Ex husband wants a reconciliation

[Flawed]

My ex husband divorced me in the past because I was mentally unstable and his mother kept playing game she used to lie to him a lot about me and manipulate him and made him feel cold towards me she even had spreaded rumours about me and that got him feeling embarrassed of me because his sisters, sister in law's and relatives made fun of him. . (( so he used to work away to keep away from the drama. He even got set up by a girl in his close circle.of friend who was pretending to be the one for him but was really after his money. His family members didn't like him and were constantly playing games with our marriage. He finally had enough and he divorced me via an unislamic lawyer's firm. This left me psychologically disturbed for some time.

I have forgiven them all in my heart because I want to worship Allah swt first and not put the dunya first as dunya is temp and at the end we all have to face Allah SWT.

A relative told me he was remorseful for what had happened to me I was the scapegoat for his familys.personal rivalry with eachother. He tried to apologize in the past but his mother said it was ok for him to treat me poorly as I don't have a degree? Lol.

I want to know if it really is possible for him to now realise why it really didn't work out in the past between us two and it was impossible. Also can he really now feel affection for me?

 

[Studentofdeed]

What does your family think? If anyone regrets truly then they should be given chance. But you know your situation better than us. If your husband gave up too soon and honestly didnt give you a chance to explain then maybe he isnt the right one? Seek advice from your sincere ones and pray saltal istikhara so Allah makes it easy for you if reconciliation is good and hard if it's bad for you

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Allah make it easy for you

 

[Alpha Dude]

his mother said it was ok for him to treat me poorly as I don't have a degree

I think your biggest concern should be whether he can keep you 'safe' from any evil behaviour of his family. That is what you should seek assurance of, if you decide to go back to him. You don't want the same thing to happen again.

 

['Abdullah]

My ex husband divorced me in the past because I was mentally unstable and his mother kept playing game she used to lie to him a lot about me and manipulate him and made him feel cold towards me she even had spreaded rumours about me and that got him feeling embarrassed of me because his sisters, sister in law's and relatives made fun of him. . (( so he used to work away to keep away from the drama. He even got set up by a girl in his close circle.of friend who was pretending to be the one for him but was really after his money. His family members didn't like him and were constantly playing games with our marriage. He finally had enough and he divorced me via an unislamic lawyer's firm. This left me psychologically disturbed for some time.

I have forgiven them all in my heart because I want to worship Allah swt first and not put the dunya first as dunya is temp and at the end we all have to face Allah SWT.

A relative told me he was remorseful for what had happened to me I was the scapegoat for his familys.personal rivalry with eachother. He tried to apologize in the past but his mother said it was ok for him to treat me poorly as I don't have a degree? Lol.

I want to know if it really is possible for him to now realise why it really didn't work out in the past between us two and it was impossible. Also can he really now feel affection for me?

Assalam O aAlaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh sister,
One thing I have learned in my life that everything which happens in our life, happens for our good. Yes, it is sad when we hear stories like this, but I hope through this you came closer to Allah Subahanu Wa Taala and your husband and his family may have learned from their mistakes (let's hope thats the case). Some of the questions which comes in mind are:

• Main question here is, were you divorced three time in one sitting or it was just a one time divorce? How long ago were you divorced?

• Second, does your ex-husband only want to appologize or do Nikkah with you again (Nikkah in case, you are divorced for more than three mensuration periods). Has he reached only you or to you father or brothers? It is better to involve family in these matters.

• Third, have you done Istikhara? Does your heart feels good about reconciling the relationship with your ex?

• You know your husband better and if he was overall loving and kind then give him another chance but put some conditions such as to live separately from your in laws. It is your right and I think it is reasonable to demand that to stay away from any future issues. If your ex agree then put your trust in Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala and go for it with the agreement from your other close family members.

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala help you choose what is best for you and make it easy for you and your family to make the right decisions. Ameen!
Ma'aSalaam

 

[keiv]

His family members didn't like him and were constantly playing games with our marriage. He finally had enough and he divorced me via an unislamic lawyer's firm.

