My marriage from day one has had more downs than ups, i feel like im in a nightmare,

[Ahmed.]

i dont think it is islamic way...to me its like a gamble...islam makes sense,this makes no sense (no offense to the couples who got arranged married)...your parents choosing a spouse for you?...how do they know that you will fit with him/her?...they are not you,they dont think like you,your personality and hers may not match at all....why would you risk ending up with someone you have to be patient all the time with,when you can try to find one that you would love to be in her presence?..

*you're supposed to be patient with anything you dislike in your spouse*?...exactly why you should meet and make the right questions,so you can know if you can be patient with her or not,you might discover that she is unbareable,imagine if you let your parents choose and they chose her for you

The parents will obviously choose a spouse from the same culture, similar background, etc etc, i.e, they'd choose someone who's compatiable. Allah Himself says in quran, that if you dont like something in your spouse, to be patient and there will be other things you do like, so this guidance is from Allah

non-arranged marriages leads to sex outside of marriage so this is why we do it the safe way... and its not totally that you dont get to talk to your potential spouse; read my reply to Habib above

in the west, non-muslims are living together for many years and then they get married, so they basically can't fail on the 'compatiability' aspect can they?, but yet they have the highest divorce rates, so there's proof that it doesnt work and infact most arranged marriages lasts a lifetime so it is proven to work.

also the 'meaning of life' plays a part why arranged marriage is the right way. unlike kuffar who believe this life is the be all and end all, Muslims believe its just a test for a short while and the real life starts after death, thus one doesnt need to find the perfect soul mate, just a good muslim is enough... we can have 'soul mates' in Jannah!

 

[RisingLight]

The parents will obviously choose a spouse from the same culture, similar background, etc etc, i.e, they'd choose someone who's compatiable. Allah Himself says in quran, that if you dont like something in your spouse, to be patient and there will be other things you do like, so this guidance is from Allah

non-arranged marriages leads to sex outside of marriage so this is why we do it the safe way... and its not totally that you dont get to talk to your potential spouse; read my reply to Habib above

in the west, non-muslims are living together for many years and then they get married, so they basically can't fail on the 'compatiability' aspect can they?, but yet they have the highest divorce rates, so there's proof that it doesnt work and infact most arranged marriages lasts a lifetime so it is proven to work.

also the 'meaning of life' plays a part why arranged marriage is the right way. unlike kuffar who believe this life is the be all and end all, Muslims believe its just a test for a short while and the real life starts after death, thus one doesnt need to find the perfect soul mate, just a good muslim is enough... we can have 'soul mates' in Jannah!

i read your reply to habib and thats what i am saying,meeting each other in the presence of a 3rd person,and if the parents suggest one and you meet them and have the final say then thats fine....thats not what i mean with arranged marriages,because i think arranged marriages are marriages where you dont have a say,that others choose and agree who and when to marry..and as far as i know this is agaisnt teachings of islam too?....you said that they largely put their trust in their parents choice because these meetings arent enough to get to know each other....how would your parents know her better than you then? this is what i dont understand....or you mean that after meeting they put their trust in their parents choice?...i agree with that then but thats not called arranged : D

 

[taha_]

Remember me and my family in your prayers all of you, seriously please, I dont want another person going through what I did and I want all this to stop at least, getting justice would be better, these people that we are dealing with think they can do all that and get away with it, they deserve to be given an excessive portion of punishment and I want it to come from Al Hakam, Al Adl.... for his wrath is most powerful.

Insh Allah

Ameen

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

May Allah help you and your family and protect you from oppressors. I hope that you and your family will be OK.

How is it going on today?

 

[Imraan]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.

May Allah help you and your family and protect you from oppressors. I hope that you and your family will be OK.

How is it going on today?

Walaikum salaam.

Our prayers and worship for justice and protection continue. We are trying to get help from police but it's really slow in the UK.

Everyday it's a worry .. when will they come next? What is next on the ex partners agenda? They've perverted course of justice, spread lies about me and my family, burned our car and damaged our house, hopefully they are caught insh Allah.

This person and her family are trying to systematically destroy my family from many angles be it financial, honour, reputation and physically. Bad people out there that continue to do bad, they dont even face consequences most of the time, this allows them to do more... these people will exist for a long time.. as long as they exist they pose a long term threat to the safety of my family and our property.

