How to protect ourselves from back bitting?

[Imamah Ali]

Assalam alaiykum,

When I was in school we used to have friends group. And whenever there used to be any fight, we used to say bad things about friends at their back, in short we used to back bite. Time passed, I grew mature and realized that it's not good and also it's a sin in islam. Now I always make sure that I don't say anything bad about someone at their back but still I do sometimes. I started writing diary from the year 2014, and one of the reason of maintaining personal diary was to avoid back bitting. I never intend to degrade someone's character, I understand everyone is blessed with both good and bad quality, but you know it's a human tendency to talk about someone who is not present at place and that may lead to back bitting as Satan is always there to mislead us. Although i rarely talk about someone nowadays, I hardly maintain social link since I became more inclined towards islam and it's hard to find Islamic contacts nowadays. Anyways My question is I have a sister like friend, she is a non believer. We are together since childhood, it's being 8 yrs of our friendship. I love her like anything, so whenever someone hurt me or mistreat me I always share that thing with her and she does the same. I tell her about everyone in my life, both good and bad things. We trust each other a lot. She is a good motivator too.

"I am in confusion that whether sharing your feeling about someone to your close one who is not going to disclose it to anyone else is okay or it will also counted as back bitting".

I personally feel, it's ok but a few days ago my brother was teasing me that I will go to hell as he always find me talking over phone with my bestie about people in my life and all. I really got scared that, seriously whether I m doing a sin unknowingly?

 

[Nashita]

Assalamualaikum

Sin is a very heavy word [emoji23]
This is not any sin! Also it's totally fine to share your feelings with your friends provided they're of the same gender.
If you think that you've hurt someone badly by talking behind their back then you should ask for forgiveness not only from Allah but also from that person.

There are times when we misbehave or mistreat some people at some point in our lives and then regret later. It's always good to go and apologize from the heart no matter what they think about it. You never know what one goes through in life so don't treat someone badly or rudely, be kind to everyone regardless of faith,gender, age , colour, country.

To be a good Muslim, you have to be a good human being always. So it's not okay if you hurt someone from the front or behind the back . But this isn't a sin. You can always ask for forgiveness and rectify your mistakes. And your brother was just teasing you, nothing serious [emoji23] You won't be sent to hell for this lol but do rectify your mistakes !

 

[Imamah Ali]

Assalamualaikum

Sin is a very heavy word [emoji23]
This is not any sin! Also it's totally fine to share your feelings with your friends provided they're of the same gender.
If you think that you've hurt someone badly by talking behind their back then you should ask for forgiveness not only from Allah but also from that person.

There are times when we misbehave or mistreat some people at some point in our lives and then regret later. It's always good to go and apologize from the heart no matter what they think about it. You never know what one goes through in life so don't treat someone badly or rudely, be kind to everyone regardless of faith,gender, age , colour, country.

To be a good Muslim, you have to be a good human being always. So it's not okay if you hurt someone from the front or behind the back . But this isn't a sin. You can always ask for forgiveness and rectify your mistakes. And your brother was just teasing you, nothing serious [emoji23] You won't be sent to hell for this lol but do rectify your mistakes !

Yeah true.

 

[NightOwl]

Backbiting is difficult to avoid, but we should always try our best. I live in a pretty small town and life revolves around the one school most people work at (expat community). Natutrally, gossip spreads like wildfire and it is easy to get caught up in it. I am trying my best to stay out of it, but it is hard.

There is a hadith that states the situations where talking about someone behind their back is permitted. One such situation is in the case of marriage. If someone is looking to get married and you know something of the potential spouse's bad character, you are permitted to say something.

I will see if I can find the hadith, inshaAllah.

 

[NightOwl]

This is a good explanation: https://abdurrahman.org/2015/04/16/what-type-of-backbiting-is-permissible-imaam-an-nawawee/

I hope it will be beneficial, inshaAllah.

[TABLE="class: grid, width: 100%, align: center"]
[TR][TD]What Type Of Backbiting Is Permissible? – Imaam an-Nawawee « AbdurRahman.Org
Posted from al-ibaanah e-Book –-Guarding the Tongue : Imaam-an-Nawawee- http://salaf-us-saalih.com/2014/01/08/guardingtongueimamnawawi Know that although backbiting is forbidden, it becomes permissible under certain circumstances when done for a beneficial reason. That which makes it allowable is a valid and legitimate goal, which cannot be achieved except by doing it (i.e. the backbiting). These goals can be broken…...[/TD][/TR][/TABLE]

 

[ardianto]

This is a good explanation: https://abdurrahman.org/2015/04/16/what-type-of-backbiting-is-permissible-imaam-an-nawawee/

I hope it will be beneficial, inshaAllah.

[TABLE="class: grid, width: 100%, align: center"]
[TR][TD]What Type Of Backbiting Is Permissible? – Imaam an-Nawawee « AbdurRahman.Org
Posted from al-ibaanah e-Book –-Guarding the Tongue : Imaam-an-Nawawee- http://salaf-us-saalih.com/2014/01/08/guardingtongueimamnawawi Know that although backbiting is forbidden, it becomes permissible under certain circumstances when done for a beneficial reason. That which makes it allowable is a valid and legitimate goal, which cannot be achieved except by doing it (i.e. the backbiting). These goals can be broken…...[/TD][/TR][/TABLE]

Assalamualaikum.

Don't say backbiting is permissible because definition of backbiting is "malicious talking, or talking negatively, about someone without this person present". This is impermissible.

Talking about someone without this person present is permissible only if it with positive purpose which not considered as backbiting. In example, talking about succesful person with purpose to learn how to gain success. Or, talking about someone who cause trouble with purpose to find the way to make this person stop causing trouble again.

Sorry, sis, the term "backbiting' in your post can cause misunderstanding although I do not blame you for this.