Someone who says they forgive you, then later takes it back.

[Klan]

If someone says they forgive you years ago and then they take their word back whenever you have a disagreement or whenever you catch them doing something incredibly wrong, what are you supposed to do?

When I asked someone for forgiveness years ago they said they forgave me and asked me to forgive them. I didn't know how bad they were and what they were saying against me. So I said yes I forgive them.

Years later I find out how bad they are, so during ramadhan (this year) this person starts bringing up how i wronged them, in retaliation, so i ask for forgivness again because they're being so horrible and i unfortunately have to live with them.

I caught this person causing mischief among myself and other and they also have characteristics of a hypocrite.

I'm worried that whenever we get into an argument (caused by them being incredibly rude) they're just going to use how I wronged them against me. I've been told bringing up someones past sins is a sin itself. But is saying you forgive someone then taking it back, also a sin? Especially if this person isn't doing the same sin. How do I protect myself from this person in an Islamic way?

Also what should I do to keep this person away from me (they live with me) also I believe this person is going to go back to their old ways once their exams are over. Right now they're being on their "best behaviour" because they think somehow if they're good for a short period they're sins wont find them eventually. So what do I do, to avoid this person? I've noticed that one of my other siblings avoids this person but they have a lot of work and my another one of my siblings live with her husband. So it's easy for them.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Klan; and welcome tot he forum. You certainly come with a challenging question, 140 views and no reply.

If someone says they forgive you years ago and then they take their word back

It means they never really forgave you in the first place.

I'm worried that whenever we get into an argument (caused by them being incredibly rude) they're just going to use how I wronged them against me.

There is very little you can do other than pray for them. If you become bitter yourself, then you become like them.

But is saying you forgive someone then taking it back, also a sin?

If you can truthfully forgive someone for past events, you can find a profound sense of peace.

So what do I do, to avoid this person?

Only you can know the answer to that question, we don't know your circumstances. Forgiveness and kindness can take years to work, fight all battles with kindness, search for a solution where neither person loses. You can become the kind and caring person you want to be. I am only 72 and still learning about the power of forgiveness.

May Allah bless you and those you love and care for.

Eric

 

[Klan]

Greetings and peace be with you Klan; and welcome tot he forum. You certainly come with a challenging question, 140 views and no reply.



It means they never really forgave you in the first place.



There is very little you can do other than pray for them. If you become bitter yourself, then you become like them.



If you can truthfully forgive someone for past events, you can find a profound sense of peace.



Only you can know the answer to that question, we don't know your circumstances. Forgiveness and kindness can take years to work, fight all battles with kindness, search for a solution where neither person loses. You can become the kind and caring person you want to be. I am only 72 and still learning about the power of forgiveness.

May Allah bless you and those you love and care for.

Eric

The thing is even though they took their forgiveness back, they said they forgive me again just a couple weeks ago. My problem is that this person is saying I forgive you - oh I don't forgive you whenever she does something wrong against me and I retaliate. So basically I forgive you until you cross me again (in a way that's not related to me wronging her originally) So what do I do about such a person who gives their word then breaks it constantly. She's basically tormenting me with my past sins, which I know is a sin in itself. If I tell her that she will be rude again.

When I try to tell her what she is doing is wrong about other things. Shes rude to me, then when I tell her not to be rude, she denies ever being rude. Please pray that I can leave this place and have a civil relationship with her. Shes hurt me too much over these years to a point where I dont trust her, I also dont want her close relationship with her unless she completely accepts all aspects of Islam.

 

[wiomuslims]

If someone says they forgive you years ago and then they take their word back whenever you have a disagreement or whenever you catch them doing something incredibly wrong, what are you supposed to do?

When I asked someone for forgiveness years ago they said they forgave me and asked me to forgive them. I didn't know how bad they were and what they were saying against me. So I said yes I forgive them.

Years later I find out how bad they are, so during ramadhan (this year) this person starts bringing up how i wronged them, in retaliation, so i ask for forgivness again because they're being so horrible and i unfortunately have to live with them.

I caught this person causing mischief among myself and other and they also have characteristics of a hypocrite.

I'm worried that whenever we get into an argument (caused by them being incredibly rude) they're just going to use how I wronged them against me. I've been told bringing up someones past sins is a sin itself. But is saying you forgive someone then taking it back, also a sin? Especially if this person isn't doing the same sin. How do I protect myself from this person in an Islamic way?

Also what should I do to keep this person away from me (they live with me) also I believe this person is going to go back to their old ways once their exams are over. Right now they're being on their "best behaviour" because they think somehow if they're good for a short period they're sins wont find them eventually. So what do I do, to avoid this person? I've noticed that one of my other siblings avoids this person but they have a lot of work and my another one of my siblings live with her husband. So it's easy for them.

This is called emotional blackmail. Stay away from such people.

When someone says you "I forgive you" whether they have intention of forgiving or not. It is considered that they have forgiven you. Because intention is only with Allah, for human beings we are bound by the communication.

For example, when a women says "I accept" during nikah. It is considered that she has accepted nikah, even if she didn't like the bride. If she didn't accept the nikah, she is supposed to say "I don't accept it". Once the nikah is accomplished. Then if she says, I didn't have intention of saying "I accept", then it is not doing to break the nikah.

Similarly, if a man says Talak three times. It breaks his nikah. After few days, if he says I didn't have intention of saying talak. Then it doesn't reconcile the marriage.

Hence, If once person say's "I forgive" to you. You shall consider that they have forgiven you. If they come back and say, I didn't have intention of forgiving, but I just said like that. Then Allah will catch them on the day of judgement for their mischief. You do not need to worry about it at all.

InshaAllah