Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

[*Hana*]

my parents are acting this way, because they do not want to make my life a misery. they've seen the way my wife has been (all the symptons of depression) and fear that i will stay with her and not live happily.

They ARE making your life miserable. They have NO RIGHT to ask you to do this. Your mom's illness is drama which is also very cultural and you know this so don't fall for that. Stand up and be strong because you KNOW what is right. Present them with the verses given you to prove your side. If they reject or refuse to look, it's not your problem.

just spoken to my dad. my mum wont even look at me. my dad has given me the final choices. either divorce my wife or get out of the house. my dad is asking me to do this final thing for him and he's promising that it wont happen again. now i've got to decide

I'm going to be harsh here, but your parents, especially your mother, are behaving like spoiled children that want control over the sandbox!! I've never witnessed such poor behavior from adults in my life. Trust me, it WILL happen again, and again, and again. They are giving you ultimatums to choose one over the other. This is truly disgusting behavior. I'd not only call their bluff and move out, I wouldn't return.

They are backbiting and listening to gossip about your wife, trying to force you to divorce her, etc....all UNISLAMIC!!! They are pulling you away from the proper teachings of Islam and you are considering letting them do it. We respect our parents and their wishes as long as they are not stepping outside the folds of Islam. They are both so far outside the folds, they're barely on the same planet!!!

Love them, tell them you love them, care about them...but do NOT let anyone take you away from the true teachings of Islam.

May Allah, swt, ease your burden and sadness and may He bring you together with your wife to continue to live your life worshipping Him. Ameen

Please forgive me if my words hurt you...but I think a dose of reality is needed here.

Wa'alaikum salam,
Hana

 

[Snowflake]

^I agree. The truth is bitter but it needs to be told.

YusufNoor: i was puzzled when i saw number 2, think hard about what you are doing. Pray Istakhara. talk your Imam

Brother, just to clarify, that's not the poster saying it, those are the assumptions made bu his family.

 

[cuezed]

my dad says that they (my parents) are only doing this because my wife went to pakistan without my permission or that i was forced to send her back due to her crying and being miserable. i dont intend to speak bad about my parents because i still love and respect them, but i've seen my mum be like this towards my dad in my life. this is how we ended up with a nice tv stand, tumble dryer and extra freezer. and my parents dont seem to believe in forgiving people. my dad accepted that i am doing the right thing but they dont want the worry about me. i mean i got to divorce my wife because my parents are unhappy with my wife :? he said that if i wanted to divorce her i would've still got Islamic proof for it......... yes, that's because it's the decision for my wife and i to make. not my parents. :enough!: i will not divorce and inshaAllah, my parents will relax

 

[*Hana*]

Exactly Brother!! You're doing the right thing. Quite frankly, you've only been married a short time and it's so incredibly hard for a daughter to be away from her parents. Even for a son...but a daughter is different. However, she did agree to marry knowing she would move and now she has to accept the fact that she has her own family now that she has to care about and she just can't up and run off whenever she feels sad. You did right to be patient, kind and gentle. Now, it's time she stepped up and accepted her responsibility as well. But, brother, this is between you and your wife and I think it's best it stays that way. Your parents have already said they will not be welcoming towards her so to bring her back under those circumstances is almost cruel, but to discuss your decisions and relationship with your parents and expecting them to be fair is just wrong.

Marriage is not easy and it takes a lot of work, but you both seem to truly care about each other, mashallah. Having your own place with privacy should help make things easier on both of you, inshallah.

I pray Allah, swt, will continue to bless you and that He will allow your parents to see you are doing the right thing. ameen

I just want to add that I am not suggesting that your parents are bad people, not at all. Quite frankly, they raised you and you seem to be a very decent and kind person, so that speaks volumes about them. They are not bad...but their behavior in this matter is not so good. I hope you understand.