Hope Allah swt takes care of all of our affairs soon insh Allah.

 

[Ahmed.]

i read your reply to habib and thats what i am saying,meeting each other in the presence of a 3rd person,and if the parents suggest one and you meet them and have the final say then thats fine....thats not what i mean with arranged marriages,because i think arranged marriages are marriages where you dont have a say,that others choose and agree who and when to marry..and as far as i know this is agaisnt teachings of islam too?....you said that they largely put their trust in their parents choice because these meetings arent enough to get to know each other....how would your parents know her better than you then? this is what i dont understand....or you mean that after meeting they put their trust in their parents choice?...i agree with that then but thats not called arranged : D

Not having a say has nothing to do with arranged marraiges as the couple getting married have the final say. So your error really has been just jumping to conclusions about what an Islamic arranged marraige is rather than finding out about it first

Parents choose from a compatible family and they will look into matters like whether the girl is practicing etc and they'll ask people who know the girl of her character, they can talk to her as much as they like, asking her questions etc and if everything is to their liking they'll pass on that info. To their son, he then can get a meeting with her arranged (with third person present), 1, 2 or more meetings until he's satisfied she's the one he wants. This is basically how an arranged marraige is done

That's not called 'arranged'?, hmmm maybe you should start off a new dictionary then with your own definitions of Islamic terminology :Emoji47:

 

[taha_]

Walaikum salaam.

Our prayers and worship for justice and protection continue. We are trying to get help from police but it's really slow in the UK.

Everyday it's a worry .. when will they come next? What is next on the ex partners agenda? They've perverted course of justice, spread lies about me and my family, burned our car and damaged our house, hopefully they are caught insh Allah.

This person and her family are trying to systematically destroy my family from many angles be it financial, honour, reputation and physically. Bad people out there that continue to do bad, they dont even face consequences most of the time, this allows them to do more... these people will exist for a long time.. as long as they exist they pose a long term threat to the safety of my family and our property.

Hope Allah swt takes care of all of our affairs soon insh Allah.

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barkauthu.

Brother, do not lose your hope in Allah. He is Al-Adl, the Most Just. He will deal with your oppressors in sha Allah, don't say that people are testing you. Allah is testing you, that perhaps you will be better Muslim in this world and Hereafter in sha Allah.. be patient and keep your trust in Allah. May Allah grant you n ur family strength against your oppressors. May He forgive you and your family.

JazakAllah khair

 

[RisingLight]

Not having a say has nothing to do with arranged marraiges as the couple getting married have the final say. So your error really has been just jumping to conclusions about what an Islamic arranged marraige is rather than finding out about it first

Parents choose from a compatible family and they will look into matters like whether the girl is practicing etc and they'll ask people who know the girl of her character, they can talk to her as much as they like, asking her questions etc and if everything is to their liking they'll pass on that info. To their son, he then can get a meeting with her arranged (with third person present), 1, 2 or more meetings until he's satisfied she's the one he wants. This is basically how an arranged marraige is done

That's not called 'arranged'?, hmmm maybe you should start of a new dictionary then with your own definitions of Islamic terminology :Emoji47:

I would start that dictionairy but we have a lot of people with low intelligence in the ummah who dont know what orthodox christianity and arranged marriages are....if they are capable of understanding those one day maybe we can talk in higher levels,though i doubt it....anyway thanks for the advice,please dont give another if i dont ask for it

 

[Ahmed.]

I would start that dictionairy but we have a lot of people with low intelligence in the ummah who dont know what orthodox christianity and arranged marriages are....if they are capable of understanding those one day maybe we can talk in higher levels,though i doubt it....anyway thanks for the advice,please dont give another if i dont ask for it

Hey its not me you want to blame, go blame the Oxford English dictionary mate! :Emoji48:

 

[Ahmed.]

Not having a say has nothing to do with arranged marraiges as the couple getting married have the final say. So your error really has been just jumping to conclusions about what an Islamic arranged marraige is rather than finding out about it first

Parents choose from a compatible family and they will look into matters like whether the girl is practicing etc and they'll ask people who know the girl of her character, they can talk to her as much as they like, asking her questions etc and if everything is to their liking they'll pass on that info. To their son, he then can get a meeting with her arranged (with third person present), 1, 2 or more meetings until he's satisfied she's the one he wants. This is basically how an arranged marraige is done

That's not called 'arranged'?, hmmm maybe you should start off a new dictionary then with your own definitions of Islamic terminology :Emoji47:

Let me just clarify my apperant contradiction here where I said earlier that trust is put on parents choice rather then couple meeting 'multiple times'

Traditionally (and still in Muslim countries) the meeting between the couple is done once.....