A relative told me he was remorseful for what had happened to me I was the scapegoat for his familys.personal rivalry with eachother. He tried to apologize in the past but his mother said it was ok for him to treat me poorly as I don't have a degree? Lol.

I guess these two statements say it all. Is he by chance a mommas boy? I had a female relative almost have her marriage ruined because of her husband's mom/family. He would always let his mom influence him, usually in negative ways. Thankfully, the husband manned up and realized what was happening to his marriage. He didn't cut ties with his family, but he distanced himself from them and only contacts them during basic social gatherings or holidays. If you husband only left you because of issues going on between him and his family, it doesn't necessarily sound like he left you because he disliked you but more so for the fact that he felt pressured to. If that is the case and you two had good relations with each other, I'd make sure before anything happens that he changes his ways and separates himself from his family (not cut ties).

 

[Flawed]

What does your family think? If anyone regrets truly then they should be given chance. But you know your situation better than us. If your husband gave up too soon and honestly didnt give you a chance to explain then maybe he isnt the right one? Seek advice from your sincere ones and pray saltal istikhara so Allah makes it easy for you if reconciliation is good and hard if it's bad for you

- - - Updated - - -

Allah make it easy for you

Ameen. They don't like his family at all because of the lies they spreaded in the past. They think he was definitely brainwashed but my brother's say he should have moved out then why regret it now.

 

[Flawed]

I think your biggest concern should be whether he can keep you 'safe' from any evil behaviour of his family. That is what you should seek assurance of, if you decide to go back to him. You don't want the same thing to happen again.

I believe he has woken up and realised how the evils of other people can have an impact on his iman he was constantly told he was backwards and should marry a modern girl who didnt accosiate herself with the deen. But I believe he has realised that these things keep him oppressed and not true to his self or his true purpose and they don't give him any sort of freedom as the girls his family chose after me had decent degrees and wore very western clothing but they were very demanding and his family funny enough were agreeing to their wishes.

 

[Flawed]

Assalam O aAlaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh sister,
One thing I have learned in my life that everything which happens in our life, happens for our good. Yes, it is sad when we hear stories like this, but I hope through this you came closer to Allah Subahanu Wa Taala and your husband and his family may have learned from their mistakes (let's hope thats the case). Some of the questions which comes in mind are:

• Main question here is, were you divorced three time in one sitting or it was just a one time divorce? How long ago were you divorced?

• Second, does your ex-husband only want to appologize or do Nikkah with you again (Nikkah in case, you are divorced for more than three mensuration periods). Has he reached only you or to you father or brothers? It is better to involve family in these matters.

• Third, have you done Istikhara? Does your heart feels good about reconciling the relationship with your ex?

• You know your husband better and if he was overall loving and kind then give him another chance but put some conditions such as to live separately from your in laws. It is your right and I think it is reasonable to demand that to stay away from any future issues. If your ex agree then put your trust in Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala and go for it with the agreement from your other close family members.

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala help you choose what is best for you and make it easy for you and your family to make the right decisions. Ameen!
Ma'aSalaam

Ameen.

It did bring me closer to Allah swt in so many ways that's why I don't look at it in a negative way anymore it was for the best.

On the divorce paper it had said this is my first divorce. It has been two years since then.

He reached out to my relative she's the middle woman. He is sorry for what had happened and wants to start all over again with me. I guess without his family's involvement this time.

I did istikhara my heart sometimes feels good but when I think of his family and his relatives my heart feels down again.

Yes I think it is definitely reasonable this time round to put down that as a condition as they did invade my privacy in the past and didn't allow me to pursue studying the deen. And I did became the talk of the town because of their lies.