Take care, brother and wasalam for now,
Hana

 

[cuezed]

sorry, i havent replied for a while. alhamdulillah, my wife came back and we moved straight into our own home. my father and siblings are very good to my wife and i, my mum was still upset for a few weeks, but i think my father has explained to my mother to give my wife a chance. i go to visit my parents every other day. my mum has started speaking to my wife. the rest of my relatives are calm now. all my relatives only wanted me to divorce because this was my mother's wish. now that my wife is back and my parents are ok with it, they have all shut up, SUBHANALLAH, funny people. Anyways, now alhamdulillah, we are living happily and my wife is very happy, now that she has made friends with other pious muslim women, and will soon inshaAllah, start teaching Quran tajweed to children. thankyou u all for your advice, and this has been a very benifitial experience for me. But mostly thanks be to Allah :arabic2: who is the only giver of help and peace.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Alhamdulillaah !

 

[Al-Zaara]

Elhamdulillah! That's awesome. :thumbs_up

 

[noorseeker]

I see how much you are in love with her brother, give it a chance bro, i look forward to having a practising wife inshallah

 

[samirasabir]

I don;t think that you are the prob, you were only thinking of her welfare when you advised her to spend more time on other things. Yes we should worship but also enjoy life in a halal way. as long as you recite quran, pray 5 times and the rest of the pillars I cannot see why she would think that her imaan is weakening. Maybe she found it difficult to settle in another country hence her praying was her life whereby you can have a balanced and pious life without having the need to pray every minute of the day. When you have children she will not be praying as vigorously will she think that she is lacking in faith then?
You should deffo not succumb to pressure for divorce especially as you love her and she you. Instead thank allah for blessing you with a wife whi is pious and also that you have e been blessed with love. Your parents are in the wrong and it is a great devastation when culture gets in the way of religion. Islam stresses that all avenues for reconciliation be tried before the dreaded words are uttered and if you two are willing to work things out then your religion states quite clearly that divorce should be the last resort. Also I think that Allah has blessed you wih patience and the fact that you understand and are patient with your wife proves that you are in love and should definitely not DIVORCE.

 

[samirasabir]

I don;t think that you are the prob, you were only thinking of her welfare when you advised her to spend more time on other things. Yes we should worship but also enjoy life in a halal way. as long as you recite quran, pray 5 times and the rest of the pillars I cannot see why she would think that her imaan is weakening. Maybe she found it difficult to settle in another country hence her praying was her life whereby you can have a balanced and pious life without having the need to pray every minute of the day. When you have children she will not be praying as vigorously will she think that she is lacking in faith then?
You should deffo not succumb to pressure for divorce especially as you love her and she you. Instead thank allah for blessing you with a wife whi is pious and also that you have e been blessed with love. Your parents are in the wrong and it is a great devastation when culture gets in the way of religion. Islam stresses that all avenues for reconciliation be tried before the dreaded words are uttered and if you two are willing to work things out then your religion states quite clearly that divorce should be the last resort. Also I think that Allah has blessed you wih patience and the fact that you understand and are patient with your wife proves that you are in love and should definitely not DIVORCE.

 

[Eeman]

i have just spoken to my mum, who is also in pakistan, with my nanny. my mum believes in all the gossip that is spreading around, that my wife is possessed by demons. and dont want to give my wife a chance. my mum is very upset with me and as long as she's concerned i'm dead ( ). i tried to talk but they're putting phone down on me and telling me to stop annoying them. i'm am very sad. i dont want to upset my parents but i cannot divorce. is it even possible to divorce my wife whilst she is over in pakistan?

Dear brother asalam alaikum

I'm really sorry to say but you need a reality check... why dont you actually sit there and re read everything that you have written yourself.

You got married to a sister from back home, im guessing its arranged marraige, now this sister is a good practicing muslim and so are you? Masha'Allah!

your wife was going through depression due to the fact that she thought her imaan was becoming weak so pleaded with you to send her back home.
she is a obedient wife and you have no complaints about her, you asked her to stop praying during the night and reading Qur'an and fcus more on pleasing you as a husband! now really and truly is that what a practicing brother does?????

non the less out of her own obedience to you and for the sake of Allah swt she listened to you i pray that Allah swt mulitplies her rewards for that Insha'Allah, and now your actually contemplating in her head whether you should divorce her cos your family and parents are forcing you to do so.

firstly brother i am sure that you are not a kid but a grown up adult, who has a brain of your own that functions pretty well so there is no need for you to get brainwashed by mummy or fall for her guilt trip.

