Please pray for me

[anonymous]

Please make this post anonymous.

Assalamu alaykum,

I feel really upset lately and do not know what to do. I finished my degree a year ago and this year I wanted to take a break and get married because I felt it's the best time for me as I want to further my education and I would not have time afterwards.

I advised my parents to look for someone while I was studying but they couldn't find anyone suitable as they do not have the time nor are they very social. Meanwhile, I knew this brother for a long who expressed marriage. I didn't say anything to him until I was sure that my parents would not be able to find anyone else. I waited for a year for my parents to find someone while advising the brother to bring his proposal forward too. However, with my parents being a little traditional about marriages, I was too scared to tell my parents about this brother initially myself. Eventually, I advised the brother to go see my father. My family did not know that we knew each other from before. They eventually found out and were accepting.

However, recently a new proposal has come by chance to my parents. The brother is supposedly very well educated and comes from a very religious background. The initial brother is still studying, in his final year and we have somewhat of an understanding between us.

I personally do not know what to make of this situation. I feel that the new proposal that's comes forward by chance has maybe been put forward by Allah as some sort of a test. I therefore do not feel that I should reject it without a reason. I also feel wrong rejecting the initial brother just because a better options come forward. I've asked my parents to meet both the families and the brothers and help me make a decision but they do not know themselves either.

I feel very indecisive and very frustrated as I want to get married as soon as. I rather someone else reject me then me rejecting them and breaking their heart. It'll just make things so much easier and quicker.

I already feel like I'm past my age for marriage and the more I delay it, the more shaytan will get the better of me.

I've tried making istikhara but I was advices that it's for when you have one option, not two. I've also tried making dua that Allah grant that which is best for me in this world and the hereafter.

Please can you advice me. I feel like my life has just come to a halt.

 

[ardianto]

Wa'alaikumsalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

Many ulama say that maintaining agreement is mandatory, and as Muslims, if we have made an agreement with someone, then we are not allowed to cancel this agreement, unless this person do something that violate the agreement with us.

Sis, have you ever made promise with the first brother to marry him?. If yes, then you should not break this agreement, unless the first brother do something that considered as violating the agreement with you, like delaying nikah without valid reason.

 

[anonymous]

Wa'alaikumsalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

Many ulama say that maintaining agreement is mandatory, and as Muslims, if we have made an agreement with someone, then we are not allowed to cancel this agreement, unless this person do something that violate the agreement with us.

Sis, have you ever made promise with the first brother to marry him?. If yes, then you should not break this agreement, unless the first brother do something that considered as violating the agreement with you, like delaying nikah without valid reason.

Jazakallah for the reply. No, I didn't promise anything as in promise him that I'll definitely marry him. I've always said that I cannot promise anything.I just told him that I was available for marriage and that he should pursue this further with my parents so I advised for him to go see my father.

 

[ardianto]

Jazakallah for the reply. No, I didn't promise anything as in promise him that I'll definitely marry him. I've always said that I cannot promise anything.I just told him that I was available for marriage and that he should pursue this further with my parents so I advised for him to go see my father.

There is a warning for the guys in my place "If you meet a girl who you like, don't wait too long to propose marriage. Or, she will be taken by someone else". You can warn the first brother like this. If he still look hesitate to propose marriage, it's okay if you accept the second brother.

 

[ahmedahmed]

may allah forgive your sins,shower you with his blessings,mercy and enter you jannah with out questioning.

sister,istikhara b/w two options allah swt will choose for you the best option.

keep reciting your morning and afternoon zikr and allah swt will make it easy for you inshalah.

 

[anonymous]

There is a warning for the guys in my place "If you meet a girl who you like, don't wait too long to propose marriage. Or, she will be taken by someone else". You can warn the first brother like this. If he still look hesitate to propose marriage, it's okay if you accept the second brother.

He says that he didn't propose marriage earlier because he wasn't financially ready and he's made a mistake in that sense- not letting me know earlier. He went through some difficult events in his life where he lost his father and grandad so he held off his education. He's still in his final year whereas Ive finished and waiting to move onto the next step of my life.

 

[anonymous]

may allah forgive your sins,shower you with his blessings,mercy and enter you jannah with out questioning.

sister,istikhara b/w two options allah swt will choose for you the best option.

keep reciting your morning and afternoon zikr and allah swt will make it easy for you inshalah.

I was initially doing istikhara on a regular basis and I had advised my parents likewise but my teacher, also an alima at the masjid told me that istikahara would not direct me towards one or the other. It's more for when you're already on one path and you want Allah counsel in that.

Inshallah, I'll keep in mind to do all the idkar regularly.

 

[STN]

Wa'alaikumsalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

Many ulama say that maintaining agreement is mandatory, and as Muslims, if we have made an agreement with someone, then we are not allowed to cancel this agreement, unless this person do something that violate the agreement with us.

Sis, have you ever made promise with the first brother to marry him?. If yes, then you should not break this agreement, unless the first brother do something that considered as violating the agreement with you, like delaying nikah without valid reason.

To expand on this a little, you can break your promise if something better comes along. It's about an oath/vow and i believe it should apply to promises too especially in regards to serious matters such as marriage. You don't have to restrict yourself to something.

Sister, do istikhara. You can just think of one person if he is the right choice, you will know if he isn't or is.

And pray to Allah yourself! I was thinking of making a thread like this myself but then i thought Allah (SWT) has said His servant to invoke Him and He will give so why should i ask someone else to pray when i can do it myself and Allah (SWT) will answer.

Pray tahajud, recite Holy Quran and send blessings upon Prophet Mohammad(SAWW) and pray to Allah humbly, sincerely and beg Him for whatever you want and InshaAllah He will accept your dua.

By the will of Allah, your heart will incline towards the best person for you if you make dua to Allah. Then we also have Istikhira so why are you worried. Keep making dua and believe that your dua is answered everytime because from hadith its known that someone who makes dua and becomes hasty and says his dua isn't accepted, Allah won't accept it. So keep your faith.

As for who is the best choice, that is something you will know. How is the person like himself not his family? Is he religious. How much does he like you? Is their family too strict? Whom do you like more ? It has to be your choice because afterall you will spend your life with him.

 

[anonymous]

To expand on this a little, you can break your promise if something better comes along. It's about an oath/vow and i believe it should apply to promises too especially in regards to serious matters such as marriage. You don't have to restrict yourself to something.

Sister, do istikhara. You can just think of one person if he is the right choice, you will know if he isn't or is.

And pray to Allah yourself! I was thinking of making a thread like this myself but then i thought Allah (SWT) has said His servant to invoke Him and He will give so why should i ask someone else to pray when i can do it myself and Allah (SWT) will answer.

Pray tahajud, recite Holy Quran and send blessings upon Prophet Mohammad(SAWW) and pray to Allah humbly, sincerely and beg Him for whatever you want and InshaAllah He will accept your dua.

By the will of Allah, your heart will incline towards the best person for you if you make dua to Allah. Then we also have Istikhira so why are you worried. Keep making dua and believe that your dua is answered everytime because from hadith its known that someone who makes dua and becomes hasty and says his dua isn't accepted, Allah won't accept it. So keep your faith.

As for who is the best choice, that is something you will know. How is the person like himself not his family? Is he religious. How much does he like you? Is their family too strict? Whom do you like more ? It has to be your choice because afterall you will spend your life with him.

Jazakallah khayr for the reply, I really appreciate your help and advice.

Because I've known the initial brother for a long time, I naturally feel inclined towards him as I've spoken to him and know what he's like and he knows what I am like. This brother really likes me and is willing to give anything to marry me. I am yet to meet his family but my mother has met his mother and think she's wonderful.

I've met the other brothers family but not spoken to the brother himself. I've met his family for a brief period and think they're okay. My parents say that the brother comes from a very good family background religious vice is a hafiz and a doctor- very well rounded.

 

[STN]

Well, this is really tough. Doctors means security and being a hafiz too then there's matters of heart =). Sleep on it a few nights then decide. We guys work really simple when it comes to these matters but it's not the same with girls so i can't really say what would be better in your situation.

Maybe some sister has a better answer so I'll let them answer.

 

[anonymous]

Well, this is really tough. Doctors means security and being a hafiz too then there's matters of heart =). Sleep on it a few nights then decide. We guys work really simple when it comes to these matters but it's not the same with girls so i can't really say what would be better in your situation.

Maybe some sister has a better answer so I'll let them answer.

It's a lot simple for guys in that sense. This brother ticks all the boxes in terms of religion and worldly affairs. On the outside, he looks like an attractive option but I'm in a very difficult position to accept especially since I directed the other brother to my father and he's gone through so much to get my parents to consider him. He has a good heart and a good character which I've gotten to know over the years.

 

[anonymous]

Alhamdulilah Allah SWT is making things easier for me. I've been making zikr and I made istikhara yesterday too.

 

[Zzz_]

Islamically, one is not allowed to propose to a sister if another brother is engaged in that matter unless the latter has asked permission from the former or the former has ended his matter.

First first brother had some difficulties in life he had to deal with, so it's not like he slacked off or anything. He also has an understanding with you so you know what kind of a person he is. What will be required of you is to have patience and support him best as you can as his wife.

Second brother may not have had as much difficulties in life and therefore is well set in life. This doesn't make him better than the first, it just means he had less hurdles to deal with. Aside from his success, you do not know anything about him. You will need time to get to know him to a level you can ascertain that he is suitable for marriage, a time investment you already have done with the other. It could be at the end he may be religious and successful but jut not compatible with you.

If you want to look at it islamically, the first brother has more right to be addressed seriously and given an honest answer before looking into the 2nd brother. Otherwise, continue to do istharah but also do your part of looking into the second brother till you can safely assess both them and can determine which one is a better option for you.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum my dear,


Mmm... have you tried looking into your heart and asking yourself what is the right thing to do? Not what will bring you the most benefit at the moment, but what is right.

As I understand it, a particular young man has wished to marry you for some years. He has respected your wishes. He has respected your parent's wishes. He has valued you enough to want to offer you a good home, though this would deprive him of the immediate benefit of your company. And you have "somewhat of an understanding" between you. If I understand this correctly, the young man inclines to the belief that you were interested in marrying him. And indeed, your actions seem to have encouraged this belief. Furthermore, your families have started to get to know one another.

Against this background of respect and constancy, suddenly comes the "perfect package". A wealthy, settled, of good position man, who has memorized the Qur'an to boot. And on top of that, he is offering to marry you as quickly as you presently desire! How very tempting...

(gently) You spoke of a test...


May Allah, the One Who Guides, Gift you with insight and strength.

 

[anonymous]

Assalamu alaykum,

The second brother wants to meet me and see if he'd like me. Personally, I do not think that I would fit into his family easily as the mother isn't very well educated and sounds very complicated. When she came to see me, she did not even speak to me which I found very odd.

I've just heard an overall negative feedback from my parents regarding his family. That they do not understand the parents.

I'm just judging the second brother based on the information I am getting from my parents. Ultimately, I do want my parents help in this.