 

[Flawed]

I guess these two statements say it all. Is he by chance a mommas boy? I had a female relative almost have her marriage ruined because of her husband's mom/family. He would always let his mom influence him, usually in negative ways. Thankfully, the husband manned up and realized what was happening to his marriage. He didn't cut ties with his family, but he distanced himself from them and only contacts them during basic social gatherings or holidays. If you husband only left you because of issues going on between him and his family, it doesn't necessarily sound like he left you because he disliked you but more so for the fact that he felt pressured to. If that is the case and you two had good relations with each other, I'd make sure before anything happens that he changes his ways and separates himself from his family (not cut ties).

I think your right I need to make sure he has changed his ways and separates his self from his family. I think he has realised he was on a good path when we were married but his family wanted him to keep pursuing wealth and status and now he has become humbled. insha'Allah.

 

['Abdullah]

Ameen.

It did bring me closer to Allah swt in so many ways that's why I don't look at it in a negative way anymore it was for the best.

On the divorce paper it had said this is my first divorce. It has been two years since then.

He reached out to my relative she's the middle woman. He is sorry for what had happened and wants to start all over again with me. I guess without his family's involvement this time.

I did istikhara my heart sometimes feels good but when I think of his family and his relatives my heart feels down again.

Yes I think it is definitely reasonable this time round to put down that as a condition as they did invade my privacy in the past and didn't allow me to pursue studying the deen. And I did became the talk of the town because of their lies.

Alhamdulillah Sister, it appears that Allah has changed his heart for you. If you were my sister, I would invite the guy at home. Discuss all the conditions and if he agrees then will not hesitate to marry you with him again. It is not easy to marry in our society again after divorce. And it very hard to fight against our desires without getting married. May Allah make it easy for you and put a lot of Barakah in whatever you do to please Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala. I am very happy, this all look like a good news and result of your duas which Allah has answered in this Dunya.

And Allah knows the best!
Ma'aSalaam
…….
Edited: The first relation man and woman had was of husband and wife. All other relationships were developed through this relationship. It is this relationship which completes our faith (half the Deen).

 

[MazharShafiq]

May Allah make it easy for you and put a lot of Barakah in whatever you do to please Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala.

 

[Flawed]

I had a positive dream about him last night. So I'm not sure if that is a sign or not?

 

['Abdullah]

I had a positive dream about him last night. So I'm not sure if that is a sign or not?

Assalam O Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
Istikhara is mostly misunderstood. Very rarely Allah will show a very clear sign or dream. Most of the time, we will not see any sign or dream or will have no positive or negative feelings. We should continue to pursue the thing for which we did Istikhara. If there is good in it, Allah will make it easy and all things will fall in place. However, if there is no good in it, then the thing for which we did istikhara will become almost impossible. And that's how Allah helps by making things easier or harder. And whatever happens, in the end, your heart will be at peace. Let's reflect on the dua for Istikhara:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمَكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ، وَلَا أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ- خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ
Transliteration:
Allaahumma 'innee 'astakheeruka bi'ilmika, wa 'astaqdiruka biqudratika, wa 'as'aluka min fadhtikal-'Adheemi, fa'innaka taqdiru wa laa 'aqdiru, wa ta'lamu, wa laa 'a'lamu, wa 'Anta 'Allaamul-Ghuyoobi, Allaahumma 'in kunta ta'lamu 'anna haathal-'amra-[then mention the thing to be decided] Khayrun lee fee deenee wa ma'aashee wa 'aaqibati 'amree - [or say] 'Aajilihi wa 'aajilihi - Faqdurhu lee wa yassirhu lee thumma baarik lee feehi, wa 'in kunta ta'lamu 'anna haathal-'amra sharrun lee fee deenee wa ma'aashee wa 'aaqibati 'amree - [or say] 'Aajilihi wa 'aajilihi - Fasrifhu 'annee wasrifnee 'anhu waqdur liyal-khayra haythu kaana thumma 'ardhinee bihi
Translation:
O Allah, I seek the counsel of Your Knowledge, and I seek the help of Your Omnipotence, and I beseech You for Your Magnificent Grace. Surely, You are Capable and I am not. You know and I know not, and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if You know that this matter [then mention the thing to be decided] is good for me in my religion and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, - [or say: in this life and the afterlife] - then ordain it for me and make it easy for me, then bless me in it. And if You know that this matter is bad for me in my religion and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, - [or say: in this life and the afterlife] - then distance it from me, and distance me from it, and ordain for me what is good wherever it may be, and help me to be content with it.