it seems that (i really d apologise for this from the bottom of my heart) but none the less you want advice and on the basis of what i have read i will try my best Insha'Allah to give you that advice and if i offend you in any way i pray tht Allah swt forgives me and i ask your forgiveness too...
but carrying on.. your mother seems to have an issue with your wife and to be honest it seems that your wife is not the issue your mother is and your mother is obviously going to be backed up by your family.

so what your wife has depression, gosh what is the point of marriage you get married to be there for each other thru thick and very thin until death do you apart, unless there are some serious issues. so your basically telling me that you get married then when hard times come and your partner desperately needs your help and support you leave her there??? what kind of a man would do that... does someone like that even deserve to be called a man???

you need to wake up and stand by your wife's side and support her, put your mum in her place and your family too,.. thats ubsurd your mum and family want you to divorce your wife cos she is depressed!!!!!!!!! and on top now claim that she is possessed by demons...
look im sorryto say but when old age gets the best of some women they lose the plot.

so for arguments sake say your mothers claim is true... is that what you do to the sick give them talaaq? or do you go to cure them, im really sorry for having to say this but your parents dont really seem of the believing type to me cos if they truly were then you wouldnt be putting you in this situation.

brother sitting here writing you all this and whilst im doing so Allah di kasam my heart goes out to your poor wife I pray Insha'Allah Allah swt bestows Jannah upon her to abide therein for eternity!

If you were a true practicing person this is what you would do!
BE A MAN!!! bring your wife back, go move in to your new house, your family home for you and your wife (NO MUMS NO OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS)
be fair to your wife and treat her with the love and respect she deserves be there for her, support her and if she needs help regarding her depression seek help for her. Tell your mum where she stands and that you are old enough to live your own life and for her to stop butting into your marriage furthermore both of you make sure you are steadfast in Salah!!!!!!!
cos some mums just cant take that and go to alims to get tawizes made and somewhere dunno where in their heads believe that they are doing their son good but on the contrary ruin their sons lives and commit big shirk themselves (very common amongst pakistanis).

In the Qur'an it tells us to honour and respect our parents unless your parents want you to do something that is against Allah swt's religion and i'm sorry but no where in the Qur'an do you get the message to divorce your wife cos she is a pious believing woman and your mother dont like her cos she is depressed. So i'm sure your mother is not realising this but Allah swt will hold her accountable for it. Cos its against Islam to treat innocent people in such a manner, and that a firm believer too. and i also suggest that you should not discourage your wife to pray during the night or read the Qur'an so she can attend to your service and its more convenient for you, praying and reading Qur'an is the best thing a believer can do and Allah swt always comes first, it will bring more khair and barakah in your lives.

brother i'm really sorry but after reading this thread of yours i was quite angered as to how can someone in your position even ask is it even possible for you to give her talaaq when she is pakistan.... NO! what ground do you have to give her talaaq... do you think marriage is a joke? or do you think Allah swt allowed the concept of divorce in islam so that men could basically take the ABSOLUTE mick out of it! you need grounds for divorce!!! what ground are you gonna give her talaaq? on the ground that she is a obedient wife???????

You get married to this poor girl, bring her to the west, away from her family from her comfort zone from everythng all she does is follow her religion and obey you and be a good wife to you, now your asking if you can give her talaaq whilst she is there in pakistan cos your mother claims she's possessed by demons?????? tome it sounds like it is your mother that needs the check up not your wife! then ok so you give her talaaq, you leave her with a daag on her skirt, ruin her life, shatter each and every dream that she had built before her eyes a life of her and you together... whyyyyyyy???????
it frustrates me so much sometimes when ihear stuff like this... there is a GOD up there!!!! and HE is always watching for the sake of Allah swt have at least some fear in HIM!!! why do a innocent soul that has done nothing but gone out of her way to be good to you and make you happy so much injustice??????

brother let me tell you something... always bare in mind that in life when you do innocent people wrong Allah swt will always give those people justice.
so you go ahead and if you think its best to give her a talaaq then do so and i promie you as a fellow muslim sister you will get what is due to you. Allah swt is the Most Just!

yet again i apologise if i have said anything to offend you.

ma salama

 

[cuezed]

You got married to a sister from back home, im guessing its arranged marraige, now this sister is a good practicing muslim and so are you? Masha'Allah!

