Assalamwalekum brother I have three Teenagers

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May I intervene a bit.
We are moving a away from what [MENTION=43949]Sabina12[/MENTION] was asking. But I would like to try to just help everyone to see the other persons point of view. [MENTION=43923]Pink_Uniqueorn[/MENTION], I believe you might be reading a bit more into these comments then were intended. Let us all try to take a deep breath and not accuse everyone else of meaning this or that.


I have not see what [MENTION=21546]ardianto[/MENTION] said since he removed his post. So I will not comment on that.
As far as I can see [MENTION=43892]SintoDinto[/MENTION] was simply speaking of his own experience and of generalities.


Being "an emotional creature" in no way means that all women are an emotional mess. Actually, all humans are emotional creatures, men included. After all, someone who has no emotion would have something very wrong (isn't that what we call a psychopath or sociopath? I can never remember which is which). So I certainly hope that none of us are that type of person!!!

Now from what I have read so far, all that was said is that most women and girls tend to be more in touch with their emotions. Which I also believe is true. That does not mean we (as in all females) are irrational. Far from it. It simply means most of us are better able to anticipate the effect a comment we say will have on the mood and emotion of the person in front of us. Having that sort of sensitivity in no way means that we cannot understand logic or science. Yes, there are sometimes guys who joke saying "girls can't think logically" or that "girls are bad at science" and such. Those guys are just idiots and the clearly lack both logic thinking and emotional understanding! Some women can be doctors, scientists, judges and all that if they so wish. Just like some men can. But not all.

Recognising gender difference in no way restricts people. It only helps to think and organise. After all there are gender differences (and I do not simply mean the obvious physical ones). Anyone is different, and yes some girls like to play rough and some boys might like to do delicate work. But overall, there are activities that interests and attracts one gender more than the other.


I also wanted to mention something about this thread. In a thread like this, with someone asking for general help, people cannot give better answer than general ones. If someone says "give me 2 activities that might interest my sons", the answer will likely be "Hockey and running" simply because without knowing the boy in question, there is a higher chance he might like those activities than if the answer had been "gymnastics and bracelet making".
 
Pink_Uniqueorn said:
Okay, now I get it. Thank you very much for explaining it so well. :) But just a word of advice, saying something like will certainly be problematic in the future. It is just better to phrase it properly and include your views on gender equality while stating something so controversial. It will save you the worry of apologizing every single time and having to explain yourself. Also, what do you mean by ? What do you want to be explained to you? Or was your question a rhetorical one? I am curious, literally not being sarcastic.

P.S.: As a sensitive person myself, I want to say this: sorry that it felt like I was attacking you; I just wanted to clear my doubts. I mean, since you are sensitive, there is a chance little misunderstandings and arguments can cause some pain and stress -- sorry in advance. I did not want my posts to turn out as aggressive as they sounded (if they sounded aggressive to anyone).
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it's fine, all is well. :) I'm used to being yelled at in worse ways anyway haha and I too can relate to said feelings you describe. @Mandy has a point. now, let us turn back to @Sabina12 's question. Sabina, I suggest sabr. Imagine how well they'll turn out if you do well, as practicing muslims who respect their mother and get along with society. keep that in mind and don't give up. and remember that they too are human beings who are flawed like the rest of us. make the deen appealing to them, but first teach them the adab for learning ilm, (a prerequisite in our religion). also, don't be afraid to use consequences, but first gently advise them, and teach them why something is bad. as for that mixup with "logical emotional" what I meant was, some people often like to hear why, why, why, if not, tell them how much you'll love them and whatnot use incentives for doing something (not necessarily direct (I personally don't like bribing in my social scientific studies on human behavior), perhaps say, "my son, if you clean your room, that'll prepare you for marriage because a good girl will like a man who can clean up :)
" that's all I can say I know, ive never been a parent, im only 19. also, make lots of dua, dua is the weapon of the believer. "but please don't do beddua against your children, that's not what I meant!"
 
@SintoDino sorry that you get yelled at for worse stuff; hope it gets better, insha'Allah. I also feel like OP, @Sabina12 , should make her issue clearer. What exactly is so disobedient about your children? How old are the teenagers? I mean, I could possibly not provide help, as I am 14, but I am sure others would be able to provide better help if they knew what exactly are you dealing with. :)
 
Salaam

Pink_Uniqueorn said:
Wow, this forum is really toxic. "Men this, women that" -- heck, when I become a parent, I would raise both genders equally. Ever heard about sexism? Cause that is what this forum is turning into: blatant sexism.
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Ah to be young and naive again. . . . . . .
 
Assalaamu alaikum,

May Allah rectify all your affairs sister and make your children righteous and obedient, ameen.

In terms of quranic duas there’s this one, starting from Rabbanaa:

25_74-1.png

Sahih International
And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring, comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." (Quran 25:74)

And this one, starting from Rabbi:
46_15-1.png

Sahih International
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve, and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims.". (Quran:46:15)


Also:
See the following article. Perhaps not exactly your situation, but still a good read on how to go about making your dua:

https://www.islam21c.com/spirituali...am21c.com/spirituality/dua-for-good-children/
 
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