And the multiple meetings can or is done in the West as Muslims are more accustomed to the western culture here

 

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brothrr imran.

Hopefully you and ur family are okay now in sha Allah. Hows the situation? It's been weeks since then.

JazakAllah khair

 

[Imraan]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brothrr imran.

Hopefully you and ur family are okay now in sha Allah. Hows the situation? It's been weeks since then.

JazakAllah khair

Walaikum salaam brother, thanks for remembering. Alhamdulillah we've been ok for the past three weeks, no malicious damage that we know of, who knows what's round the corner ...

Keep praying for us (message to all brothers and sisters as well), may Allah swt make it easy for us and compensate us for our losses insh Allah.

 

[Flawed]

Walaikum salaam brother, thanks for remembering. Alhamdulillah we've been ok for the past three weeks, no malicious damage that we know of, who knows what's round the corner ...

Keep praying for us (message to all brothers and sisters as well), may Allah swt make it easy for us and compensate us for our losses insh Allah.

I can't believe you married this thing. She sounds like a pure villian from a Walt Disney movie. honestly she sounds like she knew what she was doing and plotted this in a way where she would be the one sitting pretty at the end of all of this. She was a very good player and I hope you have become wiser from this experience.

I hope you come out stronger and your iman strengthens insha'Allah.

 

[Imraan]

I can't believe you married this thing. She sounds like a pure villian from a Walt Disney movie. honestly she sounds like she knew what she was doing and plotted this in a way where she would be the one sitting pretty at the end of all of this. She was a very good player and I hope you have become wiser from this experience.

I hope you come out stronger and your iman strengthens insha'Allah.

Believe me sister, been praying for a long time, past few years have been difficult. Please remember us in your prayers. Waiting for divine justice in this world insh Allah....

 

[MazharShafiq]

in sha Allah.Allah bless all of us.

 

[Flawed]

Believe me sister, been praying for a long time, past few years have been difficult. Please remember us in your prayers. Waiting for divine justice in this world insh Allah....

Brother I think you need to just do your part as a Muslim and know that Allah SWT has your back and your results are with Allah. And when those big bad wolves try to shake you again they won't be able to because now your focus has shifted from them.harming you to Allah has your back and you have moved on from them as they are no longer a part of your path to your destined path to Jannah. insha'Allah.

 

['Abdullah]

Allah breaks us tu build us;
Deprives us, to give us.
The pain in our heart was created to make us yearn less for this life, and to yearn more for Jannah.
I am sure that you have already seen that how Allah has brought you closer to Him by depriving you from things which were not going to benefit you.
Know that Allah knows everything and that should be enough for a believer to put his/her trust in Allah.
Trust me Allah's plan is far better and perfect than we can think. Leave your matters in the hands of Allah Subhanhu Wa Taala and Allah will be enough to take care of your needs in both worlds. In Sha Allah.

I am sure you already know all these things. But sometimes, it helps just to remind each other.
May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala make it easy for you and bless you and your family with great reward for going through these hardships. Ameen!
Ma'aSalaam

 

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brother

Any update regarding your incident? May Allah heal you, grant you justice and strength and help you

JazakAllah khair

 

[Imraan]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu brother

Any update regarding your incident? May Allah heal you, grant you justice and strength and help you

JazakAllah khair

Walaikum Salaam Brother Taha, Jazak Allah for remembering your brother and for everyone's prayers.

The windows (after the 3rd breaking in December) still haven't been repaired yet. I was reluctant to repair it in case they came and broke it again. its costing me a bit repairing windows, they even broke my window frame. I can;t go through insurance, its going to be a tough claim considering the circumstances.
My relatives have had words with them regarding criminal damage, they still deny it. However so far, Alhamdulillah they haven't come back yet. I know if they come back again this time it will get messier, even for them.
Police have got no where with it, i doubt they ever will as all their evidence is circumstantial.