This was an arranged marriage, and alhamdulillah my mum found me a practising Muslima, just as I prayed for. Thanks be to Allah.

you asked her to stop praying during the night and reading Qur'an and fcus more on pleasing you as a husband! now really and truly is that what a practicing brother does?????

Sorry if I did't explain myself clearly. Before marriage my wife only used to study, recite Quran, and pray night prayers. Now she had all other responsibilities after marriage, plus it was difficult for her coming over to the UK. She thought that her imaan was decreasing because she couldn't pray night prayers as much and recite Quran as much. I only tried explaining to her that she is ALSO pleasing Allah, when she is looking after her home and husband, on top of the prayers and recitation. We did not stop reciting Quran (may Allah forbid), and we continued praying night prayers together. I did not prevent her from doing her worship.

firstly brother i am sure that you are not a kid but a grown up adult, who has a brain of your own that functions pretty well so there is no need for you to get brainwashed by mummy or fall for her guilt trip.

We must not forget that our Paradise is underneath the feet of our mummys. I understand how easy it is to diobey and disrespect our parents nowadays. But I love my parents and respect them for the sake of Allah. In a situation like that it was difficult for me to object my parents. You can call me mummy's boy if you wish. But I respect my parents and obey them within the boundary's of what is halal in Islam. It was a real test from Allah having to disobey my mum in this situation but as you had said, I am an adult and had to do what's right.

but carrying on.. your mother seems to have an issue with your wife and to be honest it seems that your wife is not the issue your mother is and your mother is obviously going to be backed up by your family.

My mum thought that my wife couldn't live in UK full stop, because this was the second time my wife got depressed. We have to seen depression in our family and my parents can't seem to believe that she is depressed, because we have any many other relatives who had come over to UK and had no problems. I hated this comparison between people, and did repeatedly explain to my mum that some people can get depressed and homesick.

thats ubsurd your mum and family want you to divorce your wife cos she is depressed!!!!!!!!! and on top now claim that she is possessed by demons...

they only believed that my wife did not like this country and wanted to go back to Pakistan. It was my wife's family who claimed that she was possessed by demons. her uncle over in london kept on telling her to go to a number of molvi's who give taweezs and amulets. i refused to let my wife get any close to this nonsense. my parents are not very religious, and do not even believe that in black magic and curses. My mum just got upset at the fact that my wife's family believed in this claimed that my wife had it. My relatives were on my mum's side and kept on phoning me and advising me to listen to my mum before she gets too ill (my mum was in pakistan then and rumours were that she was very ill, which I later found out was a lie and only emotional blackmail on me). I answered all my relatives back with the saying that I will think about it. This was just to shut them up. It is funny how when my parents finally let me have my way and my wife came over. My relatives have not said anything to me. I can't believe this, because, if it was a good decision to divorce my wife, it still would've been a good decision now to divorce. Why have they shut up? It was only because my mum wanted the divorce. I later found out that my mum specifically asked them to persuade me thinking that I will listen to my cousins and favourite aunts :statisfie

so for arguments sake say your mothers claim is true... is that what you do to the sick give them talaaq? or do you go to cure them, im really sorry for having to say this but your parents dont really seem of the believing type to me cos if they truly were then you wouldnt be putting you in this situation.

Sadly my dad is not very religious, and the only religion in my mum is the daily prayers and reciting Quran every so often. The funny thing was that my dad was on my side. But he was stuck between my mum and me, and obviously was on my mum's side. My mum was fulfilling my dad's wishes, this is a little double standard, as she is very upset with my wife for what? :exhausted

brother sitting here writing you all this and whilst im doing so Allah di kasam my heart goes out to your poor wife I pray Insha'Allah Allah swt bestows Jannah upon her to abide therein for eternity!