Source: Al-Bukhari 7:162
Whoever seeks the counsel of the Creator will not regret it and whoever seeks the advice of the believers will feel confident about his decisions. Allah said in the Qur'an:

"And consult them in the affair. Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah."

I feel like you should talk to your family and they should invite your ex to your home. Discuss all the conditions and go for it. Allah will make it easy for you if there is any good in it. If there is no good, then you may not be able to remarry to your Ex.
I don't know why, but I have good feeling about it. Just give it an honest try without building any expectation from anyone other than Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala.

And Allah knows the best!​

Ma'aSalaam

 

[MazharShafiq]

Assalam O Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
Istikhara is mostly misunderstood. Very rarely Allah will show a very clear sign or dream. Most of the time, we will not see any sign or dream or will have no positive or negative feelings. We should continue to pursue the thing for which we did Istikhara. If there is good in it, Allah will make it easy and all things will fall in place. However, if there is no good in it, then the thing for which we did istikhara will become almost impossible. And that's how Allah helps by making things easier or harder. And whatever happens, in the end, your heart will be at peace. Let's reflect on the dua for Istikhara:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمَكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ، وَلَا أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ- خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي- عَاجِلِهِ وَآجِلِهِ- فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ
Transliteration:
Allaahumma 'innee 'astakheeruka bi'ilmika, wa 'astaqdiruka biqudratika, wa 'as'aluka min fadhtikal-'Adheemi, fa'innaka taqdiru wa laa 'aqdiru, wa ta'lamu, wa laa 'a'lamu, wa 'Anta 'Allaamul-Ghuyoobi, Allaahumma 'in kunta ta'lamu 'anna haathal-'amra-[then mention the thing to be decided] Khayrun lee fee deenee wa ma'aashee wa 'aaqibati 'amree - [or say] 'Aajilihi wa 'aajilihi - Faqdurhu lee wa yassirhu lee thumma baarik lee feehi, wa 'in kunta ta'lamu 'anna haathal-'amra sharrun lee fee deenee wa ma'aashee wa 'aaqibati 'amree - [or say] 'Aajilihi wa 'aajilihi - Fasrifhu 'annee wasrifnee 'anhu waqdur liyal-khayra haythu kaana thumma 'ardhinee bihi
Translation:
O Allah, I seek the counsel of Your Knowledge, and I seek the help of Your Omnipotence, and I beseech You for Your Magnificent Grace. Surely, You are Capable and I am not. You know and I know not, and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if You know that this matter [then mention the thing to be decided] is good for me in my religion and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, - [or say: in this life and the afterlife] - then ordain it for me and make it easy for me, then bless me in it. And if You know that this matter is bad for me in my religion and in my life and for my welfare in the life to come, - [or say: in this life and the afterlife] - then distance it from me, and distance me from it, and ordain for me what is good wherever it may be, and help me to be content with it.

Source: Al-Bukhari 7:162
Whoever seeks the counsel of the Creator will not regret it and whoever seeks the advice of the believers will feel confident about his decisions. Allah said in the Qur'an: I feel like you should talk to your family and they should invite your ex to your home. Discuss all the conditions and go for it. Allah will make it easy for you if there is any good in it. If there is no good, then you may not be able to remarry to your Ex.
I don't know why, but I have good feeling about it. Just give it an honest try without building any expectation from anyone other than Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala.

And Allah knows the best!​

Ma'aSalaam

absolutely right