I see my daughter every two weeks, its hit n miss, sometimes she doesn't leave mothers presence at all, mother refuses to be in same room as me so that means although i make my way down to london, i don't always get to see her. I still have to pay the fees.
I am taking the mother back to court to get the order changed so someone is charged with staying with my daughter while im there, that someone has to be a person who she's comfortable with, may Allah swt make it easy for us insh Allah.

This ride is gruesome.

The mothers family are saying they want to sit down with us and our murobbi's to finish the islamic wedding off in a 'bengali' way (i.e. the imam who the mother confessed her negligence to can't be there apparently) so we're standing our ground on this one saying we want it finished in one day in a sharia way with the original imaam who wed us and the same imaam who we went for counselling.....

and

to top it off it can only take place in their house (smell a trap or ambush?)

i don't like staying in this state, these circumstances (from all detrimental angles) has become the 'bane of my life', not a day goes by that I dont think about it.

I feel like just going Saudi Arabia and praying non stop in masjid al haraam in front of kaaaba, doing ibadah, reading quran and zikhr, praying nafl prayers, hoping i'll find more solace thinking ive got a better chance for my prayers for justice and ease being answered there as opposed to here. Allah swt knows, sees and hears everything everywhere, because i've been praying for a long time, i can't even remember the day i started praying for certain prayers i would have thought some justice would have surfaced by now.... insha Allah it will.

Some days I feel like i'm at my end of the tether although recently due to no window breaking incidents lately it has calmed down a bit.

The trauma of this whole journey will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I yearn for the day of justice in this dunya, will i go back to a life full of contentment (even if it means a short period time).... only Allah swt knows....

I'm constantly worrying what other calamities await me around the corner..... it's not just this marriage, other stuff pops up here and there too. Just managing them sometimes becomes too much too bear.

 

[xboxisdead]

Walaikum Salaam Brother Taha, Jazak Allah for remembering your brother and for everyone's prayers.

The windows (after the 3rd breaking in December) still haven't been repaired yet. I was reluctant to repair it in case they came and broke it again. its costing me a bit repairing windows, they even broke my window frame. I can;t go through insurance, its going to be a tough claim considering the circumstances.
My relatives have had words with them regarding criminal damage, they still deny it. However so far, Alhamdulillah they haven't come back yet. I know if they come back again this time it will get messier, even for them.
Police have got no where with it, i doubt they ever will as all their evidence is circumstantial.

I see my daughter every two weeks, its hit n miss, sometimes she doesn't leave mothers presence at all, mother refuses to be in same room as me so that means although i make my way down to london, i don't always get to see her. I still have to pay the fees.
I am taking the mother back to court to get the order changed so someone is charged with staying with my daughter while im there, that someone has to be a person who she's comfortable with, may Allah swt make it easy for us insh Allah.

This ride is gruesome.

The mothers family are saying they want to sit down with us and our murobbi's to finish the islamic wedding off in a 'bengali' way (i.e. the imam who the mother confessed her negligence to can't be there apparently) so we're standing our ground on this one saying we want it finished in one day in a sharia way with the original imaam who wed us and the same imaam who we went for counselling.....

and

to top it off it can only take place in their house (smell a trap or ambush?)

i don't like staying in this state, these circumstances (from all detrimental angles) has become the 'bane of my life', not a day goes by that I dont think about it.

I feel like just going Saudi Arabia and praying non stop in masjid al haraam in front of kaaaba, doing ibadah, reading quran and zikhr, praying nafl prayers, hoping i'll find more solace thinking ive got a better chance for my prayers for justice and ease being answered there as opposed to here. Allah swt knows, sees and hears everything everywhere, because i've been praying for a long time, i can't even remember the day i started praying for certain prayers i would have thought some justice would have surfaced by now.... insha Allah it will.

Some days I feel like i'm at my end of the tether although recently due to no window breaking incidents lately it has calmed down a bit.

The trauma of this whole journey will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I yearn for the day of justice in this dunya, will i go back to a life full of contentment (even if it means a short period time).... only Allah swt knows....

I'm constantly worrying what other calamities await me around the corner..... it's not just this marriage, other stuff pops up here and there too. Just managing them sometimes becomes too much too bear.