Me too

brother i'm really sorry but after reading this thread of yours i was quite angered as to how can someone in your position even ask is it even possible for you to give her talaaq when she is pakistan.... NO! what ground do you have to give her talaaq... do you think marriage is a joke? or do you think Allah swt allowed the concept of divorce in islam so that men could basically take the ABSOLUTE mick out of it! you need grounds for divorce!!! what ground are you gonna give her talaaq? on the ground that she is a obedient wife???????

I was asking if I could even divorce my wife whilst she is in Pakistan, so that I could tell my parents that I cannot do this. I ended up pushing my parents into a corner (not literally) when I told them that even if I divorce my wife by word of mouth or written (BY PRESSURE) then the divorce is not valid unless I (the husband) does not intend to divorce, and my wife and I will have to live seperated. My parents had no choice, this was the end of this and my mum let me have my way. I explained to them throughout this that I still love them and respect them and am not angry with them. Alhamdulillah I had my head screwed straight and did not get too emotionally biased or one sided.

You get married to this poor girl, bring her to the west, away from her family from her comfort zone from everythng all she does is follow her religion and obey you and be a good wife to you, now your asking if you can give her talaaq whilst she is there in pakistan cos your mother claims she's possessed by demons?????? tome it sounds like it is your mother that needs the check up not your wife! then ok so you give her talaaq, you leave her with a daag on her skirt, ruin her life, shatter each and every dream that she had built before her eyes a life of her and you together... whyyyyyyy???????

It was sad to see my wife flip so fast. She had an appointment booked with the doctor within a few days, when she started crying and begging to be sent to Pakistan. I kept on telling her to just stay a few days and we'll get help from the doctors etc, but she wouldn't listen. It was not easy to just send her away so quick. She knew that what she was doing by going to Pakistan could end up in divorce, but she just couldn't wait.


My wife's fault was only the fact that she didn't tell me what problems she had and just kept quiet. Now I had found out that she was in a slight pressure in my parents home. My parents did not treat her like a slave but my wife had to keep up with the expectations, with regard to the household duties. When my wife came back from Pakistan I took her straight to our new home, and since then alhamdulillah we are happy. Now she can do her household duties in her own time freely, without my parents getting involved, or unhappy. My wife has continued taking her english course, and has started teaching Quran tajweed classes for young children. She has a very good Muslima friend living nearby and feels at home. I will admit that I was close to making a grave mistake whilst in the wholesome pressure from all my loved ones. But Allah Almighty has helped and guided us. I have had a great learning experience and inshaAllah will stay strong on the right way, Allah's way.

 

[Eeman]

This was an arranged marriage, and alhamdulillah my mum found me a practising Muslima, just as I prayed for. Thanks be to Allah.




Sorry if I did't explain myself clearly. Before marriage my wife only used to study, recite Quran, and pray night prayers. Now she had all other responsibilities after marriage, plus it was difficult for her coming over to the UK. She thought that her imaan was decreasing because she couldn't pray night prayers as much and recite Quran as much. I only tried explaining to her that she is ALSO pleasing Allah, when she is looking after her home and husband, on top of the prayers and recitation. We did not stop reciting Quran (may Allah forbid), and we continued praying night prayers together. I did not prevent her from doing her worship.




We must not forget that our Paradise is underneath the feet of our mummys. I understand how easy it is to diobey and disrespect our parents nowadays. But I love my parents and respect them for the sake of Allah. In a situation like that it was difficult for me to object my parents. You can call me mummy's boy if you wish. But I respect my parents and obey them within the boundary's of what is halal in Islam. It was a real test from Allah having to disobey my mum in this situation but as you had said, I am an adult and had to do what's right.




My mum thought that my wife couldn't live in UK full stop, because this was the second time my wife got depressed. We have to seen depression in our family and my parents can't seem to believe that she is depressed, because we have any many other relatives who had come over to UK and had no problems. I hated this comparison between people, and did repeatedly explain to my mum that some people can get depressed and homesick.




