Look at the positives is what I would say in your case.
The negatives is what Syaitaan does by his whispers. Moving away is when you start to fall victim to his persistence. Be aware that Syaitaan works in many ways and exhaustively. He works harder and trickier to divert people who believe in the truth. He distorts, twists, suggests, tempts, etc.
So really, be very aware that these are not your feelings, but planted feelings to lead you astray. Allah only knows, as people who know me through the ages, how I have struggled to keep my prayers regular. It has been a start stop affair for most parts of my life. How I knew it until adolescence set out, I could read the Quran and all the prayer parts and went though well over a decade of very rarely practicing indeed to the point in my thirties I didn't recognise the letters in the Quran anymore. Learning the prayer was filling up many empty spaces to parts I could still remember plus the handful of surahs.. I had to relearn again how to read the Quran.
Still I was struggling to maintain or even do my fardh. I don't know what it was. My mother in law, noticing this mini battle with self actually told me on day that she does dua for me to make my prayer (habit) stick. It was a combination of things for me that somehow made it all click together... Allahualem.
But first was the realisation that the 5 pillars is rather easy if you take a look at it individually. that is everything is only for a period. The shahada, a lifetime commitment. Once said and believed, is enough. In no order, the Hajj, once in a lifetime if able. Zakat, at least once a year and fasting, at least during the month of ramadan. The only daily 'ritual' we have are the 5 daily prayers. That is on the 'must do' list. That is the toughest. But do-able. Definitely so. It is just a matter of whether you really want to or not.
My honest answer to self was sometimes I really didn't want to do so. In fact it was quite often. And if I waited to some kind of Divine Inspiration to make me feel like doing it, then I will hardly ever do it. Allah does not need my prayer. I need to pray to Him!
Then one day I was stopped and told, to my face "If someone calls you in the morning and asks what are you doing, tell him you are waiting for Zuhr, and if they call you after lunch and asks you what you are doing tell him you are waiting for 'Asr. and it went on until the final, I am waiting for 'Isya. " So I listened to the whole thing and said "thank you. Bye bye" thinking to myself what was that about and why would I want to be telling people that, anyway? ....
But the thought eventually filtered out and reverberated itself with the other floating thoughts of the same nature and I found myself anticipating the next prayer rather than to be surprised by its arrival or passing... helps a lot and still does. Suddenly the feeling of laziness could be combatted. When the laziness is overwhelming, got to get up and do it anyway. So, the real test is at least managed.
The first question, whether it was the story that helped, or the prayer of my late mother in law, I think it was a bit of everything to push me over the edge to get that momentum going.
I do it. I try to complete the day with it all the fardh prayers performed, sometimes I make up for one or few I had missed and I often I remind myself a simple thing. I will meet Allah. I will be questioned on my prayers. How can I ever justify missing any? But in all honesty, I cannot answer on my own sincerity. I do find my prayers are quite often distracted. I try to concentrate and these distractions are (I believe), Syaitaan. I try push them aside and complete my prayers. At the very least, I cannot be put together with the categories of those that did not perform this obligatory act.
On your fardh I'd say, just do it. Remember that it is a lifetime commitment. As long as you shall live and physically and mentally able kind of thing. So, you will be going through all the ups and downs. At the end of the day after the lapse of time, were those days filled with 'ticked' boxes for the fardh or not.
The real plus point is that you have felt those uplifting moments. You just don't feel it now. Read the stories of the prophets again... that may help to get in the mood...
eace:
