I will try as much as I can to implement your advise. Anyway, the reason I was with this wish is because, I am not that kind of person who wants to corrupt the religion just like others did, or to reject it. I am the person who seeks God's Permission.
This is a great quality and you should hold on to it!
Because some of His Laws are hard to be implemented and to acommodate. And if the permission is not granted, then I have no choice but to force myself to acommodate like others have did. How can I ask God not To reveal on that Day what I have asked for? Because, I dont want anyone to know about my secrets unless I decide to tell. And some of my secrets are top secrets. You are right, but the truth is that if I'm very limited on almost everything(I mean, if I want to pray for my grandfather's forgiveness, then I'm prohibited and that is hurtful because I do not know his future and I want to make him a big surprize from my side as a thanx for being with me. And if I want for example to draw anything it is animated, then I'm restricted. And if I want to listen to music, I feel restricted. It is hurtful to think a life without music, because the reason I want to listen to music, is because I want to develop in Theology, art on music etc... so that I can have many intresting topics to discuss with anyone. And also, when I listen to music I feel much relaxed. And if I dont listen, I dony know how it will be my life without it. My mother keeps teeling me that even birds to sing, and if God were to decree to prohibit music, then today birds will not sing neither the waters and the air would not make music. I'm so confused, I wished to see this also from the Prophet saying the same as my mother told me). It seems like I've been too much effected by ev temptations, that is why I am like this so obsessive, my point of view. If the Prophet were to say like this as my mother told me, then I would obey my parents.
I don't know what you mean by secrets. But if you have a secret then no one will know it except Allah. If someone else knows it then it must be you who told it or someone has seen you. Sometimes mothers can also tell because they are our mothers and they know if we are hiding something. But that is ok because that's your mother.
Now about your grandfather. If he has already passed away then his judgement is with Allah now. Allah created him and Allah will take care of him after his death. Maybe you feel sadness because you love your grandfather and wish to meet him in the afterlife, but in the afterlife we will not feel any sadness and these feelings you have they will go away. Allah is also just and fair. Who knows where your grandfather will end up? Only Allah knows. You can at least take this as a lesson and pray for your family members who are alive.
If you can imagine that this life is like a blink of an eye compared to the afterlife. If I showed you a picture for just one second, you will not cry about it. You will not dwell on it. You will probably forget it in one day. This is what this world is like when we are in the afterlife. It will not matter anymore because it is just one second of our entire real lives when we take into consideration the life we will live in the afterlife.
About drawing, music and certain restrictions, they really don't matter, don't give them importance. You can find things which give you pleasure and that are halal. For example, I was never attached to music but I liked to listen to it for the words sometimes, so i would read the lyrics instead. Then I realized that it is like poetry so i started to write poems even though I hated writing. This made me a better writer and made me excel in school more. I also felt pressure that I should know a song because others know it. But one day (when I was much younger), I found a blog that had a beautiful surah reciting in the back. I LOVED this surah soo much I would listen to it everyday. I didn't even know the name of the surah, I didn't know the reciter. I didn't know the meanings of the ayahs, but it warmed my heart subhanallah. I decided I wanted to start memorizing it. I realized I can memorize music so easy, I could tell you the artist, and the name of the song, but I did not know anything about this surah and it was difficult to memorize even though it was more beautiful than anything I ever heard. I felt very sad and even cried a bit lol. So I said to myself that I will not listen to music again until I memorize the quran. By just making this small changes, everything around me changed too. I taught myself how to read and write arabic. I learned about the Quran, I wore hijaab even though I was the only one in my whole school to wear it. There was NO masjid or muslims by me except for my family. I would get angry with my family too because they were not religious. I would argue with my mom and brother because they loved to listen to music. I did not have anyone praying nor showing me how to pray. But I continued to change and I learned how to do everything on my own and I would be kind to my family and be an example even though I felt sad about the fact that maybe they will go to hell for not performing their religious duties. Today my mother mashallah is more religious than I am, and before my brother passed away, he was giving dawah mashallah and was thirsty for the deen. More people know what Islam is because we are an example of it. My point is, when you leave the things that Allah does not like, then he will open doors for better things. Allah guided my family when I had no expectations even that they would ever change. If you complain without making good changes to your life, then nothing will happen.
You cannot listen to music, but listening to the birds is halaal, and the wind, and the movements in the earth. These all make you reflect how beautiful our surroundings are. The music these days teach us immoral things. If you read about the life of these artists they are miserable, full of drugs, addiction, and emptiness. Many of them commit suicide or die because of their lifestyle.
You can draw things which will help humanity and the ummah like drawing or animating the systems in the body or aspects of the world and nature. You can listen to lectures and anasheed. You can write. There are many other halal things which you can do. If a song comes on you can simply leave the room or listen to something else. There is no need to get frustrated or feel angry and argue with your family. As long as you know it is wrong and you prevent yourself from doing the wrong thing then ALlah will reward you inshallah. You can have a great discussion with anyone about anything without delving into the haram things. If someone is interested in theology then they will be interested in learning about Islam. And about art, there is islamic art which is some of the best and complex art in the world! There is nothing wrong with learning how to do this type of art. And as far as art goes, the best art is historical so you can just learn about that to have discussions. Modern art is not as appreciated.
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The main reason people say bad things about Islam including my mother, that is because of those morons from ISIS. I have an idea, what do you thibk If I can cause some Christians and Jews to start a terrorism groups, so that I can prove that anyone can be terrorist and that the religion does not teach terrorism, what do you think of this idea? Like this, I can try to wake up others's minds to reality about Islam.
THis is not a good idea. There are bad people in all religious and non religious groups. You do not need to prove that because it is already there. Islam just gets a lot of media report, and that is ok because believe it or not more people are becoming Muslim because of it. They get interested to see why muslims are hated and instead learn the real truth and become muslims.