This part is the part I do not understand. Why do you yearn for justice to be in dunya? Wouldn't you prefer the justice to be postpone for akhira (afterlife)? What if the justice have indeed been brought to you in this life and you get justice in additional to that you have full custody of your daughter and you have the power and she have to pay YOU child support? Let us say...you come victorious and all of this have happened. There. You got your justice in dunya. Your daughter loves, your her daddies little girl and everyone is happy ever after. Now when you die and you are resurrected and hellfire is in front of you and you have not much deed to enter paradise and you need every excuse on your baggage to get deeds from other people to save your skin...you go in the afterlife.."AH!" that is right! Those family tortured me so you say to Allah that those families have done this and that to me...but....wait...you already got your justice. You got it in Dunaya, remember? You have won them and they last and your daughter is yours and she was your daddy little girl, remember? Now what?

Wouldn't you prefer instead of having it here and having your daughter and having her be your daddies little girl instead of that you have her your worse enemy, the family cut ties between you and the daughter (because of the mother) and she goes to Operah who endorse male bashing will use you for political reasons to show to the world that men are indeed unfit parents that they are mature little children and that women should be the one who have full custody and raising the children and she bashes you in TV and your daughter hates you and you lose your rights you are oppressed 100% here in this world, no one cares for you (because you are a man and a father) and the daughter want nothing to do with you? I know it sounds perverted but look at it from this perspective:

A) Cutting ties between parent and child is hara'am. The mother and her family is doing the job not you. Now you have huge power over them in day of judgement. People under estimate the horror and the curse and the punishment they will be getting for the cause of cutting ties between one Muslim to another (let alone between child and parent). Mostly, women are the biggest culprit in this regard.

B) Child hating parent and not wanting to do anything with the parent is hara'am in Islam. Your daughter will be poisoned and she will hate you and want nothing to do with you. Now you have more power in your bag in day of judgement. You are getting higher and higher and higher and higher and higher level in Jannah. Why do you want to throw all that away for Dunaya? (IS there any guarantee that your daughter will even do prayer to you when you die?)

C) You go under the category of oppressed. Any single person who is oppressed the curtain (not physical one mind you) between the person who is doing dua and to Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa) is lifted. Anyone! ANYONE! Because Allah hates...HATES OPPRESSION. Look at the GREATEST GIFT you have now. You have Dua that the curtain is lifted...it is immediately answered. Take this opportunity and make Dua that Allah make you die Muslim, that he enters you paradise, that you pass the trail of death, that the shaitan (as you are about to die) cannot have his hands on you, that when the angels ask you in the grave you answer them correctly and easily. Make Dua for the akhira. Make dua that Allah helps the suffering Muslims in the world. Stop focusing on Dunaya and getting Dunaya justice.

 

[Life_Is_Short]

Assalamu Alykum w. w.

First of all, I am sorry for everything that's happened. Just be patient with your spouse and increase in your prayer.

Marriage is WORK.

Secondly, I can relate to you on two fronts. I got married roughly a year ago, and I am from London while my husband is from Manchester. Also, we sort of met online but we were in a long-distance relationship for a long time.

I know your going through a hard time. Our young immature minds tend to think that marriage would solve everything, it will end all our trials and we would find peace but remember that Allah says that this life is a test and currently you are being tested through your marriage.

Also, I know it's difficult after all that you've been through but you have to focus on your wife's good qualities. You have to put EVERYTHING (the in-laws etc) aside and think about why you married her in the first place. I am sure there must be something good you saw in her.

I would also advice that you go to London and visit her regularly. Stay with her, help her out and show her kindness. The in-laws will also see that you're a good person for doing that. Tell her that you miss her. Try and show her that you care and that you want this marriage to work. After all that, you have to express how you feel. You have to say that you feel disrespected. You have to talk things out (in a nice way, don't raise your voice). You have to put your ego aside. Maybe not for each other's sake but for the sake of your daughter.

There's no relationship, no marriage out there that's perfect. I have had many arguments with my husband, even though we're both passive but we've argued and expressed many times that we want to end the marriage because it's not working out. I storm off to my parents in London. But the underlying feeling remains, he's a good person and I know that I will never find anyone like him. I married my husband on the basis of his character and because we were in a long distance relationship (which isn't good) I tested his character many times. You see you have to look at the positive and work with that.

It's hard (easier said then done) but try to be the bigger person, and instead of focusing on your rights, focus on her rights. That's the best advice I can give you.

Insh'Allah May Allah Make it Easier for you. Ameen