they only believed that my wife did not like this country and wanted to go back to Pakistan. It was my wife's family who claimed that she was possessed by demons. her uncle over in london kept on telling her to go to a number of molvi's who give taweezs and amulets. i refused to let my wife get any close to this nonsense. my parents are not very religious, and do not even believe that in black magic and curses. My mum just got upset at the fact that my wife's family believed in this claimed that my wife had it. My relatives were on my mum's side and kept on phoning me and advising me to listen to my mum before she gets too ill (my mum was in pakistan then and rumours were that she was very ill, which I later found out was a lie and only emotional blackmail on me). I answered all my relatives back with the saying that I will think about it. This was just to shut them up. It is funny how when my parents finally let me have my way and my wife came over. My relatives have not said anything to me. I can't believe this, because, if it was a good decision to divorce my wife, it still would've been a good decision now to divorce. Why have they shut up? It was only because my mum wanted the divorce. I later found out that my mum specifically asked them to persuade me thinking that I will listen to my cousins and favourite aunts :statisfie




Sadly my dad is not very religious, and the only religion in my mum is the daily prayers and reciting Quran every so often. The funny thing was that my dad was on my side. But he was stuck between my mum and me, and obviously was on my mum's side. My mum was fulfilling my dad's wishes, this is a little double standard, as she is very upset with my wife for what? :exhausted




Me too




I was asking if I could even divorce my wife whilst she is in Pakistan, so that I could tell my parents that I cannot do this. I ended up pushing my parents into a corner (not literally) when I told them that even if I divorce my wife by word of mouth or written (BY PRESSURE) then the divorce is not valid unless I (the husband) does not intend to divorce, and my wife and I will have to live seperated. My parents had no choice, this was the end of this and my mum let me have my way. I explained to them throughout this that I still love them and respect them and am not angry with them. Alhamdulillah I had my head screwed straight and did not get too emotionally biased or one sided.




It was sad to see my wife flip so fast. She had an appointment booked with the doctor within a few days, when she started crying and begging to be sent to Pakistan. I kept on telling her to just stay a few days and we'll get help from the doctors etc, but she wouldn't listen. It was not easy to just send her away so quick. She knew that what she was doing by going to Pakistan could end up in divorce, but she just couldn't wait.


My wife's fault was only the fact that she didn't tell me what problems she had and just kept quiet. Now I had found out that she was in a slight pressure in my parents home. My parents did not treat her like a slave but my wife had to keep up with the expectations, with regard to the household duties. When my wife came back from Pakistan I took her straight to our new home, and since then alhamdulillah we are happy. Now she can do her household duties in her own time freely, without my parents getting involved, or unhappy. My wife has continued taking her english course, and has started teaching Quran tajweed classes for young children. She has a very good Muslima friend living nearby and feels at home. I will admit that I was close to making a grave mistake whilst in the wholesome pressure from all my loved ones. But Allah Almighty has helped and guided us. I have had a great learning experience and inshaAllah will stay strong on the right way, Allah's way.

Masha'Allah Brother you make us proud, I pray that Allah swt bestows all the happiness and joys of this world and the hereafter upon you and your wife and Insha'Allah your beautiful kids.

 

[cuezed]

“Verily, with hardship there is relief” (Qur’an 94:6)

 

[glo]

A long time since you started this thread, brother cuezed. I hope you and your wife are both well.

 

[cuezed]

A long time since you started this thread, brother cuezed. I hope you and your wife are both well.

alhamdulillah we are very well. have 2 beautiful daughters. the eldest started nursery last week. i feel that i have come out of this trial, a stronger person.

 

[cuezed]

i have seen many GREAT benefits that have come out of this tough trial. one is that every problem that comes my way is minor compared to this so i have, by the help of Allah, been handling them fine. relatives had tried stiring up new rumours and gossip about myself and my wife, but i had just laughed it off. i dont worry about what they say or think. i only care about my status in front of Allah the All-Seeing.

i had learned much since then and now know what what happened to my wife and what she went through. i only wish i had had this knowledge before this trial began. i would have been more understanding and could've, by Allah's will, cured her myself or by a local raaqi. but alhamdulillah.

 

[cuezed]

Alhamdulillah been blessed with third daughter 5 weeks ago

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Thanks for Allah you didn´t give up when others tried to pressure you (to divorce). May Allah always bless you and your family.

 

[cuezed]

Salam alaykum

Thanks for Allah you didn´t give up when others tried to pressure you (to divorce). May Allah always bless you and your family.

Alhamdulillah