Bad behaviour

[xa_xa_ft]

Hi all,

So i wanted to ask how yo behave with someone who is always beeing rude to you and be littling you infront of others....

Sometimes i want to be really rude back but then i think thats not the way to go about it.

Plz help/advice

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hi all,

So i wanted to ask how yo behave with someone who is always beeing rude to you and be littling you infront of others....

Sometimes i want to be really rude back but then i think thats not the way to go about it.

Plz help/advice

Can you provide some context please sister. How is this person related to you and can you give us some examples of "bad behaviour" towards you? Jzk

 

[xa_xa_ft]

My sister in law... she keeps making really b*tchy remarks and making things up about me to my brother and i dont want to say anything as i dont want it to affect my brothers relationship but i cnt take it anymore

 

[rozyred]

Salam. Don't forget that Allah will test you in different ways. Whenever you hear anything that makes you sad or angry, ignore the whole conversation and go and make wudu. when they see that you are ignoring they will stop repeating their acts.

O my son! Maintain the prayer and bid what is right and forbid what is wrong, and be patient through whatever may befall you. That is indeed the steadiest of courses. [Quran:31:17]

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

My sister in law... she keeps making really b*tchy remarks and making things up about me to my brother and i dont want to say anything as i dont want it to affect my brothers relationship but i cnt take it anymore

Jazakallahu Khayran for the clarification. Firstly when there is a breakdown in a relationship then we must first and foremost look at our own behaviour and actions. This is because our ego may be preventing us from accepting that our actions and behaviour may be causing the breakdown. Are we doing something that may be causing or triggering such a breakdown? How is our speech and behaviour towards the person? Are we stepping into their personal space? Are we patronising them and putting them down without realising. Is there something we can do to prevent such a bad situation from occurring again? Is there a breakdown in communication somewhere? There are always things we can do in terms of our actions and behaviour to prevent and better the situation and prevent further breakdowns from occurring in the future.

After that we can speak to the person to see what actions of ours in their perspective do they find disagreeable and may be triggering friction and dissention between you two. How can communication improve between you etc. Get to the root of what the issues are then we can come to common ground and comprimise so that the relationship can improve or at least prevent any future cases of friction and breakdown in the relationship.

If after discussing matters at length and looking for every possible solution things still do not improve then there will be no other alternative but to speak to your brother so that either he or someone elder, unbiased and respectable in your family can mediate the situation between you two inshaAllah.

Let me know your thoughts.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

My sister in law... she keeps making really b*tchy remarks and making things up about me to my brother and i dont want to say anything as i dont want it to affect my brothers relationship but i cnt take it anymore

Just punch her in the face. It's not like she can you hit you back because your brother will knock her out.

I'm kidding.

Speak to your brother and tell him in private what she's doing. Tell him that she has to show her respect if she really cares about your brother. The best way to deal with such behaviour is to walk away.

 

[Scimitar]

Hi all,

So i wanted to ask how yo behave with someone who is always beeing rude to you and be littling you infront of others....

Sometimes i want to be really rude back but then i think thats not the way to go about it.

Plz help/advice

Drop 'em like a bad habit. Find better people. Simple.

 

[rozyred]

Ignore. Smile. And be good to that person.

Good and evil [conduct] are not equal. Repel [evil] with what is best. [If you do so,] he between whom and you was enmity, will then be as though he were a sympathetic friend. But none is granted it except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the greatly endowed. [Quran: 41:34-35]

 

[venividiveci]

I'm a firm believer in that people need to be called out on their bad behavior. If it's a stranger then it's not worth your effort, but if it's someone who is constantly in your life then you need to set boundaries about how you will and will not be treated. Something I've just learnt recently myself. Staying silent is permission for them to continue, and no one respects you for it. Also, not airing your grievances when they occur and pretending you're find with someone when you're not, just backfires in the long run, because the resentment just ends up festering. Next time she makes a biting remark or attempts to belittle you in front of people, ask her calmly and firmly what her issue with you is. There are some people who are just naturally bullies, so she probably won't have a rational reason why she dislikes you. In which case, just shut her down until she gets the message that you won't tolerate being disrespected.

 

[soulforAllah]

That's a tricky situation you are in right now. Although I am the one who would just keep patience and sit with resentment however the best way to go about is confront your the one whose behavior is bothering you. I have done that a few times and believe me a heart to heart discussion can solve a lot of misunderstanding especially if its a family member.

 

[Supernova]

Dearest Muminah in Islam:
My advice to you in this situation is to speak to you rbrother about it rather than hiding it thinking you aiding their unity. I will substantiate why I take this view below.


If you sister-in-law were to have £500 in her possession andthen claim that she had no money and ask your brother for £500, most us would expose this based on the fact that she is usurping your brothers hard earned money based on lie.


Unfortunately we as muslims today neglect the fact people usurp and rape other people emotionally. When you sister-in-law manufacturers alie about you and tells your brother, the following consequences occur:


1.Yourbrother’s perception and respect for you weakens.
2.The actualblood family bond weakens.
3.His trustin you is hindered
4.Yourbrothers trust and perception towards her increase on Baatil and falsehood.
5.Hissympathy is now based on lies.

Your Islamic duty is not only to defend yourself physicallybut emotionally too. You might think you aiding in unity but is point 4 and 5really unity in a marriage?

The foundation of unity is based on Justice.

Remember that by you speaking to your brother is no wayinstigating problems with him and wife – but what it really is telling him thetruth about you YOU.