to recite inorder to make things for the better good again. But the situation has become worse, that she even tells me to sleep at the couch everynight. She does not allow me to make physical contact with her as well. What should I do?
 
ZakariaCilmi said:
I am a Somali muslim guy, Aged 25 years old. I am married with a beautiful wife which I converted to Islam and we have a son together.
Glad to have joined a community where my brothers and sisters and gathered to help each other out.


Brothers and Sisters, I really need help regarding my wife.
We have been in good terms since 29/09/2014, we never argued with each other and we were in good terms with each other. But for some reason things have changed between us after January this year. She began to disobey my orders, talk back at me when I tell her something, even sometimes abuse me by words and sometimes use violence (Push me away or slap me) If we are arguiing. Things have become so messed up that she tells me that she does not love me anymore and I should divorce her. I refuse everytime she tells me that, and she stopped having intercourse with me for almost 5 months now. Brothers and sisters I do not know what to do, if this is the work of Evil eye or Shaitan, I am panicked where I even find myself daydreaming sometimes. I love her and I love my son. Please help me out, I do not know what to do. I searched on google if there is any Quran/Dua to recite inorder to make things for the better good again. But the situation has become worse, that she even tells me to sleep at the couch everynight. She does not allow me to make physical contact with her as well. What should I do?
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Sad to know all this.

Have you tried to know the reason of her changed behaviour?

Does she love someone?
 
Salaam Alaykum brother

Sorry to know about your problem. Try to talk to her calmly . If u 2 can not solve the problem, take advice from parents. One member from each family may try to settle down the matter.
Also ask Allah to bless and protect your marriage.
 
I suggest you reading a book that is helping me now to have better relationships. I bet this book can help you with your wife, as well as with your son, and all you come in contact with. It's called How To Win Friends and Influence People which you can download here: http://www.yourcoach.be/blog/wp-con...e-How-to-win-friends-and-influence-people.pdf. If you're not into books, then here is my suggestion:

Talk to her. She's your wife. Ask her why she's behaving that way. You want to know the reason. But don't make it so to be an argument. In the book, you must avoid arguments at all costs because that only leads to resentment on both ends. We will eventually be tempted to argue on sometime again, like me, but I really observed that it would be better to avoid it no matter what, and use our words in a calm and nurturing way, instead of not being prudent and just lashing out hurtful words to each other.

Just now, members here are fighting. I'm thinking of a way to do something. It's been a long time. I will apply the book as always.

Just talk the situation out with her. Court her again. Love her like when you were first meeting her everyday. You shouldn't just blame her then too for everything, or she doing that to you. You love each other. You're a team.

Wait...
 
It seems like a deeper problem within which is surfacing as her behaviour and reaction towards you like this.

Have you talked to her about why she has changed so dramatically? What was her response?

It could be related to sihr problems so do visit a raqi perhaps, but be sure he is genuine.
 
first of all you cant order your wife about. she obeys Allah not you.second of all there must be a reason as to why she's acting like this. speak to her, if its still an issue maybe consider couples therapy etc
 
for some reason she dont like you anymore br and wants a divorce; ask her why she dont like you and why she wants a divorce?; only after you know the answer can you try and rectify it
 
cinnamonrolls1 said:
first of all you cant order your wife about. she obeys Allah not you.second of all there must be a reason as to why she's acting like this. speak to her, if its still an issue maybe consider couples therapy etc
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Sure she should obey her Creator, but a wife must obey her husband too.
 
cinnamonrolls1 said:
first of all you cant order your wife about. she obeys Allah not you.second of all there must be a reason as to why she's acting like this. speak to her, if its still an issue maybe consider couples therapy etc
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Actually - he can order her about - he's the husband.
 
Indefinable said:

Actually - he can order her about - he's the husband.
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It´s possible this kind of matters cause problems in the relationship - if she comes from different culture background where husbands don´t give orders to their wife. Cultural differencies can be many times complicated. At the first years people may not notice them at all but later even a minor things can grow as high as mountains if people don´t speak about them in the time. In this kind of situation it helps nothing if he only says "I can order you as I am your husband".
 
sister herb said:
It´s possible this kind of matters cause problems in the relationship - if she comes from different culture background where husbands don´t give orders to their wife. Cultural differencies can be many times complicated. At the first years people may not notice them at all but later even a minor things can grow as high as mountains if people don´t speak about them in the time. In this kind of situation it helps nothing if he only says "I can order you as I am your husband".
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cinnamonrolls1 said:
Yeah no. You seriously think just cos he's her husband he can order her about? Yeah she respects his wishes and he respects hers but no ordering about
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There needs to be a degree of mutual respect between both spouses. Both also need to fulfil each other's rights.

As for the status of the wife, then that is apparent - she obeys her husband.

A wise husband would ask his wife nicely, and treat her with kindness. I don't like the word 'order' either, but essentially, he can if he wants.

 
Indefinable said:
There needs to be a degree of mutual respect between both spouses. Both also need to fulfil each other's rights.

As for the status of the wife, then that is apparent - she obeys her husband.

A wise husband would ask his wife nicely, and treat her with kindness. I don't like the word 'order' either, but essentially, he can if he wants.
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yes see im fine with that, for both parties,but when it comes to ordering im against
 
That´s true that he can if he wants - but it may cause such kind of problems like OP wrote about his own situation. There are many different kind of habits in other cultures when it goes to the marital life. Person can change his/hers religion but it´s much more complicated to change his/hers whole cultural habits.
 
i think cultural differences should be taken into consideration; ordering about a western brought up woman can cause potential harm in the relationship as she could well feel like being treated disrespectfully and like a slave

anything that stands to harm the relationship may not even be allowed!, but that dont mean such women dont have to obey their husbands, the 'orders' just need to be converted to 'loving requests'! :)
 
ZakariaCilmi said:
I am a Somali muslim guy, Aged 25 years old. I am married with a beautiful wife which I converted to Islam and we have a son together.
Glad to have joined a community where my brothers and sisters and gathered to help each other out.


Brothers and Sisters, I really need help regarding my wife.
We have been in good terms since 29/09/2014, we never argued with each other and we were in good terms with each other. But for some reason things have changed between us after January this year. She began to disobey my orders, talk back at me when I tell her something, even sometimes abuse me by words and sometimes use violence (Push me away or slap me) If we are arguiing. Things have become so messed up that she tells me that she does not love me anymore and I should divorce her. I refuse everytime she tells me that, and she stopped having intercourse with me for almost 5 months now. Brothers and sisters I do not know what to do, if this is the work of Evil eye or Shaitan, I am panicked where I even find myself daydreaming sometimes. I love her and I love my son. Please help me out, I do not know what to do. I searched on google if there is any Quran/Dua to recite inorder to make things for the better good again. But the situation has become worse, that she even tells me to sleep at the couch everynight. She does not allow me to make physical contact with her as well. What should I do?
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Tbh I feel as if it could be black magic I mean if you didn't do anything and all this stuff and she randomly hated you it just doesn't make sense espically if you live in Somalia because I feel as if in big country's like America there isn't much black magic but in places like a 3rd world country where they are still devolving they do magic and stuff why we'll think about it in history magic was heavily concentrated on until people made electronics so places that are still poor tend to be more spiritual and act just like people did in the olden days and stuff I'm not saying somalias super poor I'm just saying it's a country that is still devolving and in areas like that there's allot more sihr so Idk you should find a raqi or learn ruqya or go to a masjid with your wife or bring a imam from the masjid to do ruqya on her
 
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cinnamonrolls1 said:
Yeah no. You seriously think just cos he's her husband he can order her about? Yeah she respects his wishes and he respects hers but no ordering about
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His wife is not a slave and he should not be using his rights and her responsibilities against her but it doesn't sound like he was doing it they where always chill and loved eachover he didn't treat her like a slave he just asked her to do things every ounce in a while I'm not there to know but that's what it sounds like there's a difference bettween abusing rights and being within them
 
AbdullahAziz said:
i think cultural differences should be taken into consideration; ordering about a western brought up woman can cause potential harm in the relationship as she could well feel like being treated disrespectfully and like a slave

anything that stands to harm the relationship may not even be allowed!, but that dont mean such women dont have to obey their husbands, the 'orders' just need to be converted to 'loving requests'! :)
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Yes! I agree! Also, they should just always be called "loving requests" for all women. There would be alot less marital discord! :)
 

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